Friday, 10 August 2012

105's...

Yes, the 105kgs are here...

I hardly registered that I was in the 106's as they were gone in a flash!

How is that possible that some numbers stick around for ages, but others fly by and you can hardly remember them? Weird.

Anyway, yesterday I was 105.9kgs and today I am safely in the middle at 105.6kgs.

I really hope that they wont be around long either and I could possible be in the 104's by the end of next week.

I am super charged and so excited by the weightloss that I can hardly think of anything else, which is very very VERY good right now.




These are my new gym trainers. They are the ugliest trainers I have ever seen. They are covered in ziggy zaggy flashy blues, silver and blacks all busy busy and horrible. They are Men's too as I am a 9 and you simply cant buy Women's trainers above an 8 in a shop - you need to get them online and I need to try them on right? it just sucks in England if you have amazonian feet and happen to be a woman. (as a side line - it might also be that I live in the back of beyond!)

I would NEVER have bought them in a zillion years had they not been the lightest, lighter than fluffy marshmallow, comfy squidgy soled beauties that they are!!

So, they get to come with me each time I work out and I love them!

I am in good solid gym routine of Monday, Wednesday, Friday and the occasional Saturday. Its working for sure. Since I restarted the gym at the beginning of July I have been shifting a lot more fat from me carcass.

When I am on that treadmill listening to pumping tunes - personally selected for getting me going and that have kind of inspirational words in there too - I visualise myself on holiday at Xmas. I am wearing a red bikini and I don't give a SHIT!

I am just 1 stone heavier than my lowest weight ever and I can freaking smell it baby!!!!!!!!

It seemed a million miles away. I never thought it would be within reach again ever, but here it is... just 8kgs away if that.

We are not just going away at Xmas... there is a small interim goal in 7th October. Mum and Dad have paid for us to go on a 4 day break to Majorca! That's only 8 weeks away, so you never know, I could be at my lowest ever by then!! That would be so awesome.

I don't know if we will see Mum and Dad before we go, so when they next see me I will be a lot slimmer than I was! That will please them as they know I am really trying hard. I am already 3kgs lower than when I saw them last!

But I don't want to get bogged down with thinking too far ahead. Its important for me to have my future image in my head, but not to think to definitively about when that will be.

I think sometimes we focus on the end goal and its too massive to contemplate and then we get disheartened. I thank Linda (my guru) for helping me to see that its a weekly competition with myself... My aim is 1kg and I am stoke if I reach that, and not actually too worried if its only half a kg as it still seems like a massive achievement.

I am driven, and feel empowered to get my goal and slam it home. This is a very very big first in my life as even when I had my band initially all those years ago I never felt like this. It was never me. It was never me physically changing and doing something myself... it was the band doing it in spite of me!

Even when I was at slimmingworld the first couple of years back in 2005... I would eat shit and then wonder why I had gained. Then on weeks where I hadn't eaten so much shit, but still actually eaten shit I would lose... this just baffled me further! I didn't at any time think I had to get it together. I, me, myself, personal. It was just like I was in a bubble being bounced around by my cravings.

Since May my cravings have changed. I crave my new body like I can hardly breathe. I crave how good I will feel being able to do stuff. I crave feeling 'normal' and crave people treating me better.

I am absolutely loving the comments I am getting about losing weight. I have lost over 16kgs now and its starting to show. The first 8 or so where quite slowly won, so no one really noticed but these last 8 have come off in a matter of months and people who haven't seen me since May are like "WOW!" which is the best feeling ever.

I don't even feel like I am on a diet. Its the BEST diet in the world.

I mean look at this stuff!! this was my food the other day...


This is 1500 calories of food.

2 slices of thick white bread with 1 whole sausage of liver and bacon pate.
1 large bowl of salad with watercress, spinach, rocket, lettuce leaves, tomato, onions and avocado.
1 home made salad dressing - 1tbsp olive oil, 1 tbsp honey, 1 tbsp white wine vinegar
1 whole punnet of strawberries (350g the big punnets!) and 150mls of real full fat single cream
2 - yes 2 - Dairy Milk chocolate bars
2 or 3 gin and tonics for the evenings wind down (30ml measures)

Now, seriously does that sound diet to you? I could have had more but I was in a chocolate day so 'spent' 410 calories on chocolate. I could easily had another round of sarnies or another meal!

However... I could NOT NEVER NO HOW think I could have done this (or be doing this) without the band. I dont feel hungry at all and that is the single biggest thing to get me through.

My mother decided to give the Under BMR diet a go and she says although she has lost 6 ponds in so many weeks (and not fat anyway), she is starving all the time. She has to eat 980 a day and is struggling.

I eat 1500 a day and its a breeeeeeeze.

All I wish, and my only regret, is that I didn't cop on to this earlier. Thank You Jonathan Vernon Smith and BBC 3 Counties Radio as I seriously think you saved my life!

And of course, thank you all for sticking by me and listening to 5 years of whingeing on.

Another evening this was my dinner... Pepperoni Pizza Pie, green salad and dressing and a whole punnet of strawberries and a tub of Greek Yoghurt. My 2 shots of gin goes down a treat - even though it does sound worse switching wine for gin... (sounds like a slippery slope right?) but I have slashed my weekly alcohol units beyond belief. Instead of drinking 2 or 3 bottles of wine per week (18-27 units which is above the UK guidelines) I now how 14 or less, which is well within! Brilliant!



 

2 comments:

  1. Bloody well done Bunny!! I'm so pleased for you. I do agree with not looking too far ahead, though it's tempting. Small goals all add up. Hurray for Bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Caroline

    ReplyDelete