Friday, 25 February 2011

You never see a tubby smackhead

I was watching this show yesterday and this guy was talking about diet pills which just cracked me up!
I think the highlight of the one liners last night was "Forget diet pills. Just take Heroin! You never see a tubby smackhead!"  Oh man if it that was socially acceptable hobby I would give it a go for sure! Another great ones was "How can a man who spends his days pumping cream into buns be homophobic?" ahh man it was so funny.

I had never seen it before, but its really good. Its a stand up comedian just doing jokes about the current week of news and topical subjects. I posted one of his little funnies I found on You tube just below. If you get a chance check it out - Russell Howard's Good News.

Anyway, onto band news... well things have moved a little bit in the right direction. I am currently 117.4kgs and holding. So that's nearly 5kg since October. I have made a few conscious mistakes just because I wanted succor in the form of chocolate and crackers and crisps but still managed to lose. Wine has also be partaken of, and obviously that wont help the weightloss either, but I have enjoyed myself.

I think that if I hadn't been going to the gym, I wouldn't have lost weight though. I think that 350 -400 calories I burn there 3 times a week has got to help me out really. It is my fourth week now. TB and I started on Friday 28th January so we have gone 3 times a week for a month without skipping or missing a session. The one week I couldn't do our regular day, we went the next one to make up for it.

We go Monday, Wednesday and Friday for about 1 hour to 1 hour 30mins each time. I definitely feel fitter and am still as up for it as I have ever been. We are going a bit later today but we usually go about 10 as that fits with work and stuff. I will take a video of the gym session today and show you around our health club!

Last night I made a scrummy band friendly dinner.

I have no idea what to call it, and most of the names I can come up with sound rank and yuk but here it is:

This is vegetarian and serves 6 healthy appetites!

1 bag of Kale (or strong Greens/Cabbage)
2 cooking apples
1 onion
10 spring onions (green onions)
4 sticks celery
2 cloves garlic
2 tablespoons sunflower seeds
salt and pepper
2 teaspoons mustard
1 tablespoon of sugar
1 package of ready rolled Pastry

Fry the onion and celery together in a little olive oil/butter or even water until soft

After frying and softening the onion and celery add the cooking apples to the mix and stir continually as they stick easy and burn easier!

  After the apples start to moosh a little add the rest of the stuff - kale, spring onion, garlic, mustard, seeds, salt, pepper and sugar and mix that baby until it looks a little like this:

Then get your pastry and divide it into two. Roll both pieces out separately into an oblong shape - it should already be big enough in width, so just roll it so its a bit longer - about the length of your baking tray. As it will be thin, put it on greaseproof paper and then dump half the mixture onto one side of the pastry like this:

fold the pastry over to cover it and stick all the edges together and you should end up with a kind of strudel shaped thing. Do the same with the other one and then put them in the oven for 15 to 20 minutes on about 175 deg C (fairly hot - like what you would bake stuff at) and you should end up with 2 of these beauties:
these cut up into 4 reasonable portions or 3 generous portions depending on how many you have to feed/ how hungry they are!! But it looks like this on the plate:

I served this with boiled carrots and mashed potato and it was scrumptious! Calories - in the mixture there was about 300 for the whole lot (as I used olive oil to fry with) and the pastry when divided into six portions was just under 300 cals so a lovely scrummy pie suitable for bandits was 350 cals! 

Right, I am off to the gym, see ya'll later x

Russell Howard's Good News - Homophobic Baker

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Freaking peeved

I notice that this months posts have all been rather down and the mouth, sorry. I am not particularly down at the mouth, nor down at the scales it would seem. I am 117.9kgs today. Yay.


I cannot work out what the heck-a doodle is going on in my body but it would seem, against all scientific studies on earth, that my metabolism works backwards. If I eat a full pile of stupidenss and sugar all week - I lose weight or stay the same. If I exercise like a sweaty pig and eat less - I gain.

Well what does that suggest to one that is trying to eat less and exercise. Yeah, seems like its not worth it.

Good grief! WHAT THE???????????

Man I know you guys are all awesome and stuff but I have absolutely no idea why you bother to follow this blog as its such a pile of utter drivel and self loathing.

Even I don't have any idea why I write it!! I mean seriously? What IS the point of it.

