Monday, 15 June 2009

3 and a half pounds

That's this weeks weightloss. When I do the diet, I lose weight. The band is kind of a side issue right now. I always thought that the band would mean that I would eat less, and lose weight gradually without having to do a diet as such. I don't mean 'eat anything' but just, you know... live.

Maybe that's not how the band will work for me. I have not been hungry doing slimmingworld this time, whereas I was always looking in the cupboards for stuff without the band, so maybe its just helping me follow the plan. I honestly don't know.

Tina thinks I should get a fill. I just don't know about that. If I eat too fast, I will throw. I have to take tiny bites, and swallow carefully and take my time. I feel food hit the band and I am careful at this point. After about 10 minutes I usually know that everything is going down well and towards the end of the plate of food I am usually eating semi normally. I kind of look like a fussy eater who's trying a new dish and then realise its ok and by the end and tucking in like the rest of the diners. I do put less food on my plate, but its still a large plate of food - or what I consider would be a large plate of food for a bandit.

If I have a fill, I know that I will have to be EVEN MORE careful at the beginning of a meal, and puke more because of it, whereas right now I am eating nicely, getting satisfied and not snacking...but its a lot of food.

I have NEVER eaten food and thought "I am now full" after a deck of cards sized portion. Not ever. My food doesn't seem to do that. Before surgery (over 2 years ago now remember!) I was shown the diagram of our 'new' pouch-like stomach and told that the food would go into that and we would be full when it was full, and then it would gradually kind of leak out the stoma and sustain us throughout the next hour or two as it passed through. Well, 2 mins into a dinner I feel my food hit the stoma and pass through and keep right on going throughout dinner. It has never filled my pouch and stayed there. The only time it ever did this was when it was sealed shut and I could not even drink water - remember that hell?

So my question is this... Does it REALLY do what it says on the tin? For me its a resounding "No". I don't really care if that which I was told is not really correct, but I would like to really know what goes on in there. I guess unless I sat and had a chicken salad under x-ray I am never going to know that though.

I am scared of having another fill purely for the reason of having that awful 'sealed shut' malarkey, and also that I will just end up puking all the time. Will I be able to cope a little tighter, and to be honest will it make any kind of difference at all???

Truly I ask, because I honestly don't know if it will make a difference. will it just mean I have to chew smaller and smaller pieces of food to further and further death and just go slower, but still eat the same amount or what. Because if that is the case, I seriously can do without spending £85 on that, and then £85 getting it un-done again!! People, this is hellish expensive for me, so should I not just stick with the status quo?

That said, if I really truly knew how things were going on inside there, it would help. Is it a case of the tighter you are, the more the food stays in there and you feel full. Now, I mean 'F U L L' and not 'backed-up'. I often feel like food is backing up and then I have to puke.

Maybe its like when I go slowly and then, my band seems to get up to speed and not worry about the food that is zooming past it - well maybe that doesn't happen. Maybe the food with not get quicker and then I will just find that even going slowly I start to feel satisfied.

Oh, I don't know if this even makes any sense or any of you even know what I mean, but when I read this back at least I do, so hopefully with whatever decision about a fill that I make, I will be able to read this back through and see if its all worth the effort.

And to Tina, babe, I so want to finish together and I wish you were here to kick my butt. In fact, it would be better to kick my brain as its misfiring big styleee.

Today, just for laughs, and as a gauge here are my stats:
millilitres in band... I and honestly a little confused but I think its about 7ish.
Weight at start of Weightloss-Expedition back in 2005 18 stone 12.5lbs (264lbs)
Weight at the start of banding February 2007: 18 stone (252lbs)
Weight right now: 17 stone 5 (243lbs)
Weight lost in total 21.5 lbs
Weight lost since banding(over 2 years ago) 7lbs

This makes me want to just hit something very very very hard and just bugger it all.

However, I am continuing with slimmingworld and we shall see what happens.
Today I have had Mexican Hot Smoked Salmon Salad:
Piece of hot smoked salmon with Mexican herbs, flaked up and dumped on half a bag of lettuce/leaves and 4 beetroot with salad dressing. Yum.
Tonight we are having a bbq and I am going to have quorn fillets marinaded in my own special marinade (apricot jam, Worcester sauce and soy sauce mix) and new potatoes. Free food.

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