Friday, 3 February 2017

So close to ONEDERLAND I can taste it.

When you are seasoned weight loss warrior like I am, you will take every tiny prop to keep you encouraged!

I currently weigh 92.7kgs, which is roughly 204lbs or 14 stone 8.

So we are in uncharted territory. My lowest ever weight was in the 93kgs, so this is simply epic news… given that I have lost over 31kgs/70lbs/5 stones in 5 months? Well thats INSANE!

I knew it would be good, but never in my wildest dreams thought that it would be this good or that it would actually work for me!

In the 12 years that Ive been writing this blog, I have never achieved the proverbial and mystical Onederland so cherished by my American cousins (because they weigh in pounds!)

But as the world has gotten smaller via Instagram and Facebook groups etc since I first started this, so many more people claim Onederland too now, that I'm getting some of that action too!

4 more pounds and I will be there.

What's on my plate recently? Well over the last few days I have been incredibly hungry! I mean, hungry is a bit of a strong term - in need, or in search of food more often than I have in the past is probably closer to the mark.

As I think I've said before, I don't feel hunger like I used to before the band or even when I had the band. It kind of feels like a bruise in my tummy area.. like when you accidentally bump yourself on something and then the feeling dissipates to a dull achey sensation. It's not unpleasant, but definitely noticeably not quite right.

The last few days I have had loads to eat - but none of these days have I eaten more than 1000 calories. Today I had a folded flatbread for breakfast (100), salad (watercress, lettuce, pepper, cucumber, celery, avocado) and tuna for lunch (235), 2 x mini babble light cheeses and a flatbread for snack (180) and for dinner Crab Gratin (150), sprouts, green beans and broccoli (80) and then for later I have prepared some kale chips (60). So today will amount to 800 in total. That is a pretty much standard day, but today I have upped my water as Ive been feeling so peckish! I am still under my surgeons goal of 800-1000 every day at 6 months out. I'm currently 5 months post surgery. I think the last few days I can put down to the imminent arrival of shark week :( Nothing seems to have changed on that particular score!

Here are some treats for your eyes into the life of a RNY Gastric Bypass patient. Hopefully you will see that I am eating well, and this can break the fear and misconception that you will never eat again, or you'll have to low carb/keto diet etc.

We don't do this to be on a diet for the rest of our lives do we!

Cajun spiced green beans, half a jacket potato with sour cream and spring onions and a juicy Rump Steak! This is a tea or bread plate. I ate about half of this.

My take on Chicken Satay - 2 mini breast fillets , smothered in chopped cucumber and homemade Gastric Bypass friendly Satay sauce (crunchy peanut butter, sugar free diabetic apricot jam and soy sauce) with a little rice. About a cup worth of food.


Roasted sweet potato slices, a bit of thick cut ham on the bone, cauliflower and mixed veg with a cheese sauce. This plate is smaller than above, a small tea plate.


Homemade lentil dhal - Green lentils from a can (already cooked), chopped onion, passatta and some xylitol sweetener  with mild curry powder. I stir in some Skyr icelandic set yoghurt at the end to balance it.

Little chicken and blueberry salad with fat free french dressing and croutons. Yum!

Eggy Bread, or French toast if you are posh ;-) I love this with Reggae Reggae sauce. Adds a little fire!


A delicious breakfast! Poached egg on toast with bacon and tomatoes. 

One of my days plate sets. Lunch was a lovely egg mayo and cress sarnie. Dinner a mini chicken fillet, green beans and red cabbage and onion colcannon, with a packet of ridges for a snack later on.




Tuesday, 10 January 2017

What?! I LOST WEIGHT ON HOLIDAY!!

Yes! For the first time EVER, I lost weight on holiday.

I went away on 24th December weighing 96.4kgs, and today I'm 95kgs!

So I now officially weigh 95kgs - 14stone 13 & 1/2pounds - 209.5lbs

The 14 stone 13 and 1/2 pounds is cool! Being under the 15 stone zone is a kick!!

It's strange that us Brits weigh in Stones and pounds, Americans use Pounds and Aussies and the continentals use kilograms. I wonder why or how that happened? I know the lines are blurred these days as more people use kilograms (like me), but I wonder why so many don't understand stones and pounds.

The reason I wonder this is that a lot of the population of the US and AUS were from the UK so I would have thought that they would have taken the UK's measurements with them… but maybe they wanted their own version? Or was there more people using KG's that went to AUS that swayed it?

