Thursday, 29 January 2009


Feeling rubbish. Sore throat, headache, full on snot - that kind of rubbish.

Band been behaving itself, but can still eat a lot. I am having to chew more for sure, but there is still not enough restriction. It's like its on the verge of something. Its so close, but not quite there. So I am going again on Sunday and should be able to sort it out. Wow, how many times do I say that? Well lets just hope this REALLY is the time now.

Went out to dinner last night with my mate Rhuta. She has just got engaged to her long term boyfriend and is so happy, so we went out to have a good chat over a meal. We had Moroccan
with a Mixed Meze to share for starter (stuffed vine leaves, couscous, spicy beans, cucumbery-yoghurt thing, sea food mix and humous) and then I had some lentil/pea pattys like burgers that are cooked on a wood burning grill with tabbouleh (Bulgar wheat and herbs and onions etc) and a tomato and pepper sauce. It was yummy. Was going to have pudding too - baklava or however you spell it but it was a bit grim. I know that it is actually the real thing and there was nothing wrong with it, but in my mind a weird bland nut puree in pastry covered with oil and honey is not a good pudding... maybe I'm weird, but this is just boring, and not worth it. I stuck to coffee.

But yeah, I didn't have a problem with any of it and eat a lot. It was all dryish and chew-worthy if you know what I mean. I was also a bit peckish when I got home.

We discussed metabolism a lot. Rhuta is painfully thin. She is DESPERATE to gain weight. I know people say it a lot, but I know her well and she eats loads. You would not think it was possible for someone to eat so much and stay the same weight.
this was a typical day:
dhal and rice followed by a pint of full fat milk with mango pulp in
Kellogs nutrigrain bar, home made full fat banana + fruit smoothie
Lunch: Last nights leftovers... some kind of curry and rice
snack: cakes/crisps or snacks brought by co-workers from tesco (little office ritual that a different person gets afternoon cakes/snacks every day)
Dinner: half a pizza and chips or massive curry and rice and naan or lasagna etc.
snacks: nuts and Channa mix with different things or an extra portion of the dinner.

How is it possible for this little 7 stone delicate flower to eat this much and not gain weight. She is always in awe of me because I eat less than half of that and GAIN weight. Ahh ha! Haaa haaa haaa. I mean WHAT????

She brought up the idea of sweat. I have no idea about this, but it was interesting. She said that people who sweat easily have a high metabolism. I don't know if that's true, but it is an interesting concept that I have not thought about before.

I NEVER sweat. I can exercise, ride a bike in full sun, do anything, and NEVER break a sweat. I never use deodorant because I just don't smell. My feet don't get sticky. My palms are dry as a bone and I am seemingly sweatgland-less. I have always considered this EXCELLENT! I don't get smelly ever and its just great! She said that she can feel cold, but her hands are clammy. A little hoovering makes her ringing wet. She says she hates it because she is always sweating. She always put it down to being in a hot country until she came to England... but it has continued. Her husband to be is the same. Even DH sweats loads. He plays badminton, comes home and its like he has showered in his clothes. Its really gross, but maybe she has something here... How many people who are overweight sweat easily? Or should I ask how many people who are overweight find they don't get damp pits that often unless they are really going for it in the exertion side of things?
I would appreciate your responses.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

Still pain, plus some extra for good measure

couple of things are annoying me... the fill doesn't seem to have made much, if any, difference. I haven't had an episode of HMSing or even pb'ing or heartburn or stuff like that. However, I have been good, and chewed well. I can however, eat meat, potatos, rice and bread without incident. Hmmm

Meals I can remember:
Kentucky snack box - Chips and fillet chicken
Bread and jam
Baked beans on toast
Breaded chicken goujons, potato waffle and sweetcorn (always a hard item to eat)
Roast lamb dinner
Spanish tortilla - potato, onion and egg
Scrambled egg with bacon and tomato
Fish and chips

I have made an appointment to go back and see Wendy as suggested but I think I am going to do something a little more drastic and go on slimfast or something. I am at that very dangerous point of just saying "Stuff it all" and enjoying my life. I did this because I wanted to regain control and I want to, but I am thinking about food all the time, eating it, cooking it and obsessing about it, and also thinking about my band all the time and I just cant be bothered any more.

Also, the governments minions are annoying me royally. They have launched an investigation into home education as a cover for child abuse or enslavement/entrapment:

"The DCSF spokeswoman said the concerns were based on unspecified allegations. "We want to see if there is any evidence to back up the allegations," she said."

