Another good one

Another good day. Am at home writing this when normally I would be at work, but have managed to change my late pupils to earlier in the day making an earlier night for me. Food wise its been a bit weird. I seem to have these odd few days where I cant eat much every now and then. In fact I think it was the same time as last week thinking about it. Anyway, today I have eaten 1 bite of toast and a slither of fried egg white. I was going to have 1 fried egg on 1 piece of toast for my lunch, but my band had other ideas, so all I got was a couple of teeny weeny measly mouthfuls which amounted to practically nothing. Then I went to work and en-route, during and on the way back, drank a carton of Tymbark Vega juice. Then when I got home DH had made Jacket potatoes, beans and salad for dinner. I managed 1 mouthful of salad, 1 mouthful of jacket potato and a few beans and then I was done. Since then I have had an orange juice. I am not actually hungry. I don't feel quite 'full' or satiated in any way, but I am most certainly not hungry. I might have a yogurt when I go to bed, but today's intake has been seriously low. I don't think I have even broken 300 cals to be honest.

Here are some beautiful pictures of Mary's kittens. They are 11 days old and terribly cute. A couple have just started to open their eyes and they are so teeny tiny!

Another good day

Today has been good. Really good.
1st DH got the job at McDonalds. YAY. I can start to breathe again.
2nd My Dad is out of hospital and on the mend from his 'antibiotic resistant bacterial infection'... shall we just say MRSA??? Yep. thought so.
3rd I washed my car - by hand!
4th Terry 'The Scumbag' Spellman came over and coughed up £376.50 for the work DH had done for him last month. He wasn't going to but I 'out Jew-ed' him! DH was just gonna let it go and not bother... which I totally understand, but I was not going to let it go. I spent ages on the floor polishing all his gold and silver and arranging it in new ways and making it look good. It was in a complete and utter state when we got it. How dare he try and get away with giving us nothing. I made sure I made out an invoice for our services, and I got every penny I asked for as well I should. DH is really pleased and I am thrilled, because it means that we have actually saved ourselves this month. I mean the guy has damn near put us into bankruptcy. Its because of him we cant claim dole, or claim on our mortgage protection etc... So really he should pay more, but I was fair. I asked for what we spent out, and that's what I got. I had to work hard for it though. He now knows who has the balls of iron in this family though.
5th We got all the stuff we needed for a cool money plan we wanted to set up and sent that off. That should be started within the week, so that's cool.

And finally my diet today has again been really good.
Prozac and coffee for breakfast
clear chicken consomme with a little pasta floating in it for lunch
dinner was Pasta Puttanesca

I have had 3 big glasses of water and a half litre of orange juice too. Put all that together with washing the car and also walking down the village quickly to post the letters, I have had a good lot of exercise too.

Rock on.

food diary

Thought I might add a food diary... whenever you see this title post... if you dont want to be bored rigid with the contents of my stomach for the day... then dont read it. Its more for me to remember what I did than anything else.

Prozac
Berroca
Coffee
1 carton Tymbark Vega Juice
Coffee
Coffee
Chilli con Carne (2 Tbsp) + Rice (1.5 Tbsp)
3 glasses red wine... to finish it up!! HA HA

Giving myself the feel good factor

This time last month I was 16 stone 1
That's 5 pounds off in a month. Coooooool.

I am officially at my 6 month mark today. I have lost 32 pounds in 6 months.

I have to forget about the whole year that was wasted before this.

I should be feeling BLOODY FABULOUS right now. 32 pounds in 6 months??? UNBELIEVABLE Without dieting??? Its a MIRACLE.

But I am not feeling fabulous because of the wasted time I went through for 8 months putting all that fat back on again when it broke. How can I forget about it. this time last year I was feeling THE BUSINESS. I was full of confidence and self assured and all was right with the world. I had lost less than I have now at that time, but I felt better then than now.

the band break was a really disastrous thing to happen. It has made the process seem very very very slow... and actually...

I AM DOING BETTER THAN I WAS LAST TIME!

I am gonna try and think positively about it, and consider the second operation a completely different operation... maybe I can think of it like I had a better band put in, or an upgrade or something and then I might feel less annoyed at the whole breakage debacle.

I am feeling better just writing this actually. I am feeling really good at losing 32 pounds... 2 stone 4!! WOW in just 6 months without starving myself or having to combine different types of foods or cut out this or that. This is the most wonderful invention and I have to start believing in myself that I actually AM going to be slim... slimmer than I ever felt possible. I have to also believe that the band is NOT going to break. I am looking forward to May 21st with a feeling of dread. I am not superstitious, and I am not thinking that something will happen at all, but the thought that last year on the 21st May I was in such agonising pain and no one found out... makes me want to throw up. How did the leave me like that. I had x-rays and scans and all kinds and NO ONE SAID ANYTHING. They must have seen it as I saw it clear as a bloody bell and I'm no doctor. It makes me feel terrible.

But 32 pounds... when this thing is working its working like a wonder horse!

Dare I think about buying smaller clothes yet?? Everything is hanging off me... but I am so loathe to buy new stuff in case I cry like an idiot or something that it either fits or doesn't or whatever. God I feel like a complete emotional wreck today.

I repeat... I am 6 months out of my band upgrade (Hmm feels good)
I am 32 pounds lighter.

I feel GREAT.

Better post my 6 month photo I guess!!! check out my photo log later.

Getting smaller... slowly

Well the mega weight losses are a thing of the past now, but I am losing steadily. I lost 3 pounds this week... taking my weight to 15 stone 10 pounds. This is excellent. I am really really proud of myself. I just want another couple of good weeks so that I can be a bit slimmer for my holiday at the beginning of June. It will be a really nice feeling to be 15 and a half stone or something when I go away. I haven't been on a nice hot summer holiday weighing less than 16 stone since I was a teenager. It makes the heat so much more bearable, I remember that from last year in Sri Lanka. I cant imagine being 2 stone heavier than I was then... it would have been dreadful.

So total weightloss now is 2 stone 4 pounds since banding in February 2007 - or 32 pounds! YAY

food today so far... 1 berocca, and 1 carton of veggie juice to get my nutrients. tonight I am making chilli con carne with rice, so that will be nice. Off to work in a bit, not looking forward to that in this weather, but it brings home the bacon.

Talking of bacon... DH still hasn't heard if he got the job at McDonalds yet. I think he is secretly hoping that he wont, but on the other hand hoping that he will because we need the regular cash. That scumbag Terry Spellman really sold us down the river. If he had told us that he was not really in a position to do it, we could have claimed on our mortgage payments insurance when he was made redundant, but going self employed for that Shit head has meant we cannot even get dole money or any financial help whatsoever. I hope he fucking chokes on his money. The bastard hasn't even sent us the money he does owe us. I hope he goes bust. no one should treat people like that, especially my DH because he is so lovely and doesn't deserve it.

So now DH is carrying stock for his old company on a 10% commission deal and also another local supplier for 10% too... if he gets the job at McDonalds aswell, we will be laughing.

Bit of a come down for the poor guy, but beggars can't be choosers. We went out and got him a car yesterday... a fabulous bargain of a diesel saloon for £600 just like my old Rover I crashed. so I feel a bit awful driving around in my new MG whilst DH has no air con or any luxuries... but he says not to feel awful because its a nice family car and we need one decent car in the family anyway. There isn't any point getting a good car just to plow it around the country and run it into the ground, so he is happy, so I should be too.

will update later if i get any more news...

Halelujah - I can eat

Well a nights sleep seemed to settle the problem of the strangulating tightness of yesterday.
I was able to have my coffee this morning without incident, and a couple of thin bread sticks for lunch and I have managed to get a couple of pints of water down me too which I am VERY pleased about in this heat. Its 28 degrees in the garden... wonderful! Long may it continue.

Dinner tonight is Chicken casserole with new potatos and peas. Hopefully our burgeoning family will enjoy it. Goodness knows what it will be like when Alexandra arrives! 5 adults and a child in one house. Phew!

VERY VERY TIGHT

Does anyone have problems when the sun shines? I have been getting progressively tighter over the last 3 days, and am wondering if it has anything to do with the heat...? I cant think of any other reason why today I have had the sum total of:

1 60mg Prozac tablet
1/2 coffee followed by another 1/2 coffee an hour later
2 teaspoons of yogurt
1/2 glass water
1 teaspoon rice and 1 teaspoon of chicken

Its now 9:30pm and I can still feel something in my band. I am actually worried about drinking anything. I really am at a loss as to why my band is just SO tight today.
Yesterday it was really weird... I had a happy meal from McDonald's and I took it really really slowly and managed to eat the hamburger and chips. THIS IS A MIRACLE IN ITSELF... firstly because its like... bread! and second because it occured before 2pm! Food before this time is practically unheard of these days. Then later on at dinner time I couldn't even eat 1 bite of lasagne. Random

Today has been the MOST frustrating day on my band to date. To be honest, I think today is what I thought my life was going to be like every day after I had my operation. But that hasn't happened... until now. Its not as if I have been puking and puking and making myself sore or anything like that. there is no reason I can possibly think of other than its got a bit warmer and I have been feeling really hot these last few days, whereas I have been freezing for months. Ho Hum. I guess it can only help with the weight loss though hey!

