Sunday, 30 January 2011

Super teeeeee-ight & thank you

Well, things had settled immensely after the orange juice debacle yesterday, but we went to a friends for dinner in the evening. She had made 4 courses. This obviously strikes feelings of deep doom into bandsters around the globe, even one as slack and shizzy at it as me - especially after a fill! GULP

I knew that I was never going to be able to eat much, if anything, so as she served up, and I glugged some green tea (I had come armed with my pot and leaves!). I had a little nibble of a tiny asparagus spear in anchovy butter. It was... not the most pleasant of dishes I must admit. I had about 3 tips and then stopped as I felt chogged, even though I had pureed it to death and back in my mouth and drank, and waited and breathed and all those little tricks.


It came back at me, and I passed on the soup, the beef stew and rice and also the caramel cheese cake. I Even       
Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn        
                                                   Passed on the WINE!

Yes it was a spectacular fail and I felt like a leper.

So we came home, after having actually a really really fun evening, food or no, to that time of day called:
"Try and take my tablets after a fill"
Its always a fabulous sort of family horror event, and last night  took the Golden Globes and Oscars in a clean sweep! 

By the end of the dinner party I was consuming a little water, had half a glass of red, and a little black tea relatively okay... so I thought I might as well give it a bash. Now I am not very good at taking tablets 'dry' so I have to have quite a lot of fluid. I thought that things were OK - there was some glugging, gurgling, belching, blopering going on in there at that special cleavage region of the chest, so I swallowed em down. After 2 minutes, I had to hurl. 

I take high doses of Gabaentin, Tolterodine and other concoctions for my lupus and my criminal piston pain (that's my word for the urethra for those new here) and I HAVE to take them or I start going into withdrawal. If I miss them, it only takes 2 days for me to be a twitching wreck trying to score a hit! I never miss taking them though - mainly because I am addicted to them so I never EVER forget!! These are the only tablets I have never forgotten. My body simply knows when it's time for pills!! HAHA  They are an Opiate based and nasty and am on em for life. So you can imagine that the thought of not taking these pills is like totally alien to my being. 

However, hurling these beauties is G R I M  I honestly could not believe the taste, it was unreal! I puked as only a bandit knows how, then it was immediately followed by a massive spasm of REAL vomiting and then proper dry retchy heaving for 30 seconds on the afterkillertaste! OH WOW! They were so bad, and kinda spicy and burny and frothy and hell like and tasted like death itself. 

Honestly, I have tasted some foul junk before, but this was on a new level. I swilled my mouth out fast with TCP mouthwash just to take the taste away. I hate it, but less than that mank! TCP was the only thing I could think of that would take the taste away and disguise it completely and luckily (!?) I only bought it the other day for my sore throat. Small merices!

DH said afterwards that the heaved pills stank the kitchen out like dead fish. Truly scary times. I have oft been tempted to make it easier after fills by opening the cases on the pills and just mixing them with water or something, but this has given me the whole answer in full. That's is not EVER happening. 
So after this headache, and a quick email to Jane that I needed an unfill pronto in the morning, we went to bed. I lay there gurgling the night away and willing myself not to salivate in fear of waking up vomiting. I slept really well strangely, and thought this little 0.5 was not too bad really whilst I slurped on my first cuppa of the day.

At 9am I gave Jane a ring, bless her she must HATE me! I had drunk 2 cups of black tea at this point, so things were looking good, and I thought that I had better let her know things were ok and I would manage. She suggested that I ring back at 2ish and let her know how things were going, which was a massive stroke because things disintegrated from the black tea onwards. 

We went out this morning for a couple of hours and I was sipping thoughout, but I noticed it just starting to slow down through the stoma! I only had a few sips of drink between 9am and 1pm. I was able to drink, it wasn't sticking, or making me sick, but I could just really feel it sitting there for a little longer than was necessary or needed. It felt uncomfortable and like I couldn't relax. I could feel everything going on; I was really aware of having a band and I just thought, you know what? I don't need this. So I called her up and asked if she could take a smidge back out. 

So this afternoon at 4:30 I had 0.2ml taken back out. So I just have an extra 0.3ml instead which I am really happy to have a go with. I could drink immediately although with that nice thunky glug noise which we all know and love, so things are on the march I hope!

On a completely different tack, I have been thinking about Babara and her girls today so much. I think its finally sunk in that Mark has gone and that lovely lady Barbara who has been so strong for so long is just shattered in pieces. I feel so deeply sad for them. I have never met her (or been to boobs cos I am a UK bandit) but I have followed her blog forever. I was so pleased and proud of us bloggers for the over 70 comments I saw on her blog this morning. We all really do pull together and no one is alone in their struggles, whatever they are, in this little world of cyber-reality. 

It takes something like that for us all to realise what we have created, all of us - A massive network of ladies and men from all over the place living their day to day lives with a band. Our lives come into our blogs so often, but I know I always wonder whats the use of telling some of the boring drivel I write about, but this is how Barbara is gonna get a heap of support she would never have known if she hadn't been a blogger or a bandit. If she had thought it was boring, or not of interest to us to know about her husband, her kids, her home and day to day stuff that shes gotten up to over the years, we would not have known about her struggles of late or be able to sense her pain now. We wouldn't have been able to give her the only thing we can - our love and support. 

We never know when we are going to need some kind words, love, prayers, a nudge in the right direction or just to be told to hang in there or that we are doing just fine. Sometimes we get told, and we didn't know we needed it until we see that email flashing with a comment. 

Its a cliche that we take stuff for granted, but I feel like I know so many of you, and I guess it goes the same the other way. That's simply lovely. 

I am glad that I found all of your people who read my blog. I know that when the chips are down, I have friend's to eat them with! 

Love to you all, and it goes without saying but especially to Barbara.  


  1. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, but I'm glad you got an unfill right away and didn't torture yourself.
    I love what you wrote about our community - it's so comforting to know we all have each other.

  2. Very well said Bunny-I have never read Barbara's blog but I have heard through the others what is going on with her and I agree. The support so many of us get here is priceless.

    I hope your band tightness gains perfection. I feel your pain on the dinner out front. have had it myself a time or two and asparagus is an ass with my band (never having it again! was the worst). Can you get your pills in liquid form or crush them? I have been taking my water pills straight up but they are something like 1mm in diameter. Anything else I crush or get in liquid cause the pill hurl is the worst!