Virtual me at 18 stone 12

ME RIGHT NOW 16 stone 3Virtual me at target weight of 11 stone 7lb
I need these boosts occasionally. I have been really really bad the last week or so. I haven't eaten over 1500 cals on any day, but its all been crap. I have tried to include my veggies and stuff, but my Dad's operation and situation is really taking its toll on my eating. I don't even bother to try and stop myself. I look at chocolate and just eat it. Its like I am resigned to it.

Bunk mate - I am sorry I haven't been in touch. I was calling around all the rest of the afternoon trying to tie up a fill with Dr. Dillemans. Sadly he is on holiday next week so its not gonna happen. However if you phone EOC they have now got a new deal with www.WLSgroup.com and they have spaces on the 5th April... that's next Saturday. The first is a consultation and stuff for £120 for EOC patients, and then fills are £85 a go. You can go there every 2 weeks, and if its not right within that 2 weeks you can get it filled/unfilled again for free. I was already going to see them the last couple of times, so I have booked another appointment with them on Saturday at 12pm. If you wing EOC they will arrange a time. After that we were going to take DS to the Natural History Museum if you wanna bring Your DH and the DD's.

It would be nice to catch up.

I have just come home from Mum's. Tensions are running high and everyone needs Dad to get better. He has really been going through it the last few days. The stuff they never tell you about before an operation man!

Here's a run down... (If you are queasy... don't read!)

Tuesday: in Hospital in the morning. Enema's and nothing to eat or drink

Wednesday: in hospital waiting for operation first thing in the morning... and waiting... and waiting until 3pm when he was finally taken down to theatre. Out of theatre and into the Intensive Care Unit at 8:30pm. No visitors all day. Had tumor removed from rectum, bowel cut and hole cut into the side of stomach. Bowel pushed through stomach wall and secured with a plastic rod and wing nuts making 'the stoma' where he will wear a bag over for the next 8 weeks. Reality is this 7cm round red raw bit of gooey meat hanging out his side. Massive 40cm incision vertically from breast to pubis stapled together and covered with dressings. 8 cannula's in various parts of the body... back of hands, arms, neck etc. Drain on opposite side of the stomach leaking blood into a bag, and a catheter for urine.

Yea Gods.

Thursday: In hospital in High Dependency Unit. Blood pressure raised and very bloated from surgery. In obvious pain and wincing at ever couple of words he said.

Friday: In normal hospital ward. Developed chest infection and having to cough up sputum into a pot. in pain. Epidural dosage doubled by his surgeon as he said its not high enough for him (2 days too late me thinks!!). Not in pain except when coughing. Was very sick after having first 'meal' of an ice cream and soup. Brought up green and black fluid.

Saturday: in ward looking flushed. All cannula's removed except one administering a drip with antibiotics in it. Epidural removed because if fell out during the night and soaked into the sheets. Was in increasing pain, doctor called to administer Morphine. Immediately unconscious and slept all night. In the morning awoke to feeling very bad stomach pains. Nurse inserts tube through the nose and down back of the throat and draws off 6 large syringes of green and black watery liquid. Apparently this has FECAL matter in it as the bowel stoma is swollen and everything is backing up into the stomach again! Tube left down back of throat to drain waste water and faeces from stomach into a bag. No food allowed, just clear liquids... like water.

On top of all this awfulness my Granny throws a fit and gets in a strop about not being picked up because we are obviously a taxi service. She upsets my Mum, and in turn Me, DH and DS. She should be supporting my Mum not making herself another burden. My Mum doesn't know which way to turn.

We have come home now and hopefully she can then have some peace and quiet and space to get her head around everything. Although she obviously loves having us there... 3 extra bodies makes 3 lots of extra mess and bother and DS is boisterous and jumping up and down. Its not conductive to thinking straight!! If she needs me, I will be there in a blink. I think that the thing she needs most now is to just be thinking about herself and Dad for a bit and being able to do what she wants rather than what everyone else wants for a change. Everyone worries about the person in the hospital bed, but no one really gives much support to the one trying to keep everything together and cheer everyone up and keep everyone's spirits up.

So, when I have more news I will post it. A simple operation it was not. This is one horrible nasty little cancer that hopefully has been stopped in its tracks.

Poor Dad. I would rather do this for him myself if I could.

"I'm... Dreaming... of a white... Easter...!"

Yes, a snowman penguin built on Easter Sunday. DS was busy building this large beast before we were even out of bed - this is worked out according to the simple equation of

kids + snow = lie in for Mum and Dad

Yes. That's right. The whole village is covered in the white stuff. Wish I had put a couple of quid on that one! I consider the most impressive thing about this snowman's construction to be the fact that it is so particularly well clothed. As you can see, DS wasted no time in making sure it didn't catch 'warm' and gave it his £90 North Face coat. Ahhh Bless.

*Insert blank, furious face, of a mother who works fingers to the bone for
said child to have nice clothes*

Also, thankfully DS pays attention to his science lessons, because he told me he found out the best thing to save a snowman from melting was to clothe it for insulation. "Yeah, they said so on Mythbusters" he chirped.

Oh Goody.

Happily, after calming myself down by looking at my husband having hysterics at how cute our son is... I was able to pleasure myself with the fact that snow at the end of March usually means that within about 4 weeks it will be roasting hot sunshine. Every time we have had a strange tumble of snow this late in the year, it has been followed by a really great summer. I hope that's the case this year.

Today I am going to be mostly doing nothing. I am currently trying to eat some pomegranate and raspberry wheats with milk from Tesco. I have eaten about 20g of the 50g serving I gave myself. Monsieur Bandino, however, seems a little pissed off today for some reason, so I am giving up. Just so you can see how wonderfully little I am eating here is a funky little picture of the remains!

YES - LOWEST WEIGHT EVER!

I have DONE it!

Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya!

Today I weighed (many times just incase)

16 stone and 2 pounds

AWESOME

The lowest I have ever been with my band is 16 stone 3 pounds. That was on 16th May Last year. Wow, this makes me feel completely awesome.

Its absolutely GREAT to be in Uncharted Waters again. There is something awful about trudging the same couple of stone up and down and up and down over a few years. It makes you feel really useless.

There is no doubt now people, MY BAND IS WORKING!

LONG LIVE THE BAND

Ok, the last couple of days...
Went to Mum and Dads yesterday. Had a really cool time and a good laugh. I ate the following:
Banana
Nutrigrain bar
small pot of mini eggs
few more of DS's mini eggs
half a chocolate egg
packet of hula hoops
chicken curry and rice

Not good, but the calories were actually reasonably low at 1200.

I know that its calories that count at the end of the day, but it still makes me feel like a greedy pig when I eat chocolate. I didn't exactly have anything else! However, I don't want to be someone who subsists on a mars bar and a coffee for lunch. What with Dad having Bowel cancer I think it brings home that I don't want to eat junk any more. I really felt grim yesterday evening and drank several glasses of water throughout the night. I am just not used to that much crap any more I guess.

Anyway, today has not been any better to be honest. Its been a bit of a rubbish day and we have been rushed off our feet. Shopping, hair dying, and again because it was DREADFUL, etc etc.
I didn't have breakfast as I wasn't hungry at all. We had lunch at KFC. I ate 4/5ths of a twister and gave up after that. I kept it all down which I am glad about, as I ate really really carefully. I was still eating when everyone was finished and DS was eating his ice cream! A normal KFC meal for me would be 2 twisters, large fries and a large drink and an ice cream. That's what the band does folks! WICKED HUH!!!!!

Then there was the hair disaster. I have obviously been black haired for a while. I get bored easily, so I decided to go back to blonde, or brown or something... anything! I put a whole heap of bleach on my mop and left it there. When it had cooked for about 40 minutes and I had washed it out, I revealed a delicate shade of violent orange.

Seriously you could NOT get this style in a hairdressers. I had a black fringe with white (YES WHITE) roots, orange back of the head with scarlet streaks and a mixture of orange and flame coloured patches interspersed with black highlights. My whole head had about 0.5 cm of WHITE roots. Its was AWFUL. It also felt like a birds nest!!

So I died it another colour... I realised that it had an ash hint in it too late, but actually its not so bad. Its kind of a pinky brown... Hmmm But at least its not on fire any more.

I still have black highlights which actually look really radical... Might have those again!

Right, see yaz folks

Small result...

I caved. I got on the scales and I have lost another pound, so that has really pleased me.

I have now lost 24 pounds - 16 stone 4lbs this morning

1 elusive pound away from my all time low of 16 stone 3 ... cool.

At least now I don't need to worry that I have put anything on or anything like that.

Today's food:
banana
mars bar shared with DS
mussels in tomato and pineapple sauce. Mmmmm
5 chips
half an avocado

I love mussels. You can just put ANYTHING with them and they are fabulous. These were lush wild Cornish ones. To die for. They are my all time favorite food now.

I will get some more on Tuesday next week - can't wait

Oh and I forgot, I also had a slice of DS's sponge cake that he made. Bad news I'm afraid. I puked most of it back up. Its just too dry, and I cant do dry.

Other than that, no PB's

Cry me a river...

Or a couple of canals as well.

My Dad is going to have surgery on Wednesday. 1 week today and it will be all over thank goodness. Apparently the cancer is localised, hasn't spread, and is totally sortable.

One mill stones less.

I cant describe how I felt or how I feel now, but I wish that I could have the operation for him. I know what surgery is like and I know I can handle it... Dad's never been in hospital. Its so strange the way things change and you want to protect your parents rather than how it used to be. I would totally do it for him. In a blink.