I am getting into a really bad habit too. If I can't eat my dinner, I get DH to go get me some chocolate. Today that's not going to happen, because I cant even drink water let alone chocolates... but yesterday I had M&Ms and the day before it was minstrels (a personal favorite!). I have gotta stop that really.

Anyway, a good day in every other way. Our new lodger Sue moved in, and although it seems like she has taken over the house with plants, I hope to be able to streamline everything so that it goes back to being nice and clean looking again. Plants are wonderful, but they do seem to make the place look cluttered.

Night all.

Royally annoyed

Gained a pound this week. Can't say I am surprised as my diet has mostly consisted of chocolate and wine, but even though I have thrown up ever ounce of goodness I have consumed and followed it by crap, I still expected to lose.

So, feeling pretty darn shite, and that's about it really.

5 NEW ARRIVALS

Mary the Mummy!

They started at 10 to 10 in the evening and she was all done by 2:30am. 5 beautiful bundles.

1.) All Black

2.) All black with white feet and little white patches on the back legs and white nose

3.) All black with white feet and big white patches on feet and white face

4.) White with black spots!

5.) All black and slightly smaller that number 1.

Will write more later...

Above: Number 2 at the top, Number 3 underneath it, Number 4 in the middle, Number 1 on the right and Number 5 on the left

Above: Number 1 on the Left, Number 2 on the right!

Above, a 5 minute old Number 4

Above: A brand new Number 5 with Number 3... after a nice 1 and a half hour break Mary delivered the last little nit nit.

Drinking wine from a can is seriously uncool

This is what I have come to. I have to ration myself by buying cans of Tesco French Red Wine. A peculiar vintage... I'm NOT tasting plimsoles in a dusty old staircase joined with sunbeams on old leather car seats infused with strawberry kisses from a baby with final notes of smoky rain drops.

I am tasting sour, metallic pre vinegar grape stew. Yuk.

So why am I drinking it... well, maybe it will put me off, or maybe it will make my mind up totally that its not worth it unless you pay £50 a bottle, or maybe I just think that I know something about wine and actually its just the packaging that makes a wine taste nice *Mind Games of Big Brother* and right now, I don't particularly care what I drink... especially after the shite day we have had.

Today I have been mostly washing. Oh, and drying and ironing too... but mostly washing. 12 loads, with 1 load a piece still in the washer and dryer for tomorrows kicks. What a party animal.
I got up reasonably early today (for me!) and tidied up, although most of the house was still spotless from Tuesday when I gave it a complete delousing as the girls were leaving and we had new prospective tenants coming to view. So I pottered, and then decided to get cracking with the washing mountain. Now, in our house you know its time to do the washing when:
1.) You can't see daylight in the utility room
2.) The cats are walking down from the cat flap rather than having to jump from the window sill
3.) You don't know where the clean pile starts/ends and the dirty pile - the same thing
4.) You have to first dig through clothes to get to the fridge whereas you used to be able to push the clothes out of the way with the door
5.) You have lost your 5 drawer filing cabinet
6.) You have lost the washing machine
7.) Your son wears pants all day long - and not because he can't be arsed to get dressed
8.) Everyone is wearing global hypercolour colour change t-shirts, shell suits, pregnancy trousers and other random clothes that you haven't seen for a decade because they were at the back of the cupboard
9.) Your neighbour brings you a bag of clothes because they think you are doing a jumble sale
10.) Your child is involved in an terrible avalanche accident on the way to get an ice cream

Today I decided that most of the above applied... Ok all of them, and I actually BURNT OUT THE TUMBLE DRYER! Can you believe it. It never rains but it fucking pours - metaphorically and literally of course. The rain pissed down all day long and I had 68 loads of washing to do... you know the kind of thing (probably not because I expect you all to be great housewives whereas I am Rrruuuuuuu-bish). So I get the cycle of 1 load washing, 1 load drying underway when I decided after 6 loads to go have a coffee.

Sniff Sniff... something dodgy. Low and behold I can smell burning. Not an electrical burning, but the kind you get from paper or... clothes!

ARGHHHH - yep, the fluff in the dryer is smoldering and filling my house with its noxious vapours. So I drag everything out of the dryer and its ROASTING hot. It all has to be bloody washed again as it smells like its been on top of old smokey, and try and see what the problem is. DH gets his ever ready screwdriver out and whips the back of the old dryer. Its 9 now bless it, so a bit of an old girl, but still, after so many years of good service, I think it should darn well continue! We notice that the connection is covered with sooty, burnt, smokey fluff and grease and STINKS big styleee.

So we clean, de grease, put back together (less 4 screws... how did that happen...?), and try it on its own for a few minutes. All we can smell to be fair, is smoke. So I open every window and door in the house and we try and air the place. Thing is, it gets up your nose, so you cant tell if it has gone, or getting worse, or what. I went out to the town with DS and we posted a letter, and by the time we got back I couldn't smell anything dodgy, so I guess it cleared itself. I chucked the next wet load in and so far its been working away like a demon. I might not leave it on on its own though, or over night like I used to... scary.

So with all the washing, it took my mind off of the BIG CAHONNES. We have still not been paid. We were due to be paid on 25th. Its the 30th. I am, shall we say, a tad stressed...?

So this afternoon DH went over to the alleged boss, whom I think should have been crawling on his hands and knees begging us to forgive him, and asked for his money. He got the measly amount out of the fucker, but no expenses (tight arse) and they had a 'heated' conversation. So, the upshot... there isn't one. Looks like we will have to buy a car, service it, insure it and tax it and run it by ourselves without any help from the man who said he would supply all and pay all costs. What an arsehole. So not only did we default on our mortgage for the first time in the 13 years we have had one, we bounced all over the place because the arsehole was full of wind. God that guy can talk. He one of these that is like:

"Oh hi, can I have my money"
"Oh hi, yes I was just thinking about that, well I have to go and get my grandmothers pension and I saw her brother the other day and he has got me a deal where I will get £18K from blaa blaa blaa and then that will be sweet and I can make you a director"

W T F ?

It's all BOLLOCKS. He could be a politician the way he talks himself out of anything and everything and manages to sweet talk you at the same time so you come away feeling god, and then have that sinking feeling that you have been rogered by an extra large telegraph pole without Vaseline.

Anyway, enough! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ARGHHHH I am going to go insane HA HA HA

I cant take much more of this crap I seriously cant. Just going over the last few months is about enough to make anyone to query how to tie a noose the best way and work out the drop needed.

I jest... or do I?!?!?!

Anyway, just had to get all that off my chest. Today's food... 1100 cals:

Breakfast: 1 shape lasting satisfaction

Lunch: 2 slices bread, no crusts, beetroot slices and salad creme

Dinner: toad in the hole - 1 grilled beef sausage, a twelfth of the packet of batter mix, carrots and gravy with onions and tbsp mashed potato(about the size of a 2 year olds portion)
Bedtime Snack: 2 danone activia's

I cant seem to eat before about 1pm. Its practically impossible. the sandwich at lunch (2pm) was really hard to eat and it took me a while. I ate the first 2 bites and then had to wait about 30 minutes before taking 1 bite at a time. I took a bite and chewed and chewed all the while I was ironing a shirt... 1 shirt = 1 mouthful. That's the time it took people!

Anyway, I am now tired, so am off to bed. thanks for letting me rant.
Oh and I have noticed a really weird thing... I can type without looking and the keys. How totally cool is that. I never knew that before. I am typing now to see when I have to look down and I haven't had to yet. I just spelled haven't wrong, and had to hit the backspace button and I didn't even look down. That is so excellent. Its really amazing not to have to look at the keys. The more I think about it the worse my typing gets... its really funny... sorry people, this is kind of an experiment. I have drunk 2 glasses of wine too!! That's really coooooool. What else can I say the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... WOW ALL FINE!!! Ha ha. I am gonna carry on. Stop reading because this is gonna be proper boring everybody. I am a mole and I live in a hole. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane. Its so cool that I can watch all my words fill the screen and no have to check down for errors. How did this happen. This shows I spend way too much time typing. OMG this is totally awesome! I cant believe it. If I spell a word wrong I instantly hit backspace and can blot it out and get the right letter each time. this is so skill. I am really glad that I can do this. I still haven't looked down..... Ha ha ha ha ha. any second now surely I will have to look down. How long have I been doing this without realising it?? I didn't know I knew the keys so well!! And I only type two fingered. Actually that's wrong., I do use a couple of fingers, but its mainly the index ones. I use the 4th (wow I got that, AND the bracket too!!!) (WOWOWOW again!) finger of the right hand to catch the backspace an the I seem to use the index of the right hand to do the spacebar. I use the little finger of my left hand to fo the shift key to get capitals. I am really impressed with myself. When I start to concentrate on it I get slower, how wierd is that. But when I go fast them I can seem to get everything right. i am shutting my eyes now and I am seeing if this all comes out ok. OH WOW!!! That was actually easier that looking at it on the screen. I am using all the keys now and I had to think about that one because I stopped and scratched my chin. I can feel that I am catching other letters and not hitting the keys straight on, so I hope that I am getting most of this right, I think I am, but only when I open my eyes will I know for sure. This is much much easier, so I am guessing that it will be all a load of crap and all over the place the lazy brown dog jumps over the fat cow, oh no, i cant remember it. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. I think i got this shit licked.

