Thursday, 13 October 2005

ILL

I am ill.
i went to the weighbridge on tuesday (11th october) and i lost 1lb. PITTIFUL. But I guess its better than putting on or staying the same. I really did try hard to lose that week. Anyway, thats done, and I have been ill since sunday.
We had the Assembly on Saturday and Sunday which was fabulous, and i made healthy meals to take with me so I wouldnt be hungry or blow my diet. I started feeling rough on saturday afternoon. Sore throat etc. Sunday I had a raging sore throat and monday well i kind of felt really fuggy headed like i was goign to get a cold, heavy you know? I went to work, and by the time I got home I felt real bad. Tuesday morning I felt rough, but I went to get weighed like I said. I felt bad as i only lost a pound and I really needed a boost to be honest, especially because of feeling so grim.
So came home and I have stuck to plan pretty much all week. I went a little bit over the top on syns on tuesday because of some mayonaise... but there we go! Sometimes you just gotta do it!!!! Spent the rest of tuesday in bed with the next phase of this lurgy... the cold! WOW did my nose run! I didnt go to the group as I was full of it. Its sad though, cos after the assmebly, and then not seeing anyone for a few days its really horrid. Feel really lonely. In myself I felt semi ok, but Wednesday was really bad. I really was very ill yesterday. I spent a lot of time lying down and dozing. I went to bed at 9pm (UNHEARD OF!!!!) and slept through until the alarm went off at 7:30. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I stayed where I was and DH brought me drinks and chemicals to ease my pains.
I havent seen M and her kids today and I miss them. But they certainly dont want this lurgy! I feel really lonely and out of the loop. C phoned to see if I was feeling any better...so did M which was lovely too. I need cheering up. I think I am going to have a take away... HOT CURRY!!! I will certainly taste that. I had a Jam sandwich for lunch as i could not bring myself to make nything else. I didnt even taste a bite of it. I may as well have eaten soggy cardboard.
Hopefully I will feel better soon. I am supposed to be going to work tomorrow... doubtful. I still feel as lousy as a wet rag, and if I still feel like this tomorrow, theres no way. Its not fair to take my germs to other childrens houses anyway, even though thats probably where I got this from!!
Am now off to eat another piece of tastelss fruit...
missing everyone like crazy and in need of a laugh badly...

Thursday, 6 October 2005

Still Fat and Ugly on the Outside, but Slim and Fit on the inside. ARMADILLO!

Weighbridge not quite so bad as I thought it would be. I only put on 3lbs in 2 weeks, and considering I ate an assortment of the things listed previously, its a flippin' miracle it was only 3lbs rather that 3stone!

I have been a very good girl ever since tuesday morning, and the only naughty things that have passed my lips have been counted. I had bubble and squeak today from tuesday's roast veg leftovers. MMmmmm. Comfort food. Then this evening, I made a curry. It was really nice.

I have scrubbed out all my cupboards and chucked out a load of old pans and plates I will never ever use again, and also quite a large amount of mouse poo.... Goodness knows how that got there, but I guess we have mice... again! Set traps, so hope to catch some new pets soon.

Been to tesco's. Boring. Made worse because of DH and DS complaining about going. I hate it to, but some poor soul has to do it or we will all starve. Hey... theres an idea!

Feel very tried. Going bed.

Tuesday, 4 October 2005

Fat and Ugly

Fat and ugly
Off to the weighbridge this morning. Will have a little wager that I have put on about 6lbs in the last 2 weeks. I have lost the will to live (aka Diet). For DH its easy to do a diet as he just says "Honey, Can you do something a little less fattening, you are a sweety" and he gets it. When i go on a diet its me who has to cook. DH has to think and plan one meal... Lunch. I have to think about all the rest for not just me, but DH and DS too! I dont think i have the mental powers to dream up another way of making some boring bland muck taste half way decent.
I have done it for 23 weeks and I have lost 1 stone 5 and a half. This should feel good. it does not. CRAP. Lost one stone 2 by June and havent really gotten any further along really. I feel like I have done it twice and I dont know how I am gonna get out of this rut. I always loose about 1.7 stone and then its an uphill struggle. I lose the power, the drive and the mental capacity to plan nutricious healthy low fat meal when i want a BIG MAC and FRIES, or CHINESE, INDIAN, THAI, 6 YORKIE BARS, COFFEE WITH 3 SUGARS AND FULL FAT MILK, LURPAK ON MY BREAD (THICK!) WITH JAM and not that Nimble "how can we hold air together" stuff, NO! NICE JUST OUT OF THE OVEN CRUSTY BREAD, ICE CREAM, PENNY SWEETS, PIZZA, FRIED EGGS AND HASH BROWNS (FRIED!)CAKE AND CAKE AND CAKE AND ICING AND MARZIPAN AND MARSHMELLOWS (OR SMORES EVEN!!) AND CRISPS AND FULL FAT COKE (DIET COKE TASTES LIKE CRAPO!), CROISANTS, A BOTTLE OF WINE, PANCAKES AND SYRUP, FISH AND CHIPS, KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN, POPCORN - THE SWEET ONE! AND MALTESERS AND MINSTRELS AND DOUGHNUTS...
OH DOUGHNUTS I LOVE YOU

