Day 19 - Another one bites the dust!

Hello again,

Been to slimming world and I have lost 1lb this week!!! Yippee. So now I have lost 15 pounds in total.

I am glad I only lost 1 pound, as that meant that I could stay to the class today and not feel like a cheat!!

Anyway, I have also joined a yahoo group for people who are banded. Its for people who are living with the band, or considering it. Its great for me as it means that I can share my worries and concerns with others like me.

If you want to join btw you can do so at

Click to join ukbandsters

Day 17

Hello again.... Work went great. DS's fish arrived. The Siamese fighting fish looks a little out of fight to be honest, but we shall monitor the situation.

Today have had Heinz peachy porridge, and a jar of REALLY MANKY turkey and spinach. OMG it was foul!!!! I mean seriously bad. EEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH.

I still ate it though. Half a ton of salt and pepper didn't do much to disguise it, but seeing as I was shattered after work, and starving hungry, I couldn't be bothered to make anything else, so I had anyway. Now that is a VERY strange thing.

The pre-band me would have ditched anything that was munging and chosen something like a nutrigrain bar, pot noodle or other quick snack. But I have found that even though its really really disgustingly UN-tasty I still eat these things.... AND I don't seem to want anything else either. Very strange. I really think that my mind is eating to live, rather than living to eat. This may change, but I hope not.

I was not conscious of this massive shift in thinking until today. It doesn't seem to matter what I eat, as long as its easy to eat and fills me up (i.e. anything then!). This is a major shock to me, as I thought, REALLY thought, that I loved food. But I think I loved the way food feels as it goes down my throat rather than the actual taste.

I never savoured my food. 2 chews - gone! So I cant have loved the taste could I. So I think it was the feeling the food gave me... the dopamine high of having a full stomach. So now, because I am full (and I mean 3 course meal kind of full to you unbanded people out there) after drinking a cup of coffee, my brain seems to be getting what it needs.... its drug if you like... which is the FULL feeling. I think I am addicted to feeling full.... That's maybe why I always associate guilt with feeling full NOW. I still feel in my head that I am going to put on weight... I don't have the confidence as for SOOOoooo many years the full feeling means I am loading on lbs.. But I CANT possibly put on weight with this band at the moment, as I am eating practically nothing at all!.

I have figured my problem out. Yep. Its making sense. The band gives me what I need, so now it doesn't matter what I eat... gross out food or nice food. Its just food. I feel full, and THAT is why I have never been able to lose weight before, because I constantly have to feel warm and snugly inside and FULL.

BINGO. This is a serious revelation to me. It is totally the opposite of why I thought I couldn't lose it... hormones, will power... etc etc. Even though I was doing slimmingworld, I could eat as much as I want, and when ever I want. that was the 'beauty' of the diet they said. Well for me that was a nail in my fat coffin obviously. I am one of those people who eats too much, so an all you can eat diet was NEVER going to work in the long run for me.

I always thought my portions were normal, but now looking back, I can see they were way off.

Portion Control.

Pre Band I could not control the size of my portions because I needed to feel not just comfortable, but FULL. Go to sleep full. It made me feel good. I had to feel like that at least once a day. So without this band, I know that I would not have been ever able to control that desire. I know that for sure. I am glad I have worked this through in my mind as it has really been bugging me why I can sit and eat a jar of FOUL baby food and not throw it in the bin, or even want something else that's nice... like a treat. It does not bother me in the slightest any more.

Without this band I wouldnt have even worked out what the problem was.

Yep, I have found out what my problem was exactly. I am addicted to feeling full. Well now I have no problem getting my high!!!!

Sorted.

No doubt everyone is different, but I know this is honestly where my diet flaw was.

HOORAY FOR BANDLAND!

Day 15 post op

Yesterday was an average day.

Had a coffee and then some Heinz Peachy Porridge for 10 month olds for breakfast. It had little bits in to encourage chewing!! :o) I seriously never thought I would ever buy this stuff again!! So funny to think that 30 years after being weaned, I am having it again!!

After brekkie, DS and I went to a pottery shop and made a memorial tile for our dog who died. We have planted a tree on top of him, and DS wanted to make a tile to lay in the ground. So we did that. It will be ready on Saturday.

I had a couple of cartons of orange juice during the morning, and then for lunch I had
Cow and Gate's Tasty Tuna Penne for 10 month olds.

Yes... well.... Tasty is not a word I would use. Tuna, I guess, could be loosely used, and penne? No. It was triangular pasta blobs.

Honestly, this was pretty grim. No wonder DS refused these jars when he was that age. I ate it, dont get me wrong, but it was so mindlessly samey all the way through. No wonder kids screw there noses up at yet another mouthful of mashed muck. I wont be having any more kids, but if I did, I would go down a whole new approach. Kids like tasty things too, and mixing 7 different flavours together is maybe nice for 1 or 2 mouthfuls, but 25 mouthfuls? I would definitely make each flavour individual on the plate... spoon of mashed veg, spoon of gravy, spoon of mashed meat or whatever so that they can at least eat different things during the same meal. In fact I think that IS what I used to do for DS.