*Death Sigh*

I just took a minute there to cover my face with my hands and rub it. I just don't know what to do any more. I am sitting here trying to be positive. I CAN'T. What can I be positive about. I busted my ass for 3 and a half weeks and I am heavier now than I was at the start.

Oh jeez. I need help and I have pretty much exhausted all possibilities.

I know that unbanded is not the way to go. I put on a lot of weight real quick so I know it's not the answer. But banding isn't either. Something MUST BE WRONG WITH ME. Like INSIDE.

Its not physically possible to expend more calories than you consume and NOT lose weight.

Maybe I am am the right person to send to the Amazon or Sahara or Himalayas or Antarctica. I would get fatter and fatter as I ate less and less and exercised more and more. I am a scientific DREAM! I should be studied. People can write their thesis' on me. COME ON! Contact me scientists!!! Old Captian Scott would have took me on the team. I dunno about them, but I woulda defo made it home right????  

I am not going to stop because I can't. I can't afford an unfill or a fill (and I am as tight as the proverbial D.A. anyway). I can't stop going to the gym as I have to do it for TB. I also

Enjoy it!!!!!

There I said it, but really small just in case anyone hears!

I am committed to shifting this bulk, but I just don't know how to do it any more chapettes.

(and that's just a scream cos I am ticked of right? I'll be ok in a few days..weeks lol)

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

450 cals

Not bad. That's like my whole lunch gone in one gym session.

I have been keeping up with the 3 times a week gym routine. I havent a clue if its doing me any good, but seem to be getting quicker, further round the track and burning more calories every time I go... We normally go for an hour. I have definitely upped the pace and graduation on the treadmill and made it tougher on the bike so I guess it must.

Weigh in tomorrow am. Be there or umm not. :-)

Monday, 14 February 2011

4 Years ago...

Well what do you know? Time flies when you're not having fun.

All the ups and downs that the last 4 years have seen are pretty much accounted for here in this blog.

So, not being negative at all, but just wanting to re-cap

This time 4 years ago I weighed 18 (252lbs) stone exactly. Today I am about 18 stone 9lbs (261lbs 118kg)

What have I learned?

Not a whole lot to be fair. I have learned that nothing is a 'cure' for this hellish nightmare with our weight, although it seems some have better success than others.

I have learned that no one has the answer to whats going on in our bodies other than ourselves.

I have learnt that we are the masters of our own success or failure.

I have spent a considerable amount of money over the last 4 years on dieting, dieting aids, clothes (smaller and even bigger than pre banding), diet foods and not to mention fills - 20 fills over 4 years at roughly £125 a throw ain't great.

I am still battling my own inner voices, checking out food porn (cheers Tina), wishing I could do anything to turn the clock back and not have made those bad choices/taken on board those issues before they went out of control.

I am however, alive, banded, have a beautiful husband and child and not reached the age of 35 yet...

So, here's to another year of - oh please God hopefully - slimming.

p.s. am writing this at 3am because made a stupid stupid stupid mistake of having 3 clementine segments at 8pm. Whoops. Puked all three bits back out, but still haven't managed to eat dinner yet and am feeling woozy. Kind of given up on food, but my pills NEED taking tonight or I am shot.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Way down eating that is!

I have noticed that since fill #20 - yes, twenty - I have been eating a lot less.

Today I had the most stressful day for ages. Stress always gets my band tight when its filled nicely, and today was no exception.

To kick off we had an Sky HD upgrade planned for between 8am and 1pm. I was shattered after finishing work yesterday at 10:30pm and then having to spend 2 hours with DS finishing his homework when I got in so I was looking forward to Sky man coming at about five minutes to one this afternoon!!

No such luck. The bloke rings at 8:25am and says he will be there at 9:00am. Ah well, at least I can go back to bed after he has done his thing, thinks I. Nope.

He arrives at 9:30 (!) and then does one of those "Oooh, Ahh, I dunno" scratches of the heads that tradespeople seem to do when they think they have wifey at home all dumb and stupid. He says "Think your tubes have gone in your telly."

"Tubes?" I ask - perplexed as to why my plasma telly has tubes... then he goes "er... yeah, there's horizontal lines there on the blue screen... they are at the back of the plasma screen". Hmmm well yes, I can see lines, as I have done since we got the thing new. I flick the channel to one that actually has a picture rather than just a plain blue screen, and no sign of lines. "Oh that's good look, I cant see it now its actually on a channel, so I wont mind that matey" says I.

