Monday, 12 May 2008

Giving myself the feel good factor

This time last month I was 16 stone 1
That's 5 pounds off in a month. Coooooool.

I am officially at my 6 month mark today. I have lost 32 pounds in 6 months.

I have to forget about the whole year that was wasted before this.

I should be feeling BLOODY FABULOUS right now. 32 pounds in 6 months??? UNBELIEVABLE Without dieting??? Its a MIRACLE.

But I am not feeling fabulous because of the wasted time I went through for 8 months putting all that fat back on again when it broke. How can I forget about it. this time last year I was feeling THE BUSINESS. I was full of confidence and self assured and all was right with the world. I had lost less than I have now at that time, but I felt better then than now.

the band break was a really disastrous thing to happen. It has made the process seem very very very slow... and actually...

I AM DOING BETTER THAN I WAS LAST TIME!

I am gonna try and think positively about it, and consider the second operation a completely different operation... maybe I can think of it like I had a better band put in, or an upgrade or something and then I might feel less annoyed at the whole breakage debacle.

I am feeling better just writing this actually. I am feeling really good at losing 32 pounds... 2 stone 4!! WOW in just 6 months without starving myself or having to combine different types of foods or cut out this or that. This is the most wonderful invention and I have to start believing in myself that I actually AM going to be slim... slimmer than I ever felt possible. I have to also believe that the band is NOT going to break. I am looking forward to May 21st with a feeling of dread. I am not superstitious, and I am not thinking that something will happen at all, but the thought that last year on the 21st May I was in such agonising pain and no one found out... makes me want to throw up. How did the leave me like that. I had x-rays and scans and all kinds and NO ONE SAID ANYTHING. They must have seen it as I saw it clear as a bloody bell and I'm no doctor. It makes me feel terrible.

But 32 pounds... when this thing is working its working like a wonder horse!

Dare I think about buying smaller clothes yet?? Everything is hanging off me... but I am so loathe to buy new stuff in case I cry like an idiot or something that it either fits or doesn't or whatever. God I feel like a complete emotional wreck today.

I repeat... I am 6 months out of my band upgrade (Hmm feels good)
I am 32 pounds lighter.

I feel GREAT.

Better post my 6 month photo I guess!!! check out my photo log later.

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