Yeah, now I think about it, I used to give him individual mashed bits of what we had. I guess theres no right or wrong way to wean children, but how many people actually eat a jar of baby food as an adult? Try it. You will see what I mean. There has to be something nicer than that. Maybe that is why DS has never had a problem eating. I thought it was luck... We dont get another chance, so we will never know I guess...

Its like buying a really good face cream and only ever creaming half of your face. By the time you are 80 you will find out if it was worth using face cream every day.... but who is going to risk having half their face look ropey. At 80 you haven't got time to fix it!

Anyway, off of soap box....

The Cow and Gate mank did fill me up, and then me and DS went fr a lie down, as he was feeling really down after doing the tile for our doggy. He was missing him terribly and was cradling his 'Pot of Cliff ' - This is a little screw top pot which, after Cliff died, he used to collect Cliff's moulted fur in so that he will still sort of be there with him. Its basically a pot of fluff. Before you ask, no I dont give him these ideas. He is a very sensitive chap. When we put Cliff in kennels for the first time, DS put his old dog collar around his neck and wore it for the 2 weeks we were in America. He was 4 years old then. He looked real hard core.

So we were talking, as you do, about another dog. This is a bit of a dodgy subject:

our views: Darling Husband = No more dogs
ME= No more dogs.....
Darling Son - 25 dogs please!

.....until I see DS's little face and then I melt and say we will think about it after we get back from Sri Lanka in May. HELLOOOOO!!!???!!! I must be mad!

So DS was discussing what we were going to call our new dog... which we have absolutely no intention of getting.... and then he mentioned that he would like some FISH....

I JUMPED at this idea, and said I LOVED fish, RAVED about them and ENTHUSED and all things positive about fish!!!!!!

Then he said "But if we get fish, we wont be able to get a dog too will we...?"

"No, I doubt it. The fish will be so lovely we might not make enough time for a dog. But hey! At least the fish wont bother my allergies!"

"That's true."

"But I reckon Daddy would let us get away with fish AND another cat though..."

"Would he???? Yeah! That would be great! And that wouldn't upset your allergies mum would it. If we got another cat, could we call it Timothy?"

"Yeah, that's a cool name for a cat. If we got fish, we also wouldn't have to wait until after Sri Lanka, and you might start feeling better about Cliff then."

"When could we get some?"

"Right now if that's what you decide. Remember though, it means you wont get another dog..? But you will have something to love today...?"

"YEAH! LETS GO!"

And then he spent the whole journey, bless his heart, justifying how good it would be to have fish rather than a dog. He is such a lovely boy. We chose our tank, which is now installed in his room, and a large broken submarine for the ornament and we have filled it with water. Its all up and running and ready for our fish, which will be here on Saturday. I got them from the Internet as they were better quality and price. We will have a Red Male Siamese Fighting Fish (no it wont fight the other fish), 10 tetra's, 10 Rasbora's and 2 Sliver Dollars.

So far we have had no tears at all which is a significant improvement!

Told DH about the new arrangement and he was VERY relieved. He was also pleased about the cat. One more wont make much difference! He loves cats too, so we are all happy now.

Then after all the excitement I was a bit peckish, so I had a pot of custard. Then at about 8pm we had tea. DH wasnt in till late yesterday as he had a late start, so I made him and DS corned beef and mash potato and I had one of those steamed fish jobs from tesco... Salmon in Watercress with a small dollop of mash. I managed most of it. I have definitely noticed I am having to eat more before I am full now. No wonder you need a fill, otherwise the weight loss would steady out or stop eventually. Its such a clever thing.

So not much on the food front...

Peachy porridge, jar of baby food, 2 orange juices, salmon and mash. I dont think I am going to get very fat on that!


P.S... This was a cool thng I discovered... find out what your REAL pirate name is!!

My pirate name is:

Mad Charity Cash

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

13 Days post op - Off to the Doctor

Well, I plucked up the courage to go to my GP today and hand in the letter from Dr. Dillemans. I handed it over and he was actually very positive. I wondered if he would be off hand, or enthusiastic, so I am glad he was the latter.

He then told me that he had actually been in the theatre during the first procedure of this time at a big teaching hospital where I live. That was nice to know, so he was fully behind the operation and knew that it worked. e also said that if I need anything else, just pop back and let them know.

The nurse chopped away at some of the cat gut that was sticking out of my scars, and even though I can still feel a little bit of it, she said that it will actually dissolve on the inside and then just come away, which is good.

They are all healing well except for the port site, and that is a bit weepy and sore. I have covered it up again so that it can heal a little more.

So there you go. He told me well done, and that I had made a good investment for my future and that I was brave to have done it.

Today I have had another new food.... scrambled egg.

I had some baby rice called Heinz fruit and yoghurt first, which I made quite sloppy, and then had 1 scrambled egg. It was good. Filled me up and thats what I want.

I had a jar of something revolting for my lunch, and am now enjoying a glass of orange juice.

I am enjoying the experimentation.

My teeth are all furry again, havent been chewing anything today really, so must go and brush them. That is the only thing that is a bit grim when you dont chew... the all over furry teeth. Ewwww.

