Monday, 30 June 2008

Had 3 meals today!

For breakfast I had half a pancake.

For lunch I had some Hungarian 'Gnoccedly' and 'Perkerd'. Y U M! I have absolutely NO idea how to spell these, so they are phonetic versions of what we were served up. Gnoccedly is a kind of homemade pasta put through a utensil that looks like a blunt cheese grater straight into boiling water. The result is a kind of pasta that looks like mini cumulus clouds... like the italian Gnocci but smaller and very tasty. This is then covered in this stuff called 'Perkerd'. Its chicken drumsticks cooked in an onion puree with pepper and paprika, tomato and sour cream sauce. Its wonderful. I managed a bowl of the pasta and a little of the sauce on it. I didn't even bother with the chicken.

For dinner I had a full Sunday Roast. 1 sprig of broccoli, 1 spoon carrots, 1/2 slice beef, 1/2 roast potato and a Yorkshire pudding smothered in gravy and horseradish served up on a tea plate. It was delish!

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Wow, how tight am I?

Rather a loaded title, but you guys know what I mean!

had a couple of depressing food days.
Where are we... Thursday? Ok... well I will start with Tuesday then. It was really random and I must admit that I had a few thoughts about band slippage because it was so weird...

I don't think I ate anything all morning, and at lunch I had a couple of salami slices and half a slice of bread and butter. At about 3:30 I went off to work, and I was feeling mighty dodgy. I was sick at my pupils house... this was induced sickness rather than spontaneous. I am going to have to invent some word for this. Its not a pb. I hate that phrase too. I don't get pb's in the true sense of what they mean - productive burps. I get an elephant standing on my chest and have to induce vomiting. Then I feel better.

Ok... I am gonna call it HMS - as in Had to Make myself Sick

So, I HMS, and came home feeling a bit woozy. I really needed sugar ad I had that whole tremor thing going on. So I bought chocolate. 3 bars for £1 (bargain). Ate a couple of squares of Dairy Milk and then had to be sick at the side of my car in the village High Street. Nice. Then I went home. I felt terrible. It felt like I had swallowed a golf ball... but it was UNDER my band. It was like there was some massive thing I needed to throw up that was stuck under my band. It was voice changing, mucus producing, sweat beading-ly horrible. I was belching and grunting over the bathroom sink and spitting foam whilst DS phoned to cancel my pupils (which made me feel even better after having just been off for 2 weeks holiday!) But after about half an hour the belches subsided and I was exhausted. I went to lie down and slept until 7pm. I got up then and showed a new lodger around the room and decided that I was feeling remarkably well. How strange. I was still all shaky, so I drank some milk and then sucked the milky bar I had bought earlier. No problem. Then I cooked the dinner for everyone and laid the table and sat down to chilli con carne. There was NO way I could eat that in a million years. I had a few mouthfuls but knew immediately I had to HMS. I should have just not bothered, but I was hungry man! So I thought stuff food, and just drank juice. Later in the evening I had some of the left over bread and butter pudding that I had also made for the brood. This was nice because it was soggy and gooey and slipped down a treat. The shakes subsided and that brought Tuesday to an end. So Tuesdays food consisted of a bit of bread, a slice of salami, 1 chocolate bar and a serving of bread and butter pudding. Crap.

Yesterday? Well it was not too different to be honest, but at least I didn't have the whole "I am gonna chuck my band up through its own stoma" problem.

I got up and decided to have a banana. However, the band decided that this was SO not going to happen, and I managed 1 bite. I waited 30 minutes and then was able to drink a couple of sips of coffee. I was dying of thirst, but I just could do it. We went into town and booked a hall for my concert on the 5th July, and then it was only after maybe 2 or so hours had passed since the banana mystery that I finally drank my cold coffee and a bottle of water to boot. I have a habit of taking my coffee with me in the car because this kind of thing often happens, so it was dutifully waiting for me on our return from the shops.

Lunch ended up being the browning banana I had intended to eat for brekkie, as I wasn't that hungry and couldn't be bothered to do anything else. Then I cooked Puttanesca sauce ready for when I got home from work. and off I toddled. I did a full schedule of lessons and drank 1 cup of tea all afternoon, and when I got home I was starving. I fired up the burners under the pasta and then gathered the masses to feeding time. I managed the most POXY portion. It was about 6 quills of pasta and sauce and then a quick HMS and a 30 minute wait followed by 1 more quill and an olive. Rubbish. But I was satiated which is always the oddest thing to get my head around. It just doesn't seem real to be able to get so full on so little food. I MUST get used to this as this is I think the crux of any weightloss problems I have post banding.

So that was dinner and then about 10pm, I was peckish and I had a few slices of salami whilst playing Sims 2. I took a pint of orange juice to bed with me, and that was yesterday. Banana, pasta, Salami and juice.

Today I am feeling tight too. I knew when I rolled out of bed. I swallowed the last of the orange juice that I took to bed with me, and could 'feel' it. That's always a sure sign that there is absolutely No point whatsoever in bothering with breakfast as its a fight that I will not win.