Then blow me if not 2 minutes later hes scratching his nuts again and oohing and ahhing over the state of my wiring to the phone socket "Oooh i dunno luv, looks like that's gunna be dodgy. Might need a new socket..."
"Well its not plugged into the phone line at the moment, nor has it been for the last 8 years, so don't bother plugging it in mate ok?"

"No no no no luv" he goes "You have to av it plugged in like cos yous taken out another contract".
"Oh no no no no mate, it slows the broadband, makes a scratchy noise on the line and I am gunna whip it out the minute you leave anyway - even if you do get it in there - so just don't bother yeah?"

"Oh alright then"

Hit me.

There were several other mini dramas that I totally ignore... line to the box, wrong cables bla bla bla. I am paying you to do the freaking job mate, so quit whining and do it!

Finally, and hour after he arrived, he gets the box out of his van. Surprisingly it all works. After the palaver he made you would have thought I needed a hot bath and a razor. Life just wasn't worth living the way he was going on! Do I have "M.U.G" written on my head? Well I must have because just after he left at 11:30am, I get a call from Microsoft technical support.

Yes, Microsoft technical support. Apparently they don't normally ring, but they had had a log of several threats on my computer and wanted to help me clear them.

Oh course I put the phone down straight away didn't I.

Ummm.... nope. I didn't. I quizzed the bejayzus out of them - I really did - about how did they know it was my particular PC and not one of the other 4 in the household; how did they know it was MINE that was causing the error; where were they calling from exactly again; and how did they get my name, number, dob, email address, postal address and mothers maiden name etc? THATS RIGHT!!!! They had all that info.

So I thinks... Ok maybe they are for real, but I am no pushover. I consider myself pretty darn computer security savvy. I know what a phishing email is/hoaxes look like and I don't get pushed into changing gas/electric supply every week and I know a scam when I hear one. How many rich uncles in Nigeria can one girl have right?

They were very patient "yes, its totally understandable that you want to verify us Mrs. Bunny... bla bla" so I let them guide me to the relevant files they had had issues coming through on. I needed to check and low and behold there are an amazing array of threats on my computer. Loads of warning files and errors. I was really worried! They should have Oscars for con men cos they were freaking brilliant!

So I am totally convinced that the chap I am speaking to is who he says he is, and am going along with all this guff. He took control of my computer remotely and even as I type this I know you are all hanging your heads thinking I am a freaking foooool of gargantuan proportions but I am telling you I WAS FOOLED.

I 100% believed every word they said, and was sucking it right up and it actually worries me MORE because there must be thousands of people out there who wouldn't even have questioned these people. I questioned them for about 10 minutes and they still managed to convince me...

...right up until he showed me a screen where some log shows that my security layer on my computer was expired and I needed to reinstate it.

Uh oh... ding a ling a ling. Bunny you stupid rabbit!!!!

This was 30 minutes into the call. Alarm bells started to ring and I though Oh My GOD. I am in the middle of a scam. The next breath and he shows me a website saying the prices of the different packages I can buy to reinstall my security shield ranging from £20 to £120. Yep. A website lashed up just to take cash.

Well by this time I was fully aware, but hold my cool and said "Oh no, my handbag is in my husbands car and hes at work. Can you call me back this evening and we can do it then when he gets home?" and a "sure ma'am" came from him. Then he proceeded to give me his phone number 02081239216 and his name Austin Wells and that we could call him back any time.I thanked him SOOO much for helping me and I hung up.

I am well aware that often if you hang up or are rude at that point (when they are still in control of your PC!) they can execute files etc that can cause grievous harm, so I just kept it cool...

After hanging up I immediately shut my computer down and disconnected it. My PC has been thoroughly cleaned and thankfully there are no key loggers, no jammers or viruses or spyware thank god, but it was the fright of a lifetime. I thought as a precaution I would just change all my passwords and pins and everything as it's probably a good idea anyway.

So, friends of mine, if you get a call from Windows support and services department because your International IP address has been showing errors and they don't usually phone, but there was like Sooooooo many... you know what to do.

They used the run application on windows to enter the code eventvwr which showed up all the logs... go ahead on your computer and have a look. You will find errors and warnings as that's what it logs. Its a LOG. lol.

