Wednesday, 29 August 2007


It's ok I have not died or anything...
We have been camping for a bit and all over the country doing this and that. Summer (apparently that's what its called) is always a crazy time. I always look forward to having a lovely rest, and in fact it turns into a nightmare or social engagements! but its fun!

I am busily planning DS's work for this year too. I have so far printed off all the writing curriculum that we are using, and then found there was another load of guide books to print, but ran our of ink. Great. I have a couple of items at the printers at the moment being bound... they are Maths worksheets and Language Arts stuff.. I have to get it all organised into a manageable schedule that's not too punishing, but not too easy either. that's quite hard to manage to be honest, because I don't have anything else to gauge it against. If he turns and says "I can't do it its too hard" is he just fobbing me off, or is he for real... Similarly the other way around. He can be a lazy toad at times, so we shall have to see.

I would like to grill a teacher to be honest. One that is not out to prove that their methods and the education system is better. One that will honestly gauge his level and give me an honest answer about whether the work I give him is reasonable and attainable, or whether he is mugging me off.

I doubt there is a teacher out there who wont have their two-penneth to add like "Well... we do this and we do that" because every teacher I have asked to date has looked at me down their nose like I am a piece of scum, and tried to make themselves look good and like I have my work cut out.

To be honest I am not interested in that. All I want to know is if he is genuinely complaining because the work is unattainable, or whether I have to say "No excuses, get on with it".

Anyway, enough of that. We have our curriculum covering Maths, writing, reading, history, science, language and art. I think that's pretty thorough for an 8 year old.

Weight wise, I have been a naughty naughty girl. I haven't bothered to do any kind of diet at all, because *lame excuses coming* mainly my port has been hurting constantly for so long that I have just felt down in the dumps. I have also had my star week last week, so the run up to that was a chocolate fest and it just continued right up until Saturday.

But I am holding at 17 stone 11. One shall try and be good to oneself, but one doubts if one has the will power. I love food.

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

What a difference a day makes

Well all that was hellish yesterday was turned to gold today... just like even the tiniest amount of oil poured on water. All is dreamy and the MASSIVE problem resolved.

I had a wonderful couple for hours out this morning with DS and Natasha. It was really lovely. Even the rain at the end was refreshing. Its amazing when you place your trust in God, because you simply cannot do anything else but that... things seem to lighten up like a burden lifted.

If felt wonderful when I got home. I only had an hour before I was supposed to leave to pick up our housekeeper from the city (an hours drive away!!!!!) and I was not stressed, me and DS went to the bakery and bought rolls for lunch and shared a cake (a first for me and him!).

We went to collect M our H.K. at 2pm and arrived in plenty of time. We then chatted for a while and then got a few bits from Lidl. She asked me if I had a list of things, and was exceptionally organised and focused! I was stunned to be honest. So the only things I did not have was those scourer sponge thingies and a hard scrubbing brush. So we got a packet of those and and a brush and that was it.

When we got back, I decide to take her to TB for a coffee before we went back to the house as I hadn't seen TB for a while and I wanted M the H.K. to meet her and know who she was etc. This also gave us more of a chance to bond a little and chat about interests etc. Because she is also living with us, its more that just someone who comes and then takes their money and goes home... you have to get along too.

So then we got back home at about 4pm. I decided that I wasn't going to waste any time, and showed M how I did things... I had purposely left the Dishwasher from this morning and also the washing so that I could show her how it worked. We worked systematically through each room and she was quick, too notes and assimilated all the things that needed doing and stuff immediately. As I was like sweeping up and things, I reached out to get something and it was in my hand!!! She had kind of second guessed what I would need. She was focused, targeted and obviously didn't actually need me at all!!

So after about an hour of random tidying up, I let her kind of go off on her own. The next thing I heard was giggling and laughter from upstairs where DS was spraying the doors (YES DOORS!) with polish and she was rubbing them down. He would NEVER have done that for me!! HA HA. But then again, I don't think I have ever polished my doors either!! ;o) HAAAAAAA

So things were great. I got the dinner on and the house around me is already spotless and she has worked about 3 hours straight today. It kind of looks like other peoples houses!!