12 days post op - 1 stone lighter!!

I am so amazingly thrilled that I could cry. I lost 5 and a half pounds this week, taking my total weight loss since surgery to 1 stone (12 lbs).

That's more than 1 pound a day!

Obviously I wont keep losing such a great deal, but its nice to know that its working. I feel fabulous.

The lowest weight I have been since starting slimming world is 16 stone 8 and a half pounds. I am now 17 stone exactly. I could feasibly be lighter that 16 stone 8 and a half by next Monday. I know I would be over the moon if I was, but I am not bothered if I am not because I simply know that I will definitely be below it very soon because I can now control what I eat.

I am looking forward to the new me.

10 days post op

Seeing as its 10 days since the operation, I thought I would be a little more adventurous with my food.

This evening I made pasta with pesto, red peppers, tomato and Parmesan. Wooooooo!

The pasta was from Hungary. I bought it when I was there last month as it looked perfect for my post-op diet. Its basically tiny 2mm blobs of pasta that swell a little when cooked. I guess they use it in soup or for baby food. It boiled really quickly in 5 minutes, so its nice to know its a quick meal if I need it. I had no idea how much to use, so I put in about 50 grams of it. When it was done I put a teaspoon of pesto with it and a quarter of a soft boiled red pepper and the flesh of the tomato and sprinkled it with Parmesan. There was quite a lot there, and I was right to think that I wouldn't finish it. I managed about half. so next time, I will be sure just to use 25 grams of the pasta!!

Anyway, it was delicious.

Before the operation I was worried that I would be looking longingly at other peoples meals, or that I would still want the rest of the meal I had left on my plate but not able to eat it.

I realise the BEAUTY of this gastric band is that I feel neither of those things.

I eat my food slowly, enjoying it with everyone else. I fill up quickly and the fullness really does mean that i don't WANT any more food. Not mine, or anyone else's either!

Gastric Banding is like magic. They say its no magic cure, and I am sure it is not, but it is a magic tool. Its like no other tool around. It is impossible for me to over eat. That was my problem, and now its not. I couldn't care less for cakes, sweets or milkshakes. Cream and sweet things were never my fall downs. I like savory things. And lots of them.

I think that if you like the sweet stuff, the Gastric Band is not for you. You could cheat too easily and temptation would be hard to resist. You would be better of with the RNY Gastric Bypass as then you get the malabsorbtion of calories.

The band works best if you are a volume eater. If you love your food and are always hungry, then this is the baby for you.

I could cry at the result. I cannot express my delight at having this operation. I weighed up the other options very carefully, and did my research. I chose the right option for me. I am glad. No doubt the RNY would have been great too, but the Lap Band is just fine. If I had been a sweet lover, then I would have chosen the bypass, but I searched myself and I am a double starter girl rather than a double pudding girl!

The feeling of satiety is the absolute key to this. You just don't WANT the food if you are hungry. I have no cravings for Chinese, or Indian or any of my favorites. DH had a kebab after badminton the other day and because I was full, the thought made me feel ill. However, lets not forget that in the future if I want a kebab, I can have one. I weigh it up against the weight I want to lose and the calories. I will only be able to manage a few bites anyway, and frankly I cant see the point of wasting my capacity for nutrition on something like that. That said, I am not perfect and I expect that at some point I will nibble something naughty. I doubt there is a person alive that doesn't - skinny or fat.

I know that this band will work for me. It makes me quite emotional to think of being slimmer. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was the best thing I ever did in my life.

I weigh in at slimming world tomorrow, and yes, I told the consultant about it. She was very supportive and had actually had a couple of people who had had surgery to aid their obesity. So she is all behind me coming to class, and its just between us. She is right when she says its a tool to help me, because I could sit there and melt mars bars and drink syrup. I still have to make informed choices about the foods which I eat. They also have to be healthy. I would hate my hair and nails to stop growing or my skin to be rubbish.... so I am glad that I can still attend. I didn't think it was fair to just carry on going without telling her.

So I will let you know how much I have lost this week.

Shattered

Well, I got back from Estonia yesterday eventually. We were delayed at Tallinn airport for 7 hours. Easy Jet gave us vouchers worth £10 each to get some food, so I had soup and my travelling buddy and DS had loads of stuff. £30 for 3 people is quite a lot in Estonia!! I had packed my Estonian style milupa porridge stuff, and i mixed it cold with a yogurt and that filed me up. I also managed to eat half a jar of MINGING beef, potato and cauliflower baby food. It smelled like cat poo and tasted not far off either. Filled a whole though. I was supposed to go to work last night too, but I had to cancel because we didnt get back until 7:30pm. I am sort of at work now. I went this morning and did 2 lessons and now I have a break until 12:30 and then I have a new pupil and two regulars. Finish at 4:30 so hope to be able to be back by 5pm for a nice bath and early night. Its shattering me this lack of food. I have worked out that I am ingesting about 300 - 450- calories a day. Thats all. I simply cannot eat any more. I have noticed that I am able to drink a whole lot more now. I dont have the 'drip, drip gurgle gurgle' feeling now when I drink. I can drink a good mouthful of water and swallow it with no feeling at all. I found that out by accident when I forgot to sip slowly, and spent the next few seconds waiting for the pain... no problem. So i guess that my stomach swelling is starting to go down. I can eat at least 15 grams of dry milupa baby rice now, so thats good. I have that for breakfast and make it up with hot water and then a spoonful of jam to make it taste palatable. Its quite pleasant. Very filling too. I had it this morning at 8:30 and I am still fill now at 11:30. Not bad really.

