Monday, 19 January 2009

Pain pain pain...

I had my fill yesterday, which went well. There was some evaporative loss, and Wendy re adjusted the volume in my band calculation to 6.5mls. There were no air bubbles, the fluid was clear and everything was otherwise fine, so nothing to worry about. She gave me another 0.5mls on top of the amount taking me to 7mls total.

I want this to be the one that starts me on that slope again. It does seem that because of being too tight back in August, it was due to swelling and aggravation rather than actually being filled too tight as I was only at 5.5mls or something. Anyway, 7mls is a normal amount for a bandit, and seeings as I was losing and regaining the same couple of pounds over the last 3 months, this one should tip that balance the other way. I hope so.

its half 11 in the morning and I have had my berocca and a yoghurt and I am not hungry. I am not saying that this is a difference, because I am never usually hungry in the mornings, but I am just logging it for my own knowledge in the future.

I do seem to be someone who suffers from painful fills. It feels like I have been stabbed and I have to be all precious and hold my port site carefully whilst walking about. I hope that it doesn't last too long this time, but its usually a couple of days whatever. At least I know that there is nothing wrong.

Because of the crap that happened with my band, there is always this niggling paranoia that its not working, or its broken. I just cant get that trust back no matter that its been a year since it was all fixed up.

I have also thought of a different way to view my weightloss expedition. Rather than thinking about it since banding, I should really be thinking about it since starting this expedition back in 2005 when I weighed 18 stone 12 and a half pounds. When I think about that, it makes me feel a lot better. The time frame is not a factor to me, its the actually pounds lost that makes me feel good. Because I have only lost about 14 pounds with the band, it makes me feel a bit crap, but I have actually lost 30 or so since I started this. Considering I want to be about 12 stone, this means I am about a 3rd of the way there, and this puts a hell of a lot more positive spin on things. The mind is a powerful tool isn't it.

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