AND A FRESHLY MADE SANDWICH WITH EGG AND CRESS AND MAYONAISE IN IT, AND A FRESH SANDWICH FROM THE BAKERY EVERY DAY UNTIL I DROP DEAD FROM A HEART ATTACK/STROKE. AT LEAST I WILL HAVE ENJOYED ME RUDDY SELF!

THINKIGN ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING THAT PASSES MY LIPS IS NOT LIVING. IT IS EXISTING. SO MUCH FOR IT BECOMING THE NEW ME AND ALL THAT MALARKY. IT HASNT. ITS THE SAME OLD ME BURIED UNDER AND BLANKET OF MODERN OPINIONS. WELL THE DUVETS ON THE FLOOR AND I WANT TO PULL IT BACK ON BUT HAVING GONE THROUGH SUCH DEPRAVATION OF MY BLESSED HALLOWED FAT AND SUGAR FOR MONTHS, I HAVE NOT GOT THE ENERGY!

Tuesday, 5 July 2005

Slimmer of the Week! - who me?

"Yes you!"

I haven't been posting for months....I have been lost at sea, presumed dead, but found to be surviving and ready to show the world 'ow good I dun!

I am after all a serial dieter/eater so what do you expect?

Well expect better. I have been meaning to write this for ages, but the weeks keep slipping by.

I joined Slimming Class.

The delivered meals were getting too expensive to continue with for any length of time, so I decided to bite the bullet and do the hard stuff...re educating myself and really trying.

I joined in March. I had lost a few pound from when I wrote before - starting in at 18 stone and 12 and a half pounds! NOT GOOD

I have done well, and even though I have also had a massive gain during this time, as you will read about shortly, I am still patting myself on the back.

I lost 1 stone 1 and a half lbs by June 1st. Then I went on holiday for 3 weeks.

OOOOOOPS!

I put on 12lbs while I was away. I was HORRIFIED. I mean it. However, I made the choices to put that food into my mouth, all the croisants and chocs and French bread, cheese, butter and wine and nice meals out. I was still half expecting to see a loss. CAN YOU BELIEVE THE CHEEK OF ME? I must be crazy. I was so depressed by the gain like you would not believe.

BUT - now this is the excellent thing - I GOT BACK ON THE WAGON! I went straight home and made something lovely to eat which would not pile on the lbs and at the next weigh in I lost 6lbs!

in 1 week I lost half of the weight that I put on in 3 weeks. I was thrilled. This week I lost another 3lbs. So next week if I lose another 3lb I will have lost the weight in the same time it took to put it on.

I am half wanting to lose 3 and a half pounds or more, simply because I will feel psychologically more motivated to think that I lost more in three weeks that I put on. I know its messed up, but I feel that if I lose more than I put on in the same time, that the diet is therefore working more effectively that if I was trying to pile it on. Obviously diets do work better, but its just more satisfying to think that this one is the best ever, even though I know it is!

So I have now lost 12 and a half pounds. I am pleased, even though I am not at the 17.11lb mark again yet, but I know its either going to be next week that I hit that target, or the week after.

If I lose nothing next week, I will be upset, but not distraught. If I lose a little, I wont be too bothered as its still the right way. If I gain....I will be very upset indeed, as I really need to break back to where I was nearly 6 weeks ago now. That's the worst thing...Knowing that 5 weeks ago I weighed 3lbs less that now.

Slimming is a challenge, but I will not let this fat beat me into submission.

I worked out that I have been fat for 8 years. That is terrible. I don't want to be fat any more. It has to end here. I have stuck a diet for 15 weeks (WOW!!!!!) and I go every week and stay for the whole meeting. If I can do it, everyone can.