So foodwise...
Today has been good. Banana for breakfast, Home made ratatouille on toast for lunch, then more ratatouille on pasta in the evening. 2 yogurts in the evening.

I am going to weigh in soon. I have been putting it off, I have to admit. What with having the curse and then having a couple of pig out days until I pulled myself together, I know that I need to see something nice. If I get on those scales and it hasn't moved in the right direction I will be devastated. So I am giving myself a little time to make absolutely sure that what I want to see WILL be there.

I will see how I feel tomorrow. I always take a drink to bed with me, and if I cant face weighing in, I always drink when I wake up. I never weigh after food or drink, so it tops the wondering instantly.

I also have not done any regular exercise since being banded. I am very active as you know, but I haven't joined a gym, or started a morning walk or any kind of routine. I am now glad that I haven't done this. If my weight starts to plateau out it will mean that at least I will have one more type of ammunition in my arsenal.

I so want to get the next half stone off. I cant wait.

Today's food so far:
1 bowl of mini shredded wheat pillows with pomegranate (apparently) in them. Bit strange, but filled a hole. In fact i didn't even have lunch as I was still full.
15 black olives
1/2 apple

This evening I made risotto -
Rice, onion, garlic, lemon zest, rosemary, lemon juice, white wine and peas. Had it with a nice salad. YUM.
I worked out all the calories for the whole meal by making it 'a meal' on my daily plate. The whole thing when you add all the ingredients together was 2200 cals. It divided unusually into a good 7 portions, so that's a pretty good value dinner for me at only 315 cals. Bargain.

Me, DS, Xandra and Maria all had 1 portion and a salad each, and when DH got home from badminton he had 2 portions and no salad. I have just put the last portion into a tub in the freezer for another day.

I like this new me. I like the girl who makes too much food and freezes it for another day. Its well good having a lasagne in the freezer that's home made, or a chilli, or some home made chicken soup all portioned out.

Right now in my freezer I am very proud of the fact that I have:
4 fish pies that I made all in individual used yoghurt pots.
1 beef chilli to serve 5
4 portions of lasagne individually wrapped
1 pot of risotto
7 bags of chicken casserole

...and all the other shop bought stuff.

Also I have fallen in love with a food. Mussels. I have been yearning to go back to our chateaux just so that I can have them! So I was looking on the net to see if I could buy them fresh and live... and you can! £3.50 a kg. I have ordered some and they will be delivered on Thursday. I have my wonderful 'moule' cooking pot ready to go, so yay I am gonna eat some serious mussels! They are a GREAT bandit food. They taste FABULOUS, they are FULL of protein and they are only 1 calorie a gram! WOW. So 100g mussels, all beautiful and tasty are only 100 cals. 100g mussels will totally fill me up ready to go! And the best thing about them is that they are as easy to cook as a lettuce.

Can't wait.

Food for thoughts

I was eating for my mind again...

Breakfast: Banana
Lunch: a yogurt
Dinner: Chicken Caesar Salad with HOME MADE dressing, lashings of red of wine and 4 packets of sesame snaps. Yes, Packets.

The dressing is made thus:
1 cup very finely grated strong cheddar (didn't have Parmesan)
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 tablespoon of lemon juice
2 tablespoons of olive oil
crushed pepper
1 clove crushed garlic

mix mix mix and it becomes a thin dressing... weirdly... that is AWESOME over chicken salad.
If you like garlic and tang, you GOT to try it. It has got to be an award winner.

Obviously I didn't have much of it, as I feel the need to keep stressing are like a 5 year old's.

I think I consider people who read this blog who don't know about the surgery to think that I am eating the same amount as I used to. In fact I think that's what I think of myself. Because it is so TOTALLY different from what I used to eat, I think I have to explain myself because I don't want people the think I am still eating loads... which evidently I am not.

I have decided too that I am NEVER going to buy a bottle of wine again. 1 glass is fine. More than that means a SERIOUS head thumping headache in the morning. What would be the point in buying a bottle? If I go out, I will have a glass or something, but I am not buying it for the house. I enjoy wine too darn much to throw half a bottle down the sink. Waking up with the mother of all headaches this morning has totally convinced me that I just cant take the alcohol any more.

Its so cool! I mean, its not cool because I really love wine, but I HATE headaches worse. So my diet is obviously seriously affecting my body and this is the good news that is cool! I don't have food in my belly to soak up the booze any more. That equally means I don't have the food in my belly to make me a porker any more.

I really do have trouble expressing what I feel about this band on here... Its like I want to write a whole thesaurus of words to describe the bliss that is having a band (that works!)

So another kind of blow out day for me... I really don't like eating crud any more. I have been really enjoying making meals and stuff for the whole family and enjoying my small portion of it. I am always last to finish so I feel like I have still eaten loads!

One day I might make myself a dinner like I used to eat and see what it looks like. I haven't been out to dinner at a restaurant since having my last fill, so I think possibly the plate size and portion size will shock me. What a shame that I can only eat at those swanky posh places that serve you up 1 pea, a lettuce leaf and some sauce!! HA HA

Horrible

My Dad has cancer.

What is it with that word? Cancer... it's HORRIBLE

Alien

Today my food started good... and ended bad. Surprised? I'm not.

Breakfast: banana
Lunch: bit of pasta
Dinner: Chilli con Carne and rice (Home made)
Evening snack: 200g bar of Dairy Milk Whole Nut and 3 glasses of red wine.

Cals: 2100 - the highest since my 2nd surgery I think!

Food is evil. Its like a drug for me. I abuse food.

I am glad I have my band because otherwise my food intake today would have made a heinous bulk up of my body mass index.

Thudsay whinge

I am SO glad I didn't jump on those scales now! I have the dreaded curse again. How come it seems that 1 month can flash by so fast in that sense, but waiting for pay day is like torture???

Anyway, the curse has staved off all thoughts of jumping on the scales thank goodness. There is no way I would do it now as I know I always retain water with it. My guts feel like a water bed.

So today...

Breakfast was essentially tablets, because I felt so horrible this morning. I got up and had a coffee and then went back to bed until 2:30pm. Unlike me these days, but I felt so weak and tired.

When I got up I was hypoglycemic. My hands were shaking and I couldn't walk straight, so I immediately ate some chocolate spread in a slice of bread. Little tiny nibbles washed down with orange juice. Seemed to stop the shaking, but was still feeling decidedly odd. I had another slice of bread and some maple syrup in it and washed that down with orange juice too and by 20 minutes later I was feeling fine.

I always crave sugary food around my period... so maybe its not a case of just wanting, but needing! Anyway, later on I went to work and had a banana about 4pm. When I got home I made dinner and we all had quiche, baked beans and potato croquettes. I managed 2 croquettes and a 1/4 quiche, but it took a while.

I am still really pleased with my portions.

My body still wants to snack though! Especially at this time of the month. Towards the end of the evening I grabbed a couple of yoghurts and a nutrigrain bar - what a naughty girl I was. I cant believe that this amounts to a pig out day for me now!! HA HA its amazing!

Desperate to jump on the scales...

I am desperate to. I just wanna know if I have lost any more weight! It's all I think about... I even take a drink to bed with me so that I can have a drink instantly in the morning so it puts me off of weighing myself.

Yes, I am crazy.

Jumping on and off the scales is NOT good for me. I have been so good, but I always get to Wednesday and I can't take it any more.

'So jump on!', I hear you scream.

No, its not good because if its the same weight, then I will be really disheartened and sabotage myself. If its a gain I will be gutted. If its a loss... well that's cool, but I am too worried about the other two to just go for it.

Thankfully I am only obsessing about the scales. Everything else is seemingly normal.

Food wise, I still have monster restriction. I am not tempted to be an idiot and eat crap. I am making meals every day, and eating a varied diet.

Today's food

Breakfast: 1 mouthful of pancake, puked up 10 minutes later.

Snack: banana

Lunch: Chicken curry and rice

Dinner: Chicken casserole... well a bit of it.

And here's what was left when I had finished. took me the best part of 40 minutes to eat.

This was such a lovely dinner too...

Sweet potato, Onion, Carrot, lentils, Potato chicken breast cubes and stock.

Y U M

So that's me done for the day. I don't know how many calories the casserole has, but it didn't have any extra fat or anything... just veg and water. The rest of my food for today adds up to about 300 calories, so I guess I am under 500 today.

So even though I keep worrying that I am going to start putting on weight, or that my portion sizes are getting bigger, or any other paranoid thoughts, everything seems to be going swimmingly.

I wish SO much that my band never went wrong. Its really stressing me out. I am so close to being 16 stone 3, where I was end of last May... I know its dumb as anything, but I cant help but feel like its going to go wrong, or its going to just stop working, or something.

I never realised how much this is still affecting me really. I think once I am past that 16 stone 3 mark, I will start to relax and really settle my heart on the prospect of actually achieving my goal weight...

I can't wait until the next 3 pounds are over with.

That's another reason why I am so eager to get on those scales.

This Moaning

Not that I am really moaning or anything, but I am still 16 stone 5 pounds today. I think that's pretty cool, but I had hoped maybe just to edge it down, say, half a pound or so by today.

Nevermind.

I know that next weeks weigh in might be a little awry because of the dreaded curse... So we shall see.

Hello to LIBSMOM who left a comment. Great to know you are reading, and I shall be dropping by your blog too definitely! Its great to spur each other on.

Right, today's food has been...

1/2 apple
1 nutrigrain bar
some pasta, 3 meatballs and tomato sauce
Spanish Tortilla (like omelette with potato in it) and salad

I have no idea what the calories were for that little lot, but like I said its a LITTLE lot! Gotta be under 1000 for sure.