OK, I am looking now and I have opened my eyes... I am impressed with myself. How sad is that. I always look at the keys when i type. Maybe I have invented a new way to type... use 2 fingers, and only look at the keys, not at the screen (opposite of how they get you to do it in school!) and then WHAM! you can touch type. COOL

Mary Mary where are you kitties?

The fattest cat I ever did see. My lovely baby Mary is so ready for these kittens now... but she is still hanging onto them! The photo doesn't really catch her best side, but its like someone inflated a balloon in there!

She has chosen the most random of places to recline. she is pictured here sprawled on the bathroom floor right under the sink. Nothing like convenience for you. She waddles from the bathroom sleeping place to the landing sleeping place. However, today, as I was making the beds, I did catch her in the little box we made for her though... So we are STILL playing the waiting game. I really want to see those 'nit-nits' so bad now! Its so exciting - what will they be, how many, what colours etc...

Diet wise... Nothing exciting to report. Went to fat fighters (aka slimmingworld) yesterday. I weighed in at 15 stone 12. No surprises there then. What was great though, was the fact that practically all the same old people were there. A couple had got drastically slimmer, and another couple fatter. But they ALL commented on how I was looking and were like "Oh! Hello... wow, like the hair... seems to be a lot less of you too!" Which I wasn't expecting, so that was a really lovely boost to my day.

Foodwise today has not been fabulous. I crunched up 5 peanut m&m's and then had to puke them up again. then for lunch I made a jacket potato with curry sauce. Eat a bit then puked it and chucked the rest away. For dinner I made waffles, beans and egg. I eat 3/4 waffle, 1 egg and a few beans... VERY slowly. So far, no spew.

This seems to becoming a habit for me. Every day last week has been dreadful in the mornings and afternoons, but ok come the evening.

On the home front, Maria and Xandra left today. They told us on Friday that they had found a job in a holiday camp on the seaside, so I took them to the station this morning. I really hope they get on ok... I know these places are sometimes a bit hard to pin down on the payment side of things... That said, so is DH's new boss. We should have been paid last Friday 25th. Then he said he got tied up, so he would see us yesterday. Didn't happen. He said he would meet up Wednesday, but I told DH that unfortunately that was NOT OK, and he rang him and he said he would come over today. Still waiting. How can you work for someone for a whole month and then not pay them??? This is seriously doing my head in. The mortgage comes out tomorrow. Thankfully his redundancy covers it, but next month... Hard to trust someone who never does what they say they do.

So I am stressing just a TINY BIT!

So far, No kitties

We are playing the waiting game now. It has to be literally any minute!

Mary, bless her is absolutely shattered. She is so unbelievably fat and pregnant that I fear she could go pop! we have now stopped her from going outside. She has the luxury of being free of all our other cats for a while and having the whole of the upstairs to herself. We put a litter tray in the bathroom, and her special food and water near her bed. We made her this huge box with a soft lining and a towel in the bottom. So, we are all ready to go. I am sure she will be glad to have them now as she is just lounging about all day. She was really staying upstairs a lot and only coming down to eat and pee anyway, so it is kind of better for her not to have to negotiate the stairs and everything each time she wants to do that.

I cant wait to see how many there are, and what they are. I just hope its going to be ok for her. I know its natural and all that, but still, its gotta be pretty horrible whatever type of animal you are. we are all guessing about how many she will have:

Me: 4
DH: 3
DS: 4
Maria: 4
Xandra: 5

So we shall see. I have never seen a pregnant cat before, or seen kittens born or anything like that, so I have no idea if the size of her has anything to do with the amount of kitties in there.

Anyway, band wise... things have been, how can I put it... TIGHT.

I have not had a lot of food for the last couple of days. I have been feeling pretty darn dodgy too to be honest.

Wednesday, I cant remember, but I know I had practically nothing all day and then a curry in the evening. Thursday we got fish and chips from the F+C Shop. I don't even bother ordering chips any more. I just had cod, but I only ate half, and then had to go be sick.

Yesterday was totally odd. I had an apple for my lunch, a stick of celery and some humous for a snack and then a potato waffle with a fried egg and baked beans for dinner. It was hard going, and I know I pushed it down there. I could have eaten half of it and been totally fine.

Today, as yesterdays dinner was so yummy, I made waffles, beans and fried eggs again for lunch. HA HA HA! My band was NOT having that at all.

I ate about 1 teaspoon each of waffle, egg and beans. Then after half an hour of seeing if it would 'go down' I handed my plate to DH who gobbled it down (after eating his own 3 waffles, beans and 2 eggs!!!OMG!). Then I threw up. I gave it about half an hour and tried to eat a banana. got 1/3rd down me and 45 minutes later I was seeing it for the second slimy time.

So I have not bothered to eat anything else. There doesn't seem much point. I am just drinking orange juice and might have myself a vegetable juice later. Tymbark, a Polish company, make this Vega Juice which is really nice. Beetroot and all kinds in it and its so tasty. They are only £1 for a 500ml which I think is well cool as they are really handy to have in the car and instantly fill me up. I got them in the Polish isle in Tesco's.

So feeling a bit tired right now and am going to go and have a sleep. I hope that later I will be able to eat something nice. I really miss chewing.

*UPDATE*

OK, I give in. No food for me today. I tried (twice) to eat a couple of Polish thin breadsticks with humous and the Band did not want them.

I have been sick 3 times today. The first time after the potato/egg lunch. The second after the banana. And finally the Bread Sticks and humous.

So today I had managed practically nothing. I did however manage a packet of sesame snaps, A pint of orange squash, a pint of water, a pint of vega vegetable juice and am currently in the process of eating an Activia Yoghurt.

I feel quite raw and to be honest it feels like I am a little swollen in there. I can actually feel my band if you know what I mean...? Its strange. Its definitely a tight day today. I don't think trying to eat anything else today is gonna help me much, so I am going to try again tomorrow.

Eating is definitely not the pleasure it used to be. I still enjoy what I eat, of course, but there is always that thought whether it Will go down, did I chew it well enough, am I full yet... So many questions.

Today I feel really tired and weak as its been several days without many calories at all... Something like 700 over the last 3 days. So I am going to have to see how it goes.

My main aim is to NOT puke again. I am going to make a concerted effort for it not to happen. Each mouthful 1 or 2 minutes apart. I have the chewing thing down, now I think its more a case of eating too fast and taking down too much air with my food/drink.

So there we go. I am also going to go back to slimmingworld - not because I need to, but because I want to. I really liked the whole process of weighing weekly and being accountable and rewarded for my progress. I know its quite sad, but I think I need that focus. TB is also going back. I think if you could steal Lap Bands she would sneak in one night and nick it from me! HA HA. So we are both going to go. Me for positivity and reward and her for motivation and accountability.

We are team "Gonna be a skinny bastard" again!

What is wrong with them?

I cannot believe the places our cats decide to sleep.

Dave has taken his morning snooze on Ds's Lap top. Makes for a great excuse for him not to have to do his spellings huh!

We have a range of comfy beds, sofa's, cat baskets and snug warm toasty places, but no... it has to be across the keyboard of the laptop.

Random.

*GROAN* I have eaten too much

:o(

Man, I know my stomach has shrunk, but Geez!

Today has been peculiar. I have had a Kiwi fruit, 2 kitkats and a curry. I love curry, and I had half a plate and waited. I then could eat the rest. Things were going easy, and I was watching a film... I had seconds and now I feel like a balloon!

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I am stuffed. I haven't felt this way for a LONG while. But, its not pleasant you know? I have a pain in my tummy where there is just too much food there. Its really uncomfortable. Curry is easy for me to eat because its so wet.

Anyway, I am off to bed. This has been a bad day in a good week, so I am not gonna beat myself black and blue.

Freaky Thursday

I have had the most weird day today.

I was not hungry breakfast time... so I just had pills and a coffee.

Lunch kind of didn't happen as some friends turned up for me to do their nails, so I had a chocolate yogurt desert thingy.

then I decided that I must eat before I went to work, so I defrosted and cooked up some chicken and lentil stew that I had saved in the freezer. I had 1 bit of carrot and 1 spoonful of lentils and onion or something and knew I could not eat any more. So off I went to work. Before I got to the house I had to get out the car and spew up in the street. How nice is that! I couldn't believe it. I had no time to get away from the world, so I just had to chuck it up right there at the back of my car. Grim.

So I do a lesson and then go next door for my second pupil (how cool is that!) and they gave me a cup of tea and one of those little apple pies. I drank some tea, and had a bite - 1 bite - of the pie and knew I better wait. However, it got to the end of the lesson and I had to leave the pie and the half cup of tea on the tray as I was not going to be able to eat that at all. So I started on my way home. This time I managed to get out into the open countryside, and pull off onto a little drove before I chucked up. Well odd.

I got home and the sausage casserole that I had bunged in the oven was cook. DS came dashing in from playing out and asked if he had another half hour to play, so I said he might as well seeing as I had to do the spuds yet. When all was done, DS was in we sat down to eat dinner and I managed 1/3rd of a sausage and half a small boiled potato.

We went to a meeting in the evening and when I got back I still was not hungry, but I kind of felt empty you know? So I went to bed with a large glass of sugar free squash and another chocolate dessert.

Calories today would have been 750 if I had eaten everything on my plate... so I have no idea what they actually were, but obviously a heck of a lot less!