The states though use pounds though, and thats not a european thing at all… hmmm.

I will have to look into the history of it a bit. Let me know what you think!

Friday, 23 December 2016

Losing weight hand over fist!

Today I woke up to:

*** 96.4kg * 15 stone 2 & 1/2lbs * 212lbs *** 

The last time I was 96.4 was on the 20th December 2012!!

I can't believe I have turned back time by 4 years. Its so amazing. I am thrilled with the bypass and what it has given me to help me get rid of this weight once and for all.

I am thinking that another 20kgs and I will be about my dream weight. To be honest I feel great now, but I am still in the Obese category. I think that after losing 27kgs (60lbs!) you will feel better at any weight to be honest, but now I haven't a clue, so I have to go by how I look and what the charts say.

This will probably be my last blog post for 2016 and possibly my last weigh in as we go on holiday tomorrow for a couple of weeks and I most likely won't have a chance before I go. This will be interesting to update when I get back and see if being away makes a difference to the weight or not?

My December Goal was to say goodbye to the 15 stone bracket. I know a lot of you weigh in all kinds of other measures - Aussies and Europeans in KG's and Americans usually in LB's but Brits usually weigh in Stones. Lbs and KGs are great ways to measure when dieting as they are congratulatory and quick. There seems to be more joy in losing 0.5kgs than losing 1LB though, and thats the same with stones. Stones are the worst I think. You are in a Stone zone for 14 miserable pounds and it takes ages and ages and ages :(

I started weighing in KG when losing 50kg seems far less than 8 stone! Its all about psychology at the end of the day so whatever you have to do to help yourself, you have to do!

BUT… I still like to know where I am in the grand scheme of things in the weight measurement that I was brought up with. I use this fabulous weightloss chart to double check mine and others weights. It would be so helpful if other bloggers, instagrammers, or facebookers posted their weights in the different forms too as we don't all understand instantly the numbers on their scale, so if you need a double checker… heres the link: Weight Chart

I think that I will definitely be in the 14 stone zone when I get back and close to the elusive Onederland that I have never ever been able to manage to get to.

Onderland is another thing that doesn't immediately resonate with me because I have never really measured myself in LBS but for those that do, this must be an amazing thing! Seeing that number 2 fall off the front of their number must be so exciting if you've seen a 2 or a 3 there your whole life.

How do you weigh? Did you ever jazz it up and change the way you weigh yourself?


Monday, 19 December 2016

Can I believe how much I've lost? Nope!! haha!!

Wow, what a month! I am just amazed by the results since my bypass.

In just a little over 3 months, I've lost a whopping 26.2kgs or 58lbs or 4 stone 2lbs! like Whaaaaaaaat???!!!

I am flabbergasted, seriously!

I have to admit that my head is taking a long white to catch up with this. I see my new outline in the mirror and am chuffed to little mint balls, but then once I've walked away, I still feel as fat as I ever was. I have no idea why. I feel fat too. I check in the mirror: amazing difference, walk away: feel massive! It's utterly crazy.

I've spent so much of my life obese that it's still taking me a while to know for sure that this process is really working. I can't say that it's in any way down to me, other than the fact that I am living with a smaller stomach and a shortened intestine. It's totally effortless. I don't want to eat food, I am not interested in it, I'm totally over it. Its amazing!

Also, my tastebuds seem to have completely changed. For instance, I had a glass of wine the other day as we had a special dinner to go to, and I still had a mouthful left at the end of the evening. It wasn't that it didn't taste nice, it wasn't making me feel bad, or woozy (since I haven't had any alcohol for 3 months), but that it just didn't do anything for me at all. The focus of my pleasure has changed. Its like that with a lot of my previously favourite foods.

I seem to gravitate towards charcuterie, cheese and eggs a my ideas for dinner. This is most unusual for me and must be simply what my body wants/needs to eat that's guiding it. I eat beef jerky as a snack, or parma ham… so strange for me! Pre op, I could easily have been vegetarian as I rarely ate any meat except for the occasional bit of chicken or bacon. Now… totally different story.

On a slightly differing theme, I think that I have also been expecting to fail. As you may or may not know, my Gastric Band broke on 20th May of 2007, just 3 months after I had the operation. I have had my bypass now for about 2 weeks longer than I had my first band. I lost 11kgs with my band before it broke, but in the same time with the bypass I've lost 26kgs! I am, however, only just a little bit lighter than I was when my band broke. It's been such a horrible journey, and I truly feel I have most definitely had a raw deal. 