I remember once trying to eat less than 1000 calories a day for a while... This was eons ago... it was sheer torture. I still wonder how its possible that I only eat this small amount! I am so in lurve with my band - its the Business!

How tight are you?

Oh man oh man!
I am SO tight today. My band has not been very friendly today AT ALL.
This morning I took my tablets and had a coffee, then on the way to the meeting I ate a banana. It didn't feel too good and I thought I might pb, but I didn't. We had lunch at the hall and I could only eat 1 forkful of food. Went out afterwards for an hour with Janet which was great and when I got home I thought I would try and finish the lunch. Na! I had a coffee and then started on my lunch again and 1 forkful later... I was all over and had to pb. Well strange.

There is not a blockage or anything because I can swallow liquids fine... I don't feel choked or anything and I was feeling hungry, so I thought I would be ok. Obviously I was hungry so goodness knows what was going on in there.

I then took Ds and the girls skating. I was feeling really weak having only had a banana and 2 mouthfuls of food and I succumbed to the torturous mars bar. However, by the time I got back I had to pb on that too! I cannot believe I couldn't even eat the mars bar.

So stuff dinner tonight. Its not worth the effort. I feel a little bit raw to be honest and I am gonna stick with liquids for the rest of the day. I cant face another pb today.

I wonder why I am so tight today? I have absolutely no idea.

Anyway, our Spanish lodgers are fitting right in to family life. DS, Xandra and Maria were all on the sofa watching a film - so cute!

Today's food:

1 banana

2 spoons of couscous

1 olive

1 mars bar

half litre of orange juice

Ho hum.

DH is being made redundant - he has a new job already!

Thankfully DH foresaw the problem's his company was going to get into and knew it would be his head for the chop. He started looking for a new job in November last year, and was about to hand his notice in... But this is even better news! He will get redundancy pay now too! Bonus! Although its always nicer on the ego to think you resigned rather than were pushed out, this give us a nice little next egg to start with.

So I am looking at it that way, and hopefully he will really enjoy his new job. He had gotten really tired and frustrated in the old one.

So I think he will probably be made redundant officially next week some time, and then have his 4 weeks notice to work. Then he starts the new one right away. Yay.

I am also riding high weight wise; I couldn't stand it any longer, and jumped on the scales to reveal...



All Care Animal

OH YEAH, Baby!

Another 3 pounds down the toilet. I think what LBG said on her last comment was correct. I don't need a fill. I have total restriction at the moment. Long may it reign.

I know its not official weigh in day, but I just had to put this one down on the chart because its so cool. Just 2 pounds away from where I was last May! Another 2 pounds and I will be once again surfing into the uncharted waters of my weightloss expedition.

When I reach 15 stone something I think I will cry. In fact, I know I will. I will also take my next photo!!!

Mad couple'a days

Haven't really done much these last few days other that clean, paint, tidy and stuff like that. Its all been quite intense. Having 2 lodgers is actually a lot harder to prepare for. But I am sure I will like the money which will make it all worthwhile! HA HA.

Band wise, I am not sure if its my imagination, but I seem to be feeling hungry occasionally throughout the day...

For the last couple of weeks, I haven't felt hungry really that often... only at the normal times if you know what I mean. But for the last couple of days, I have been feeling a little hungry and checking out the pantry and fridge and generally having a look around for food...

However, my calories intake has NOT significantly increased...

I am wondering if its a combination of possibles...

1.) Maybe I am missing Carina, and I have been anxious over what our new lodger will be like and its making me resort to old habits of comfort eating...
2.) Maybe I have just worked my absolute butt off and have therefore negated all my calories I have eaten by mass painting/housework. For my weight I burn off 450 calories an hour in heavy housework. Yesterday I was doing 'on my hands and knees scrubbing' kind of house work (with sweat!) for 3 hours solid! Its been a pretty manic few days, so maybe my body is just thinking its not only starving, but in a labour camp!
3.) I need a fill... I don't think so, because I am still sick too often on the easiest of foods, and I am full quickly aswell. I don't think this is the case, but I am wondering if maybe at some point you just need it to keep it tight around the stomach. Losing 18 pounds must mean you lose a little around that area too... (surely of drop sized equivalent anyway!).

I was wondering, because I have 2 weeks of shortly for the traditional Easter Holidays, I was thinking about doing a day trip to Brugge with the family and seeing Dr. Dillemans at the same time to check me over. That way I will know how things are going and also be able to get a fill if he thinks its necessary.

I don't really want to think about fills. I feel completely different these days and I know I have restriction, but in 3 weeks... maybe I will need a top up? Anyone know how long the restriction lasts for? I guess that's a huge question, and it must differ from person to person so strike that.

So yesterday's calories were 950:
Breakfast: 2 weetabix with milk
Snack: 3 mini savoury eggs
Lunch: 1 bread roll with beetroot and salad creme. (Geez that took ages to eat!)
Dinner: Rice and chicken curry
pudding: small portion of sponge cake with tinned peaches.

Yesterday I had absolutely NO sick episodes.

Today so far I have had:
Breakfast: 2 shredded wheat with milk

will update later.

Weigh in day yahoo!

Ta Da!
Drum roll please...

I lost 3 pounds this week!! Oh yeah!

That takes my total weightloss since banding in February 2007 to 20 pounds, and MORE IMPORTANTLY 18 pounds since it was fixed on November 9th 2007.

YES YES YES YES YES 16 stone 8 pounds.

I think I can honestly say that since it has been fixed many things have dawned on me.

Things that I thought were impossible became like a light at the end of a tunnel, and then quickly disappeared when my band broke. I felt like a complete screw up. Finding out that it was broken after such a long time made me cry with joy because it let me dare the believe that it wasn't actually my fault.

Since it has been fixed...

I know what a 'proper' fill should feel like
I know a fill is nothing to be scared shitless of.
I know that at 5.1ml I had more restriction than I had EVER had
I know what 6.1ml feels like
I know what proper restriction feels like
I know when to stop eating
I know that I must sit down and be 'involved' in my eating
I now know why everyone says "chew chew chew" or "spew spew spew!"
I know what its like to lose weight every week when you find the correct restriction.
I know what it feels like to not be in pain EVERY day
I know that a lot of people have faulty bands
I know that I am not a failure
I know that I will reach my goal
I know I already feel better emotionally and physically
I know that I cannot over-eat any more.
I know that my band breaking was the WORST thing that could ever have happened
I know that sticking with it was the correct thing to do
I know that the band is the best tool in the world for me
I know that this band is changing my life
I know that I love my band like crazy

Oh my, oh my... within 2 weeks I will be hitting the mark where I am the lowest I have ever been. I could actually cry with joy. The lowest I got before my band broke back in May 2007 was 16 stone 3. That means just 5 more pounds until I reach my first HUGE milestone.
Cooooool. Bring it on!

**Update**
Todays cals: 560
100g boiled rice
1/2 can chicken curry
1 sausage
1 helping peas
1 tbsp mashed potatoes

Bye Bye Carina :o(

Today we said bye bye to our German lodger, Carina. DS was terribly upset. She seemed to be holding it together until I gave her a hug and thanked her for being such a cool lodger. The tears started then, so I quickly said goodbye and hurried her out of the door so that it didn't get all dragged out and horrible. I am really going to miss her. She has already phoned me and told me she is back in Germany and that she is fine. Apparently all her friends and family were there to meet her which is lovely for her.

So today has been a bit horrible. Its sort of been flat and grey and boring. I spent the afternoon and best part of the evening painting. I have painted a couple of doors, a couple of skirting's and some architrave. washed down the walls in the hall and stairs and washed the doors around the handles. I find they get really grubby for some reason. Its only when you start cleaning stuff you realise how minging everything is! So I have a sparkly house that stinks of paint. Great.

I have made the two rooms up for our new Spanish lodgers who arrive on Tuesday evening. I am really excited to meet them. I hope they will like it here and hope that they will be as relaxed with us as Carina was. we will make them as welcome as we possibly can anyway, so hopefully they will fit right in. Maria is taking the yellow bedroom upstairs and Xandra is taking the blue bedroom downstairs. I have made up both their beds and put fresh towels in their rooms and all that kind of thing. I would really like to run a hotel I think. I really enjoy making the room nice for guests.

Food wise, today has been a bit odd. I have felt hungry quite a lot today. I awoke with a bad headache, which I had to dampen with pills... the only ones were ibuprofen. I know I am not allowed to take it but I was desperate! I am sure one tablet won't hurt me. Goodness knows where the paracetamol have gone. We seem to eat packets and packets of them.

Anyway, today I have also pb'd twice.

Breakfast:
I didn't have anything except for juice.

Lunch:
Pasta with pesto and Parmesan on.

Snack:
1/2 Hot bread roll with pesto on

Dinner:
1 sausage, onion gravy, 3 green beans and some strange egg/flour gnocchi type stuff.

I pb'd on the roll, and also on my dinner. Only a little bit. Not serious, but I had to make myself sick on both occasions as my chest was so tight.

I am feeling really shit about food today. I sat looking at my dinner wishing I could just eat it all up really quick.