I drink BEFORE I eat. I find that the liquids dont fill me up like they did in the first few days, so I drink my coffee before my breakfast and do it all back to front. I eat the stodgy stuff last. This is seeming to work for me.

While in Estonia I had my first taste of real food again. I had mashed potato and salmon. I masked it to nothing and ate slowly, and I was really surprised at the early satiety. Glad too! I manage about the same amount as you would give to a toddler, maybe 1 small potato and about 30 grams of fish.

I experimented a little more after that. I have had cheese soup with prawns in which I chewed to death without a problem. I managed about 3/4 of a small bowl of that before I felt full.

I am basically going by the rule that if I dont feel hungry I dont eat, just drink. If I am hungry, and its a meal time, then I have a meal. If I am hungry and its not a meal time, then I have a yogurt or something.

I am making sure that I get god habits... 3 meals a day and healthy snacks.

I am weighing in on Monday, and havent a clue about the result. DH and the DH of travelling buddy thought that I had lost weight after being away for 4 days in Estonia. Apparently my face looks thinner.... we shall see.

I hope my Surgery Chums are ok too. If they read this, then comment on how you are doing!!

see ya!

RESULTS ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, I cannot believe it.

I went to slimming world today to get weighed. Last time I was weighed was the 5th February. I was 17st 11 and a half pounds.

I was weighed on Wednesday morning in the hospital and I weighed exactly 18 stone.

Today - just 5 days after surgery I weigh 17 Stone 5 and a half pounds!!

That is 8 and a half pounds gone already. Good grief. I am nearly sick with pleasure.


I am going to have a yogurt to celebrate! tee hee.

First day back

Well today i feel ok, but not 100% I haven't taken any pain killers today, which is good i guess. I will take some tonight just in case. I have munched through nearly the whole pack of instant strawberry paracetamol tablets that I bought in Belgium.

I didnt go to the meeting today as I felt rotten. I woke up at 8am, and then went back to sleep again and woke again at 12! I felt weak and tired and could hardly lift my spoon to my lips as i ate my .... wait for it... yogurt! However, after I had finished it I felt a little better.

I caught up on my weeks worth of missed Home and Away's (I LOVE IT) and then some brothers and sisters from the congregation came around. First J and her husband popped around and later J and his daughters. Then K and C popped in too. Its was really lovely. I had C on the phone for an hour checking I was ok and had lots of emails to reply to, as some people didn't know I was having an op. Only R, C, J and M know from the hall that I have had the band. I don't think its anyone else's business, and I feel embarrassed that I have had to go to these lengths to get my weight under control. So thats that. Its all over and done with and I am on the mend. YAY! I cannot BELIEVE that I have done this. 4 weeks ago I wasnt even thinking about it. Now it done. Hopefully it will be the best £4K i have ever spent.

Day 6 - Brugge -> Heathrow

Travelling Buddy and I went down to breakfast and I had a sachet of honey, a cream cheese, a yogurt and half a cup of coffee. Bloated. Linda had muesli, yogurt, banana, kiwi, 3 cups coffee, scrambled eggs and something else I cant remember! She also got herself a cheese roll for the flight home.

Our taxi picked us up at 9:30. It cost 180 Euros which was just dreadful, but there we go. I had factored it in. It was then that I realised that I hadnt paid for the first taxi to the hotel on day 1. that should have been 130 euros, so maybe i got a bargain; Marc never asked me for the money. I am pretty sure it wasnt included, but maybe it was. I dunno.

The drive took about an hour and then we were at Brussels airport. and uneventful wait of 3 hours and then 45 minute flight back. I was worried about my band being affected by the pressure in the aircraft, but it didnt seem to feel any different at all thank goodness. I had a tomato juice on the plane for my lunch (goodness I cant get over this). Linda had her roll. They gave us free wraps, but of course I couldnt eat it because, well i cant; and Travelling Buddy couldnt because she is vegetarian, and also on a diet, so we took them back for DH and DS.

My 2 boys met us at the airport with hugs and kisses. A bouquet of flowers for me and a lovely watch and a thank you to Travelling Buddy for coming with me.

We drove home and I was hungry by the time I got home. I had half a pot of jelly, and then a yogurt and that was me done.

DH had arranged for some neighbours to come around for the evening, which I couldn't believe!! However we had a nice time and I felt fine. Went to bed and for the first time since the op I was able to sleep on my right hand side. My left side was still too painful, but I hate sleeping on my back so much, that I felt really at home and comfortable in my own bed. I put pillows down the middle so DH wouldn't hug me in the middle of the night by accident and give me agony. He didnt, but says its awful not being able to cuddle up like we usually do, so we held hands all night and linked legs. All together now..." Ahhhhhhhh".

