Blogger is getting annoying!

Hey blog Friends!

Is anyone else getting grief from blogger.

I load my blog and then click on another post in my blog or a comment etc and it comes up with the "Internet explorer cannot find page" logo and stuff, or it takes a million years to load.

I can normally get in the first time I click on my blog, but I have this problem every day! I don't have it with any other site in the world, and I even cleaned my blog's background as I thought maybe it was too busy and graphics were making it glitch but alas no - its still being a pain in the arse!

I am getting really fed up with it, and I am thinking of getting another type of blog and linking it to here because this is really frustrating.

Typical scenario...

Click on my bookmarks
Click Weightloss Expedition

click on on of the blogs I follow on the left hand side...

wait massive time

loads an internet explorer error, (or a mozilla error, or a safari error because I have that too)
heres what I got today for www.rockbandbarbie.blogspot.com for instance

then click back to my page

then MY page wont load so I go to Blogger.com home page and I get:

close window, open again go through same rigmarole. FREAKING FRUSTRATING.

I also had the problem of not being able to comment until I learnt from some kind blog somewhere that if you click "stay signed in" when you sign in, you sometimes cant comment... so that is solved, but surely this programme should not have so many glitches.

It was FINE until they overhauled it and made it really hard to use instead of user friendly like it was before.

God I miss the old blogger.

chill day

Again, not a lot to report.

I bummed around the house and didn't pretty much nothing. Had a couple of hours reading on my new iPad thingy. Its really good, but it weighs a ton I find. The kindle app is fantastic though so cant really complain.

Advertised the room and have a couple of people coming to have a look at it on Saturday and Sunday. Hopefully it will go soon and I can relax!

Date:THURSDAY May 24th, 2012
Meals	Lunch 4pm	Protein Shake, pickles and an apple
	Dinner – 10:30pm	Meatballs, mash and cabbage
Meal	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
lunch	Apple	75	14.0g	16.0g	.5g	.2g	0mg	0mg	2.0g
lunch	Diet Fuel Vanilla Flavour	177	…..	15g	1.5g	25g	…..	251mg	3.1g
lunch	Sweet Gherkin Pickles	60	10g	10g	…..	…..	…..	210mg	1g
dinner	Beef Gravy	40	…..	4	2.5g	0g	5mg	240	1g
dinner	Beef Meatballs	228	0g	8.2g	8.8g	27.4g	73mg	370mg	.8g
dinner	Flora Light Margarine	37	…..	0g	3,8g	…..	…..	0.1mg	…..
dinner	Mashed potato	145	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
dinner	Olive Oil	60	0g	0g	13.5g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g
dinner	Onion	30	…..	6.9g	.1g	.9g	…..	2mg	1.4g
dinner	Red Cabbage	27	3g	7g	0g	1g	0mg	24mg	2g
evening snack	Caramella ice cream sundae	165	24.3	26.3	5.4	1.8	0	1	1.5
	TOTAL CALORIES	1044

stats for wednesday

Pretty rushed day, and I ran out of time to do all my jobs before I had to go to work. All my lessons today were easy and pleasant so no stress there. WOW its so much easier when I only have 5 students and do them all on the same day. I did cancel my last lesson though as I was shattered and in need of sustenance.

When i got home though the place was a bomb site, and Katie told us she was moving out on 1st June... which is lovely for her, but pants for us as it means interviewing another pile of possible psychos!

It took a while for me to get ready to eat my dinner and be calm enough to do so. It also took ages to eat, and I was sick at the beginning too which didn't help :-(

Date:WEDNESDAY May 23rd, 2012
Meals	Lunch – 1pm	Cup-a-Soup and a Protein Shake
	Dinner – 11pm	Baked potato with cheese and coleslaw
Meal	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
lunch	Cream Of Asparagus Cup A Soup	138	4.3g	18.4g	6.7g	0.9g		.80mg	2.2g
lunch	Diet Fuel	177	2g	15g	1.69g	25g
dinner	Butter	126	0g	0g	11g	0g	30mg	95mg	0g
dinner	Cheddar Cheese	113	0g	0.36g	9g	7g	29mg	174mg	0g
dinner	Creamy Coleslaw	258.75	4.3g	4.5g	22.5g	1.1g		200mg	1.4g
dinner	Red Potato With Skin	135	3g	26g	0g	4g	0mg	5mg	3g
evening snack	Milkybar - Small Bar (nestle)	552	7.2g	7.3g	4g	0.9g		0mg	0g
	TOTAL CALORIES	1499

112.2kgs

Nothing much to report but just for my own memory:
Tuesday's stats.