I did something really weird today too.. When I was eating the roll and I knew I had had enough, I took a massive bite and chewed it and chewed it and then spat it out. Then I took another big bite and did the same again. It felt really nice to have a mouth full of food and to really have a good old chew. Psychologically this is really starting to kick arse. I am obviously craving food, and craving chewing. I have taken to eating gum quite a lot too... another thing I never used to do. I was never a gum chewer. I know its really not a good idea to chew gum with a band in case you swallow it, but I am gonna risk it. I have never EVER swallowed gum yet... Famous last words? I dunno, but come on man its such a remote thing. Also I have a mouthful not some little iddy bitty piece of gum. I like to have about 3 or 4 sticks/bits going round in there at one time to get me really chewing! HA

So I am feeling hard done by and annoyed because I cant eat. Strange that this should coincide with Carina leaving and me being upset. I wonder what I would have eaten had I not had this band? So I just discovered I do comfort eat, and I kind of thought that I didn't too much.

Well I couldn't comfort eat, which is even greater news! Hmmm

Yesterday

Went to work on a coffee and a banana. Came home and we all went to Tesco's. I bought some new type of cereal bar which were really nice. The Groove by Alpen. Yum and only 140 cals each.

Then cam home and we went to tesco to get a few bits for the evening... DS wanted to get a cake for Carina (as she is going home today) and we needed some wine and beer to take to TB's house for the karaoke. We also got DS a new Wii game to cheer him up.

Lunch was 100g baked potato with cheese... only managed half and even then less than that actually stayed down as I was one again over the kitchen sink puking.

Then I went back to work and afterwards made my way to TB's house where TB's DH had made a lovely curry as a good bye meal. I couldnt eat very much at all. I had a poppadom and a couple of spoons of curry and rice, but that was it.

Yesterdays cals were 1400. Mainly due to wine, but cake and stuff too. Not a god day cal wise.
However 6 months ago a goodbye meal blow out would have topped to 3000 cals so its so great to know that I simply CANNOT eat over the top any more. So cool.

Going great guns

Still got the same restriction... still having the occasional puke, but I have been able to keep myself in check in the main.

Today's food...
Breakfast:
Apple

Snack:
mini bite size cadbury's caramel

Lunch:
2 slices bread, cheddar chesse, tomato toasted... but not eaten. I managed 1 quarter of this toastie... most likely 1 bit of tomato, a bit of cheese and half a slice of bread... and then most of that ended up in the sink when I pb'd.

Dinner:
2 little fish cakes, spoon of baked beans and a spoon of mashed potato.

Evening snack bowl of ice cream.

Total for today 850 cals.

Oh, and by the way... don't tell any one, but today I sneakily weighed myself... It said 17 stone 8 and a half... Oh BLISS! But I wont record it until monday so that I get my same weekly result.

Ok, not much to report, but here it is...

Breakfast:
Nothing

Lunch:
Spaghetti (140g cooked) and 3 meatballs

Snack:
1 glass of orange juice

Dinner:
Cottage Pie and peas

Total cals today 545.

Thats todays breakdown. Nothing happened of interest today. Got up, taught DS, went to work, came home and am now off to bed.

Feeling cold :o(

Today I have been mostly feeling cold. I don't know if its because I am burning fat or what, but I am chilly all the time. Even in Bed. No one else is.

DS was running around all morning in his pants. He said he was too warm to put clothes on. By the way, who feels that I should worried about my 9 year old son not liking clothes...? Anyone? Seriously, the boy prefers to be in the nude or as nude as possible. He has absolutely no hang ups whatsoever and even once fully dressed, usually by the end of the day he has managed to lose the jumper, socks, t shirt, and trousers at odd places around the house.

I was also really annoyed yesterday. I left a HUGE pile of clothes, all folded, on his bed for him to out away. When I went up to check on him and give him a kiss, because I got back from work after he was in bed, I saw him sleeping WITH said pile. I couldn't believe it. He had just got into bed and laid on top of them all. What is wrong with him? There are toys in that bed, books, pens, crayons, cups, wrappers, PlayStation games and biscuit crumbs and it must be SO uncomfortable, but he says he likes it. I have given up bothering to tidy it up because it simply doesn't work. He likes living in a sty.

Anyway, I am freezing right now too, and am about to go to bed with a tracksuit on.
Foodwise:
Breakfast: nothing but pills.
Snack: 1 Banana
Lunch: 100g Nasi Goreng (a chicken and rice dish from Eismann)
Dinner: 100g Lasagne and peas.

Total cals today are 454.

Wicked!

Today's food etc

Not been a great day to be honest...
I was a little weak willed.

Todays cals topped just over the thousand at 1023.

This morning I had a banana. Then a carrot. Then an apple. Then an Ice cream. Then I went to work and I had some wine gums en-route. Dumb decision as I had to pop into the shop to buy a treat for one of my pupils - there was a 2 for a £1 deal. I was too weak to fight. What a dumb ass. Then I came home and had chicken, butternut squash and about an ounce of pastry followed by 1 ball of ice cream.

I had 2 pb's today. The first was after I ate a wine gum. Nah. It wasn't going to have it, so it had to come up... at a pupils house.
The second was after eating my dinner (but before the ice cream #2!). My band has serious issues with chicken. I must must must remember this.

I felt in need of sugar today. Maybe its the muscles trying to fix themselves from the complete repainting of the kitchen at 1am. My arms have been screaming all day!

Best £100 ever spent

FROM THIS...

...TO THIS IN 4 Days

An amazing transformation £25 on ceramic door knobs and £75 on really good paint and varnish and primer etc. DH finally put on the kick boards and even filled in the missing bits of cupboard after just 7 years! I now have my new kitchen.

Weigh in day... yay!

Another 1 and a half pounds bite the dust!
Weight this week is 16 stone 11 pounds - a fabulous 17 pounds down.

I never really talk about my exercise, mainly because I don't really do any specific classes, or workouts or set things. But I have worked my butt off the last two weeks.

I am not one of these people who sit about or walk slowly. In the last 2 weeks I have re decorated our 4th bedroom, tiled and decorated the utility room and now re painted the kitchen and helped TB paint the cupboards. these things work up a serious sweat and make my poor body ache like crazy, so guess I am doing enough exercise.

This year alone I have completely renovated our downstairs and also built a swimming pool in the garden. I think that's quite a lot for a lass. But daily, I guess you could say I get a sweat on each day doing something... cleaning, walking, dashing from house to house for lessons, shouting at DH/Ds for something :o) or whatever.

I know a lot of people say this, but I really don't have time for the gym or a yoga class or whatever. I work at the wrong times for that. Its why I never get to see any TV shows and have to record anything I want to watch. Working from 3 until 10pm everyday kind of puts paid to going to an evening class or workout.

As you know, during the day, I have DS and we are schooling and doing stuff. I cant do it then either. So bike rides, roller skating and walking are what we like best.

Seeing as i never mention an 'exercise' I thought I better let ya'll know why.

will update later

OK, this is now MORE than perculiar...

Right now I am eating 2 fromage frais and a yoghurt because I have had hardly anything to eat today.

This morning I got up and went into town about some paint that needed changing. I took my tablets before I went and when I got back I picked up TB on the way through and started on the kitchen painting again. It got to about 2pm and I hadnt eaten anything. We are out of most things... I SERIOUSLY need to shop, but just cant be bothered. so I rummaged in the fridge.

I asked TB if she wanted to eat anything, and I thought I could make an omlette or something. But she said she didnt want anything and wasnt hungry... DH and DS had already had a couple of ham rolls each...

I looked around the fridge. I wasnt particularly hungry either, but I was goign to work shortly so I thought I had better eat something. I grabbed 2 carrots from the bag and ate them. They were hard work actually. I was full after finishing them too.

Then I went to work, came back and the kitchen is in chaos, so I said to DH to order a curry. He did, and when it came I sat down to eat too. I gave myslef a 1/4 naan bread, 2 large inch cubes of chicken and a tabespoon of rice and some curry sauce. I actually ate half the rice, 2 bites of naan and 1 cube of chicken. Then after feeling quite uncomfortable for 10 minutes had to go and spew in the sink. It was just saliva it seemed... so at least the food stayed down.

So then I carried on in the kitchen with TB and its got to half 12 and I am updating my daily plate... when I add up my calories...

Oh. I have eaten 288 cals today. That's seriously bad right?

Does anyone else have this 'problem'? I just didn't feel very hungry today. Simple as. But that has got to be strange. So I am eating another 300 cals just so my body doesn't think its throat has been cut. I don't know if that's the good thing to do or not, but I don't think I want to exist on less than 300 cals.

OMG 300 cals. How is that possible...?!?!

Ok, now its 242 more as I ate the yoghurt's all up like a good girl.

today's total cals: 530

Most perculiar day post 6.1ml

Today has been... random.

I took my Prozac and my antibiotic and then gulped down my vitamin before I thought to break it in two... Instantly felt sick, but just did NOT have time to be. So I got in the car and drive to town. well that was the plan. I got half way there and had to pull in to an industrial estate and hurl my gut's up in a layby infront of a selection of builders.

"Gets better after the 4th month love!" was the chorus.

HA HA. Yeah whatever dudes. Its a lap band. Not that you'd know what that is. They didn't. Great, so I look like a complete tool.

This pissed me off really bad. I have been really really really really (did I say really?) broody. I can't have any more children. If I could have, then I would have about 5 by now no worries. However, I was sterilized at the tender age of 22 because of a blood thing that I have got. Its just too darn risky for me. I nearly died having DS as it is. That's enough chances for me thanks.

So, as DS is now 9, and not particularly enjoying the mass hugs and snogs and slobbers that he has to endure daily, I really miss a little baby munchkin to smother with love. DS puts up with it, but its like "Awww MUM!"