Day 5 - Brugge

Well I was feeling a lot better today. Pain all day, mostly in my shoulder actually, but not too horrific.

For breakfast I had a yogurt. I was full immediately. I could not believe the small amounts of food we were now eating. Full liquid and milk product diet is very odd. Then Travelling Buddy and I waited in the lobby with D and M for the private nurse to come. We sat drinking (sipping) coffee until she came at about 1pm. M and I went back to her room and the nurse changed our dressings for us and that was it.

Travelling buddy and I then decided to have a wander around Brugge. We went slowly and took in the sights. Its such a lovely place. I got a few nice things for my boys... a T shirt for DH and a pair of willow clogs for DS and also some chocolates. I bought some pressies for my Mum and Dad and also for my Brother too.

We stopped off at about 3 in a little cafe place and I had some tomato soup. I ate only half of it. Travelling buddy wasnt hungry and she had had her lunch so she just had a coffee. It was really nice to sit down. I did feel exhausted to be honest. My hips ached. It felt like they were wearing out. My shoulder pain, by the end of the day, was almost unnoticeable thank goodness. I got a twinge of arm ripping now and again, but not too bad.

We went back to the hotel and I had a lie down, phoned DH and DS and my MUM. Travelling Buddy went off to get a few bits on her own and when she got back we made a start on the packing. At about 7pm D and M came round to say goodbye as they were going off home. They didnt see the point in staying another night, so they hopped in the car, the lucky things, and were back at home in Blighty by 11pm.

TravBud and I were sad to see them go and we had really kept each other company and they were such a lovely couple. We promised to get together at some point and we know now that we are both having our band fills on the same day (24th March) at the same centre, so thats good.

After a little supper.... yogurt (HEE HEE) Travelling buddy and I went out on the town again. We wandered all around and stopped in the square to see the film 'In Brugge' being filmed with Colin Farrel and some actress with a French sounding name... maybe Catherine someone or other. I didnt recognise the name. That was quite thrilling. A fire engine had wet all the cobble stones outside the bell tower and the couple were kissing as the camera panned around them. They were doing the scene over and over again and we got bored and walked on.
We walked about a load and were back at the hotel at about 8:30. I had a coffee and TB had a diet coke and then we retired. We sat in the room watching Eastenders and then another programme called Lillies which was really good and then some other tripe and went to sleep.

Day 4 - Brugge - ->Hotel

The following morning M and I were feeling like we had gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson to be honest. The lovely nurse came in and gave us a bottle of water (thats right, bottle of mineral water.. not a jug of tap!!) for us to try to drink a little. If we could drink then she would remove the intravenous drip that was KILLING my arm. I drank. Cheers. She removed it. YAHOO!!!

Until that point it had been totally nill by mouth except for one of those Evian spray canister things which M correctly summed up as 'tasting like Poison'. If I could have laughed and not hurt myself I would have done. It was actually fine according to our companions, but with nothing to eat or drink my breath munged so bad that even toothpaste tasted like death.

A little while later they brought us some breakfast. Custardy vanilla pudding stuff, milk, coffee and a yogurt. God grief. There was no way we could eat it. I felt totally off my food. I ate a little custard type stuff and had a mouthful of coffee but I was just really scared, and to be honest not feeling hungry one little bit.

Dr. Dillemans came to our ward a few minutes into our meal and looked at our dressings. There was a bit of blood on all of them. 4 holes and a slice, so they changed the dressings to waterproof ones and that meant we could have a shower. A shower was urgently needed considering I was pasted from breast to knee with red iodine.

Revelation: Dr Dillemans also told us of how LJ was not allowed to have surgery in the end. He had complained so much, about the meeting on Tuesday, the hotel, the food, the language barrier (what language barrier????)and the hospital procedure and so much questioning that Dr Dillemans decided that he would not want to perform the surgery on him! We were flabbergasted. I don't blame him one little bit. I mean, one little thing wrong and you dont know what LJ would have done. So he sent him packing. I don't think LJ was ready for it anyway. He was a brute of a man. Very sexist and arrogant. He didn't even look nice, he looked venomous and menacing... even when he was smiling. He also looked worried and scared although he swore blue he wasn't and that he was a big hard man and he was this and that and owned this and that. All that bravado showed to me that basically he was scared stiff. The more he protested that he wasn't the more I thought he was. Stupid bloke. He really had not thought through the procedure.

The another Revelation... D had vanished!!! Apparently D, who checked in with us and was wanting to be first on the slab -"Get that band on me no matter what" - had done a runner. They came to get him for surgery and he wasn't there. He never said goodbye to any of us, and vanished without a trace. We heard from Dr. Dillemans that the bloke's wife had written a stinking email to Cisca at the office saying it was the most traumatic experience of his life and no one spoke English and he had no confidence etc etc. What an utter load of crap. The Dutch speak fluent English! I mean everyone even the shop keepers spoke beautiful English. at the end of the day, we are English people in a foreign country. If he didnt want to have it done in Belgium.... then he should not have come. Come on man!!! Basically he was chicken too. didnt want to lose face and made some b****cks up about it being terrible. He didnt even get the surgery! If that was the most traumatic experience of his life, then he has had a very pleasurable life!! Both M and I were both very very shocked that they had both not had the surgery. so at the end of it, M, N and Me - the three girls - went through with it, and the boys chickened out. There is no shame in that, i mean I was questioning my decision all the time, but for goodness sake, just admit to it. Dont make up some rubbish about it being a terrible service, because it wasnt.