Hoping for an easier Friday!

I havent heard from my my Brugge Bunk Mate for a while... I hope everything is cool with you hun bun! Let me know how you are doing. xx

New weightloss photo

Well, I have been umm-ing and ahh-ing about whether its time to do another photo session for you groupies...

I decided that 6 pounds lighter than my last photo on my "weight loss expedition" back on June 6th was enough to warrant a photo.

Considering I GENUINELY thought (until about 10 minutes ago) that I looked better in my old photos that now, I must admit to being a little bit emotional when I pasted the photo on this blog. The change between June 2007 and today is staggering. I am BOWLED OVER by my hips! I like, don't have any bulging hips! My pants are sort of rounded in my June pic, but they are straight across my body today. My gut HAS shrunk so much. My bust is obviously smaller too, where I thought that it was exactly the same.

I am so pleased that I took this photo. It has really given me a serious confidence boost. I think somewhere deep down I have always thought that it still wont work, and that maybe my scales are wrong (although they cost a small fortune!), or that I am still not at my slimmest...

But I AM! I am the slimmest I have been for 10 years. That is truly amazing. I LOVE MY BAND

Check out my new picture http://weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/2007/04/photo-gallery-february-2007-present.html

Yeah, OK I am still a fatty, but watch this space my Friend's!! HO HO HO!

Also, I have realised that I am bang on target...

If you take my weight losses from prior to the band blow out..

1 month - 15 lbs down
2 months - 20 lbs down
3 months - 23 lbs down
4 months - 22 lbs down

Then it busted...

But I am 5 months after renewal... So it like I now have my REAL 5 month pic and weight loss.
I am still on target. When you put them all together, I kind of haven't lost any window of opportunity or anything... I think maybe it wont work as well this time cos my body is used to it a bit... but that's not true. It has not made a difference at all. If my band had not broken I would be thin now. But ultimately I am 5 months out and at the same result. All I have to do is forget about that 8 month weirdness and I am rocketing along with my band.

Just shows me well and truly that this thing works like a wizard!

So if I put it all together and forget the 8 month nightmare...

1 month - 15 lbs lighter
2 months - 20lbs lighter
3 months - 23 lbs lighter
4 months - 22 lbs lighter
5 months - 28.5lbs lighter

Now that's what I call results. I feel like I am back in the zone physically, mentally and spiritually. This, although probably trivial for you guys (if you can even understand what the hell I am talking about) is really important to me. My mind can now kind of 'get over' having the break, and look forward to a slimmer future because its so obvious that I will have a slimmer future.

I am going to now continue on my journey and post monthly photos. The photo I posted today can wholeheartedly in my mind be my 5 month photo. Because, basically, it is.

Watch for the next one when I get back from my holiday in Malta at the end of June.

Couldn't blog yesterday...

Something was wrong with blogger.. it would not let me in at all, so I gave up.

So yesterday was a good day again. Food wise and work wise. I was absolutely rushed off my feet but that's the way I seem to like it.

I had a small packet of yogurt coated raisins for a mid morning snack, a banana at mid afternoon and then some chilli with rice when I got home from work at about 10:30. No more than 850 calories for the day tops.

Today I have had a packet of sesame snaps for brekkie and some ravioli with pasta sauce, cheese and mayo for lunch. Its amazing the little I eat. I always want to put amounts, because when I write it, it sounds like loads, but its like a 1/3 portion of a normal adult. Take the pasta today for example. DH had 2/3rd and I had 1/3rd of the packet. Pre banding i would have used 2 packets to feed the three of us. So you can see how much it has reduced. Infact I think the band pays for itself after a while because I have really noticed that we have been shopping less too.

So I have my longest day of work today. Its my top earner, obviously, but I dread it. its because I have 4 pupils all in one house and 1 of them I don't like. However, I cant drop all 4 of them just because of 1 person. They would be mad, so I just need to keep hold of my pride and grit my teeth. I like the big fat cheque at the end of the day, so I don't have much choice!

At the moment, we are quite flush. DH got his redundancy cheque and I paid it in on Monday. Then he just got paid for his last 2 weeks work with them + his holiday pay and days he had accrued. I was well chuffed with that. Means at last we can get some money in the savings. I feel much better when we have a bit of cash in the bank.

So I am off to work now. See ya!

AMAZING RESULTS

Today I weigh

15 stone 13 and a half pounds.

I got on 5 times.

15 stone 13 and a half pounds. Oh my.

I have reached my next two goals.

I have lost 2 stone and half a pound since having my band fitted (28.5lbs)

I have lost 3 stone (42lbs) since starting my weightloss expedition back in 2005.

I am also now in

THE 15 STONE ZONE

Whoop Whoop, Whoop Dee Doop!

Come and look at my pretty things...

*Rubs cold hands together in the half light of a candle*

I feel so Jewish its unreal.

DH has started his new job with avengance. We are now officially in 'business'. He has turned over some serious cash today, and I can hardly believe it!

But... before you think that finally our little family might be getting a little break at last...

THE BLOODY BOILER BROKE TODAY

Yes, thats right, so not only do we have lots of pretty things, but we are definately cold too... I am going to change DH's name to Uria Heap, and mine to Esther and DS can be... um... Mordecai or something!

I seriously don't know how we get it timed so well.

Here is a cute photo of Mary. Pregnancy is starting to take its toll on her and she is getting really really really fat! She is sleeping all the time practically and if not sleeping, she is eating!

today today...

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

What No Chemo?

Can you believe it ?

My dad has the all clear. The Cancer Nurse said that the tumour was really small, they have had a good look at it and the lymph glands and he has absolutely no need for Radiotherapy or Chemotherapy. It was totally isolated and they caught very very early.

I am ecstatic.

Also I am well pleased with myself.

I weighed in at 16 stone 1 pound, meaning another pound has bitten the dust. I know I usually weigh in on Mondays, but I just couldn't wait. I needed to know NOW.

So 225 pound is a total record. I am looking forward to hitting the 16 stone ZERO mark as that will be a real milestone, as will being in the 15 somethings!

I have decided that buying ice cream is not a good idea. I am having trouble eating and find its easier to get a quick sugar rush by having an ice cream. I am not going to buy any more I promise.

That said, since my fill I have noticed a little more restriction... its not a huge change, but it is surprisingly effective. I feel like I have puked a LOT today. I puked first on a kiwi fruit. I didn't realise but I swallowed a bit of skin with the fruit on the seemingly first bite, and sadly the whole lot came back at me. Then later on when I had my dinner, the girls brought out a bread and butter pudding that they had made. It was absolutely delicious, but I simply had to have the extra bite... and it was sink time again. so it has only been twice, but food is starting to be annoying rather than pleasurable. I must admit I don't get as much pleasure out of my food when I have to chew it to death. Its really strange. It kind of makes me feel horrible swallowing a load of mega munched cud. Also I think my pleasure was in the feeling of the swallowing which I think I have mentioned before. Now I am scared of swallowing too quickly, so its kind of put a dampener on things. GOOD!

So hopefully I will see the scales start to trip downwards again nicely. Only 6 weeks until Malta so I want to be getting my finger out really!

Anyway, beddie-byes now. Night Night

Oh boy... not even a quarter

Before and after today's lunch. Now, it looks to me that there is more in the second plate, but I can assure you I honestly did eat at least a few bites of pasta! :o) 1 meatball and some pasta. Wow.

To give you an idea of the size of this portion... it was 50g of dry pasta and 1/4 can on meatballs in tomato sauce. So to only be able to eat 16th of a can of ANYTHING is pretty weird.

I stopped eating a little while ago, and it still feels like a lump in my chest. I have the hiccups now too, which is a good sign that I am either going to puke, or its going to go down...

Last night I tried to eat a salad. I made salad with prawns in marie rose sauce. I couldn't eat much of it at all. I have also found that beetroot is not that easy to chew to a pulp and I think this was the reason I spewed it up. Its a strange kind of puke. Different even to before my last fill...

Its sort of like the excess food just sits in my pouch and when I touch the back of my throat it just pops out... not even like a puke at all. So obviously things are getting tight in there.

anyway, shall update later, but this is all I have had so far today. Couldn't face breakfast. Uh oh... excess saliva being produced... better run!

Back to the grind

Work today. 3:45 - 9:00
I have a new student today, which is great. They live in my village so its even better. I must remember to get a load of calendars and welcome letters printed out to give to them.

So already I am getting ready for my next holiday - which will be from Sunday 25th May until Monday the 2nd June, then on the 5th June we go to Malta.

So I have just 42 days of work until I am free again for a couple of weeks. That makes it easier to cope with! The weird thing is that it is the thought of going to work, lying in bed in the morning, that I hate. When I am actually at work, I really like it! Funny huh?

Anyway, seeing as I bought a new car on Friday, I have to get dedicated to the family money fund!

Weight wise, this morning I am 16 stone 2 pounds... still!

BUT

A miracle happened today. I have eBay'ed a load of clothes, meaning that shortly I will have to buy some more (what a shame!). However, I was going through my drawers to see what I could put on today that was semi decent, and I came across 2 pairs of 3/4 length trousers that I bought last May before I went to Sri Lanka. Now, they still have their labels on them and have sat in the drawer because, as you all know the band buggered up right at that point. So I have never worn them. They never even came to Sri Lanka with me because they were a little on the tight side and I kept them because I thought that give it a couple of weeks and I would be in them. Sadly that was not the case, but today...