I'm left wondering how exactly this is different from "we know they are guilty so now we just need to find the evidence"

Are there not more serious problems in the world? Are there not more serious problems in the UK, are there not more pressing concerns within England, or even our county that would be better for these idiots to sort out rather than persecute a group of people that in the vast majority are doing this because the systems they want to impose on us have failed our babies?

I would suggest an inquest into why more and more people are telling schools in England to SHOVE it. an investigation into why the LEA themselves do not act where there is medical evidence of bullying of 4 and 5 year old children within their 'care'

If I were the DCSF I would be more worried that Education Otherwise, HEAS and all the others groups don't club together and launch an investigation into the LEA and publish it nationwide on radio shows and television and give words into other peoples mouths.

They could find that the majority of schools would then be moribund after the bullying and suicides and stress levels, lack of learning and wasted time are revealed in all their glory.

So this has really annoyed me. I suggest you read up on the following before you voice your opinion... as so many people don't know what the hell they are talking about and just spout their personal opinion and look like idiots on the radio and TV to all of us that are a little more enlightened.

If the school system had nurtured, educated and supported my DS as it told me it was going to do, he would still be there. I have no intention of putting him back into that prison, and I have the right to choose this option. I just hope that others will have this option in the future.

To quote Jason Ward:

"Please, can we not give up the liberty of being able to choose between a great
state system, a private school or the joy of teaching at home, simply
because it is hypothetically possible that a bad person, somewhere, might
one day conceivably manipulate the system, or there might be an “extreme
AHEd press release on Home Education Forums:

Education Professionals Union Voice General Secretary believes that inspections by the local education authority should be compulsory, and parents should have to present the child and his or her work.

Government attempting to influence consultation outcome:
These completely biased articles have been posted to inhouse journals. Please remember that the NSPCC spokesperson said on the Jeremy Vine show that they have no evidence or statistics to back up these spurious abuse concerns. This is not the impression being given to state sponsored employees who are clearly being encouraged to respond to this consultation. It's about numbers more than ever.
See here for detailed information about how local authorities have may used"unsubstantiated hearsay" in consultation responses:
contact your local newspaper:
email your mp:
This is the link to 'listen again' for the Jeremy Vine show that broached the topic
"some people have expressed concern that home education could be used as a cover for child abuse, forced marriage, domestic servitude or other forms of child neglect. What do you think Government should do to ensure this does not happen?"

the final question on the consultation form. Heres the link to the consultation:-

Monday, 19 January 2009

Pain pain pain...

I had my fill yesterday, which went well. There was some evaporative loss, and Wendy re adjusted the volume in my band calculation to 6.5mls. There were no air bubbles, the fluid was clear and everything was otherwise fine, so nothing to worry about. She gave me another 0.5mls on top of the amount taking me to 7mls total.

I want this to be the one that starts me on that slope again. It does seem that because of being too tight back in August, it was due to swelling and aggravation rather than actually being filled too tight as I was only at 5.5mls or something. Anyway, 7mls is a normal amount for a bandit, and seeings as I was losing and regaining the same couple of pounds over the last 3 months, this one should tip that balance the other way. I hope so.

its half 11 in the morning and I have had my berocca and a yoghurt and I am not hungry. I am not saying that this is a difference, because I am never usually hungry in the mornings, but I am just logging it for my own knowledge in the future.

I do seem to be someone who suffers from painful fills. It feels like I have been stabbed and I have to be all precious and hold my port site carefully whilst walking about. I hope that it doesn't last too long this time, but its usually a couple of days whatever. At least I know that there is nothing wrong.

Because of the crap that happened with my band, there is always this niggling paranoia that its not working, or its broken. I just cant get that trust back no matter that its been a year since it was all fixed up.

I have also thought of a different way to view my weightloss expedition. Rather than thinking about it since banding, I should really be thinking about it since starting this expedition back in 2005 when I weighed 18 stone 12 and a half pounds. When I think about that, it makes me feel a lot better. The time frame is not a factor to me, its the actually pounds lost that makes me feel good. Because I have only lost about 14 pounds with the band, it makes me feel a bit crap, but I have actually lost 30 or so since I started this. Considering I want to be about 12 stone, this means I am about a 3rd of the way there, and this puts a hell of a lot more positive spin on things. The mind is a powerful tool isn't it.

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Time to fill 'er up!