Here is a shot of my whole weightloss journey since banding: from 14th February 2007 until today 19th December 2016.

The 1st downward slope is my initial weightloss with my first Gastric band -11kgs. It broke and then I gained all the weight back and tried several times to get it to work with me... until it was found to be broken and I had to go back to Belgium and be reiterated on with a new band.

The 2nd downward slope is when my new band was fitted. I lost a bit more this time and got down to 97.9kgs. At the time, I had WLSGroup as my fill provider and the nurse made the decision that I was too tight and unfilled my band by 1ml. Why I let her do this I'll never know (probably because I just wanted a break from the rigours of the band hell!). This made a catastrophic change to my eating where I gradually regained weight over a year or so. The band is so useless that, even though I was having fills, I just couldn't get it right. I was apparently tighter than before the drastic infill, but yet still not have much restriction! Go figure!!

Then there is a small descent again where I went to slimmingworld and tried my very best, but still no joy. After fighting with this band and knowing that I was being given bad advice time and again from the old fill provider, I took the decision in April 2010 to have my band completely emptied and to try and start again. I used a new fill provider who came to my house. She was (and is) amazing. Hr name is Jane Wilkinson Tancock. After the unfill I just let me body rest and ate normally. Sadly I knew this would come with a rise, and this is the large rise into just above 120kgs.

I was regularly attending slimmingworld and trying to get a grip of myself in early 2011, but had a fill or 2 with the new provider which started to help me a little. I lost weight steadily and was going to the gym. However, fills are expensive and in early 2012 my weight was on the rise yet again.

I was then invited onto a radio show to talk about my gastric band and how I felt it was a bad idea to have one and not the panacea that it was sold to me as. They gave me 6 months help with a lady called Linda form "The lost it coach" to help me, and I logged food, counted calories and used my BMR to help me lose weight. This was very effective whilst using her mentorship & my band to help me, however I was struggling with eating so much and being sick at every meal. It was a seriously unhealthy way to eat because of the bands restriction.

After losing 18kgs following her advice, I then fell over in the road and took the entire top layer of skin off of my knee. It was so bad I couldn't walk for 10 days. It took ages to scab over and then it kept breaking and opening again over the next month and causing me so much pain; I didn't hit the gym at all for several months. Once I returned I couldn't get back into it. Couple this lack of exercise with an unfill I had shortly before falling over (because I couldn't drink water in the mornings!) I was on a hiding to nothing. I was so depressed by the whole situation and no matter how I tried to get my mind back into gear, it wouldn't play ball. I felt like I had lost the entire game and steadily over the next 18months my weight rose. I couldn't face another fill; The being sick, not able to drink, wandering around with a pot of hot tea hoping it will soften things up and "get things moving", wondering if I would be able to go to the gym or not because "If I go to the gym and I can't drink, I will be too thirsty whilst walking fast uphill for an hour" - That was the situation with the fickle band.  Ugh. I just couldn't do it.

So during the period between march 2014 and about May 2016 I tried every diet going, fads, 5:2, exante, raw food, milk, atkins, clean etc etc. You name it I gave it a go. I had limited success each time and felt that "If I could only get back to where I was I will be ok" but I could never get there. I was horrified, sickened, and just a total failure. How could I have let this happen to me?

Then, in March/April this year (2016) I started to get pain and bleeding under the skin around my port. I hadn't had a fill for ages - maybe a year. I had no idea what was causing this at all and was referred to a bariatric surgeon in the UK for assessment. I was quite excited by this and I had expressed my wish to get my weight under control to my doctor at the beginning of the year anyway. I thought it could be the start of something wonderful. You can read about that hideous encounter earlier in my blog, but basically he was a prat and his idea was just to keep me on antibiotics until I had had several eruptions at the port site and then they 'might' see what they could do. Stuff that.

Throughly ticked off, that's when I decided to take matters into my own hands and get the operation that I should have had in the first place. The last slide downwards shows you the results.

Anyone who's had a band or a sleeve or a bypass will know their own personal struggle to get that downward slope. I am more than proud of that slope. I actually am more than proud of my entire journey. I think it shows that I have fought a good fight and I am now finally winning. This isn't about beauty, its about being acceptable. I have no doubt I will be healthy and thats great and all, but if I am brutally honest it is, and always has been, about being accepted in society. Being normal.

