Monday, 12 April 2010

And then I was freeeeeee

I did it. i just could NOT take it any more. I had my fluid out.

Ok... not alllll of it, but a lot! I now only have only 4ml in Albert Ladysmith Steptoe, and I am one happy happy HAPPY girl.
I had that 0.5 out about 5 weeks ago, and it was ok... I could drink water and liquids without worrying at last, and trust me that was a sweet relief, but I still was not achieving what I wanted - which was to eat. Not eat crap - eat a variety of foods, chew things to death for sure, but eat them ALL. I wanted to eat a sandwich again if I so wanted. I wanted to have a roast potato, a piece of chicken would be nice occasionally too. I wanted to have carrots, peas and sweetcorn and other luscious veg. Prawns and tuna steaks and egg! I could not believe how much I really really wanted to eat just plain old normal foods.

So after a 4 week trial on 0.5ml out, I had 3ml removed on 3rd April by Jane the band lady. (her website is at www.gastricbandfill.com for your info H - sorry it took me ages to get that to you!!)
I must say that after the 0.5ml was taken out, initially I was able to eat foods again in the first week or so, but funnily enough it seemed to tighten up again in week 2 around my period. It never got slack again and I was back to square one - tight as a ducks bum and twice as nasty! I was having to eat some kind of gravy or home made sauce of some kind to get anything down worth an ounce of nutrition, and I was reverting to junk again big time.
Doing the shop up was stressful as I was foreman, donkey, holder of the purse strings, front of house and dogsbody all at the same time. It was hard doing it on one bite of this, one bite of that, and I was grazing like a cow in pasture.
I was miserable and fed up and after 3 years with fuck all weightloss I had had enough to be frank.

After having the blissful 3ml out I went up by 7 pounds practically overnight. It was probably only to do with the fact that I could eat a full meal 3 times a day really, but the weight gain has stopped now and this week I have lost a pound without even trying. The band is still doing something to me, or has shrunk my stomach, as my portions are not near what they used to be and I am only hungry three times a day as opposed to all day long before the band, or never hungry when I was at 7.5mls full.
Me and TB also started another Slimmingworld class last Thursday and its in a completely different town with no overlap and no one we know. No one knows who we are, or that I have a band and we even changed out surnames (I am NOT kidding!!) so that it could not be traced either. I am fed up of people judging me in some way or another about having the band.

I have been very unhappy with my band, but I have to say I think its because I had the terrible problems with it in the beginning and not becuase it doesnt work. It obviously does work as people are losing weight hand over fist - but not me. I was 18 stone (252lbs) when I had the band, and now I am 17 stone 4lb (242lbs) - thats 10lbs in over 3 years.

So, I am going to give myself a god-damn break. I am fed up with criticizing myself, my band and letting my own wacko brain imagine what people are thinking about me; I am just going to be normal for a change. I need to rest that stoma & pouch of mine and let it plump, fluff, re-juice or whatever it needs to do so that I can maybe (and I do mean maybe) re open that little toolbox later on down the road.

At the moment, I am going to give slimmingworld another good go. I am still going to remain msg free because I have found so many benefits from withholding it from my diet - sleeping better, more alert in the morning and a general sense of wellbeing + much more. That will be hard to do, but I can do a diet without the need for fat free yoghurt or low fat products no problem.
Can you believe that I nearly wept when I ate an apple the other day. It was sooooo yummy. I haven't been able to eat apple for at least a year. That's so not right. I know bandsters who are losing and happy and eat a variety of foods, so that means my band was too tight by far as most food was off limits, or I had to go to some great length to limber up my hole to get a morsel down.
So for the mo, I am happy being unrestricted, and I am going for it with slimmingworld. Thankfully the hunger pangs are under control because there is still 4ml in my band which helps with that I am sure. We shall see.

I also had another appointment at the hospital re my errant 'piss-ton' as we refer to it! I hate calling it a urethra or pee hole, so we thought Piston was just fabulous!! Apparently there is nothing else they can do surgically to stop my bladder pain which differs to cause me 'piston pain'. Thats good then. So as I was about to leave I mentioned again to him that I might try going back on my antidepessant pills because I never had any greif when I took them, and he went "Oh yeah!" and then I sat back down as he 'remembered' that he was going to prescribe me amitryptaline. Amitriptaline???????? OMFG!!!!!

As the cold sweat subsided and I regained composure and asked him if that was really necessary, he said it was just going to be a low dose 20mg or so. Phew!! However when I picked up the tablets from the hospital pharmacy they said "lucky its a bank holiday weekend hey?"
Yeah... side effect city. Oh man, Sunday I was off my face and Monday wasnt much better. I am only just about getting there now but it HAS sorted it. I have no piston pain at all. I dont mind feeling drunk all day long if I dont have piston trouble!! HAHA

So I am on psycho trippy drugs and have an unfilled band.... hee hee heeeeee not a good time to have tablets that give you the munchies!!!

Spacious dude
The shop is all finished, heres the result:




4 comments:

  1. I'm glad you're feeling better with some fluid out. You need to eat and do what is best for you.
    The shop looks great - wish I was close so I could stop by.

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  2. wow the shop looks adorable and if getting the fluid out gives you a needed break than that is what you should do. and ai chewowa-stoned or painful piston...thats a sucky choice. :) good luck with everything.

    Tina

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  3. Bunny, whenever I read your clinical stories (with crossed legs) I'm struck by the fact that it must be very difficult to fight on two fronts at once, and yet that never seemed to be an issue with you, until now. I think you should sort out (or stabilise, or whatever you call it) the bladder problem first - so I applaud that you've removed some fill. And particularly as you haven't had the band removed altogether, so you're not discounting calling upon it again in the future. It can just lie dormant till you want to think about it again.
    And you like to eat healthily, so maybe you can maintain the weight you are now....
    I think you're very brave, mon brave.
    Caroline

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  4. Hey Bunny- I think you're doing what's right for you and that's all you can and should do ;-)

    The shop looks AMAZING. Really chic.

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