So after they changed our dressings we were allowed to go home. I dressed gingerly and we went back to the hotel armed with 10 hypodermic syringes of blood thinners.

If you are considering this operation, be aware that apart from the initial consultation that Marc picked us up for, all the other journeys to and from the hospital you had to make by yourself. D and M drove from the UK and very kindly took us to the hospital and back, and D also took my travelling buddy back from the hospital the night that me and M had to stay in, an brought her back the following morning. If it wasnt for that, because we flew, we would have had to get taxi's costing around 10 Euros a throw or a bus. Their kindness meant that I rested easy knowing my travelling buddy was able to get home and wasnt wandering around Brugge on her own in the dark.

We walked to the car and I developed a very bad pain in my shoulder. If felt like someone was ripping my arm off in between stabbing it with a dagger. It was the most excruciating pain ever. It was more painful than the wounds themselves. The gas they use to separate your organs during surgery finds its way out usually through your shoulders, and this was what it was.

As soon as I got back to the hotel, I laid down and it was better.

We spent the day in the room, watching tv a bit, and chatting with D and M in our room, and then in their room and walking up and down the room as we were told to mobilise as soon as possible. However, I finally got into bed at about 6pm and stayed there until the morning. My back killed me all night and I had crud on my lungs which I couldnt cough up because of the pain in my stomach when i coughed.

It was a pretty bad night to be honest. I was awake a lot and feeling very sorry for myself.

Day 3 - Brugge - Surgery

Well I just spent about an hour writing what happened on the day of surgery in minute details and then my PC crashed!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Poxy thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I just cannot be bothered to re write it all out again so carefully. If anyone wants to know exactly, then just ask ok?

8:30 arrived hospital

checked in with M, D, LJ and N. N went up to floor 13. I went to floor 11, same room as M, D was sent to same floor as M and me. LJ apparently didnt have a bed yet. Very strange. I figured that he was still a bi nervous of the surgery. He looked hunted!

9:45 enrobed in a crispy white backless mini dress and sexy white stockings. Modesty completely surrendered.
10:00 taken down for surgery. very clean, airlock doors and great staff etc etc. Amazing clean and different to English surgery.

2:00 back in ward feeling cruddy. given intravenous drip and paracetamol (!)

Drifted through day between sleep and semi awake. Waved a couple of times at M across from me in the bed.

Didnt get much sleep. Very painful.

Day 2 - Brugge - Pre op tests

Had breakfast and then we were waiting to be picked up by 'Marc' to take us to the hospital for pre op tests. We noticed another couple and a chap on his own, also hanging about the lobby and realised that they must be there for the surgery too. My travelling buddy went up and asked them and they confirmed it. I had thought that I would be on my own to be honest and felt a little bit weird... like it was a bit of a conveyor belt system, but my fears were soon allayed because it was nice to have the others there to talk too.

We were taken to the hospital where we met another couple of people also there to have the surgery. M was there with D having a gastric band like me, LJ was having a r/y bypass and so was N who was there with dad J. Another chap D was having the gastric band too, and he was there on his own.

It was nice to be all sitting together and discussing things. It made me feel like I wasnt being stupid, and that I was not alone and there must be a LOT of people having this surgery in the UK. I mean... there were 5 of us there, and they operate on Monday, Wednesday and Friday so thats around 15 a week. Thats a lot of operations a year.

The Dietitian Martine Harsfinger came and talked to us as a group and then individually and gave us forms to fill in and then sent us off for the blood tests. The best blood test I have ever had! Didnt feel the needle at all, and had NO bruise. I think thats amazing!! I was very impressed with the facilities too as we went to another part of the hospital to have the tests.

Then we came back and spent I think quite a long time talking with Marc and other things and we were waiting for Dr Dillemans to come to talk with us about it all. It was a long day and I was really starving by the time we left the hospital. Dillemans came to the room and sat down and explained the procedure and it was a bit 'technical' and I still had a lot of questions, so I asked him at the end. He was a very good chap and had no problem with the fact I didnt want to have blood either. His reaction when I told him that made me feel very safe and confident in his abilities. After all he is supposedly one of the best bariatric surgeons in Europe. I felt good about the op.

So a VERY long day - picked up at 10am, back at hotel (by bus) by 3:30pm!

We went out after that around the town and Brugge is beautiful. It is the most beautiful city I think I have ever been to. Outstanding architecture and lovely people. Everyone spoke such wonderful English and it was a joy to be there.

We went out, my travelling buddy and I, to a lovely bistro in the evening where I had a £50 bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape and the most thrilling 'last supper' ever. It was lovely. I can still see it behind my eyes! A feast of rare smoked duck, fois gras, steak and different salads and topped off with a chocolate pudding. gorgeous.