I AM WEARING THEM!

Yes, I am wearing a pair of grey 3/4 length trousers from Tesco by Florence and Fred size 20.

YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

They are comfortable, not digging in, look nice, hang well and basically just... FIT

So this is a small miracle because when I went to Sri Lanka last year, I weighed 16 stone 3 pounds, and now I weight 16 stone 2 pounds, but I am obviously smaller somewhere than I was then! How cool is that. I am definitely at my smallest now.

Now, onto the next thing that is bugging the heck out of me. I am off to the acupuncturist in about ... ooh 30 minutes, to have her take a look at me. My skin is DREADFUL. Its worse that teenage skin. It positively hurts. I also have a nagging low back ache which I have had for years, but is getting increasingly worse, and to top it off the area of my tongue that relates to my liver is pitted deep with holes like I have bitten it through. Now, I know its sort of *mumbo jumbo* but I really believe in acupuncture as its helped me so much before, and she couples it with the whole tongue diagnosis as well which is great.

I know that the area of tongue which is dodgy is supposed to be linked to the liver. My skin is terrible, and when the liver is not working properly the skin can suffer. Also low back ache in my kidney areas is also a sign that something is not great.

So I am off to get sorted. My spots totally cleared up last time I saw her. I went for slimming help remember? It kind of helped, but I did notice it helping in the spot department big time. so hopefully this time will be the same.

As far as my fill goes... I am not noticing the same amount of restriction like I had after my last fill, but the hunger seems to have disappeared. I can go back within the next 2 weeks and get a little top up for nothing, and I don't want to fin 3 weeks down the road that I really need another fill... but at the same time, I don't want to be puking all over the place. The weird thing is that I haven't puked at all since my fill. I was having a lot of chokes before, so not sure what has happened there.

I will keep monitoring it for a few days and see what happens. I guess the scales and my hunger will decide it for me.

Back home

I'm back at home, and my Dad is back at his home. He came out of hospital on Friday afternoon. He's looking good, if a little down at heart. His poor tummy looks like one of those teddy bear pyjama cases with a zip down the middle that I used to have as a kid. Over 60 staples from breast to pubis. *Shudders*

But apart from the operation, everything is settling down. He just has to keep resting, which will be the major problem.

Onto brighter things... I had a fill today! By today I KNEW that I needed one categorically. I know I was umm-ing and ahh-ing whether to do it a couple of weeks back, but this week I have DEFINITELY been able to eat more... MUCH more. I still have problems and weird days when I have been unable to eat more than soup, but for the most part I can get down about half as much again as I used to. Not that I am trying to eat more, its just that I don't feel the need to stop, or an overwhelming sensation of fullness. I have also stayed the same weight for at least 3 weeks, and on top of that, I have found I am wanting sugary snacks like chocolate and wine because, and only because, I am hungry. I did NOT feel hungry between meals after my last fill and I simply didn't look for or want high cal snacks. So I went for it today, and like last time, it was the right decision. I saw Wendy from the weightloss surgery group again - she is AWESOME!!! Honestly what a breath of fresh air it is to have someone who actually REMEMBERS your face and your situation and isn't just cribbing up before you walk through the door... I mean, I hadn't seen her for weeks and she noticed I had my hair cut and coloured! My husband doesn't even notice that!!! HA HA.

So she gave me 0.5ml and I am at 6.5ml exactly in my band. It is so good to have the band aspirated to check for leaks or problems or similar each time. I can actually SEE the syringe and the amount of volume in the band as it comes out and its so satisfying to know that of the three times she has seen me, 3 times she located the port first time, and it was easy, no fuss and no bother, just what it should be - proper care and attention. I feel at home there too.

I weighed in today on their scales at midday after drinking untold water and coffee etc (but no food as was advised) and I weighed 16 stone 4 in my clothes. HOW COOL IS THAT! So according to their records I have lost exactly 1 stone since my last fill. That's pretty damn FABULOUS!

Today, and I must admit I can't do the liquids thing (and yes, I am SUPER careful!), I have had:
2 litres water
4 coffee's
8 french fries
1 bite of McDonalds chicken select strip
1 bag of chicken and lentil casserole from the freezer (1x1 inch lump of chicken, 1 potato, half a carrot and some lentils and onions in the sauce - nice a sloppy)
2 co-codamol

And do I notice a difference? HELL YEAH! Bring on the 15's

At sabotage point

Ok folks...

Weight 16 stone 2 pounds and holding...

The time has come, and I am now sabotaging my weightloss. I am doing it consciously.

I get to this point on whatever diet I am 'doing' where I decide I just cant take it any more.

Admittedly, there are quite a few things going on right now that could also be making me revert to type, but I also feel that this particular weight is a point I don't believe deep down that I will ever break through.

I spent ALL of today in bed. ALL DAY! At 2pm I had a glass of squash and 2 weetabix. I then went back to sleep. I got up at 6pm and drank the cold coffee that was at my bedside which had obviously brought in by DH earlier to tempt me to get up.

Then I made dinner for DS and also for myself. I made some spinach and ricotta tortellini and topped it with some puttanesca sauce that I had frozen from a couple of weeks ago. I managed to eat half of the plate.

Then I later had another glass of squash.

Good day so far... then I started looking at the web at pictures of Stoma's and illiostomy bags and all kinds of stuff about colorectal cancer and other peoples stories.

FUCKING MISTAKE

I grabbed a box (!) of toffifee that Carina's Mum had sent to us in a big parcel full of goodies in a 'Thank You for having my daughter and looking after her' gesture.

Each toffifee is 45 calories. I ate 13. do the maths.
I then went back to the cupboard about half an hour later and grabbed bag of Lindt Nougat eggs that also came in the package. I had 4 of them, as DH swiped one. I also had half a bottle of red wine - in total and lucid knowledge that I am going to SERIOUSLY regret it tomorrow.

So today my intake of calories was 1913 and I am feeling like a sad sack of shit.

My calorie intake is calculated by the daily plate to not exceed 1650 cals per day so that I can lose 2 pounds a week. I have never exceeded that amount.

I feel totally sick and ashamed of myself, but at the same time kind of pleased too.

Boy am I glad I have a fill coming up on Saturday. I knew it was a good idea to book that bastard. I have been the same weight for the last 3 weeks. I cant help but think that the daily plate is in fact wrong because I have not gone above 1500 cals during that whole time, and mostly less than 1000; According to them I should have lost 2 pounds a week. Just shows not everyone is a statistic that fits an equation huh.

I can feel the pressure of being in the 15 stone somethings and there is something in me that does NOT want me to get there. I am hoping that when I push through that barrier I wont have any more head-fucks like this, but I am guessing the barrier between 14 and 15 will be the same.

So I might not weigh for a couple of weeks (did I just say that?) and see if not knowing takes the pressure off or drives me out of my mind and straight into the nut house.

Virtual me at 18 stone 12

ME RIGHT NOW 16 stone 3Virtual me at target weight of 11 stone 7lb
I need these boosts occasionally. I have been really really bad the last week or so. I haven't eaten over 1500 cals on any day, but its all been crap. I have tried to include my veggies and stuff, but my Dad's operation and situation is really taking its toll on my eating. I don't even bother to try and stop myself. I look at chocolate and just eat it. Its like I am resigned to it.

Bunk mate - I am sorry I haven't been in touch. I was calling around all the rest of the afternoon trying to tie up a fill with Dr. Dillemans. Sadly he is on holiday next week so its not gonna happen. However if you phone EOC they have now got a new deal with www.WLSgroup.com and they have spaces on the 5th April... that's next Saturday. The first is a consultation and stuff for £120 for EOC patients, and then fills are £85 a go. You can go there every 2 weeks, and if its not right within that 2 weeks you can get it filled/unfilled again for free. I was already going to see them the last couple of times, so I have booked another appointment with them on Saturday at 12pm. If you wing EOC they will arrange a time. After that we were going to take DS to the Natural History Museum if you wanna bring Your DH and the DD's.

It would be nice to catch up.

I have just come home from Mum's. Tensions are running high and everyone needs Dad to get better. He has really been going through it the last few days. The stuff they never tell you about before an operation man!

Here's a run down... (If you are queasy... don't read!)

Tuesday: in Hospital in the morning. Enema's and nothing to eat or drink

Wednesday: in hospital waiting for operation first thing in the morning... and waiting... and waiting until 3pm when he was finally taken down to theatre. Out of theatre and into the Intensive Care Unit at 8:30pm. No visitors all day. Had tumor removed from rectum, bowel cut and hole cut into the side of stomach. Bowel pushed through stomach wall and secured with a plastic rod and wing nuts making 'the stoma' where he will wear a bag over for the next 8 weeks. Reality is this 7cm round red raw bit of gooey meat hanging out his side. Massive 40cm incision vertically from breast to pubis stapled together and covered with dressings. 8 cannula's in various parts of the body... back of hands, arms, neck etc. Drain on opposite side of the stomach leaking blood into a bag, and a catheter for urine.

Yea Gods.

Thursday: In hospital in High Dependency Unit. Blood pressure raised and very bloated from surgery. In obvious pain and wincing at ever couple of words he said.

