hmm

Things are plugging on as normal around here.Nothing much to report on the band front, or the weightloss front except that I am probably eating too many calories... I think I should be eating about 1600 per day to lose a couple of pounds a week.... so going by that I figure that I must be exceeding this somewhat! LOL

I haven't really lost any significant weight, and you can see by my updated photos that there isn't much of a difference to the old carcass either. I can kind of see some movement of blubber on my back, but lets be honest... you have to really try hard to see the difference!

Oh well, I am not worried about it and I am happy in my very very slow progression or 'turtling' as Tina might say. I am certainly not going up so PHEW!

I currently have other annoyances. Check these out. I am flummoxed to say the least. I have lupus right... however, I have never had a rash with it, and my bloods are all fine showing no inflammation and my ANA test is also fine. So what the heck are these bad boys?

and a close up:

another, just like it's brother but smaller:

One that is a trinity of scratchyness:

and one that's on the return - by tomorrow it will be a horror on the bra line:

I have obviously consulted many many a photo on google of discoid lupus rash and this is pretty much the same. It has been scraped *wince* two times and analyzed for bugs or microbial pests, does not respond to steroid creams of varying strengths, fungicidal creams of many varieties, antihistamines or a bleeding good scratching.

Its a pest and a thorough annoyance. Two of them are in really 'wrong' areas. as a teacher it is not the done thing to st scratching yourself in lessons, but even more so on your bikini line or bra line! The big nasty back one is fair game though as is the one on the other side.

all of these weird things are on my trunk so I just don't know what they are but I have had them for about a year now in varying degrees of size and they are multiplying at about 1 new one every 3 months or so.

So there you go. any ideas on a postcard to

"Run Rabbit Run, The Warren, Bunnyville, England"

Thank you.

How the other half lives... or... What I wouldn't give to have THIS report!

The other half of me - my brother - came up the other weekend. On the way to our house he stopped at a service station and after having a Burger, chips, coke (full fat!) and 6 dunkin' donuts, jumped on those pay per weigh scales that these places have. He was obviously fully clothed and also in his coat.

How the other half lives...


Yes, that's right. Even after a full meal and loading him down with his clothes, he is underweight with a BMI of 19.5. He also has only 12% body fat.

I, on the other hand, have the fat index of a pork scratching.

How is it possible to be the complete opposite of my ever loving brother? It reminds me of the poem Jack Sprat...

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
And so betwixt the two of them
They licked the platter clean

Yes, it is indeed the conundrum of my life.

Bad weekend

Hello my old fruits. That's what I need to stick to - fruit!

Oh dear, it was a bit of a chocolate frosted weekend. I dunno about you guys but having restriction is GREAT!

O my gosh did you like EVER think you would hear me say that after 4 years of whinging about how rubbish this band is?

This weekend I felt like murder. I was post menstrual - goodness only knows why - and in need of crap to eat. I ate two large bags of minstrels (Caroline - we share that passion!), a couple of bottles of wine, 10 packets of quavers, a few packets of crisps, a curry, a Chinese and to top it off - rice and sauce - the yummy fermented bean sauce I love that's like 1000 cals a teaspoon! I was proper bloated on Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Mmmmm Yummy.

So after this spectacular fall from grace I was a little wary of the scales... so I hopped on just for laughs this morning. 117.3kgs HEEE HEEE!!! Exactly the same thank goodness! I am taking that and running with it.

I delved into this conundrum a little more - you know the one:

Eat dross, stay the same weight/lose weight

This is a common thread which I can never seem to grasp. I plugged in all my calories into Livestrong.com and came up with an interesting fact. 

I ate less than 2500 calories each day!

Because of the band, although I wouldn't want to do it all the time, I ate a load of crap and was still under my calorie goal. Before the band before my band was fixed and I had the right restriction I was eating all my meals + CRAP.

I am not going to lie, my eating is pretty rough sometimes, but I am glad that I now know that Albert is helping me with damage limitation. I went to bed full as a stuffed feather pillow. I could not possibly have eaten anything else. It just wasn't possible for me to over eat at the weekend!

So ladies... this is what it's like to have a lapband huh? I like it!

Anyway, after 3 days of bingeing on junk foods, this morning my mouth feels like Ghandi's flip flop and I am craving salad and water and fruit (some chance!) and water and veg and water. Water mainly! I am off to the gym later so have a great monday everyone!

FOOD PORN BLOG

Oh my gosh after reading that Tina's husband was supplying her with food porn on his blog I went on a quest for more. Like her, I truly believe looking at it in all its glory can be just as good as the real thing and I found a cracker and this is it over at foodiewife-kitchen.blogspot.com click the link to view in technicolour!

FOOD PORN HEAVEN

Wow she is AWESOME and I am totally 'getting off' on her cooking. It is out of this world and some of her recipes that she creates are to die for. I will of course never be able to indulge in (for instance) lemon smashed potatoes - potatoes boiled in milk and then mashed with it and some lemon zest and served with green beans and lemon infused fish fillets. Wow, unreal stuff but truly gorgeous.

Indulge at your own risk!

Little deal

As opposed to a big deal!

The scales gave in an moved to 117.3kgs this morning. YAY. That means in just over a month I have done half a kilogram. So, like I said, little deal.

The gym was tough today for some reason. I found myself willing the time to go and I was really achy. I guess some days are just harder than others. Who knows.

Did my training for my new 'secret' job yesterday. I cant say what it is outright, because I can't draw attention to the fact that I am doing it and having it tied in with personal details and coming up on a google search, but it happens every 10 years, involves lots of questions... if you get my drift.