So I was in a happy mood. Came home and looked at ebay for a while and ate a yoghurt and watched a bit of Jeremy Kyle... and then TB phoned and said she was coming over to paint my kitchen. So I went over and picked her and the paint up and we came back and got cracking. So I spent a pleasant 3 hours scrubbing and prepping my kitchen.

DH and DS, my sister and Carina all had fish and chips from the chip shop. I was busy scrubbing and didn't bother eating. TB didn't have anything either; just carried on working.

I was getting ready to go to work a little bit later and I grabbed the half of fishcake that DS hadn't finished. That was me full. On the way to work it dawned on me that I had only eaten a yoghurt and half a fish cake. Oh dear.

At my second pupils I get a cup of tea and a cake. I ate a bit if the cake and realised that it wasn't going to stay put. I quietly and with as much dignity as I could, made my excuses and went to the bathroom to hurl. Goodness knows what they thought. Ho Hum. No more cake. Just drank the tea.

So I Got back from work at 7:30pm and, not surprisingly, I was not hungry. So I immediately started to rub down the units in the kitchen and fill some holes and things. DH made me a coffee. He said he wasn't hungry because of the chips earlier, so I didn't bother to cook. I grabbed a yoghurt at 9 and have just finished that.

Today's food has been poor to say the least, and minimal for sure. 450 cals have been consumed if I count a whole fishcake, because I cant exactly know how many calories are in a chip shop fish cake. I chose one with the most calories and counted that. I would rather over estimate than under estimate and not be able to work out why I don't lose weight.

But I get a suspicion that this weight lark is not going to be the problem that it has been in the past! I love my band. I can honestly say that I don't feel hungry and I feel well and not dizzy or weak or anything either. Hope it lasts.

Ra.... where is the sun?

I am feeling really down without any sun. Its been proper grim round here for the last week. Its just freezing and all I want to do is snuggle up in my pyjamas and lie in bed.

However, I haven't done that. I had to get up this morning to iron DH's shirt as he was running late. Then I did a few bits and bobs and put things on ebay after I cleared out a load of my clothes and stuff. Carina was a real help as she measure them all and told me stuff whilst I listed them. Over 40 items. Phew!

Then I went to work, bla bla.

So foodwise...

Breakfast:
Nothing again

Lunch:
1/3rd tin baked beans on 1 slice toast with grated cheese.

Dinner:
Home made cottage pie. About 2 decks of cards in size... less than shop bought packet one anyway. However, I seriously couldnt be bothered to count the individual calories, so I counted it as 299 like a shop bought one! Mine would be less than that because it was extra lean mince, no fat added and only onion, peas and carrots and then potato on top.

Todays cals 591.
Woo Hoo.

Dear Diary... 103 days after band was fixed

Breakfast:
1 poached egg on 1 piece of toast.

Well that's what it tried to be. I am still struggling to keep it down right now at midday!
As you can see half a yolk, and less than half a slice of toast.

Lunch:

A small plate of pasta with garlic and mayonnaise and Parmesan

Dinner:

1/4 quiche and peas and sweetcorn.

Total calories today 818.

Another good day!

Todays update 1 year 4 days after banding...

Today has been cool once again. In reality and in the emotive.

Breakfast:
Nowt

Lunch:
1 Ye Olde Oak Hot dog
1 finger roll
tomato sauce
onions

Dinner:
Gypsy roast and peas.

Snack:
1 Pear

I am seriously LOVING my band at the moment. I might consider proposing to it is so damn great.

Today's calories were 691.

I have not been too hungry... just the what I consider to be 'normal' feeling of wanting a meal soon. This is an absolute miracle for me.

I must admit I don't count my milk that I have in coffee's, but its skimmed and not a great deal. Probably a pint a day if that.

So apart from being the coldest day ever this year, where even the snowmen stayed in doors, it has been pretty darn chill on the food front too.

I am off to bed now to catch up on some reading.

hugz

Just a quicky...

I weighed this morning, even though I wasn't going to. I vowed I would NEVER hear 17 stone something again... so being on the 2nd day into the monthly curse of all women I really thought that I would have gained.

Jumped on, at DH's insistence and was stunned to have lost another 1/2 pound.

I don't think that has EVER happened at this dreaded time. Also it was really sneaky this month... I had no prior warning and I didn't feel the need to binge out... or kill everyone within 100 metres...

So I was pleased to now weigh in at 16 stone 12 and a half pounds. 15 and a half lost. YAY

I am not going to weigh again until next Monday now because I really like doing it weekly and seeing a good result. I find that sometimes if I hop on and off each day I get downhearted. I don't want to stop that buzz feeling I have right now.

Going to the doctors this morning to get some more pills and also see if I can get something to sort my awful puss filled spotty face! It must be a result of the different/lack of foods...? any ideas? Also BIG blind spots, yuk! Not enjoyable, just painful and annoying.

Not a lot to report... but will do it anyway

Or maybe, actually there is...?
Yesterday we went down to my Mum and Dad's. We had a really cool time. My brother and his fiancee came over for lunch and then my brother asked DH to be his Best Man. How lovely is that? DH has obviously known him for years - my brother was just 16 when we got together - but we never thought he would ask him. My brother has so many friends, but apparently none he can truely rely on sincerely on the big day. I thought that that was really sweet. DH was really blown away too.

So DH is Best Man and DS is a Paige boy! I am not doing anything THANK GOODNESS! I am already planning my WOW factor as I am hoping beyond all hope to be nicely along in my weight loss expedition. The last time I saw everyone was at my brothers engagement party. I was pre band then too... so about 18 stone. I am hoping that I will at least have lost another stone before August, and the way things are going with my FABULOUS band, I think I might just pull that off!!!

My Dad has also bought a Sinclair C5. Remember them? I cant believe he has bought one, but he has much to DS's delight! He's got it going and has driven it up the road and stuff. Its in incredibly great nick. I have always wondered what they were like in real life. Your legs go over the handlebars and you steer it from close to your hips. Its a really strange thing. But, if you thought I was crazy... then you might get an idea where I get it from now!

So, yeah, yesterday was really great. Food wise I wasn't very happy with myself. For breakfast I had half a tin of mixed bean salad (140cals) and then when we got to my Mum and Dad's we had coffee and I had a shortbread biscuit. It got a little bit stuck, but soon passed. For lunch everyone had pizza and chips, but I had pasta with a stir in sauce and roasted vegetables. Totally fine. After initially tuning down ice cream, I succumbed as everyone was being offered seconds and had 1 scoop. Its amazing how SIT this makes you feel. Such guilt from something so tiny. Our minds are powerful things. By this time I thought I might as well go and shove my head in a gas oven and ate 6 sugarland chews from lidl - a bit like starburst. Then later when we got back from the suit fitting for the wedding (luck DH said yes to being best man huh!!!??!!) I had another shortbread biscuit with coffee. Then for tea Mum brought out hot cross buns, lemon drizzle cake, cream sponge cake, wagon wheels, bread and butter. Oh my.

Initially I was scared. Because I am *Paranoid Pants* I thought, maybe my band is broken and I am gonna get fat again, so I tucked into a hot cross bun. I ate 1 hot cross bun. Half a bun at a time. I was then - swear to God - worried that I was right and my band had indeed broken. WHY? I dunno!! So I ate a bit of lemon drizzle cake. then rushed to the kitchen sink! Puked up the cake and felt miserable, but glad to know my band was there. I kid you not, I really do go through these crisis moments thinking because I have been able to eat something that I maybe should not have had, the band must have stuffed up again. I am such an idiot.

Anyway, tea was over with. Another coffee and shortbread biscuit and we were on our way home. On the drive home I ate another 12 - 15 chews. Felt thoroughly miserable with myself and had convinced myself that I had overeaten and RUINED the whole weeks good work. We got home at about 10:30 and went straight to bed.

Then this morning, I got up and had some weetabix. I managed 2 spoonfuls, and I was done.

It was after this that I decided to face the music on The Daily Plate and add up my calories. I entered absolutely everything and I was GOBSMACKED to find that I only consumed 1200cals. That's after all the sweets and stuff too!! I really thought it was gonna say 3000 or something. That is what it would have said PRE banding. Goes to show really. I felt awful for no reason. I will try and remember this lesson.

So on this happy note, I made lunch at about 1pm and I ate 1 and a half chipolata sausages and 1 friend egg and 1 spoon of baked beans.

Then I went to get something out of the freezer and guess what. EVERYTHING WAS DEFROSTED. AGAIN!!! That's twice in 4 months. So I have spent the whole afternoon cooking. The switch for the freezer got knocked off whilst decorating and must have been off for at least 2 days. I have lost ALL my soups I made and had in store - Borscht, pea soup, chicken soup, lentil soup etc. I had 3 bags of prawns, 8 large lamb chops, mince, fish, 8 chicken breasts and bread rolls, bread and pastry etc.

So I have made a chicken and onion pie, a Chicken and butternut squash pie - that's the chicken and pastry taken care of. I have made a cottage pie too and 5 fisherman's pies. I have thrown a whole bag of sprouts out. What a nightmare. I am just glad it wasn't stocked to the brim. It is bad enough having to throw away all that home made soup. GRRRRRRRR

So by the time it came to eat dinner this evening, I seriously couldn't face it. I cooked lamb chops, parsnip and carrots, but I ended up leaving it for DH. I had a quarter of cheese and tomato quiche instead.

So today's calories have been 645. I am off to bed now. Back to work tomorrow. *sigh*

I couldn't take it any more!!!

Some of my dedicated and loving blog readers might have noticed the weight change bar above... has changed...

It now says 15 POUNDS LOST.

Because...