Friday: In normal hospital ward. Developed chest infection and having to cough up sputum into a pot. in pain. Epidural dosage doubled by his surgeon as he said its not high enough for him (2 days too late me thinks!!). Not in pain except when coughing. Was very sick after having first 'meal' of an ice cream and soup. Brought up green and black fluid.

Saturday: in ward looking flushed. All cannula's removed except one administering a drip with antibiotics in it. Epidural removed because if fell out during the night and soaked into the sheets. Was in increasing pain, doctor called to administer Morphine. Immediately unconscious and slept all night. In the morning awoke to feeling very bad stomach pains. Nurse inserts tube through the nose and down back of the throat and draws off 6 large syringes of green and black watery liquid. Apparently this has FECAL matter in it as the bowel stoma is swollen and everything is backing up into the stomach again! Tube left down back of throat to drain waste water and faeces from stomach into a bag. No food allowed, just clear liquids... like water.

On top of all this awfulness my Granny throws a fit and gets in a strop about not being picked up because we are obviously a taxi service. She upsets my Mum, and in turn Me, DH and DS. She should be supporting my Mum not making herself another burden. My Mum doesn't know which way to turn.

We have come home now and hopefully she can then have some peace and quiet and space to get her head around everything. Although she obviously loves having us there... 3 extra bodies makes 3 lots of extra mess and bother and DS is boisterous and jumping up and down. Its not conductive to thinking straight!! If she needs me, I will be there in a blink. I think that the thing she needs most now is to just be thinking about herself and Dad for a bit and being able to do what she wants rather than what everyone else wants for a change. Everyone worries about the person in the hospital bed, but no one really gives much support to the one trying to keep everything together and cheer everyone up and keep everyone's spirits up.

So, when I have more news I will post it. A simple operation it was not. This is one horrible nasty little cancer that hopefully has been stopped in its tracks.

Poor Dad. I would rather do this for him myself if I could.

"I'm... Dreaming... of a white... Easter...!"

Yes, a snowman penguin built on Easter Sunday. DS was busy building this large beast before we were even out of bed - this is worked out according to the simple equation of

kids + snow = lie in for Mum and Dad

Yes. That's right. The whole village is covered in the white stuff. Wish I had put a couple of quid on that one! I consider the most impressive thing about this snowman's construction to be the fact that it is so particularly well clothed. As you can see, DS wasted no time in making sure it didn't catch 'warm' and gave it his £90 North Face coat. Ahhh Bless.

*Insert blank, furious face, of a mother who works fingers to the bone for
said child to have nice clothes*

Also, thankfully DS pays attention to his science lessons, because he told me he found out the best thing to save a snowman from melting was to clothe it for insulation. "Yeah, they said so on Mythbusters" he chirped.

Oh Goody.

Happily, after calming myself down by looking at my husband having hysterics at how cute our son is... I was able to pleasure myself with the fact that snow at the end of March usually means that within about 4 weeks it will be roasting hot sunshine. Every time we have had a strange tumble of snow this late in the year, it has been followed by a really great summer. I hope that's the case this year.

Today I am going to be mostly doing nothing. I am currently trying to eat some pomegranate and raspberry wheats with milk from Tesco. I have eaten about 20g of the 50g serving I gave myself. Monsieur Bandino, however, seems a little pissed off today for some reason, so I am giving up. Just so you can see how wonderfully little I am eating here is a funky little picture of the remains!

YES - LOWEST WEIGHT EVER!

I have DONE it!

Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya!

Today I weighed (many times just incase)

16 stone and 2 pounds

AWESOME

The lowest I have ever been with my band is 16 stone 3 pounds. That was on 16th May Last year. Wow, this makes me feel completely awesome.

Its absolutely GREAT to be in Uncharted Waters again. There is something awful about trudging the same couple of stone up and down and up and down over a few years. It makes you feel really useless.

There is no doubt now people, MY BAND IS WORKING!

LONG LIVE THE BAND

Ok, the last couple of days...
Went to Mum and Dads yesterday. Had a really cool time and a good laugh. I ate the following:
Banana
Nutrigrain bar
small pot of mini eggs
few more of DS's mini eggs
half a chocolate egg
packet of hula hoops
chicken curry and rice

Not good, but the calories were actually reasonably low at 1200.

I know that its calories that count at the end of the day, but it still makes me feel like a greedy pig when I eat chocolate. I didn't exactly have anything else! However, I don't want to be someone who subsists on a mars bar and a coffee for lunch. What with Dad having Bowel cancer I think it brings home that I don't want to eat junk any more. I really felt grim yesterday evening and drank several glasses of water throughout the night. I am just not used to that much crap any more I guess.

Anyway, today has not been any better to be honest. Its been a bit of a rubbish day and we have been rushed off our feet. Shopping, hair dying, and again because it was DREADFUL, etc etc.
I didn't have breakfast as I wasn't hungry at all. We had lunch at KFC. I ate 4/5ths of a twister and gave up after that. I kept it all down which I am glad about, as I ate really really carefully. I was still eating when everyone was finished and DS was eating his ice cream! A normal KFC meal for me would be 2 twisters, large fries and a large drink and an ice cream. That's what the band does folks! WICKED HUH!!!!!

Then there was the hair disaster. I have obviously been black haired for a while. I get bored easily, so I decided to go back to blonde, or brown or something... anything! I put a whole heap of bleach on my mop and left it there. When it had cooked for about 40 minutes and I had washed it out, I revealed a delicate shade of violent orange.

Seriously you could NOT get this style in a hairdressers. I had a black fringe with white (YES WHITE) roots, orange back of the head with scarlet streaks and a mixture of orange and flame coloured patches interspersed with black highlights. My whole head had about 0.5 cm of WHITE roots. Its was AWFUL. It also felt like a birds nest!!

So I died it another colour... I realised that it had an ash hint in it too late, but actually its not so bad. Its kind of a pinky brown... Hmmm But at least its not on fire any more.

I still have black highlights which actually look really radical... Might have those again!

Right, see yaz folks

Small result...

I caved. I got on the scales and I have lost another pound, so that has really pleased me.

I have now lost 24 pounds - 16 stone 4lbs this morning

1 elusive pound away from my all time low of 16 stone 3 ... cool.

At least now I don't need to worry that I have put anything on or anything like that.

Today's food:
banana
mars bar shared with DS
mussels in tomato and pineapple sauce. Mmmmm
5 chips
half an avocado

I love mussels. You can just put ANYTHING with them and they are fabulous. These were lush wild Cornish ones. To die for. They are my all time favorite food now.

I will get some more on Tuesday next week - can't wait

Oh and I forgot, I also had a slice of DS's sponge cake that he made. Bad news I'm afraid. I puked most of it back up. Its just too dry, and I cant do dry.

Other than that, no PB's

Cry me a river...

Or a couple of canals as well.

My Dad is going to have surgery on Wednesday. 1 week today and it will be all over thank goodness. Apparently the cancer is localised, hasn't spread, and is totally sortable.

One mill stones less.

I cant describe how I felt or how I feel now, but I wish that I could have the operation for him. I know what surgery is like and I know I can handle it... Dad's never been in hospital. Its so strange the way things change and you want to protect your parents rather than how it used to be. I would totally do it for him. In a blink.

So foodwise...
Today has been good. Banana for breakfast, Home made ratatouille on toast for lunch, then more ratatouille on pasta in the evening. 2 yogurts in the evening.

I am going to weigh in soon. I have been putting it off, I have to admit. What with having the curse and then having a couple of pig out days until I pulled myself together, I know that I need to see something nice. If I get on those scales and it hasn't moved in the right direction I will be devastated. So I am giving myself a little time to make absolutely sure that what I want to see WILL be there.

I will see how I feel tomorrow. I always take a drink to bed with me, and if I cant face weighing in, I always drink when I wake up. I never weigh after food or drink, so it tops the wondering instantly.

I also have not done any regular exercise since being banded. I am very active as you know, but I haven't joined a gym, or started a morning walk or any kind of routine. I am now glad that I haven't done this. If my weight starts to plateau out it will mean that at least I will have one more type of ammunition in my arsenal.

I so want to get the next half stone off. I cant wait.

Today's food so far:
1 bowl of mini shredded wheat pillows with pomegranate (apparently) in them. Bit strange, but filled a hole. In fact i didn't even have lunch as I was still full.
15 black olives
1/2 apple

This evening I made risotto -
Rice, onion, garlic, lemon zest, rosemary, lemon juice, white wine and peas. Had it with a nice salad. YUM.
I worked out all the calories for the whole meal by making it 'a meal' on my daily plate. The whole thing when you add all the ingredients together was 2200 cals. It divided unusually into a good 7 portions, so that's a pretty good value dinner for me at only 315 cals. Bargain.

Me, DS, Xandra and Maria all had 1 portion and a salad each, and when DH got home from badminton he had 2 portions and no salad. I have just put the last portion into a tub in the freezer for another day.

I like this new me. I like the girl who makes too much food and freezes it for another day. Its well good having a lasagne in the freezer that's home made, or a chilli, or some home made chicken soup all portioned out.

Right now in my freezer I am very proud of the fact that I have:
4 fish pies that I made all in individual used yoghurt pots.
1 beef chilli to serve 5
4 portions of lasagne individually wrapped
1 pot of risotto
7 bags of chicken casserole

...and all the other shop bought stuff.