We went back to the hotel and sat in the bar to have a few drinks before I was nil by mouth at midnight, and were soon joined by D & M, LJ and his mate K, and D. We had a rip roaring night and a great laugh and all of us, or so we thought, were looking forward to our surgery in the morning.

We retired to our teeny beds for a good (!) nights sleep.

Day 1 - Heathrow -> Brugge

DH dropped Travelling buddy and I at the Bus Station, where we caught the Heathrow Shuttle. I booked the coach on the internet the day before. The coach was an hour late arriving at Terminal 4 although it didnt matter, because I had thankfully booked a bus earlier than needed just incase.

We had checked in for our flight online the night before, so literally dumped our luggage at the drop off and then went through security.

An uneventful flight and landing where we were picked up in Brussels by a driver, which was included in the package surgery deal.

Taxi took just over an hour to take us to Brugge, where we stayed at the Best Western Acacia. This Hotel was described as being 4 star, and the other hotel we could have used, the campanile, was described as 3 star. In reality, the Campanile was way out of town, and also 2 star. The Acacia was not what I thought it was going to be. Very nice lounges, bar, breakfast room and lobby with lovely reception... but the room you are actually sleeping in, and eventually eating, recuperating and relaxing in, is not what I would class as 4 star. Ok it was clean, they came and cleaned up every day and made the beds, but the beds were a bit lumpy and also TINY considering the people in them were there for weight loss surgery as well made it even more obvious! They were low to the floor and that made it difficult to get in and out of after the surgery too. There was a big wardrobe in the room which contained a kitchen... hot plate and kettle, sink and fridge which i thought was great. But the net curtains were grey with filth and the whole room needed a bit of a re paint. It just was not a 4 star hotel at the end of the day, but it was comfortable. Unfortunately you could only stay at the Acacia, or at the Campanile as the private nurse had to visit us after we were back at our hotel, so we had no choice.

So, installed in our hotel, we unpacked and then went out for a slap up meal and look around Brugge at night. The Christmas decs were still all up, and when we asked why, they said there was a film being made there. Indeed there was and it is called In Brugge starring Colin Farrel. I am guessing it will be out next November/December due to the Christmas theme. Watched a bit of the filming on our last night there which made for an interesting tale to tell when we got back.

Off to Brugge Tomorrow.... Gastric Banding is here!

Well, here I am. 3 weeks wait went very quickly. I have been using the weeks to have several 'last suppers'. Nothing massive... not an all out blow out, but just a last filling enjoyment of everything I loved.

This week has been hellish though. I have had a very stressful week, and I cannot believe that I am off to Belgium tomorrow!

Monday we had Thai, Tuesday we had Chinese, Wednesday we had Indian, Thursday we had English (Fish and Chips!!!), Friday was chocolate cake and crumpets - like a 'tea time', saturday we had Italian, and today, I have had a full 3 course Traditional Sunday Roast. Prawn Cocktail (Mmmmm!)Roast beef, Yorkshire pud, horseradish sauce and all the trimmings followed by Banoffee pie made WELL!! ginger biscuit base with an inch thick layer of toffee and sliced banana and cream on top. Adorable. Then coffee and mints. Y U M ! ! ! ! ! !

So I am having a lovely Shiraz now to wash me out and then tomorrow morning I go.

I have not gone totally mad. I could have lost the plot and totally gone crazy for eating, but All I did was have one of my favorite meals each night. I still kept to low fat butter and sauces and salads etc during the day. I think I would have felt disgusting inside if I eat full fat everything after not having it for 2 years. Also kind of defeats the object of weightloss surgery, as it just means I have to lose a load more weight before I REALLY start shifting it. I dont want to make the job any harder than it is.

Anyway, I think life after surgery will be very different. I have been told to use a tea spoon eating and a shot glass for drinking at first. :o( But I am 100% committed to this and I will go with it. I will not fight the band and I will stick to the dietary advice I am given. I have a juicer now so I will be able to make relly vitamin rich liquids for myself for the forst couple of months when I cant eat solid foods. It will also be a good supplement to my eating in future.

I am nervous and excited. I could be sick actually. I am all packed and have everything I need, so all I have to do now is go. I wont be able to write this blog for a bit because I will be in Belgium until Saturday so. I will let you all know how it went when I get back.

All my Glory

take away blow out heaven

Well DH is now away till wednesday, so we are having a take out fest. Think it will be Thai Cuisine tonight, good film with a bottle of wine and then a long read in bed of one of my new books.
Looking forward to it. Might even go for broke and hire a DVD!
woooo

All systems are GO for surgery

Had an email from my Surgeon. He is advising hyperheparinisation. Thats cool. I had to inject heparin when I was pregnant too, so I will have no probs doing it again. I so totally go over my fear of injections during that 9 months. Phew.

Anyway, apart from that, everything is all checked in. I am booked for Pre op Tests on Tuesday 13th and The Surgery on 14th. My travelling buddy is coming with me, I have already bought 5 books for the duration for the stay, got lots of cup soup to drink, and I must remember to bring a strainer to get the bits out of it. I am only goign to be allowed clear soups, broths and liquids for a while. I am not looking forward to that bit, but I am prepared. I have bought chicken noodle soup which I love without the noodles, and Also some clear veg soup too.