I just couldnt take it any more and weighed myself. I have lost 4 pounds since Sunday!!
WOW bloody WOW WOW WOW!

So I have now achieved 2 goals..
Lose 1 stone and get into the 16 stone zone.
Both done, today! YES!

I now weigh 16 stone 13 pounds.

Because this is SO awesome, I am gonna put it in the weightloss record.

I know its just in there but the BUZZ I got from the scales saying 16 instead of their usual 17 was like sweet music to my ears.

This also means that its only 10 pounds until I am back to my original banded weightloss...
The total loss I ever managed before it buggered up was 25 pounds. That was my lowest banded weight (16 stone 3). It was devestating to see it go up and up and up... I just wish someone had noticed and sorted it out earlier. Well, they didnt, so I guess I have to get on with it. Its working now honeyz!

My lowest banded weightloss was on 16th May 2007. I will be so great if I am less than 16 stone 3 by 16th May. In a strange way it will make me feel really good to know that I am back on track, even though its a year later. I still feel a little bit like I am competing with my initial weightloss. If I weigh 16 stone 3 before May 16th I will be very very happy; like I have overtaken myselfagain. I know it doesnt make sense, but somehow it will make me feel 'even'.

So the scales are shifting downwards again thank God. I knew that they would because food intake and eating habits have had to drastically change since Sunday. It has only been the last 24 hours where I have actually puked on food. I guess you start to relax a bit and forget to chew 500 times and do 450 times instead and WHAM! Your band says NO! NO! NO!
So I was reminded, not that gently, that thou must first chew TO DEATH the cooked beast and vegetation of the field.

Todays food:
BREAKFAST:
Tablets. Didnt want anything after that.

LUNCH:
1 McDonalds Hamburger (300cals)
5 Mc Donalds fries
1 orange juice
dipping sauce

IN CINEMA:
NOTHING! GO ME!!!!!!!!! I was too full from McDonalds! COOOOOOL!

DINNER:
Roasted vegetables (Butternut squash, aubergine, courgette, tomato, onion, pepper, sweet potato) coleslaw and green salad - 275 cals

So with a few other odds and sods, today's calorie intake is gratifyingly low at 835.

1 YEAR SINCE BANDING

I cannot believe that it has been this long, and yet gone so quickly.So after a year, two surgeries a total of 11 pounds weight lost... Am I glad I had the band?

YEAH! I know that if it hadnt blown apart, or someone had noticed and diagnosed it within the 8 months it was broken, then I would definately be close to my goal now.

So today, just to show you how much I love my band, I have taken photos of a couple of interesting items I ate today which PROVE that the band works. COMPLETELY.

Here is a plain regular size apple I tried this evening at about 5pm. Its still sitting on my desk waiting to be finished. I COULD NOT eat any more.

Here is the remains of my dinner. I have been painting and tiling all day again, so DH said he would get fish and chips. I ordered a small cod. I pinched 5 of hubbies chips and two are still on the plate as you can see. The cod fitted on the plate, so you can see exactly how much I could eat. No much. HA! Cool.

Suddenly this band is doing the job in a way I would never never never never in a MILLION years have been able to.

Its really strange. Until you are literally AT THIS POINT you cant imagine what its like. This is like mind blowing. I have read so many blogs where they say things like "When you get the perfect restriction you will know" and I kept asking "How?" I mean surely there must be some kind of way to describe it...

Well basically its the above pictures. This is what restriction is. Couple it with a feeling of fullness thats NICe and not bloated and hurting. Couple those with not being hungry between meals. Then wrap all of those up in a ribbon with realising you are eating around 800 cals WITHOUT TRYING!!!!!!!!!!! I mean WOW!

Today I can truly honestly from the bottom of my heart say

I love my band

So back to boring stuff...

Breakfast: rest of the prawn and salmon salad in the fridge from yesterday's lunch

Lunch: Knorr chicken noodle soup - 1/3rd packet

Snack @ 5pm: Kiwi

Snack @ 6pm: 1/4 apple

Dinner: 1/3rd piece of battered cod and 3 chips

Total (I F'ING LOVE MY BAND) Calories - 501

Awesome.

Breakfast:
1 chopped apple, 1 kiwi fruit, 4 grapes and 1 petit filous.
This kept me well full until lunch time. It took me 30 minutes to eat.

Lunch:

Or rather the REMAINS of my lunch (still in the fridge!).

I forgot to take a pic before I started gobbling it, but remembered when I saw the camera on the side on the way out to the kitchen with my plate. The complete meal was:

a handful of salad

70g prawns

50g smoked salmon

tablespoon of chilli sauce

2 tablespoons of cocktail sauce (home made with less cals!)

However, I only ate HALF of this as you can see. I had to stop as I started to feel a little pressure in my oeasophagus. So I thought -

"Right, rather than sit here and keep trying to eat a little bit more, and then
a little bit more, I will bung it in the fridge and get on with my jobs. If I
get hungry I can eat it then."

Didn't get hungry. Didnt end up eating it. HA HA HA HA HA COOOOOOL!

Spent the whole day tiling and painting and stuff in our Utility room. Am totally covered from head to toe in silicone sealant and paint and bits of tiles. But it looks WELL GOOD! I dont know why I didnt do it before. Its like one of those rooms that are getting a bit ropey, but you dont notice, as its kind of got older with you!!! Then one day you look and think "Jeez, this has got to be done up" and start wondering if anyone who visits thinks you are a total scab hound.

When I got right down on the floor and started work I was pretty ashamed of my housekeeping. I blame it on the short sightedness!! It really was well grim under the radiator where the dryer pumps out its perfumed fuzz laden air right onto the pipes. Without skirting boards since we tiled the floor over a year ago (OMG!) its kind of started to get a bit gross where the plaster is a bit damp etc. So its done now... filled, made good, sealed and skirted and now tiled to boot. Looks ace.

If I am renting the room downstairs to one of the Spanish girls, I cant very well let her walk into that pig sty every morning. I would want to shoot myself. So we have made it really cool now. Will finish it off with a lick of coffee colour paint tomorrow and it will be awesome.

DINNER:

I made Spaghetti Bolognese.

Extra lean mince, passata, onions, garlic (lots of!) and pasta.

I am still full now and its 11pm. Yippee flaming doo!

YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Total cals today according to The Daily Plate 823

I could cry with ecstasy.

Dare I say... 364 days after banding,

I LOVE MY BAND

Tomorrow is my 1 year bandiversary.

I kind of hate to think what I would look like now had the blow out not happened... but

Que Sara Sara

I'm not skinny yet, but this time next year I definatley WILL be!!!!!!

Another day in the life of me.

TODAYS CALS 817

SPELL CHECKER STILL NOT WORKING. SORT IT OUT BLOGGER PEOPLE!!!

Today I felt really lazy, but got up with DH and then just bummed around on the computer and doing loads of washing. Spent just over 2 hours on the phone to my Mum too. How cool are free phone calls!!

Breakfast:
1 weetabix with skimmed milk

Lunch:
1 yoghurt
1 snack egg... like a scotch egg, but much smaller and with egg mayo inside. Yum

Snack:
1 Yoghurt

Dinner:
3 tablespoons of pilau rice
3 ounzes of chicken breast
1 tablespoon green lentils
1/4 onion
1/5th Jar of Yellow thai curry sauce (Loyd Grossman)

(this is such a SMALL meal. COOOOOOOL!)

Evening snack:
1/2 box raspberries (100g) and skimmed milk.

total cals today 817!!! WICKED

Totally full, totally satisfied. OH GOOD GRIEF ITS

Wait for it....

ACTUALLY WORKING

YEAH

At flamin' last! I am so happy. This is totally different than I have ever felt before. I have not had a single PB, or any pain or sickness at all. I am HAVING to take at least 30 minutes to finish my meal, but I am serving myself at least half of what I normally have, if not less than half. I am seriously chewing. Chewing is not the word. I am actually eating the tiniest bites and chewing them over about 50 times. Its getting to be quite enjoyable as it seems like I am eating for ages!!

I was self restricting after the bodge up of my last band, and practically psyching myself out of my brain to believe it was true and that I really did have restriction.

Now I HAVE restriction for SURE!!

This time, I am not thinking about food for large amounts of the day. I truly feel great. I feel as full and comfortable after my meal as I would had I been able to stop when I was full before banding. I feel no different to how I used to feel on a sunday roast. I didnt ever use to stuff my guts to bursting. I just ate until I was full and I had had enough. Sadly it was too darn much. But I feel EXACTLY the same as If I had had as much as I used to have had, except that obviosuly I have changed the portion sizes dramatically because I dont feel pressure to eat more.

Oh I really cant explain how different this is to, like, 3 days ago even!!!! Honestly, there was a significant difference then, but I was still being a dumb bastard and not thinking in the right way, and maybe even trying to check that the band really was there.

Yesterday really was a wake up. I am so HAPPY that I puked up coffee. WOW. This band is skill.

I dont even feel pressure to weigh myself because I feel so great, and I KNOW I am eating correctly and without any problems or bad feelings or guilt or feeling hungry and deprived. This is going to work, and I am getting my enthusiasm and trust back, little by little, day by day.

Oh my goodness, I do hope so much that I am not talking too soon and stuff, but I can feel the difference and its made me feel completely blissful.

After nearly 1 year - YEP 2 DAYS UNTIL MY 1 YEAR BANDIVERSARY, its finally JUST yesterday started working. I really am a year behind. That is so shit. But hey, its doing the thing now and BRING IT ON!