Also I have fallen in love with a food. Mussels. I have been yearning to go back to our chateaux just so that I can have them! So I was looking on the net to see if I could buy them fresh and live... and you can! £3.50 a kg. I have ordered some and they will be delivered on Thursday. I have my wonderful 'moule' cooking pot ready to go, so yay I am gonna eat some serious mussels! They are a GREAT bandit food. They taste FABULOUS, they are FULL of protein and they are only 1 calorie a gram! WOW. So 100g mussels, all beautiful and tasty are only 100 cals. 100g mussels will totally fill me up ready to go! And the best thing about them is that they are as easy to cook as a lettuce.

Can't wait.

Food for thoughts

I was eating for my mind again...

Breakfast: Banana
Lunch: a yogurt
Dinner: Chicken Caesar Salad with HOME MADE dressing, lashings of red of wine and 4 packets of sesame snaps. Yes, Packets.

The dressing is made thus:
1 cup very finely grated strong cheddar (didn't have Parmesan)
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 tablespoon of lemon juice
2 tablespoons of olive oil
crushed pepper
1 clove crushed garlic

mix mix mix and it becomes a thin dressing... weirdly... that is AWESOME over chicken salad.
If you like garlic and tang, you GOT to try it. It has got to be an award winner.

Obviously I didn't have much of it, as I feel the need to keep stressing are like a 5 year old's.

I think I consider people who read this blog who don't know about the surgery to think that I am eating the same amount as I used to. In fact I think that's what I think of myself. Because it is so TOTALLY different from what I used to eat, I think I have to explain myself because I don't want people the think I am still eating loads... which evidently I am not.

I have decided too that I am NEVER going to buy a bottle of wine again. 1 glass is fine. More than that means a SERIOUS head thumping headache in the morning. What would be the point in buying a bottle? If I go out, I will have a glass or something, but I am not buying it for the house. I enjoy wine too darn much to throw half a bottle down the sink. Waking up with the mother of all headaches this morning has totally convinced me that I just cant take the alcohol any more.

Its so cool! I mean, its not cool because I really love wine, but I HATE headaches worse. So my diet is obviously seriously affecting my body and this is the good news that is cool! I don't have food in my belly to soak up the booze any more. That equally means I don't have the food in my belly to make me a porker any more.

I really do have trouble expressing what I feel about this band on here... Its like I want to write a whole thesaurus of words to describe the bliss that is having a band (that works!)

So another kind of blow out day for me... I really don't like eating crud any more. I have been really enjoying making meals and stuff for the whole family and enjoying my small portion of it. I am always last to finish so I feel like I have still eaten loads!

One day I might make myself a dinner like I used to eat and see what it looks like. I haven't been out to dinner at a restaurant since having my last fill, so I think possibly the plate size and portion size will shock me. What a shame that I can only eat at those swanky posh places that serve you up 1 pea, a lettuce leaf and some sauce!! HA HA

Horrible

My Dad has cancer.

What is it with that word? Cancer... it's HORRIBLE

Alien

Today my food started good... and ended bad. Surprised? I'm not.

Breakfast: banana
Lunch: bit of pasta
Dinner: Chilli con Carne and rice (Home made)
Evening snack: 200g bar of Dairy Milk Whole Nut and 3 glasses of red wine.

Cals: 2100 - the highest since my 2nd surgery I think!

Food is evil. Its like a drug for me. I abuse food.

I am glad I have my band because otherwise my food intake today would have made a heinous bulk up of my body mass index.

Thudsay whinge

I am SO glad I didn't jump on those scales now! I have the dreaded curse again. How come it seems that 1 month can flash by so fast in that sense, but waiting for pay day is like torture???

Anyway, the curse has staved off all thoughts of jumping on the scales thank goodness. There is no way I would do it now as I know I always retain water with it. My guts feel like a water bed.

So today...

Breakfast was essentially tablets, because I felt so horrible this morning. I got up and had a coffee and then went back to bed until 2:30pm. Unlike me these days, but I felt so weak and tired.

When I got up I was hypoglycemic. My hands were shaking and I couldn't walk straight, so I immediately ate some chocolate spread in a slice of bread. Little tiny nibbles washed down with orange juice. Seemed to stop the shaking, but was still feeling decidedly odd. I had another slice of bread and some maple syrup in it and washed that down with orange juice too and by 20 minutes later I was feeling fine.

I always crave sugary food around my period... so maybe its not a case of just wanting, but needing! Anyway, later on I went to work and had a banana about 4pm. When I got home I made dinner and we all had quiche, baked beans and potato croquettes. I managed 2 croquettes and a 1/4 quiche, but it took a while.

I am still really pleased with my portions.

My body still wants to snack though! Especially at this time of the month. Towards the end of the evening I grabbed a couple of yoghurts and a nutrigrain bar - what a naughty girl I was. I cant believe that this amounts to a pig out day for me now!! HA HA its amazing!

Desperate to jump on the scales...

I am desperate to. I just wanna know if I have lost any more weight! It's all I think about... I even take a drink to bed with me so that I can have a drink instantly in the morning so it puts me off of weighing myself.

Yes, I am crazy.

Jumping on and off the scales is NOT good for me. I have been so good, but I always get to Wednesday and I can't take it any more.

'So jump on!', I hear you scream.

No, its not good because if its the same weight, then I will be really disheartened and sabotage myself. If its a gain I will be gutted. If its a loss... well that's cool, but I am too worried about the other two to just go for it.

Thankfully I am only obsessing about the scales. Everything else is seemingly normal.

Food wise, I still have monster restriction. I am not tempted to be an idiot and eat crap. I am making meals every day, and eating a varied diet.

Today's food

Breakfast: 1 mouthful of pancake, puked up 10 minutes later.

Snack: banana

Lunch: Chicken curry and rice

Dinner: Chicken casserole... well a bit of it.

And here's what was left when I had finished. took me the best part of 40 minutes to eat.

This was such a lovely dinner too...

Sweet potato, Onion, Carrot, lentils, Potato chicken breast cubes and stock.

Y U M

So that's me done for the day. I don't know how many calories the casserole has, but it didn't have any extra fat or anything... just veg and water. The rest of my food for today adds up to about 300 calories, so I guess I am under 500 today.

So even though I keep worrying that I am going to start putting on weight, or that my portion sizes are getting bigger, or any other paranoid thoughts, everything seems to be going swimmingly.

I wish SO much that my band never went wrong. Its really stressing me out. I am so close to being 16 stone 3, where I was end of last May... I know its dumb as anything, but I cant help but feel like its going to go wrong, or its going to just stop working, or something.

I never realised how much this is still affecting me really. I think once I am past that 16 stone 3 mark, I will start to relax and really settle my heart on the prospect of actually achieving my goal weight...

I can't wait until the next 3 pounds are over with.

That's another reason why I am so eager to get on those scales.

This Moaning

Not that I am really moaning or anything, but I am still 16 stone 5 pounds today. I think that's pretty cool, but I had hoped maybe just to edge it down, say, half a pound or so by today.

Nevermind.

I know that next weeks weigh in might be a little awry because of the dreaded curse... So we shall see.

Hello to LIBSMOM who left a comment. Great to know you are reading, and I shall be dropping by your blog too definitely! Its great to spur each other on.

Right, today's food has been...

1/2 apple
1 nutrigrain bar
some pasta, 3 meatballs and tomato sauce
Spanish Tortilla (like omelette with potato in it) and salad

I have no idea what the calories were for that little lot, but like I said its a LITTLE lot! Gotta be under 1000 for sure.

I remember once trying to eat less than 1000 calories a day for a while... This was eons ago... it was sheer torture. I still wonder how its possible that I only eat this small amount! I am so in lurve with my band - its the Business!

How tight are you?

Oh man oh man!
I am SO tight today. My band has not been very friendly today AT ALL.
This morning I took my tablets and had a coffee, then on the way to the meeting I ate a banana. It didn't feel too good and I thought I might pb, but I didn't. We had lunch at the hall and I could only eat 1 forkful of food. Went out afterwards for an hour with Janet which was great and when I got home I thought I would try and finish the lunch. Na! I had a coffee and then started on my lunch again and 1 forkful later... I was all over and had to pb. Well strange.

There is not a blockage or anything because I can swallow liquids fine... I don't feel choked or anything and I was feeling hungry, so I thought I would be ok. Obviously I was hungry so goodness knows what was going on in there.

I then took Ds and the girls skating. I was feeling really weak having only had a banana and 2 mouthfuls of food and I succumbed to the torturous mars bar. However, by the time I got back I had to pb on that too! I cannot believe I couldn't even eat the mars bar.

So stuff dinner tonight. Its not worth the effort. I feel a little bit raw to be honest and I am gonna stick with liquids for the rest of the day. I cant face another pb today.

I wonder why I am so tight today? I have absolutely no idea.

Anyway, our Spanish lodgers are fitting right in to family life. DS, Xandra and Maria were all on the sofa watching a film - so cute!

Today's food:

1 banana

2 spoons of couscous

1 olive

1 mars bar

half litre of orange juice

Ho hum.

DH is being made redundant - he has a new job already!

Thankfully DH foresaw the problem's his company was going to get into and knew it would be his head for the chop. He started looking for a new job in November last year, and was about to hand his notice in... But this is even better news! He will get redundancy pay now too! Bonus! Although its always nicer on the ego to think you resigned rather than were pushed out, this give us a nice little next egg to start with.

