Saturday, 28 November 2015

So I got fat again...


Could just kick myself, but my legs are too fat and I'm too busy easting buttered toast.

Lets just say the unfill - as it always is - was a mistake.

Well actually, Im not sure it was a mistake. I have certainly felt better since having it removed. Its great to be able to drink a glass of water first thing in the morning, or the middle of the night, when its hot, when its cold, hanging upside down from a cliff etc etc.

Drinking liquids was always a source of frustration for me when I had the fluid in my band. To get restriction and no hunger meant I had to have about 6ml in my 12m band, which often meant I was trying for hours to get a 4 ounce glass of water down, and would often not be able to go to the gym because I'd spent my free time trying to drink beforehand. There is no way I could go to the gym and not drink whilst walking for miles on that treadmill either.

I succumbed to drinking a LOT of hot green tea. Hotter than I would like to drink, but it seemed to melt the mucus? Saliva? Make the band malleable enough?

Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me tired.

It did work. The band did work. Because I didn't have enough hours in the day to eat let alone drink!

So its been nice in that way and not a mistake having the fluid removed at all.

However, it was a mistake to think I was in control, or that I could control my portions or cheats etc and carry on without the fluid.

I very swiftly regained a few kgs, then some more then some more.

I have now regained all my lost weigh, and more.

I notice I had got down to 93kgs. Impressive. That's so far off from today that it makes me want to cry.

I am today about 120kgs. I was 124kgs a few weeks ago and most of this year has been spent toggling between 125kgs and 116kgs. Up and down and up and down endlessly.

I have yet again succumbed to the get thin quick crap and tried endless diets. Low carb, and meal replacement Exante Diet being the main ones this year.

I just have to decide what I'm going to do. I could convert to a bypass? Or a sleeve? I could try and work with the fill and be miserable? I could try and stick to my diet plan and exercise which got me the results last time… albeit with a filled band.

I dunno.

I'm fatter than when I started this blog back in 2005ish. I'm also coming up to my 9th Anniversary with the lapland. I can't believe its been that long and I am still fat.

I don't want to be fat. But I can't want to be thin either. What the hell is wrong in my head?

I guess the answer to that question would solve a million peoples obesity problems.

2016 must be the year I get myself together. One way or another. I don't want to be the cliched recipe for diabetes that I am now - fat, fair and 40.

On a more positive note, my blood reveals that I'm far from that being a reality, but still! You know what I mean.

Hugs Bunny.