Want to say Hi to Erika and Bunk Mate, Erika, I am loving all your comments, they are really inspiring me, especially as we kind of started this journey together and you are now so far on in your success. Keep going babe, you are an inspiration. And Bunk Mate, Hey honey, I hope you are Ok. I am so glad I met you and we truly did start this HELL/HAPPINESS together! I hope that you have heard from 'the company' about your band problem too, and they have sorted you out... but I am guessing you are still hanging on otherwise I would have heard from you. Either that or you are off on a caribbean cruise on the cash!! HA HA! ;o)

Anyway, love and hugz to both of yaz

Thanks to everyone else for reading my blog. I hope it helps someone somewhere someday.

Weigh in day - & problem with drinking...

TOTAL CALORIES TODAY
813

The spell checker on blogger is STILL not working... so bear with my spelling errors if there are any.

Well, todays scales were kind but not gratuitous.

I lost 1 pound this week. 17 stone 3 pounds... So I am very close to my goal of being in the 16's and also to losing 1 stone (14lbs)

I expect that a day of fluids and nice big fill will go some way to sorting both of those out though! Hee hee.

Today's intake so far...

Breakfast:
2 coffee's

Mid morning:
1 can of potato and leek soup (pureed) 200 cals

Lunch:
20g end of packet granola soaked totally in milk and chewed to death

Then some wierd stuff happened.

Its important to note that I felt completely fine after everything I ate. Completely. I had the granola because I was hungry and needed something more filling than soup. Its not sugar loaded, its whole grain and was literally the end of the packet... so like dusty stuff stuff with a few barley grains etc...

However, I can only equate what happened later to having eaten that.

At about 1pm I went to bed for a lie down and to read my book. I took a coffee up with me and DH was playing with DS and the inevitable happened. I fell asleep.

I was so worn out from yesterdays rushing about that I hadnt wanted to get up this morning, especially since I am on holiday too! But DH had to take his car in to be re sprayed after someone smashed into it. So I am not suprised because I have been feeling tired all day. I was so tired I ended up sleeping until 4:30! DH came into the bedroom and said he was taking DS fishing and I woke up and thought I must get up anyway. So remembering my coffee on the side I took a few slurps. Nothing excessive, just the same old normal way I always do.

I noticed something unusual immediately. It felt strange. like I was eating, not drinking. I took another slurp and sat there in the bed 'listening' to my body gurgle, glug, tiny burp and feel like I do when I eat to much. I grabbed for my tub I keep for used tissues and facial wipes and dummped the litter on the floor and promptly sicked up at least 2 mouthfuls of the coffee!!!

I sat there some more... and then some.

I felt odd.

I got up and came downstairs and wandered about but there was still more to come up, and I threw the rest of the coffee up in the sink.

I can't believe this. Its really strange, especially as it was about 4 hours since I had had any food.

Even though it was about an hour after I ate it... I think that its probably a combination of eating something likely to swell and then going and having a lie down.

I made sure that it truly was like milk with bits... but obviously it didnt pass through my stoma and was still in my pouch when I woke up... When will I learn. I guess now.

I swear that if the operation had not gone wrong I would not be experiencing these problems. I seem to need to test my band, even feel like I dont believe its there.

Because I had fills with a broken band, and never had a problem not doing the fluid stage of my fill... but thats because there was NO POINT. I have to get it into my head that there IS a point now. I really have a working band and I have to DO AS I AM TOLD.

I know its probably obvious to everyone else, but its truly not a concious decision.

I will try and have a drink in an hour and see what happens.

I havent taken my tablets yet today, so getting a bit stressed about that. I will take them with jam, even thought they are AWFUL without their capsule just incase.

I will of course update this disaster.

Well I waited an hour and took those little packets of calpol slowly. I thought trying to take a paracetamol with water was not a good idea, so I just sat and sipped my way through 4 packets of strawberry calpol. Yum.

Then after no problems I made a coffee. I had a few sips. No problems. Another couple - also no probs. I then decided, mad or not, to take my prozac whole. I swallowed it with the coffee and there was no problem at all.

At 6pm I started cooking dinner. I wasnt hungry but the hounds had started gathering asking me what we were having. I cooked chicken breast on a bed of onion, garlic and passata in the oven. Also used up the rest of a packet of roast mediteranean veg and added a bit more courgette. I boiled some potato too.

On my plate I decided to be really good. I put one cube of the chicken (about a 1/4 breast) with some of the passata/onion sauce, 1 boiled potato (slightly smaller than an egg) and 1 tablespoon of roast veg.

All present commented on this meagre portion and were laughing at it. I thought - well If I want more, then I can have more, but lets not start off the wrong way. So I told them to shut up and we all sat down to eat.

I was finished after 30 minutes. Everyone else ate 4 times the amount I did and also finished before me. I was NOT hungry. I was NOT bloated, but I was full. I still am full nearly an hour later.

I can feel the food still there and I feel quite content.

I chewed that food some darn much. I even hawked a little bit back before it slipped down my throat because it had a little lump in it. It was all paste as it went down. I did not have a single episode of pain, pressure or have to wait. I just ate in itty bitty bites and took my time finishing each mouthful thoroughly as I went. I am a happy girl.

God, I so hope this is it for me. I am going to work my arse off to be good and lose this weight. It was a really good experience for me to pb on coffee!!! I mean - COFFEE!!! Jeeez! Who would have thought that? But it showed me how powerful this little bit of silicone is and if I dont do it properly now I am gonna end back in hospital with a slip or errosion or something awful.

I am gonna do this thing people. I will be posting pics of my food intake from now on. I am trying to stick to three meals daily, so today has been perfect.

Soup, cereal and chicken + veg. Cool.

I have had a lot of coffee though. I am pretty aware of that, and I am oing to experiment a little with fruit tea and stuff, but I am sorry to say that I do love my coffee. Its not instant either... ooops. But hey! Its thats the only vice I end up with stuff it.

Take it easy peeps.

Fill Number... umm.... 3

So today I had fill number 3.

I got 1 ml straight in there. YAHOO!
I now have 6.1mls FOR SURE in my non-leaking, non blood stained, totally bubble free WORKING band!

But it means that my secret devilish plans will not come off.
I had schemed to have the free second half of my fill today as I was promised 4 weeks ago, (+ 0.6mls), then wave bye bye and go to Dr. De Bruyne on Thursday for a little bit more.

Fiendish huh?

Mwahhahah

Yeah, didnt happen. The woman sees like a gazillion people or something, so she simply asked me why I was here and if I was there for a review. Gulp. She didnt remember...

*frantically dig through my vocabulary to jog her mind about the free top up she was gonna give me*

I told her and, as I was rapidly begining to think, free top ups must happen within 2 weeks. I was in Hungary (and had told her when I was there last time - but didnt bother pushing it) and just decided to take what was chucked at me. So this time I was told £85 for a fill (cool!!) and urged again to take out their programme which is about £1200 for unlimited access to fills/dietician etc for a year. Hmmm. I want to go for it, but its a lot of cash to stump up when I can have it adhoc every time for £85.

I was a bit miffed thinking I was gonna get 0.6mls which seems such a poxy amount, and she asked me the usual questions and popped a whole 1 ml in. So maybe it worked out for the best?

Basically I have the same outcome as if I had had 0.6 for free, then 0.5 from De Bruyne. Infact I am probably better off because I saved the train fair too! Cool.

My weight according to their scales was 109.6kg Last time it was 110.2. so I have lost about 2 pounds. I hate weighing after a days food though. I know 1 litre of water weighs a lot, so I prefer to weigh in the mornings. But at least by her scales I am coming down. I wont be adding this to the running total as I prefer to keep it to monday mornings (Tomorrow!! Ha ha)

Todays food?

This morning I had a bowl of Quaker Granola with raspberries and skimmed milk

Lunch I had a 3/4 snack sized pork pie and prawns in cocktail sauce, avocado, tomato and spinach salad - the amount being about the size of a large orange all together.

I also had some Yop, a yoghurt drink.

Then I had the fill, and since that I have had 2 coffee's.

So here we go again. 3 days of fluids, 3 days mushies and go slowly on the solids. feel really like I am getting somewhere now. I feel like 6.1 mls is going to give me a good restriction where I feel fuller for longer as I think that was the main problem. I was getting hungry, too hungry, before the particular meal time and then eating too fast when I got to have it.

Once hunger is under control I should be in a better position to fight the flab.

Lets just say, I can feel the coffee. Its not sitting there, but its gurgling for sure. Cool.
This is a totally different feeling to ANY I have had before.

Ok, I'm getting on the wagon

Right, I feel like shit if I eat chocolate or wine.

I feel shit if I dont.

So I am better off feeling shit doing something RIGHT than doing something wrong.

I am not going to drink wine unless I am on holiday. I know I go away a lot, but I am not going away until June now - Malta YAY! - so thats a good long time.

I am not going to buy CHOCOLATE, ICE CREAM, CAKE, CRISPS AGAIN!

EVER.

It tempts me. I hear them calling. I have to stop being such a stupid COW.

I am just going to be a normal person from now on.

Promise

**********
Been to work today, had a banana for breakfast. Had a couple of cups of cofee whilst out and about, and then came home to sort the house out.

We have re-arranged the house to fit in the new lodger (hey its worth it for £200 a month!) and put the computers and stuff in the dining area and moved the piano up a bit. Basically all we have done is squeezed in a desk. Esentially the room looks the same and still feels spacious, which was what I was worried about.