So, shall update later, but that's it right now. Feeling in need of food big time. It seems a long time since I had a full meal, and I really really miss it. Its the swallowing part I miss most. To swallow a big mouthful just once more, would be really nice.
** The Update**
I am a little bit concerned to be fair... I have been able to eat nothing today. I didn't bother with breakfast as I said, and lunch came and went without me noticing it. Then I made a quiche for tonight's dinner, and went off to work. I was at my pupils house where they always give me food and today they had laid on 2 MASSIVE chunks of french bread with butter and jam and a chocolate bar from Thorntons! Phew. So I took a nice bite and as she left, and as soon as my pupils back was turned, I wrapped one of the slabs of bread and jam in the napkin and stuffed it in my bag. All was ok until I tried at the end of the lesson to quickly down the tea she had made and I knew I wasn't going to make it. I got out of the house and into the car, drove a little way down the road and HMS'd on the road.
Then I did another lesson and then went to the meeting and on the way to the meeting started eating the chocolate bar figuring that it wa nearly 7pm and I haven't eaten all day. Soon as I got to the meeting I HMS'd in the toilet. I am now at home, HMS'ing into the sink after having one of DS's crisps.
I know that all the stuff I am managing to eat is junk. This is half the reason I am trying to eat it, because I actually thought it would go down considering it always has before. I also know there is absolutely no point this side of tomorrow that I could eat anything approaching vegetable or meat based in solid form.
So, here ends yet another day of shit eating, shit eating habits and shitty vomiting and feeling... Shit.
Frankly I don't know what to do. shall I go on liquids for a couple of days or should I just persevere with food? I can at least drink, so I am making sure that I do. I have also been taking my berroca religiously because of this rubbish.
Anyone else ever had this problem? Am I too tight? - and if so... how is that possible since my last fill was ages ago?
Wow, I just don't know what to do. I feel like crying to be honest. I cant console myself in anything that will comfort me. I cant even eat goddamn chocolate!

Monday, 23 June 2008

having a seriously tight day... just when I dont want to

I really want to eat.

Really really really badly!

I went to fat fighters this morning and surveyed the damage I did to my holiday weight gain... 15 stone 9 pounds. Excellent. That's 2 pounds of the gain down the bog.

I took a banana for me and TB to eat after the weigh in, but I managed 1 bite and had to chuck the rest. Half way home I had to stop mid-roadway and puke it up.

Lunch - grabbed some of last nights risotto and some smoked salmon I had in the fridge. Had 2 mouthfuls when Lotse announced that lunch was ready. Gulp. I was already full and about to be sick. I had seen the ominous cauldron bubbling on the stove, but assumed that it was a massive stew for his gigantic appetite and his wife to share. Wrong. His wife made us traditional Hungarian Goulash (pronounced Goo-yash) which we HAD to eat. Double Gulp.

DH said "Quick... go throw that up so you can get a bowl of this down you" and as it would happen that is what I was going to have to do anyway, Goulash or not. so I threw up my 2 spoons of risotto and it had such an air pocket behind it where I must have gulped it down or something, that it actually Hit the sink at the speed of light and pebble-dashed the wall. Great.

My goodness, no wonder I felt as if I had a stone down my gullet. I have never had that before, but it was like a big bubble of air trapped behind a bolus of food. Proper horrid anyway.

So, I sat down to (thankfully) some goulash which I could eat as the soup is very thin and I just left the veg in the bowl. I got away with it thankfully.

I went to work, and have not had any dinner yet... I am just debating what it will be. I had a couple of DS's Jelly beans that my sister gave to him for dreaming up her new website name. They are sitting in there right now, so although I want to stuff my face with chocolates and stuff because I am having PMT from hell and back, I cant.

Friday, 20 June 2008

I am back

and I came home with a little bit more of me that what I went with!

I had an ace time in Malta. It was really lovely and relaxing. Even though we only got home yesterday evening it seems like we have never been away... except for the washing and the size of the kittens! They are massive now. they are also weaned and using the litter tray I think... I haven't seen any evidence of them using the tray, but there is no other evidence if you know what I mean!! HA HA.

So I now weigh 15 stone 11 pounds this morning. I am SO pleased that I didn't get back to 16 stone. I would have died if I had been out of the 15 stones and back up into the 16's. that would have made me eat some serious chocolate!

So back to normal without 15 vodka and lemonades, crisps, burgers and all kinds of ice cream sweets and crap... hopefully I will lose a few this week.

5 pounds is a bit of a brutal amount to put on, but I am not surprised. It was down to drink and ice cream because I didn't eat all that much. I didn't have too many pukes and no bad chokes at all. The first few days in Malta were difficult as the band was SUPER TIGHT. Honestly, it was like an over enthusiastic straitjacket, and I managed to eat barely nothing, so I made sure I drank plenty. All the lemonade was 'full fat' and I let it go nice and flat and drank that, orange juice, which in fact was more like sunny delight... so I guess really sugar loaded, wine, vodka and lots of cappuccino and of course bottle water too. I hate flat coke, so the only diet drink that I could have had I don't like and refuse to drink.

Whilst there I found an excellent breakfast was (in this order):
2 small glasses of orange juice (Sunny D style)
2 espresso's with cold milk (I use espresso in the loosest possible terms!)
1 slice of nimble style bread and butter with
3 slices of salami (Danish style).

anywhere between 2 bites and a whole burger
or a packet of crisps

anything from 3 calamari to a whole plate of ratatouille
if its wet I can eat it... ratatouille or veg with gravy or mash potato with gravy etc.
if its dry I can eat a bit - palm of the hand size.

Meat seems to be a bit of a no no unless I eat it with some kind of vegetable in the same mouthful. A mouthful now-a-days is about the size of a prawn or 6 peas.

So there we go. All terribly interesting I am sure!

I will take a new photo when I get a bit lower and post it on. Meanwhile you can check out this claim to fame photo of me and DS with Glynn from Big Brother 2006. He was staying in our hotel with his Mum and Dad. Lovely lad.

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

See ya'll later

I am off on holiday this evening. Its been a mad crazy week in my life, so sorry about not blogging before now, and sorry that this post is short! Getting ready for utter relaxation takes it out of one!