Date:TUESDAY May 22nd, 2012		112.2kgs
Meals	Lunch – 2pm	Lentil curry and rice
	Dinner – 8pm	Stuffed Chicken Pancake with Red Pepper Sauce, New Potatoes and Salad
Meal	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
lunch	Easy Cook Long Grain Rice	184.8	0.15g	34.5g	0.4g	3.1g
lunch	Green Lentils (cooked)	52		10.2g	0.4g	5.0g
lunch	Olive Oil	30	0g	0g	13.5g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g
lunch	Onion	15		6.9g	.1g	.9g		2mg	1.4g
lunch	Sugar In The Raw - Packet	10	0	5g	0g	0g		0mg
lunch	Tomatoes (tin Chopped)	34	3g	3g		1g			1g
dinner	Baby New Potatoes	75	1.1g	17.8g	0.3g	1.5g		0.1g
dinner	Basil, Fresh	1	0g	0.2g	0g	0.13g	0mg	0mg	0.2g
dinner	Bread Crumbs (Plain)	55	2g	20g	1.5g	4g	0mg	220mg	1g
dinner	Cucumber	8	0.9g	1.9g	0.1g	0.34g	0mg	1mg	0.3g
dinner	Iceburg Lettuce	10	1g	2g	0g	1g	0mg	7mg	1g
dinner	Large Egg	17.75		1g	5g	6g	190mg	72mg
dinner	Olive Oil	120	0g	0g	13.5g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g
dinner	Plain Flour	72.8		77.7g	1.3g	10.3g
dinner	Red Bell Pepper, Raw	30	0g	8g	0g	1g	0mg	0mg	2g
dinner	Roast Chicken Slices	34		trace	1.4g	5.3g		0.2g	0.1g
dinner	Skimmed Milk	28	10g	10g		7g			0g
dinner	Tomatoes	50		1g	.2g	.9g			.8g
dinner	Yellow Onion	10.24	7g	15g	0g	2g	0mg	6mg	3g
	TOTAL CALORIES	837

Omlette

A delicious 3 egg cheese and onion omlette with a yummy crunchy salad and I drizzled this lashingly with tesco's light choices honey and mustard dressing. YUM. How did I never find that dressing before??? Far better than the fat laden salad cream of my choice, or even brown sauce which I would usually have. Dressing + omlette is really yummy and so much lower in calories! I will try and remember that :-)

Today was fine, didn't do much apart from give myself a migraine finishing off the end of year accounts ready to go to the accountant. It only took ALL day. What have I got to complain about. I could hardly see/walk straight by the time I had finished. When I had a quick glance at it before popping all the files and paperwork in DH's car I noticed 3 stupid mistakes I had made. Yay, so I had to do those before anything else could occur. I certainly couldn't sit down and eat before I had finished it, so DH was wasting away before my eyes hurrying me along silently by telling me how clever I was and how lucky he was to have me at his side.

Flattery will get him everywhere!

So it was all done, and I sat down to eat this gorgeous meal in front of the telly.

Who would guess I was banded huh?

It is actually he best of all worlds I think, because I can eat this - all of it - and never feel hungry at all. Maybe this is the secret that I have needed to get. The little key to success for me.

I am finding this really easy to stick to so far. Because I am not hungry at all, like ever, I don't crave stuff. As long as I keep under my calorie limit, I should get to where I am going sooner or later.

Bring it on!