So I am looking at it that way, and hopefully he will really enjoy his new job. He had gotten really tired and frustrated in the old one.

So I think he will probably be made redundant officially next week some time, and then have his 4 weeks notice to work. Then he starts the new one right away. Yay.

I am also riding high weight wise; I couldn't stand it any longer, and jumped on the scales to reveal...



All Care Animal

OH YEAH, Baby!

Another 3 pounds down the toilet. I think what LBG said on her last comment was correct. I don't need a fill. I have total restriction at the moment. Long may it reign.

I know its not official weigh in day, but I just had to put this one down on the chart because its so cool. Just 2 pounds away from where I was last May! Another 2 pounds and I will be once again surfing into the uncharted waters of my weightloss expedition.

When I reach 15 stone something I think I will cry. In fact, I know I will. I will also take my next photo!!!

Mad couple'a days

Haven't really done much these last few days other that clean, paint, tidy and stuff like that. Its all been quite intense. Having 2 lodgers is actually a lot harder to prepare for. But I am sure I will like the money which will make it all worthwhile! HA HA.

Band wise, I am not sure if its my imagination, but I seem to be feeling hungry occasionally throughout the day...

For the last couple of weeks, I haven't felt hungry really that often... only at the normal times if you know what I mean. But for the last couple of days, I have been feeling a little hungry and checking out the pantry and fridge and generally having a look around for food...

However, my calories intake has NOT significantly increased...

I am wondering if its a combination of possibles...

1.) Maybe I am missing Carina, and I have been anxious over what our new lodger will be like and its making me resort to old habits of comfort eating...
2.) Maybe I have just worked my absolute butt off and have therefore negated all my calories I have eaten by mass painting/housework. For my weight I burn off 450 calories an hour in heavy housework. Yesterday I was doing 'on my hands and knees scrubbing' kind of house work (with sweat!) for 3 hours solid! Its been a pretty manic few days, so maybe my body is just thinking its not only starving, but in a labour camp!
3.) I need a fill... I don't think so, because I am still sick too often on the easiest of foods, and I am full quickly aswell. I don't think this is the case, but I am wondering if maybe at some point you just need it to keep it tight around the stomach. Losing 18 pounds must mean you lose a little around that area too... (surely of drop sized equivalent anyway!).

I was wondering, because I have 2 weeks of shortly for the traditional Easter Holidays, I was thinking about doing a day trip to Brugge with the family and seeing Dr. Dillemans at the same time to check me over. That way I will know how things are going and also be able to get a fill if he thinks its necessary.

I don't really want to think about fills. I feel completely different these days and I know I have restriction, but in 3 weeks... maybe I will need a top up? Anyone know how long the restriction lasts for? I guess that's a huge question, and it must differ from person to person so strike that.

So yesterday's calories were 950:
Breakfast: 2 weetabix with milk
Snack: 3 mini savoury eggs
Lunch: 1 bread roll with beetroot and salad creme. (Geez that took ages to eat!)
Dinner: Rice and chicken curry
pudding: small portion of sponge cake with tinned peaches.

Yesterday I had absolutely NO sick episodes.

Today so far I have had:
Breakfast: 2 shredded wheat with milk

will update later.

Weigh in day yahoo!

Ta Da!
Drum roll please...

I lost 3 pounds this week!! Oh yeah!

That takes my total weightloss since banding in February 2007 to 20 pounds, and MORE IMPORTANTLY 18 pounds since it was fixed on November 9th 2007.

YES YES YES YES YES 16 stone 8 pounds.

I think I can honestly say that since it has been fixed many things have dawned on me.

Things that I thought were impossible became like a light at the end of a tunnel, and then quickly disappeared when my band broke. I felt like a complete screw up. Finding out that it was broken after such a long time made me cry with joy because it let me dare the believe that it wasn't actually my fault.

Since it has been fixed...

I know what a 'proper' fill should feel like
I know a fill is nothing to be scared shitless of.
I know that at 5.1ml I had more restriction than I had EVER had
I know what 6.1ml feels like
I know what proper restriction feels like
I know when to stop eating
I know that I must sit down and be 'involved' in my eating
I now know why everyone says "chew chew chew" or "spew spew spew!"
I know what its like to lose weight every week when you find the correct restriction.
I know what it feels like to not be in pain EVERY day
I know that a lot of people have faulty bands
I know that I am not a failure
I know that I will reach my goal
I know I already feel better emotionally and physically
I know that I cannot over-eat any more.
I know that my band breaking was the WORST thing that could ever have happened
I know that sticking with it was the correct thing to do
I know that the band is the best tool in the world for me
I know that this band is changing my life
I know that I love my band like crazy

Oh my, oh my... within 2 weeks I will be hitting the mark where I am the lowest I have ever been. I could actually cry with joy. The lowest I got before my band broke back in May 2007 was 16 stone 3. That means just 5 more pounds until I reach my first HUGE milestone.
Cooooool. Bring it on!

**Update**
Todays cals: 560
100g boiled rice
1/2 can chicken curry
1 sausage
1 helping peas
1 tbsp mashed potatoes

Bye Bye Carina :o(

Today we said bye bye to our German lodger, Carina. DS was terribly upset. She seemed to be holding it together until I gave her a hug and thanked her for being such a cool lodger. The tears started then, so I quickly said goodbye and hurried her out of the door so that it didn't get all dragged out and horrible. I am really going to miss her. She has already phoned me and told me she is back in Germany and that she is fine. Apparently all her friends and family were there to meet her which is lovely for her.

So today has been a bit horrible. Its sort of been flat and grey and boring. I spent the afternoon and best part of the evening painting. I have painted a couple of doors, a couple of skirting's and some architrave. washed down the walls in the hall and stairs and washed the doors around the handles. I find they get really grubby for some reason. Its only when you start cleaning stuff you realise how minging everything is! So I have a sparkly house that stinks of paint. Great.

I have made the two rooms up for our new Spanish lodgers who arrive on Tuesday evening. I am really excited to meet them. I hope they will like it here and hope that they will be as relaxed with us as Carina was. we will make them as welcome as we possibly can anyway, so hopefully they will fit right in. Maria is taking the yellow bedroom upstairs and Xandra is taking the blue bedroom downstairs. I have made up both their beds and put fresh towels in their rooms and all that kind of thing. I would really like to run a hotel I think. I really enjoy making the room nice for guests.

Food wise, today has been a bit odd. I have felt hungry quite a lot today. I awoke with a bad headache, which I had to dampen with pills... the only ones were ibuprofen. I know I am not allowed to take it but I was desperate! I am sure one tablet won't hurt me. Goodness knows where the paracetamol have gone. We seem to eat packets and packets of them.

Anyway, today I have also pb'd twice.

Breakfast:
I didn't have anything except for juice.

Lunch:
Pasta with pesto and Parmesan on.

Snack:
1/2 Hot bread roll with pesto on

Dinner:
1 sausage, onion gravy, 3 green beans and some strange egg/flour gnocchi type stuff.

I pb'd on the roll, and also on my dinner. Only a little bit. Not serious, but I had to make myself sick on both occasions as my chest was so tight.

I am feeling really shit about food today. I sat looking at my dinner wishing I could just eat it all up really quick.

I did something really weird today too.. When I was eating the roll and I knew I had had enough, I took a massive bite and chewed it and chewed it and then spat it out. Then I took another big bite and did the same again. It felt really nice to have a mouth full of food and to really have a good old chew. Psychologically this is really starting to kick arse. I am obviously craving food, and craving chewing. I have taken to eating gum quite a lot too... another thing I never used to do. I was never a gum chewer. I know its really not a good idea to chew gum with a band in case you swallow it, but I am gonna risk it. I have never EVER swallowed gum yet... Famous last words? I dunno, but come on man its such a remote thing. Also I have a mouthful not some little iddy bitty piece of gum. I like to have about 3 or 4 sticks/bits going round in there at one time to get me really chewing! HA

So I am feeling hard done by and annoyed because I cant eat. Strange that this should coincide with Carina leaving and me being upset. I wonder what I would have eaten had I not had this band? So I just discovered I do comfort eat, and I kind of thought that I didn't too much.

Well I couldn't comfort eat, which is even greater news! Hmmm

Yesterday

Went to work on a coffee and a banana. Came home and we all went to Tesco's. I bought some new type of cereal bar which were really nice. The Groove by Alpen. Yum and only 140 cals each.

Then cam home and we went to tesco to get a few bits for the evening... DS wanted to get a cake for Carina (as she is going home today) and we needed some wine and beer to take to TB's house for the karaoke. We also got DS a new Wii game to cheer him up.

Lunch was 100g baked potato with cheese... only managed half and even then less than that actually stayed down as I was one again over the kitchen sink puking.

Then I went back to work and afterwards made my way to TB's house where TB's DH had made a lovely curry as a good bye meal. I couldnt eat very much at all. I had a poppadom and a couple of spoons of curry and rice, but that was it.

Yesterdays cals were 1400. Mainly due to wine, but cake and stuff too. Not a god day cal wise.
However 6 months ago a goodbye meal blow out would have topped to 3000 cals so its so great to know that I simply CANNOT eat over the top any more. So cool.