I am already noticing the subtle shifts in random strangers perceptions. The smiles, the eye contact, the holding of doors, the politeness. This doesn't happen when you are morbidly obese. You don't know it until you lose it. Its disgusting, but its not going to change. It doesn't matter how much people try and change opinions, it will always be a socially sub par thing to be obese. The fact that a human can have so little value and be degraded and feel so unacceptable in the world like I did, makes me feel so angry, but if you can't change their opinion and you don't actually want to be obese, you only really have one option: Lose weight.

The only way, after all I have tried, was to have a gastric bypass.

I will no doubt continue to have weird emotional thoughts about being obese v being normal weight. I will still feel like a fat person inside for I don't know how long. But at least I might live long enough to deal with those demons. And I will do everything in my power to shame society's fattest attitudes.

I am proud of myself for being brave and enduring being obese. I am currently still obese, but so close to being overweight, and out of that doom category. Every bone in my body craves this normality. I wonder what it will be like when I am there, and I don't have to fight any more? What will happen then? What will be my focus? Will I write this blog still, or just post yearly updates or drop off the radar entirely.

I wonder where my friends are from blog land. The ones who used to write so regularly, like The Dash, Dinnerland and Linda's Bandwidth and so many others. I loved reading their daily updates and struggles. I hope and pray they all got to their goal weights and they are out living the fast and furious lives that come with their new found health. I haven't met anyone who struggled like me, but maybe they just read blogs rather than write them?

If anyone has read to the end of this long boring post, then please say hi. I write this mainly for myself and my own catharsis, but it still means a lot to know it might help someone else.

Monday, 24 October 2016

Updated Weightloss Photos

I've been blogging since January 2005. That's just incredible to me! I haven't written for large months at a time, but I regularly keep coming back to it… normally when I'm trying again in some way or other!!

But to have a history of more than 11 years of my life, my struggles and triumphs… well that's pretty good, even though I am still (currently) fat.

I have loved the journey, frustrating as it has been. I feel though, that the worst is now behind me and I am rapidly climbing out of the quagmire of fat and self loathing. I have never truly hated my body, I just hated everyone else on earth's perception of fat people. The assumptions that they jump to and all the derogation we face on a daily basis. It's disgusting and hideously judgmental.

Currently in the UK there are arguments being bandied about that the morbidly obese should not be allowed operations or procedures because of their overweight. Yes. True story. Apparently the reasoning behind this is that people who are obese have done it to themselves and are therefore not as deserving as someone who is of normal weight. Under the same category come alcoholics, smokers etc. What about Anorexics? I wonder if they will be denied medication and or operations? Doubtful. As a nation (world?), people consistently see people who starve themselves as sad and unhappy cases and want to nurture them back to health. They take a careful approach with emphasis of care and baby steps. If only the same were true of the health system for obese patients. In my opinion, both the obese and anorexics amongst us suffer from the same body dysmorphic tendencies, inner voices, punishment and emotional terror. The need to control what these problems stem from are also the same. Bullying is the same for both too. However, that's where the similarity ends. The way obese people are treated by professionals, with their lack of empathetic understanding, is simply a compounding and vicious situation. If only they would treat us the same, there would be immediately better outcomes.

Anyway, I'm in my happy place and although the end is still a long way off, it's weirdly in sight too.

Here's a little happy pic of me. I can practically see the soul light coming back into my eyes! 15kg - 35lbs down!


L/R Today 22nd October 2016 v Week before Bypass 30th August 2016 

I've also updated my Weightloss journey in photos (right had column), so feel free to see the current changing body of bunny if you dare. I look forward to the next 35lbs off!

Saturday, 15 October 2016

Progress so far

Hi everyone, things are going well. I'm pretty much off the pappy soft food and onto a normal, but relatively wet diet. I am eating salad again thank goodness! I was craving this so badly. I even munched on a whole romaine lettuce head and then spat it out rather than swallow - it got THAT bad!

But things are fine. I can eat about 3/4 to a cup of food. As long as I keep the sugar way down, this can literally be anything. Again the confusing "protein" question rears its ugly head. This never meant much to me when I was banded as our guts were never rearranged, so never really got the whole high protein need fad. Since bypass however, I can defo see why its a necessity.

I am not following a diet of any kind apart from trying to get all my protein in. I have given myself a break on this for the last 5 weeks as it's too hard to get protein in when on a soft diet unless you drink those devastatingly foul protein shakes :( YUK!

But as I've been feeling better and eating more normally, I am trying to make sure that it's the first thing on the menu.