Monday's stats:

Date:May 21st, 2012
Meals
Meal	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
	Refreshers	85	…..	18.5g	1g	0.1g	…..	…..	…..
lunch	Szechuan Hot & Sour Cup Soup	114	1.1g	13.0g	0.1g	1.1g	…..	0.75mg	2.4g
dinner	3 Egg	240	…..	0g	5g	7g	250mg	…..	…..
dinner	Cheese, Cheddar	180	0g	1g	6g	7g	20mg	240mg	0g
dinner	Cherry Tomato	31	…..	7g	.5g	1g	0mg	13mg	2g
dinner	Cucumber	16	1.8g	2.9g	0.2g	0.8g	0mg	3mg	.9g
dinner	3tbsp light choices honey & mustard dressing	25	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
dinner	Iceburg Lettuce	10	1g	2g	0g	1g	0mg	7mg	1g
dinner	Olive Oil	120	0g	0g	13.5g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g
dinner	Onion	30	…..	6.9g	.1g	.9g		2mg	1.4g
evening	Bottle Red Wine	630	5g	21g	0g	.547g	0mg	31mg	…..
	TOTAL CALORIES	1481

Salmon Sunday YUM

Sunday was a strange day. We usually get up around 9 and go to church, but we were so tired we slept in until 10 past 10 as DH forgot to set the alarm! We woke with a start like something awful had happened... I guess the body gets into a routine! We realised there was little point getting ready and going, as it would be over by the time we got there, so we just snuggled back down again.

Next thing we knew it was 1pm! We must have needed the kip that's all I can say.

We came downstairs to find DS and his mate Chas playing minecraft in their underpants. Its a most disturbing sight. You can smell teenage boys before you see them, and I got the familiar whiff of iron + pond weed + body odor + hot pennies + aftershave alerting me to the presence of these strange beasts. I round the corner of the stairs and there they both are - headphones bigger than their heads, laptops heating their laps to infertile doom, sitting on the sofa in their pants surrounded by popcorn, biscuit and chocolate detrius.

Greeted by the twin "Yuh" grunt (not even a 'hi -yuh' anymore) I just let them get on with it. The mind boggles. How they can sit for endless hours playing a game with the most awful graphics of anything I have ever seen is beyond me. And I remember my old Atari games - Sonic the hedgehog 1980's style was better!! Apparently I just dont get it and it's really cool and I should play it to. Ummm, No.

There wasn't much problem getting up at 1pm, apart from the fact that we needed to run several errands that require man power.Well, I have to give him something to do of a weekend or he will assume that he can sit in front the TV and sleep all afternoon... makes him feel like he's needed!

Errand #1 - Take the lawnmower we bought a week ago back to Argos because it blew up halfway through its first stab at a cut.

Errand #2 - I needed to replace the towel rail in the bathroom as there have obviously been monkeys swinging on the one in there and it looks shabby and no matter how long the screws are that we put into the wall - our house must be tied to next door with the length of the screws that are currently in it - it still flops off the wall and looks cheap and crap.

These first 2 would not need doing if people made stuff like they used to. I cannot believe that I am saying this, but at the tender old age of 35 even I am realising that things aren't made like they used to be. God knows what its like for people older than me. They must rock in a corner somewhere lamenting the good old days of cast iron baths or something.

Sigh

Errand #3 - Attack the Tax. It's that time of year where I have had to come up from the bucket of sand my head is shoved in to breathe and found that I have an inbox or five that needs sorting and I just can't put it off any longer as I have lost the bucket of sand in the sea of paperwork.

We managed to get all of them done, but there was still a lot of work to do on the end of year accounts. Ho hum at least I will not be bored for a while!

Because of all this lark, we finished up around 5:30 and I had a break. Then DS and Chas decided they wanted to go roller skating, so I took them to that. I sat on those hard wooden gym benches for an hour and a half reading my book on my NEW iPAD!!! It was awesome, except for the numbest butt in the world ever.

We got back (after dropping Chas home as it seemed his parents forgot they had a child - if he'd been here any longer I think I could have legitimatly gained custody rights) and I hunted around in the freezer....

My freezer is currently cavernous as I intend to defrost it. Soon. I keep buying stuff though because there's nothing in  the freezer, and then I put it in the freezer, which then inevitably means that the defrosting has to wait. I might as well just throw everything away and start again... but I hate wasting 4 year old bread rolls and bags of strange frozen liquids.