I am feeling more positive about EVRYTHING! How can it be? Already I feel better in tuen with myself and this week, even though I have not been sticking to the diet, I weighed in exactly the same. No gain or loss. Strange. I also have taken on another 5 pupils over the last few weeks, and have been much more positive about teaching again. I am feeling great to be honest. I know everythign will be slotting into place really soon. Just over a week to go.
I am going to keep a diary of the surgery and photos and will post them when I get back. I want to make a really good blog about this surgery, because I havent been able to find many stories from people who have done this in the UK, so hopefully I can be of use to someone too.

Extreme measures are needed. Gastric banding here we come!

Well, its now January 2007. The 26th January to be precise. I have not lost a bean. I am nearly back to where I was in May 2005. I weigh 17 stone, 10lbs. This is terrible. I just cannot keep to plan. I hate everything about myself, and the way I eat, and I simply love food. I have come to the understanding that Slimmingworld is NEVER going to do it for me, because my own personal make up makes me go wrong all the time. I am sabotaging myself and I know it.

I am an overeater. I cant help it.

I get really excited that I lose a few pounds, and then congratulate myself with a takeaway - YES ITS CRAZY.... I KNOW!!!. My mind kids me that I can have a calorie rich diet the next day as its still a week till weigh in, and the next day I can probably get away with too. I forget about the diet totally on thursday and friday I think... "well i am going to put on weight, so who cares, might as well have this week off." Sunday evening comes and I am trying to be good 12 hours before weigh in.


I am pathetic. I KNOW I am!

I dont know WHY I do this. There should be some scientific research into WHY people like me cannot diet. 2 years I have been attending weekly meetings, and every week I come away with good intentions. I spend £5 (or nearly) a week doing this, which I can ill afford, but because I think it will work I do it. I might as well just jump on my own scales once a week for FREE!! I support other people, I tell them good recipes, but I cant do it myself. Its like the old me is saying "NO DONT EAT WELL, YOU LIKE IT LIKE THIS".
However, I am no psychologist, so I cannot ask myself the right questions to understand my own split personality, let alone solve my own problems. I certainly cannot control myself.

I overeat. I also comfort eat - when I am happy AND when I am sad!

I also eat late at night. I often skip breakfast. I try just one chocolate and end up eating the box.

I like a glass of wine in the evening.

I like baileys.

I like puddings.

I like creamy sauces with meals.

I like bread with butter not margarine.

I like oil on my pasta.

I like sauce with my chips.

I like ice cream.

I like to eat.


There you are. No excuses.

I think that there is no point from now on trying to give an excuse to why i skip brekkie, or eat late. What is the point. Its me. Its a habit. I cant change it or I would have done. Its the way my life runs.

Since I have been on this diet, I have thought of NOTHING but food. It doesnt matter what they say, all diets mean you obsess about food.

So thats it.

I have tried having all my meals delivered to my door prepared. (£100 per week for me and hubbie)
I have tried Atkins (for a long time too!)
I have done slimming world for 2 YEARS - every week... not missing a meeting!!!!!!!!
I have had hypnotherapy
I have had accupuncture
I have had lymphatic drainage massages
I have tried 5HTP pills and L-Carnitine supplements for increasing metabolism
I have tried crushed shells and seaweed exctract bought from holland. didnt work.
I have given up sugar in ALL drinks for 2 years
I have limited my wine to a bottle a week MAX. more that often less, and always inline with my diet
I have done the GI diet
The south beach diet - check!
The e-diets diet - check
cabbage soup - check
1000 cals a day - check
full fat normal living like the 1940's (full cream milk, chees and butter etc)- check!... (Actually I didnt put on as much as I thought I would! weird!)
Wierd wood vinegar pads for the feet at night- done it! - load of crap!
Xenical (Orlistat) - done. DONT DO IT - ITS TERRIBLE. I ruined my sofa, dining chairs and also car seats etc in only a month!! Lost nothing
Zotrim - done. Rubbish.
Reductil - Done. Was ok, but simply lost the will to live. Felt awful on them.

Infact I have probably already paid out more than this op will cost!
So people.... These are the ones I can actually remember over the last 10 years. I started this blog 2 years ago!!!
I AM FED UP.

I am booked in to have my GASTRIC BAND surgery on Feburary 14th 2007. I am having it done abroad saving me £4000 and am staying in a posh hotel with a private nurse and my friend is coming with me for moral support. My husband and son are staying here and are fully behind me 100%. My mum and Dad and mother inlaw are all there to help me.

When I first mentioned it to my mum last week she said "I have been waiting for you to tell me this".

So there we go. I physically wont be able to overindulge. I wont be hungry on some crappy diet. I wont feel the need to ruin my body when I am investing £6000 in it.

Watch this space.
I will give you a weight reading the week before surgery as I am still goig to attend slimmingworld before and after surgery, so that I can still have a balanced diet and support.
I will post pics of before and after too, so watch this space. I need all the support I can get.