Watch this space, as this weeks "SLIMMER OF THE WEEK" is getting smaller!

Monday, 10 January 2005

Gentle walk

Today was actually not bad.

Breakfast was just cereal, so had that with some juice and a cup of coffee then drove my son to school.

On the way, a friend phoned and asked me over to discuss some stuff.
So I flew home from the school run and went over there armed with my ears.

So I had endless coffee and then she made a roll with cheese and beetroot. My friend is very slim and the portion's were small. I was actually still hungry and if it hadn't been for the tea and coffee I would have had a whole to fill. However I went straight from her house to work! I didn't have time to get anything extra, so I just waited until I got home.

I eat a few crackers as one of my snack options and then realized the my husband was off out to play sports! I could have had my tea there and then, but I thought I would wait for him. I had an apple and watched TV and then went online for a bit, then spoke to my friend again about bits and bobs.

Hubby came home and I cooked the tea. It was turkey bolognese tonight. It was yummy. DH (dear hubbie) hated it as it was too tomato-ey. I just love the convenience of it. Its just sitting in my fridge waiting to be cooked! Brilliant!

Then we watched some more TV and went to bed.

dietwise, I think its been a really great day all told! I didn't find it difficult as I was busy busy busy all day and occupied as I thought I would be, so bit like a gentle walk really!

onwards and upwards!

Sunday, 9 January 2005

Day 2 - storm looming

Well, the storm clouds rolled in last night.

For breakfast yesterday I had some cereal or something. It was about 2 tablespoons worth in a plastic bag. They did say all I would need was milk...And that is seemingly true!

Lunch was ok too, tuna salad and two slices bread. Nice full tummy.

Then we were invited to stay over at friends. Nibbles and wine flowed. Once I had a glass of wine I couldn't resist. The boat rocked and I was totally caught in the storm. I did not have any other tea as such, so I am hoping that by having a glass of water between each glass of wine rather than matching them glass for glass, that I will have put into effect a form of damage limitation.

However, the nibbles were vol-au-vents (or however you spell them) with egg Mayo, cream cheese and salmon, mushroom stuff and another had chicken stuff. I have no idea how many calories are in them, but I bet there's a lot. I know there's about 200 cals in a glass of wine, so there's 600 gone totally before I start!

I am not impressed with myself. I can't believe I haven't even done a single day on this diet yet.

I guess that I have still cut back though. If I had not been on my diet, I would probably have had no breakfast at all, and then for lunch a big baguette from the bakery filled with lashings of butter and chicken/Mayo/fat combination. Then in the afternoon, maybe some cake or a chocolate bar or sweets. I would then have had a big meal in the evening and some wine too. So I guess I was reserved, even though I totally blew it.

I feel bad. This morning when I woke up I felt guilty. I hoped no one would find out that I had been naughty on my diet. My husband hasn't said anything, so I hope he hasn't noticed or doesn't think it matters.

I have to be firmer with myself. I am realizing I have very little self control. I must work at that.

Today has been ok. I ate the breakfast (beans on toast - yummy!) and the lunch and the tea.
I have had a few coffees with sugar rather than sweetener though...Its 16 calories a spoonful, so I have had about 100 extra calories than I should have.

My daily calorie value is supposedly 1600 on this diet. Its all worked out for me. So If I have had 1700, when my body is used to 3000 a day or something, then its a plus right?

I know its not just calories, but the proportion of fat to protein and carbs, but I am no scientist. Sugar is carbs I think, so that should be ok. The big part of today's meals seems to have been carbs and little protein and low fat, so hopefully the balance is still right.

OHHH! I must try better tomorrow. I have a feeling the weekdays will be easier as I am busier.

lets hope so!

I am off now to watch the rest of the Home and Away Omnibus that I recorded. Yes, I am a sad wretch, but I never said I wasn't! :o) Then I think we are going to watch the film "Down with Love" .


Saturday, 8 January 2005

Set Sail

Today I embark on the ever elusive quest for whippet-ness.

I don't care what it takes, this is my Everest.

I think even Hilary and Tensing would be daunted by the bulk of the journey that lays ahead of me.

Today I weigh:
19 stone and 2 pounds
268 lbs
121.5 kgs

I have taken control of my life and with the help of Body Chef, we will be having our (includes my Darling Husband) meals delivered in a box bi-weekly. It costs a bit, but its worth it to lose the bulk.

Watch this space.