I found a packet of 2 year old fish fingers - meh why not - and made them for the boys and I found a long long long dead salmon which I had conveniently butchered into 12 handy meal size portions and frozen some years ago. In for a penny, I cooked it up and had it with mash and peas. Delicioso!

Sunday's stats:

Date:May 20th, 2012
Meals	Lunch	Broccoli and Stilton soup
	Dinner	Salmon, Mash and Peas
Meal	Item Brand	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
lunch	Tesco	Blue Stilton	82	0.1g	0.1g	35g	23.7g	…..	800mg	0g
lunch		Broccoli	24.8	2g	6g	0g	3g	0mg	30mg	2g
lunch		Stock cube	10	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
lunch		Yellow Onion	21.12	7g	15g	0g	2g	0mg	6mg	3g
pm snack	USN	Diet Fuel Vanilla Flavour	177		15g	1.5g	25g	…..	251mg	3.1g
dinner		Butter	60	0g	0g	11g	0g	30mg	95mg	0g
dinner		Mashed potato	145	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
dinner		Peas	77	4g	10g	.27g	4g	0mg	81mg	3g
dinner		Salmon Fillet	374.3	…..	0g	14g	19g	…..	…..	…..
evening snack		Gin	280	…..	0g	0g	0g	…..	…..	…..
		TOTAL CALORIES	1251

 

Lentil and Mangetout Curry

For some reason my camera is turning photos around when they upload on here... They look normal on the screen, but then turn around when they load. Hmmm... nevermind.

I thought that I would try and photograph my main meal every day so that I can keep a record of what I am eating as I am losing weight. I have lost quite a bit this week. I will weigh in again tomorrow morning but so far, in the last week I have lost nearly 1kg. That is awesome. I am finding this easier that I thought actually.

I am sticking under 1590 calories a day with ease and it's doing the do. Maybe this is just what I should have done all along. I am going to slimmingworld too, although not following the diet as such, but just to get the cheer on and the rewards for my hard work on a weekly basis. I am using Livestrong to count my calories, and loving the way the graph has plunged from 115.7kgs on 1st May to 112.2kgs today 3 weeks later. I know the 115.7 is kind of incorrect as it was fully clothed and in the evening... but even so it does look spectacular!

Look at that baby! The high point was back in October 2010 when I got up to most fattest ever in the history of me. The little 'up bump' was the holiday in Fuertaventura, and then the gentle slope after September 2011 has been a case of gaining and losing the same 3 kilos for a year.

Obviously I'm not in fresh territory just yet, but I can smell it! The lowest bit is 111kgs... only 1.2kgs away :-)

So dinner... year Lentil curry. It was yum. Made the rice yellow by adding a bit of turmeric and cumin seeds, but the main bit is an old favourite:

2 Onions, sliced
1 tbsp olive oil
1 can chopped tomatoes
1/2 carton of sieved tomato passata
1 can of cooked green lentils
1/2 packet of mangetout, or however many you want really
mild curry powder... to taste, but probs about 4 tbsps
cayenne pepper for the kick.
salt
3tbsps sugar (as otherwise its too sharp)

I guess you could use sweetener, but why bother when the sugar is not adding too many calories to this low cal meal.

I sweat the onion off in the oil and 2 tbsps of water with the lid on and they go kind of gooey and melt. Then I add all the other stuff and bring to the boil and simmer for about 5 minutes and serve with rice. so quick and tasty!

This makes 2 large portions, one for today, one for another :-)

Today's stats:

Date:May 19th, 2012
Meals	Lunch – 3:45pm	Vegetable Soup
	Dinner – 11pm	Lentil Curry
Meal	Item Brand	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
afternoon snack		Broccoli	15.5	2g	6g	0g	3g	0mg	30mg	2g
afternoon snack		Brussels Sprouts, Cooked	16.25	0g	12.9g	0.6g	5.64g	0mg	32mg	6.4g
afternoon snack		Whole Carrots	25	3g	6g	0g	1g	0mg	40mg	2g
dinner	Tesco	Easy Cook Long Grain Rice	243		28g	1.3g	2.8g	…..	…..	…..
dinner	Tesco	Lentils Green (canned)	97.75	0.8g	13.2g	0.7g	6.2g	…..	0mg	5.8g
dinner	Tesco	Mangetout	16.5		4.2g	0.2g	3.6g	…..	…..	…..
dinner		Olive Oil	60	0g	0g	13.5g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g
dinner	Sainsbury's	Premium Chopped Tomatoes	90	3	4	0	1	…..	0	0
dinner		Sugar (tsp)	22.5	4g	4g	0g	0g	…..	…..	…..
dinner		Yellow Onion	64	7g	15g	0g	2g	0mg	6mg	3g
snacks	Cadbury	Dairy Milk	616	…..	9g	4g	…..	…..	…..	…..
snacks		Gin	210	…..	0g	0g	0g	…..	…..	…..
		Total Calories	1476.5

Basal Metabolic Rate - Check!

Question 1:

How many of you think you have a slow or sluggish metabolism? 

Don't be shy... I did.

Question 2:

How many of you have actually gotten it tested? 

Probably very few of you.

Well, I had this very quick, simple and more the the point cheap test done on Thursday evening.

Now I have often whinged and complained that I eat hardly anything at all, and when I do eat, I eat just a regular meal in the evening and bla de bla de bla...

We are told - nearly categorically - that if you diet for years you are screwing your metabolism right up. Yo yo dieting makes it harder and harder to achieve your goals bla bla bla. I am certain that the years of buggering about with my body have ruined me, and I am in a place where I will never recover from without a spell in a solitary confined health prison.

To be honest I was pretty sure that my metabolism was right down there with satan in hell!

Well friends, the Sports Fitness girl (A whippet as well just to rub salt into the wound) said that she has been testing people for years, fat and thin, and has never found anyone who is not in the normal range. She said that the most differences come when they do a VOX test - apparently that's when you exercise at different levels of pain and they measure how your body is utilising food etc. as people do burn calories at different rates, and that's often what makes the difference in reality.

Well ok, thinks I, but to be honest love I just want to know how many calories my body burns/needs just to stay alive and then I can gauge how many calories I can eat to lose weight. I am thinking that if my RMR is low, then I need to eat a lot less than what I do normally.

So, very briefly, there is a scale called the Harris Benedict scale which, similar to your BMI measurements, you put your age, height, weight etc into and it calculates your Resting Metabolic Rate. This is the basic calories your body needs just to stay alive lying in bed not even farting.

The test I had uses EXACT calculations from the mask strapped around my head whilst I lie still as death and breath normally for 15 minutes.

I was very excited to see the lady floored when she saw that I had the metabolism of an amoeba. (- Actually maybe an amoeba has a high metabolism... I dunno it's hard to make an analogy but you get my drift!)

I had the test and the results were shocking. I wasn't just normal, but right in the MIDDLE of normal. In fact if I had sat at home and plugged in my data on one of the many online BMR or RMR calculators I would have only been 2% adrift of what they said... and even the 2% was not in my favour!

The result of the test was that - just to stay alive - I need 1947 calories. Put another way - I BURN 1947 cals by doing absolutely zilch. This therefore means that during any given day I will obviously be burning more than that as I go about my daily chores, work, dramas etc.  Every day will differ obviously, but it gives me a great ball park!

The key though is in that magic number.

Livestrong suggest that I stay below around 1600 calories to lose 2 pounds a week, and that's MORE than enough. In fact, given my 1947 status, it means that I should definitely achieve 2lbs of weightloss a week if I do stay below it.

On a day when I know it's going to be tricky - if I have a wedding to attend, or a dinner out or something like that - all I need to do is make sure I up my exercise for that day to compensate.

So although it shocked me that I don't have a slow metabolism, and the truth is that probably none of us do, it gives me a clear figure of what is going on and where to start from on my new campaign.

It puts me in control as I know FOR SURE where I am at.

It also means, for those of us who are struggling, that I am probably eating around 1800 -2300 calories a day on average and therefore maintaining my weight. If I have several days where I am eating only say 1 or 2 hundred more calories this will increase my weight slightly and not particularly dramatically... We can get into trouble deep very quickly!

