Fat and Ugly

Fat and ugly
Off to the weighbridge this morning. Will have a little wager that I have put on about 6lbs in the last 2 weeks. I have lost the will to live (aka Diet). For DH its easy to do a diet as he just says "Honey, Can you do something a little less fattening, you are a sweety" and he gets it. When i go on a diet its me who has to cook. DH has to think and plan one meal... Lunch. I have to think about all the rest for not just me, but DH and DS too! I dont think i have the mental powers to dream up another way of making some boring bland muck taste half way decent.
I have done it for 23 weeks and I have lost 1 stone 5 and a half. This should feel good. it does not. CRAP. Lost one stone 2 by June and havent really gotten any further along really. I feel like I have done it twice and I dont know how I am gonna get out of this rut. I always loose about 1.7 stone and then its an uphill struggle. I lose the power, the drive and the mental capacity to plan nutricious healthy low fat meal when i want a BIG MAC and FRIES, or CHINESE, INDIAN, THAI, 6 YORKIE BARS, COFFEE WITH 3 SUGARS AND FULL FAT MILK, LURPAK ON MY BREAD (THICK!) WITH JAM and not that Nimble "how can we hold air together" stuff, NO! NICE JUST OUT OF THE OVEN CRUSTY BREAD, ICE CREAM, PENNY SWEETS, PIZZA, FRIED EGGS AND HASH BROWNS (FRIED!)CAKE AND CAKE AND CAKE AND ICING AND MARZIPAN AND MARSHMELLOWS (OR SMORES EVEN!!) AND CRISPS AND FULL FAT COKE (DIET COKE TASTES LIKE CRAPO!), CROISANTS, A BOTTLE OF WINE, PANCAKES AND SYRUP, FISH AND CHIPS, KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN, POPCORN - THE SWEET ONE! AND MALTESERS AND MINSTRELS AND DOUGHNUTS...
OH DOUGHNUTS I LOVE YOU

AND A FRESHLY MADE SANDWICH WITH EGG AND CRESS AND MAYONAISE IN IT, AND A FRESH SANDWICH FROM THE BAKERY EVERY DAY UNTIL I DROP DEAD FROM A HEART ATTACK/STROKE. AT LEAST I WILL HAVE ENJOYED ME RUDDY SELF!

THINKIGN ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING THAT PASSES MY LIPS IS NOT LIVING. IT IS EXISTING. SO MUCH FOR IT BECOMING THE NEW ME AND ALL THAT MALARKY. IT HASNT. ITS THE SAME OLD ME BURIED UNDER AND BLANKET OF MODERN OPINIONS. WELL THE DUVETS ON THE FLOOR AND I WANT TO PULL IT BACK ON BUT HAVING GONE THROUGH SUCH DEPRAVATION OF MY BLESSED HALLOWED FAT AND SUGAR FOR MONTHS, I HAVE NOT GOT THE ENERGY!