What a dumb ass I was. they used to remote access my PC  and the website they took me to that was basically phoney was Obviously don't go to these websites cos they might have viruses on - i dunno - but I am just adding this info so that they cant scam anyone again and others who got sucker punched like me can hopefully see ahead of time that its rubbish.

It might seem like I am trying to save face after the event, but I honestly never thought I would ever be tricked into doing something like that and it was relatively easy, so everyone must beware. At the end of the day I didn't need to write this here!! It really really scared the flip out of me at how easily and readily I was fooled.

Upshot - have eaten naff all today!! HAHA

I felt like crying immediately ofter the call, was shaking and not in a good state because my computer would not immediately tun back on so I was kind of freaking out. It tightened my band up to squeaky badgers butt tight and I could not eat allllll day long.

By 1pm I had managed to change my bank details and gone through on my sons laptop other accounts - ebay, paypal etc etc and ahything else I can think of that might mean I get robbed! By 2pm I decide to have some soup. GLERK! One teaspoon sat there on the band like a cork plug so I thought forget it.

Spent some considerable time on the phone to my mum, TB and DH at the shop and recanting the days dramas then got myself together to look at lesson plans for the afternoons work and dragged my bum out the door to go to work all strazzled (Stressed + Frazzled).

I get in the car and RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr RRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr clunk.

O h h h h h hhh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I jump out the car like a mad thing just as my next door neighbour walks onto my drive (who can hardly walk as she has had a stroke - except not a nice person AT ALL and a complete beeyatch unless she needs something)

"YES?" I scream????

This is the same neighbour that ticked me off over our extension so pleasantry's are hard to come by and I am all out of nice today anyway!

She has locked herself out and do I have a spare key.

"No, I gave it back after you shopped us to the council!" I said. Then smiled sweetly. Her face was a PICTURE - It was so worth the 16 month wait! (Funnily enough the council sided with us YAY but thats another story)

I turned on my heels and marched back up the drive, grabbed the WD40 from the porch and whipped up the bonnet. Neighbour from hell is in the passenger seat of a car, and in the drivers seat is some snotty looking woman who is obviously doing her good turn of the year

"I say," snotty woman says "do you know what's wrong with the car?" she asks.
"I am a mechanics daughter. Of course I do!" I yell back like a fish wife.

I dress very smartly for work so it must look quite comical as with WD40 in hand, I swish my cashmere shawl and beautiful handmade french necklace out of the way, stand well back to stop the car grime getting on my wool suit and pop the bonnet. I rake around, lift the plastic cover from the bit my dad tells me to and squirt away. I squirt all wire connections and belt this metal drum style thingy (tip from dad too), slam the bonnet, squeeze loads of antibacterial gel on my hands to get rid of the grease (works like a dream btw!) and then fire up the old horse.

Blue smoke blows out and we are off! With a cheesy grin to posh woman and hell neighbour, I back out leaving them to sit on their drive until someone comes with a key.

When I say day from hell! PHEW!

However it doesn't end there! I get 5 miles up the road and realise I have forgotten a cruicial book for my 2nd pupil! After mending the car, there is not enough time to do lessons one, go back to get the book and then go to lesson two.

In a blind hunger starved panic I about turn, ring pupil one and explain that I have had car faliure and reschedule for later in the evening. I dive home to see hell neighbour still sitting in the car on her drive -  GLEE! (Yeah, I know I'm horrible but it made a tiny chick of sunshine in my day!)

So I grab the book and off I finally go to work.

I hadnt eaten or drunk a drop all day. I was so shattered by 9pm, with still 2 lessons to do that I got one of those teeny tiny small power shots from the garage for £2.50. They are 5 calories for 25mls of caffeine and what-not but wake you up for hours. Well its 3am in the morning and I am still awake but JEEEEZ it gave me well bad acid heartburn and I threw it up about 45 minutes after I drank it down - and even then I had to sip it!

There is nowt so demure as a cashmere clad fat lady barfing up in the headlights of her car on the side of a country road, knee deep in grass and most likely roadkill.

I dunno about anyone else in the UK, there just seems to be an awesome amount of roadkill on the road tonight. Huh, random!

So when I got in I was glad to see a nice curry sitting on the counter. I had a green tea whilst I did DH's accounts (he had deep cleaned my computer up even more once he got home), did the bills and sat down to eat at midnight. I had about a cup of rice and curry, 1 popadom, 1 glass of red wine and half a bag of tootie fruities (little sweeties).