I would urge you all to get a test done if you are flagging like I was as it gives you a slap round the face and a starting point. £40 well spent.

  
 
Anyway, here are my food logs for 17th and 18th May including the lush Tandoori Chicken and Jeera Rice
MMMMMMmmmmm

17th May 2012
 

Meals
Meal	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
lunch	Cheese, Cheddar	90	0g	1g	6g	7g	20mg	240mg	0g
lunch	Value Baked Beans	185	7.9g	18.9g	1.1g	9.9g		50mg	7.4g
lunch	White Medium Bread	170	1.5g	17.2g	0.5g	2.9g		0.1g	0.9g
lunch	regular butter	100	0g	0g	11g	0g	30mg	95mg	0g
dinner	Pasta	185	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
dinner	Salami 36g	158	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
dinner	Olive Oil	120	0g	0g	13.5g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g
dinner	Red Bell Pepper, Raw	60	0g	8g	0g	1g	0mg	0mg	2g
snacks	Cup A Soup Extra Chicken & Mushroom With Pasta	260	1.8g	21g	3.6g	3.4g		1070mg	.9g
	TOTAL CALORIES:	1328

18th May 2012

Meals
Meal
	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
breakfast	Bacon (smoked)	240	…...	0g	9.8g	8g	…...	…...	…...
breakfast	Egg, Fried	100	0g	1g	4.5g	6g	215mg	65mg	0g
breakfast	Value Baked Beans	185	7.9g	18.9g	1.1g	9.9g		50mg	7.4g
snack	Cereal bar	85	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...
dinner	Baked Chicken Portion	290	0g	0g	13.7g	39.2g	138mg	132mg	0g
dinner	Easy Cook Long Grain Rice	202.5		28g	1.3g	2.8g	…...	…...	…...
dinner	Fat free Greek yoghurt 100g	45	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...
dinner	Onion	30		6.9g	.1g	.9g	…...	2mg	1.4g
evening	Bottle Red Wine	630	5g	21g	0g	.547g	0mg	31mg	…...
evening	Nuts	135	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...	…...
	TOTAL CALORIES:	1942

Normality?

What is normality?

I haven't a clue.

After dieting for years, it seems practically impossible to remember the time before I tried to make all these changes. I can't remember if I had the little twin gremlins in my head saying "should you really eat that?" "Oh go on who will know?"

I think - think - that I just ate whatever I pleased.... but I can't remember.

So I have to find a new normality. One where I eat whatever I please... but remain within my parameters of control. I think that could work. It's trying to diet whilst live within those goals that is the hard thing.

Because I haven't been to the gym since January, it means at least that I have that extra tool in the cupboard should I need it as I start to lose weight. I know from prior experience that as I lose weight, my calorie goal on Livestrong.com goes down.

To lose weight everyone has to cut 500 cals a day, every day to lose 2lbs a week. You can do that through dietary restriction, or through exercise.

My calorie goal is currently 1597 on Livestrong.

Now coupled with the results of my Basal or Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) test tomorrow, this might be perfect, good or bad. We shall see. 

Today's calories: 1160 

Meals
Meal	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
lunch	1/2 whey protein shake	87	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
lunch	sauce-may/roots/tom sauce	79	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
lunch	Steamed Prawns	100	0g	0g	2g	21g	133mg	156mg	0g
lunch	Wild Mushroom Cup Soup	87	0.9	11.8	3.6	0.9	0	710	1.8
dinner	cheese and onion crisp bakes	410	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..
dinner	Natural Greek Yoghurt	362.5	6.6g	6.6g	11g	4.5g	…..	400mg	0.0g
dinner	Sainsbury's Sweetcorn	25	…..	8.1g	1.1g	…..	…..	…..	…..
dinner	Salad Leaves	10	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	…..	2.4g

Post Traumatic Stress Eating

After the Radio show I felt really weird. I was kind of in a daze and I felt really sad, lost and didn't really know how to go forward.

We took DS to hockey training - he's a goalkeeper now and loving it - and sat in the car park for a while. Then we decided to go to Tesco and get some bits we needed.