My bathroom smells gorgeous and cleansed... most odd. I don't know how she got it to smell that way.

She also went to bed at 9pm. FAB!

So first day's thoughts are that this is the best thing I have ever done!!!

...remind me of thisd in 6 months when her initial enthusiasm has drained!! Now Now I mustn't be so cynical.

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

Gutten Abend....?


Today has worn me out. Yes it has. its nearly midnight and I am still awake and writing this blog.

I feel in dire need of something. I am not actually sure what it is I am in dire need of though. Here are a few things I could be in dire need of:

Running for 30 miles non stop
Streaking naked down the street with wet hair
Eating my body weight in penny sweets
16 litres of Shiraz
Having a screaming contest with myself
Razoring my head
Stabbing myself with pins... piercings? hmmm
Picking 6000 spots - all with great goop in them
Biting something really really hard - like an arm or thigh
Work in a coal mine for 24 hours

I have had THE worst day.

One of those days where you simply cannot do anything except get stressed, and then some.

Its so awful I can't even speak about it, because that will push me over the edge and I will have to go and do one of the above.

On a positive note, tomorrow I am mostly going to be sleeping. I am going to be in a minute and then I am not getting up until I WANT TO. Then at 2pm I am going to pick up our new housekeeper from the city. THANK GOD Then I am going to show her the ropes, and then I am going to go back to bed.

I told DH that I could not be a wife, mother, child educator, career woman and a skivvy. So I hired some help. If DS was at school things might be easier. Not a lot, but I would at least have 6 hours a day when he was not here. So basically somethings got to give, and it was getting close to being my sanity.

I think that Prozac is the best drug in the world. I tried lowering my dose over the last few months. I was down to one tablet a day. So much for that. I am back to 2 pills daily. I haven't noticed the kick yet, but hopefully it will be soon. I need to be SANE.

Its 6 months since banding tomorrow.

I thought I should tell you all that I didn't go for my fill on Saturday as I had planned. It was too much stress. The thought of driving down there again made me feel ill. DH's car has also been resprayed and I would just die if something happened again!

Anyway, I am going to go back soon once I have got my head together.

I am off to bed now.

Saturday, 11 August 2007

Long time no post

Hi all,

I am still alive. Things have just been crazy here.

I have no idea how my weight is doing, as I haven't been to the shop to get weighed because last time I went it was out of order (GRRrrrrr!) and I haven't had a chance since.

I am still trying to weigh in on a Monday, so I will go on Monday and see how its going.

It will be 6 months since banding very shortly... 14th August. I can at least say I have lost weight with the band. Even if I dont lose weight, thankfully its not going on as badly.

Since my last post, I have been a combination of good and bad. Angel and Demon... I even bought a perfume in France called that!!! Its lovely and by Givencey (or how ever you spell it)

I have been so busy finishing stuff, DS has been to camp, the pool is complete (see pic below) and we have all been in it. DS has had a party for all his friends, which was cool and they had an ace time... and at the moment I have two Poles staying. They have been helping me out. It has helped me make the decision about getting another Au Pair... so we are getting another one on Monday. I can't wait!! At last I will have the help I need around the house that means I wont make my port sore. Just washing the floors makes it ache like crazy for a couple of days. Its just not good.

So today we went to Legoland. What a load of crap. Don't go there if your kids like fun. DS was pretending the enjoy it, but we all know we could have had more fun on a trip to the local superstore. It was the most expensive walk with wasps I have ever been on. I am glad we only used Tesco Clubcard vouchers for it and didn't stump up hard currency, otherwise I might have had to have a little cry.

It was totally out for making money. Everywhere you turned there was a shop, or an amusement that you had to pay for (basically everything that your kid actually wanted to do was NOT free!!). Rubbish

Right, I am off to bed with a sore port again... too much walking about I guess.

Take it easy!