I have really looked into my eating over the last two weeks. I was considering having a fill a couple of weeks ago and I hadn't really thought about it properly. Erika (aka Lap Band Girl) asked me some pertinent questions and I thought she was right and I should kind of analyse what I am doing.

I have kept food diary's from the last 2 weeks solid and I need a fill. I am eating way too much. I am not forcing the issue, just finding that I am able to finish my plate and my portion sizes have crept up over the last few months and they are the same as DH's and DS's and even sometimes bigger than Sue's. *gulp*

I wondered why I was eating more... that's why I thought I had to really look into this. Its wasn't because I was forcing myself, or was emotionally eating, or anything, just that I was plain hungry. I have not had to HMS at all in the last 2 weeks either.

I have also had a tendency to 'use' wet foods... curry, soup, stews, scrambled eggs etc so I have made a concerted effort to eat chewable stuff this week, thinking that maybe that was the reason why I was able to eat so much. Alas this is not the case. I have had lamb shank with crisp veggies, lasagne with chips (home made dry roasted ones... i.e. no fat!), egg and chips, ryvita with toppings, jacket potato's, salads, couscous, pasta and even a sandwich... So I think that basically I can eat pretty much anything without anything getting stuck, or feeling incredibly full after just a small time, and the chewing thing has not had to be *that* rigid.

Another factor is of course the lack or weightloss or rather the up and down around the same few pounds which is really hacking me off.

I find in the evening around 10pm I am looking in the fridge and the cupboard and scratching around for a snack. I have yogurt or a couple of ryvita's if they are there, but there has been a couple of times where pop corn won out, and also beetroot with salad cream - not too bad you might think... but LOVE salad cream and am a heavy user (half a bottle) given half the chance.

I am eating too much - whether its wet or dry - because I am still hungry
I am not losing weight progressively
I am scratching in the cupboards way too often

I booked an appointment with Wendy from the on Sunday. I am exactly the same weight that I was at my last fill back on 5th October 2008 - 16 stone 8. So it would seem that after having my disastrous unfill on 10th August 2008, where I was gaining 2 pound a week, every week until the fill on 1oth October, that last fill obviously Stalled my weight gain, but is not enough to enable me to lose weight nicely.

I need a top up.

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Weightloss is so annoyingly boringly slow....

*Deep sigh*

This week I lost half a pound...


Trying to get enthused, but just cant manage it.

Been good this week so far though. We bought the game Fit for the Wii... its a board that works with the Wii console and it measures your morbidly obese carcass and tells you what your real age is and horrors like that. It is also exceedingly fun. I have been snowboarding, skiing, ski jumping, tightrope walking, step class, jogging and other things... very interesting.

So just since Monday I have done 1 and a half hours of sports that I would never have done in my life! I didn't get puffed out - even after jogging for 6 minutes - which I was amazed at, but you certainly feel like you have worked out a little. Its raised your heart rate and got you moving. I did a Free Step class for 10 minutes and did 1000 steps. That's not bad really. Hmmm 1000 steps in 10 minutes = Pretty cool in my book.

So we shall see.

Went to the cinema this evening and saw Twilight. Wow, that's a good film. Really dark and Gothic and none of this gratuitous sex that makes me wanna puke. It was very romantic. I think romance is dead after passion is fulfilled anyway... I am a realist. Sorry. So this was really nice. Very striking and I would actually like to see it again. Makes the way for a #2 as well which is cool.

We also have a place around here where they flood the field and you can go ice skating... its really excellent. Here is a video of DS mucking about on the ice on Monday afternoon. The sunset was amazing.


This week has also seen the house filled with prospective housemates... The girl who booked the room, Wendy with the little dog Betty, could not take the room after all... some cack about her dad losing his job bla bla... and then we didn't really have any interest and I was starting to get a bit desperate. Today however, we had a guy from China want the room, 4 other people come to look and I even turned down 3 people over the email because a guy called Rob took the room immediately and paid 2 weeks in advance. So he is moving in on Monday. Hes only going to be here 4 nights a week, as his home is further North and he just couldn't hack the 2h 30m each way commute any more. That's gotta hit the wallet with petrol too. So we look forward to getting to know him. He has already completely won over DH and DS with his cool Google phone. It has this thing where you can hold it up and it shows you the stars... so you can be wandering along and think "Hmmm whats that star then?" and you can find out... loads of all singing and dancing bits of technology that seduce me like a pair of socks would...

Anyway, seems nice enough apart from that, so that's it for today.