I had already eaten a left overs meal from the freezer at about 3pm. It was a pork couscous... I made the couscous with a stock cube in the water, grilled some thinly cut pork strips, red peppers, onions and tossed it all together with hot Cajun spice blend. It was really good.

So when we went to tesco I wasn't particularly hungry, which was a good thing. We decided on chicken Kiev, mash and peas for tea.

I managed 1/2 a chicken Kiev, 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes and a couple of spoons of peas. I drank this with a serious amount of green tea and it still wouldn't go down well. I sicked up half way through, carried on regardless etc.

Now - as you know, as I know - we shouldn't drink with meals. Yes I am fully aware. If I don't drink, I cant eat. If I have fluid out, I get fatter. So we shall leave it that I know this is wrong, am not going to change it, and am just going to try and reduce my calorie intake to compensate until I have the strength to get the fluid removed and go back to a normal life. I am not, and never have been, exactly the normal banded person anyway.

I then had an inordinate amount of dairy milk chocolate and a bottle of wine.

The total calories for this day were: 1801

details here:

Meal	Item Name	Calories	Sugars	Carbs	Fats	Protein	Cholesterol	Sodium	Dietary Fibre
lunch	Couscous, Cooked	176	0.2g	36.5g	0.3g	5.95g	0mg	8mg	2.2g
lunch	Onion	30		6.9g	.1g	.9g		2mg	1.4g
lunch	Pork Tenderloin	143		0g	3g	13g	0mg
lunch	Red Bell Pepper, Raw	30	0g	8g	0g	1g	0mg	0mg	2g
dinner	Chicken Kiev (garlic)	430	0.4g	9.8g	35.1g	18.5g		300mg	1.9g
dinner	Instant Mashed Potato	127	1.5g	24.6g	1.8g	3.1g		600mg	2.0g
dinner	Peas	55	4g	10g	.27g	4g	0mg	81mg	3g
evening snack	Bottle Red Wine	630	5g	21g	0g	.547g	0mg	31mg
evening snack	Dairy Milk Chocolate 230g Bar	530	56.7	57	29.8	7.5	0	23	0.7

Radio 2

Ok, I was on the radio again. It was really good. And really horrible.

There was a lady who came on the show with me called Linda and she is a life coach, NLP, holistic dietitian type guru. She was LOVELY.  You know when you meet someone and they just 'get it'? I have met a lot of people who say they do, but this lady really did. She said things on air that were exactly what I needed to hear, and exactly understanding of what I am doing to myself.

Then after being on air for 45 minutes they got the bloke from Fat Families on the phone. I don't know if you have seen anything he has been in, but one one of his shows that I watched on TV he got these 30 stone people to actually sign their own death certificates.

Yes.

I don't know about you but I don't warm to a kind of approach whereby someone considers all fat people Lazy (which he called me on air!), unmotivated (obviously not as I would not be DOING this) and in need of a "good a kick up the arse" - direct quote live on air 10:45 am!!

He insulted me on air without asking me basic information, obviously hadn't been listening to the earlier part of the show and issued me with an ultimatum that he can shove up his butt.

Bullying people doesn't work. It never has! I can't lose weight in fear of upsetting him. I have to do this for myself, which also contradicts some things he said too!

However, after listening to it back I think I stood up for myself and sounded like a confident and intelligent woman, which is of course a very weird thing as I have never considered myself as such, but hearing the way I speak on radio, I am really proud of myself and my bravery and also my candidness. But why hold back or lie? Its the truth. It's my life and I am still anonymous.

It's also very hard because there is so little time, you get interrupted a lot while you are speaking, as is the nature with interviews I guess, and you often haven't got time to think fast enough and get caught off guard. I thought he was also very rude to Linda and made assumptions about her way of dealing with the issue of overweight without actually knowing anything about her. Her resume is AWESOME!

I can see why they got the pair of them on there though. One was a whole person, change whats in the mind and you will sort out the whole problem with eating, the other was a complete contrast boot camp Sergeant Major 'break em down to build em up' style.

Both must get results I guess, but that's not for me. I was in tears after the show from the high emotions of it all. Thankfully I kept my cool and my head together to the end!