What a day.

Thank goodness it's over!

Now I am off to bed, and I am NOT getting up until lunch for love nor money!

Monday, 7 February 2011


Well that's pretty final.

I rang them, seemed like the easiest option. Actually it wasn't because it took about 30 minutes until I had been connected and connected and on hold several times to get to the right person.

Tragically you must not use this machine if you have ANY implanted device which (after some deliberation by them) includes the Lap Band.

Also phoned my surgeon (as was scared!) and he said no too as it can cause tightness (!) swelling of the stomach lining and also tears in the muscle tissue around the port.

Apparently it doesn't have any effect on the actual band and port itself, but how its sewn onto us and where.

The same applies to massage chairs and the like.

So, my brief flirtation with wiggly jiggly is over.


It was so good at ridding me of aches after the gym. *Waaaaa Waaaa Waaa*

To power Plate or Not to Power Plate THAT is the question


H has left me a very interesting comment regarding use of the Power Plate.

I haven't seen any other bandsters (oh maybe just one bandster from Essex banded fairly recently) who use the Power Plate in their Gym routine.

H said that she has known a few people advised NEVER to use it for fear of dislodging the port/tubing etc etc.

Now, to be honest, I never even though about it!! Can you believe that? I never even considered that all that jiggly wiggling would do anything to my band/port! Even after all my band disasters.

So what I NEED to know is -


Just to let you know how I use it:
Calf massage - Lay on back on the floor and have my calves massaged = no jiggly wiggly in rest of body.
Thigh Massage - Lay face down with only thighs on the plate and kind of doing a  press-up on the floor so only bits on the plate are thighs and knees and probs a bit of pelvis/gut too.
Back massage - Sitting on the edge of the plate dangling forward - Whole body buzzing away.

Freaked out!

Ooooh dear!!! I do not want this to be the next band disaster in my life! I can see that this would also be an entirely feasible reason for the Power Plate to be contraindicated if you have a band. The lady at the gym didn't even know what a band was... helpful.

HELP LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 5 February 2011


Feeling really down today. We were supposed to be going to the NEC for the Jewellery show. I really loved it last year and it was so exciting as we were starting our own business and stocking up our shop with goodies and I think I just felt really on the cusp of something awesome.

This year, we had planned to go up tonight and stay in  a Travelodge (oooh the glamour!!!!) and then tomorrow get to the show early and spend the day there. DS is having a sleepover and spending the day at a Friends, so it was just the two of us and I thought it was just going to be nice to be on our own for a day.

However, we are not going.

The room is paid for, but it's going to cost about £150 for the weekend - petrol getting there, dinner tonight, breakfast tomorrow and then lunch etc. DH will probably be tempted to buy some stock for the shop etc etc.

So we just decided not to go as its £150 we can't really afford right now.

So feeling really low, DS is already at the sleepover and I just want to go to bed and snuggle down forever.

Friday, 4 February 2011

What happens to bands when you exercise?

Just a query really chapettes...?

I have been to the Gym 4 times now with my matey TB. 

Our first day was 28th January. I did my workout while TB had her induction into all things Gym, then we went for a coffee after. We went back to her place and she made me a lunch of Broccoli and Stilton soup. Mmmm.

Then I had my fill on Saturday (0.5mls) and my unfill on Sunday (0.2mls).

On Monday we went to the gym again and worked out exactly the same but could not eat lunch - soup - at TB's house.

On Wednesday we went to the gym again and worked out exactly the same but could not eat lunch - soup again or even drink coffee.

Today we went to the gym, did our workout as usual and about 15 to 20 minutes afterward I couldn't drink any more of my juice.

Every time we go I drink whilst I am exercising - Berocca being a favorite as then I know I have had my vitamins, water or squash. There is no problem with that at all. But by the time we have got in the car and driven home about 7 minutes away, I cant drink/eat!

I am wondering if any of you babes have noticed this too?

I am also wondering if it has anything to do with the Power Plate? It says on the notice that you should have drunk plenty of water prior to using it - which I have, but think that's a bit of an odd thing to ask for so wondering what the bearing of drinking water has to do with the Power Plate.

I use the power plate at the end of every workout to massage my back, massage thighs, calves and inner thighs so that I don't ache and it works SO well.

So any of you get that or use the Power plate?