I am glad we sold all the books though, otherwise I have NO IDEA where we would have put all our junk! The shelves in the utility room are now full with OUR books and stuff and actually it looks great. It looks liek we are all really clever and into reading hardcore non fiction books about artists and biology and applied physics etc! HA

These are all the books I kept from College years ago that I just cant bear to throw away or sell because DS might need them.

Lunch was a banana too...

Tired and emotional

Today has been ok...
breakfast... nothing
Lunch... chicken soup - made from the roast chicken at the weekend and some onion etc.
Dinner... bacon and onion steamed roly poly pud (yep, suet and flour and all things BAD!) with leeks and cabbage.

Initially had a load of trouble with the pudding. I had to puke up 2 mouthfuls of leeks/cabbage because it wasnt playing ball. If I am too hungry I find everything sticks really bad.

So after that, I was able to eat one slice (about size of deck of cards) of bacon pudding, 1 tablespoon of leeks and 2 tablespoons of cabbage.

Then this evening I ate 1 whole large bar of dairy milk and a bottle of red wine.

WHY? I dont know. I just feel shit.

Can I band my brain?

Nothing wrong with being banded around the guts, but I think my brain needs a band too.

On the way home last night I picked up a packet of pancakes... the large fluffy ones a little bit like pikelets as my Mum used to call them - like American pancakes or the ones you get in McDonalds.

As Carina was off to the shelter this morning I thought it would be nice to have something filling and nice for her before she went for the day. I really find cereal so utterly boring.

So I toasted the pancakes and laid them on the plates (tea plate size) and put some maple syrup on them. I ate a quarter of one. A QUARTER.

My mind seriously wants to eat the rest. I am going to experiment with blindfolds. I truly think that its my EYEBALLS that lead me into trouble.

So I stopped after the quarter and its half an hour since and I am still full.

I wish we could put lapbands on our dumb greedy brains.

Oh, and by the way the spell checker on blogger is NOT working right now and hasnt been for some days. Goodness knows why, but if the spellings a bit whack, thats why! Bear with me. LOL

***UPDATE***
What a cruddy day. I feel proper rubbish about it, but cant be helped.

Yesterday I put off my students because DH was coming home, so now I have to do them tomorrow. Not a problem, until tomorrow comes and I ill wish I hadnt bothered.

I made couscous for lunch. It was yummy. I couldnt eat much of it. I felt crap, hence we stopped on the way to TB's at the local shop. I bought, and ate, 1 mars, 1 twix and 1 twirl. I can eat them until the cows come home. So finally I ate something, stopped shaking like I was going to pass out and felt full.

After I ate the pancake for breakfast, I couldnt eat any more, but I was STILL hungry. After the couscous I couldnt eat more than 3 bites, but I was STILL hungry. I dont understand why I still feel hungry. Do I need a fill so the food sits on top of my stoma? Or do I need an nfill (GOD FORBID!) so that I can just eat. I am seriously worried that the only food I can eat is crap. I mean, short term, I am less than bothered. I do NOT mind having to survive on Mars bars or whatever for a couple of weeks, but long term I know this is not good.

BUT, yesterday evening I ordered a curry. Carina wanted chicken (TOTAL NO NO FOR ME) and so did DH. So I got a prawn dahnsak. I ate most of the carton. I ate in little tiny nibbles from a baby spoon and I made sure that 1 single prawn was good before I swallowed.

If this is how I am supposed to eat, fine, I just feel like I am out in the dark somewhere with NO HELP!

I am torn because I want this band to work, but I havent lost anythign fopr 3 weeks. I know I have not been a saint, but I never used to be on slimmingworld and I would ussually lose then.
So I am eating hardly nothing thats any good for me and because I am literally shaking and faint with hunger I eat high calorie sweets or a spoon of sugar. YEP! I even did that once as I thought I was going to pass out.

I am going to try being a good girl today. I will eat off of a tea plate and eat with a tea spoon and feel like an idiot and eat the tiniest mouthfuls and see what kind of day I had.

At the moment it feels like my band is getting tighter day after day. That cant be possible obviously. I haet felt a slackening in restriction at all since the fill 4 weeks ago.

Grrrr.
Annoyed.

I keep forgetting if I took my tablets or not...

I seriously cannot remember if I took my pills today. I think I am going to have to get one of those pill sorters like granny's have. I tried getting a plastic lidded one where you put all your pills into a pot for each day, but for some reason it didnt work... I think I am going to have to have them put into one of those card things by the chemist for people with althzeimers. I am losing it man.

Today has been totally average. Nothing odd happened, nothing great either.

This morning I had scrambled egg, mushroom and tomato. Not a lot mind you, because I felt a tad raw from last night. I could still 'feel' the food an hour later.

Lunch was borscht (beetroot, potato, stock, dill, onion and... stuff - not fattening)

Felt a bit dodgy eating that too.

Dinner was salad. Beetroot, cucumber, tomato, lettuce, pepper and caesar dressing. Then I had a bowl of home made chicken soup later (chicken off the bone, water, onion and yesterdays sprouts/carrots)

This was all ok. I think my stoma was a bit swollen today from all the drama from last night. I was certainly aware of my food/band today.

Anyway, off to bed. Have played 3 hours of Sims, and had just about enough. Once you know the cheats, and also how its really hard to kill your sims, its kind of boring. Mine always have top of the range everything, massive house, massive pool and no job. My kind of life! HAH

Going to miss Carina when she goes home. Maria and Xandra move in on the 4th March. Yep... 2 lodgers! Cool!

night peeps

2 hours for a carrot.

********UPDATED********

Attack of the Killer Carrot - 3Parts.

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

I spent a most of what was supposed to be an enjoyable evening with my head down the sink.

2 hours choking, barfing and salivating, hic-coughing, back thumping and belching. Grim.

The contents of the bowl is NOT sick. Its like chewed food plus saliva. Its not even got anywhere near my stomach. So its just like a load of spit and food mixed up, not grim or stinky like sick.

It is the slipperiest, slimiest stuff on earth though.

A very naughty piece of carrot escaped my gnashers and slipped down the throat. What a nightmare over a thumbnail size piece of carrot. I actually filmed my pb for posterity, but its too large to go on here or youtube. I find that really strange. How come other people can get their videos which take AGES but are less than 100MB? The PB incident is only 6 minutes of film because the SD card ran out, but its like 388MB so too big for youtube. So there we go. Anyone wants it, then I will email it to them.

So today has been random. I started out with the sniffles and ended up with a cold which has now disappeared. Goodness knows what that is all about, but glad I havent got a cold still. I have never heard of a 12 hour cold. Bizarre.

So, have had a strange day band wise too. Didnt have breakfast, but had beans on toast for lunch. Or should I say, I tried to have beans on toast. It was seriously hard work. I thought I was going to chuck several times. Then I went to work, although seriously didnt want to, and when I got home DS and I had roast chicken and veg. Sadly mine is now making its way to the sea. So the only thing I have eaten this evening is an ice cream. My throat is raw.

I am off to bed to get some kip.

Night all

Another week bites the dust

Its just too quick.

Story of my life *wry smile*.

The days seem endless when you are at work, but once home its bedtime and cocoa before you know it. Rubbish. I have been working my butt off these last few days. I am proud of myself for not cancelling 1 single lesson, and turning up to everyone on time and being a responsible adult for a change.

This new prozac level is doing the trick completely. I have never felt like this before. I feel energised and ready to do my duties of wifedom without a hassle. I am as fresh today as I was on Wednesday when I got home from the lush spa week.

I think getting stuff into focus really helps. I really look forward to the holidays. They are like little islands of rest. I have just 1 more solid week of work before I have another week off. I can handle that. All I need to do is focus on the fact that in 7 days I will be chillin' again. Then after that its not long until the Easter hols because of the early date of Easter this year. So thats pretty fab.

Band...? Its there. Doing its job? Well yes! I puke if I eat too fast, or too much.

BUT

I am still not being a good girl. Its SO EASY to eat chocolate, crisps, wine, and junk. Why? Its so random. I would have thought crisps would be really difficult because they are so dry... but alas no.

Yesterday I was a greedy fat cow.
I ate
1 twix
1 kitkat chunky
1 thorntons praline bar thingy
1 thorntons dark chocolate bar
1 bag malteasers
1/2 bottle if wine
1 sandwich.

How ever, what matters is calories and guess what? It was 1400!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA. Thats awesome. So if the bottom line is calories then I'm fine. I seem to have these blow outs when I am getting stressed.

I am getting stressed now because DH is off to Birmingham for a trade show for 5 days. :o(

Much sadness!

Hypocrite, I know, but I really miss him if I am here alone, and I know he hates being cooped up in a hotel with his work buddies too. He loathes it. We both get really tetchy and clingy before he goes away. It happens every year. We call it the Birmingham Blues. Hopefully next year he wont be going. Woo Hoo. It will be the first time in 12 years he hasn't!

So I have a miserable week of fetching and carrying. At least when I go away I take DS with me, but there we are. So early start tomorrow getting DH off on the road and then crawl back to bed for a cry. All together now - Ahhhhhhhhh!

This evening, me, my sister and Carina all did mad make-up and mad-hair. I made myself up and my sister did my hair, then I did her make up, and she looked like a female version of Adam Ant, then we both did Carina up. My sister did her make-up and I did her hair. No joke she looked like Amy Winehouse!! HA HA (Before she haved her head and looked like Prince William that is!) I did the whole backcombed boufant beehive thingy and sis did the eyeliner hell.

We took photos of each other and I look like Jo Brand. Its not a pretty sight. When I get a photo from her, then I shall post it. I look like a great big fat lesbian on drugs sitting with Amy Winehouse and Zemfira the Russian Singer!!!