Thankfully, Linda has offered to help me too, and I have accepted. The researcher at the radio station told me I could choose which ever approach I wanted and I guess we will both be on again in a couple of weeks to see how I am doing.

I have kept a food diary for her and for here... so I will try and update this regularly so that she can get an insight too in how I feel and what I am doing.

yesterdays luncheon:

Prawns in a low cal dressing made with low cal mayo, levi roots reggae reggae and tomato sauce (mmmm) 200 cals :-)

Revert to type

Porridge with Golden Syrup... Y U M

This is the ultimate comfort food. It just hits the spot.

When I had the come downs and the low downs and the poor me, this is what I went for. I have no idea how many calories it has in it, but to be truthfully honest it's not a gazillion. It's probably something around the 500 mark. Meh, that's a regular lunch value for a normal person.

I get a bit annoyed with people who are thin thinking that the above is terrible actually. Its just a choice thing. If I worked in an office and took a little lunch bag in with a tuna mayo sandwich, banana, yoghurt, bag of crisps and a penguin I would have eaten more calories than the bowl of possidge above.

I think I had this argument before, like a 1000 calories of chocolate or a 1000 calories of lettuce is STILL 1000 calories... it's just more or les good for you.

Anyway, if you look at just this single meal, it looks loaded with cals, but I didnt have anything else. I didnt eat this AND a sandwich, or a cake, or a bar of chocolate or even have seconds. Thats the thing.

It filled my little heart right up. made my dopamine levels kick in a solved my self loathing.

I want to know what else would have worked.

Now all the above is fine... IF I HADN'T later in the afternoon gone out with the boys to dancing, then gone to get them a McDonalds and ordered this for myself:

 
Yeah, it took me about 3 hours to eat but I perservered! LOL! I was in a state rememeber? the calories in this? 365 in the Chicken, 330 in the fries, 120 for the sauce! GULP.

Ok, this is 815 calories. For Heavens sake??? How many people would have thought that in all honesty? I would have guessed 700 max, but there we go.

That was all for the day however, and therefore I had in the region of 1400 calories for the day tops.

So, although it was crappy comfort eating, it STILL wasn't more than I should eat. Yes the choices were crap, yes it's not got a load of nutritional value, yes its carb loaded, but heck it was a good day!

I really hope that the radio do still want me on, and I get the help I need. The above shouldnt happen. It's like a binge out. If I was anorexic or bulimic I would be looked on with pity, but its a shame overweight people are seen as social pariah's when this is a mental thing for me. I have battles in my head and talk myself into doing it... its totally irrational, and obviously a serious issue.

I want to get this sorted.

Dinner crisis averted.

Housewife's Crisis! I had a packet of mini sweet peppers in the fridge that I bought reduced for 30p, 2 courgettes that were on the edge of doom, a couple of onions and that was it. Trying to defrost the freezer at some stage and running it down meant that the only thing I had in there was chicken. I did the veggies in my Le Creuset griddle pan I got for a wedding present - that and my Portmerion quiche dish are the only things that have survived 15 years!

 The chicken I did on a large cast iron griddle that fits directly on top of by two back gas burners on my stove. It gets super hot and sears those chicken slices without any fat and looks amazing when its done.

I have absolutely NO IDEA where the griddle came from. I didn't buy it, and no one brought it here when they moved in... but thank you to the fairy that delivered it. Who ever it belongs to is not getting it back!
The result of this crisis was actually awesome!



I made a dressing with Lemon Juice, Lemon curd, Soy Sauce and a splash of Levi Roots' Reggae Reggae Sauce and drizzled it all over and served it on a bed of egg noodles. It was fabulous. I added the broccoli spears as an after thought, warmed but raw to add a bit of crunch. Mmmm

So I had a lot of good days over the last few weeks, but it started to go wrong after Mum and Dad went home. I felt really low, mainly because even after eating on plan and low fat and stuff like that, I still hadn't lost any weight and I was really ticked off by it.

I hadn't heard from the radio either, and was wondering if they really did want me back, and also the thought of that filled me with dread as I found the last time cardiac arrest inducing. I did want to go but I didn't want to go. Rock/Hardplace.

So as with all good things... the weight hadn't budged an ounce... I resorted to type.... See next post.