I am also not following a low carb diet. I know that a lot of people do, but it was not mentioned at my dieticians appointment and to be honest, was slightly discouraged. She said "You are not doing this to be on a 'diet' for the rest of your life are you". Made sense to me. She even used the 'air bunnies' lol! That said, when you are eating the amount of protein needed post op, it doesn't leave a lot of room for anything else, so carbs are not particularly high in any case.

So protein high, sugar low. That's my goal. It's working so far and I'm currently standing at just over 13kg loss (2 stone!!!). To say I'm thrilled is an understatement. Todays weight is 110.9kgs down from 124kg.

My favourite meal so far post op was this delicious Salmon salad:


Loved every bite and so did my new guts arrangement! I also found a sweet treat that doesn't kill me with sugar overload, or mad calories… Oppo Mint Chocolate swirl ice cream. I found it in the local Co-op convenience store randomly, but you can get it in Waitrose and Budgens too (UK stores). It was 80 calories for this bowl full!!! Can you believe it? I think in the US there is Halo Top which is a similar thing. This Oppo stuff is made with coconut oil, spirulina and raw cacao. Superfood goodness and tastes EPIC!
 

Been doing a bit of meal prepping too. I made a massive chilli con carne in the crock pot and made lots of little dishes and froze them so that I had something to eat whilst I was dying of pneumonia (yes, I have to say that I am still suffering from this and not entirely 100%!)



(Excuse the state of my kitchen - no housework has been done for over a month!! HAHA)

And on the hospital front, the clot is under control, but the pneumonia continues to be a pain in the back. Its still hideous. I keep taking the pain killers and hoping for the best though. I am back to work because I want to still own my house! It was getting freaking desperate after not working for 3 months. It's just not possible to sustain a £400 a week loss of wages for any more time without having to sell all I own, including our son and pets, and possibly my husband too!! Its bad. It's fab being self employed until you can't work, and this has stung me in the backside big time.

I also still have the remains of my war wounds… my operation and subsequent hospital stay bruises are nearly gone though and here they captured here for posterity 5 weeks and 3 days later. Yes, I like to keep my bruises a long time!



Also my instagram account byebyeband.hellobypass is up and running with my weightloss pics. Come check it out. I don't post much at the minute though. I am doing 3 posts every 3 weeks or so, so that I can look back and see the difference. I'm doing it in such a way that to view the change, it's best to look at the grid of photos rather than the individual shots. That way, I can just scroll to see me disappearing!

I'm fitting in clothes I haven't worn for a year and that makes me feel FAB!




Wednesday, 28 September 2016

3 weeks ago I was under the knife!

I can't believe it's been 3 weeks already. It feels like a lifetime, and no time at all.

I can see a difference in my face, and my watch needs a link out already! That's too crazy to believe actually.

I had a long pillow chat with my husband after we turned the lights off last night… me just worrying that this will fail or go wrong just like my band did. I know it's crazy but I had SO much trouble with that darned band that I just can't believe that it's all going to actually happen.

I have several goals.

I'm gunna write them down here just because I want to se them and then update when I complete them.

All my weight loss goals are based on previous weight loss efforts, or weights from the past that I want to see again and want to surpass. I might not be exactly correct, but it's what I can remember.


Start weight 124kgs - 7th September 2016

114kgs - What I weighed when I had my Lab Band 2007 - DONE ✅ 27th September 2016

112kgs - What I weighed when I went on the JVS radio show May 2012 - DONE ✅ 5th October 2016

110kgs - What I weighed at Christmas 2013 - DONE ✅ 15th October 2016

96.4kgs - What I weighed at Christmas 2012 - DONE✅ 23rd December 2016

93.2kgs - What I weighed at my LOWEST during this whole expedition back in March 2013

Now into the realms of fantasy…

83kgs - What I weighed when I met my husband aged 19 in 1996

80kgs - Very happy to reach here and remain stable. 

74kgs - My ultimate fantasy dream goal. What I weighed in Senior School.


So 50kgs is my ultimate weightloss goal. I was however, feeling very happy with myself when I was 93kgs. I felt the bees knees literally. Light as a feather in step and attitude, so that will be a great one to feel again. Overall though, I will be perfectly happy getting to 80kgs. I'm not living in a fantasy world and I know getting back to what I weighed in school will be very very outside edge of reality, but who knows. It's a challenge and a lot make it. Anything lower that 93kg will be amaze balls.

So there they are. Lets see how many I can tick off.