Hate self
Feel crud
Am stressed beyond control.
Put on 1 and a half pounds this week.
And yes I KNOW it is *star* week... but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I am able to eat too much.
What banded patient with 5mls in their band can eat 2 Massive bowls of cereal and not even feel full....??? Hmmmm?? That's right. There isn't one. What about a big curry and rice and then later on second helpings. What about a whole meal and then pudding?
Jeeez I need some help man!
I tried in vain all day to make an appointment for a fill with various companies, and basically not a lot will do it.
A place in Winchester will do it for £260 (Gulp!) but not until 9th June.
Rubbish
Another company will do it if I buy their aftercare package. £1450.00 (GULP GULP GULP!)
Another place will do it if I pay £270 for the fill and £250 for the surgeon consult.
GRRRRRRRRRR
So basically I am stuck with it and wait until I get back from Sri lanka where I shall eat my way around the Island and come back as a bloated crispy fried English woman. I am SO worried about this. I have self control but for Gods sake, I wouldn't have had the band if I had been able to control myself that well would I?????? I have no idea why Dr. Clayson wont fill me before 6 weeks are up. Even Cisca at www.obesitycare.co.uk which is the company I had my band done through said its usually about 2 - 3 weeks between fills. Even Dillemans said that to me himself!!! I thought this guy worked in close connection with these people. The bloke Dr Dovey in Barnes will fill you up when ever you cross his hand with silver too. I mean we are paying for this! I need restriction or I will have to slash my wrists!!
I did talk to Dr. Clayson and he tried hard to reassure me. I wish he would get another secretary as his one is a bolshy cow to the Nth degree. She has a serious superiority complex.
Anyway, Dr. C told me that a lot of people go through this. Its normal.. don't worry, relax bla bla bla but for GODS SAKE. I am paying him £75 to fill me so I lose weigh, but I don't!!!! I am not made of flaming money. All I feel is its £75 wasted... I mean I don't know this guy do I really. He could be just jabbing a needle in me and making some kind of sick psychological test and in 2 years turn round and say "oh yeah, you know you have had 10 fills from me... actually you lost weight with the power of your mind" or some crap like that.
Am I insane???? Does anyone else doubt their doctors like this?? I pay £75 I want results NOW baby. Not in 6 months time.
How do I know that hes not milking it and that actually you can shove 10 ml straight in there and crack on, but that would only cost £75 rather than the £ 375 they can bleed you with if they spoon feed you the fill 1ml at a time bull shit.
Sorry I am just mad.
Anyway,
Hateful day,
Hate everyone and his dog.
Going to boil head
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH!
Boy Bunny, I really wish I had some words of hope for you. I'm so far on the other end of the spectrum. My insurance is paying 100% for my fills, which I apparently don't need because the instant that I go over .5cc I get sick on everything, and I think I'm slowly starving to death...but dammit, at least I'll be thin when I do.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, you dropped by my blog and asked for a daily food list. A day for me looks something like this:
4:30-5:30 a.m. - Nurse one cup of coffee, although that's been nudging up to 2.
7:30 a.m. - EggBeaters equivalent to 1 egg, 1 strip of bacon, and if my band will let me, half an english muffin, OR 1 packet of oatmeal.
11:30 - Lunch varies, but is usually either soup or chicken/tuna salad on crackers.
2:30 - 100 Calorie pack of cookies.
5:30 or so...Dinner, which is usually my toughest meal to get down because I eat whatever the family is eating, unless I've been sick, in which case I either eat mashed potatoes or soup.
I always have a glass of milk at night.
I've starting having a couple of scoops of half-fat ice cream at night, and my weight loss has slowed by half. I'll probably be giving that up when this carton is gone ;)
That's pretty much it. I know you're frustrated by not feeling full, but one thing you really need to keep in mind is that your pouch only holds 8 ounces maximum...and if you keep stretching it out, you'll have to have another surgery.
Another thing too...I drink whenever I damn well feel like it. My doctor said I could sip liquids during my meal and I do.
The only advice I can give you is to take a couple of bites of your meal and walk away from it for a few minutes. Take a couple of more and walk away again. It takes 20 minutes for your brain to get the message that you're full. Give it time to do so.