That was pretty cool. I am looking forward to it a lot actually.

Anyway, that's me checking in for now. Still alive, still not thin ;-)

Adios!

You never see a tubby smackhead

I was watching this show yesterday and this guy was talking about diet pills which just cracked me up!
I think the highlight of the one liners last night was "Forget diet pills. Just take Heroin! You never see a tubby smackhead!"  Oh man if it that was socially acceptable hobby I would give it a go for sure! Another great ones was "How can a man who spends his days pumping cream into buns be homophobic?" ahh man it was so funny.

I had never seen it before, but its really good. Its a stand up comedian just doing jokes about the current week of news and topical subjects. I posted one of his little funnies I found on You tube just below. If you get a chance check it out - Russell Howard's Good News.

Anyway, onto band news... well things have moved a little bit in the right direction. I am currently 117.4kgs and holding. So that's nearly 5kg since October. I have made a few conscious mistakes just because I wanted succor in the form of chocolate and crackers and crisps but still managed to lose. Wine has also be partaken of, and obviously that wont help the weightloss either, but I have enjoyed myself.

I think that if I hadn't been going to the gym, I wouldn't have lost weight though. I think that 350 -400 calories I burn there 3 times a week has got to help me out really. It is my fourth week now. TB and I started on Friday 28th January so we have gone 3 times a week for a month without skipping or missing a session. The one week I couldn't do our regular day, we went the next one to make up for it.

We go Monday, Wednesday and Friday for about 1 hour to 1 hour 30mins each time. I definitely feel fitter and am still as up for it as I have ever been. We are going a bit later today but we usually go about 10 as that fits with work and stuff. I will take a video of the gym session today and show you around our health club!

Last night I made a scrummy band friendly dinner.

I have no idea what to call it, and most of the names I can come up with sound rank and yuk but here it is:

This is vegetarian and serves 6 healthy appetites!

1 bag of Kale (or strong Greens/Cabbage)
2 cooking apples
1 onion
10 spring onions (green onions)
4 sticks celery
2 cloves garlic
2 tablespoons sunflower seeds
salt and pepper
2 teaspoons mustard
1 tablespoon of sugar
1 package of ready rolled Pastry

Fry the onion and celery together in a little olive oil/butter or even water until soft

After frying and softening the onion and celery add the cooking apples to the mix and stir continually as they stick easy and burn easier!

  After the apples start to moosh a little add the rest of the stuff - kale, spring onion, garlic, mustard, seeds, salt, pepper and sugar and mix that baby until it looks a little like this:

Then get your pastry and divide it into two. Roll both pieces out separately into an oblong shape - it should already be big enough in width, so just roll it so its a bit longer - about the length of your baking tray. As it will be thin, put it on greaseproof paper and then dump half the mixture onto one side of the pastry like this:

 

fold the pastry over to cover it and stick all the edges together and you should end up with a kind of strudel shaped thing. Do the same with the other one and then put them in the oven for 15 to 20 minutes on about 175 deg C (fairly hot - like what you would bake stuff at) and you should end up with 2 of these beauties:

these cut up into 4 reasonable portions or 3 generous portions depending on how many you have to feed/ how hungry they are!! But it looks like this on the plate:

I served this with boiled carrots and mashed potato and it was scrumptious! Calories - in the mixture there was about 300 for the whole lot (as I used olive oil to fry with) and the pastry when divided into six portions was just under 300 cals so a lovely scrummy pie suitable for bandits was 350 cals! 

Right, I am off to the gym, see ya'll later x

Russell Howard's Good News - Homophobic Baker

Freaking peeved

I notice that this months posts have all been rather down and the mouth, sorry. I am not particularly down at the mouth, nor down at the scales it would seem. I am 117.9kgs today. Yay.

NOT YAY!

I cannot work out what the heck-a doodle is going on in my body but it would seem, against all scientific studies on earth, that my metabolism works backwards. If I eat a full pile of stupidenss and sugar all week - I lose weight or stay the same. If I exercise like a sweaty pig and eat less - I gain.

Well what does that suggest to one that is trying to eat less and exercise. Yeah, seems like its not worth it.

Good grief! WHAT THE???????????

Man I know you guys are all awesome and stuff but I have absolutely no idea why you bother to follow this blog as its such a pile of utter drivel and self loathing.

Even I don't have any idea why I write it!! I mean seriously? What IS the point of it.

*Death Sigh*


I just took a minute there to cover my face with my hands and rub it. I just don't know what to do any more. I am sitting here trying to be positive. I CAN'T. What can I be positive about. I busted my ass for 3 and a half weeks and I am heavier now than I was at the start.

Oh jeez. I need help and I have pretty much exhausted all possibilities.

I know that unbanded is not the way to go. I put on a lot of weight real quick so I know it's not the answer. But banding isn't either. Something MUST BE WRONG WITH ME. Like INSIDE.

Its not physically possible to expend more calories than you consume and NOT lose weight.

Maybe I am am the right person to send to the Amazon or Sahara or Himalayas or Antarctica. I would get fatter and fatter as I ate less and less and exercised more and more. I am a scientific DREAM! I should be studied. People can write their thesis' on me. COME ON! Contact me scientists!!! Old Captian Scott would have took me on the team. I dunno about them, but I woulda defo made it home right????  

I am not going to stop because I can't. I can't afford an unfill or a fill (and I am as tight as the proverbial D.A. anyway). I can't stop going to the gym as I have to do it for TB. I also


Enjoy it!!!!!


There I said it, but really small just in case anyone hears!

I am committed to shifting this bulk, but I just don't know how to do it any more chapettes.

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!

(and that's just a scream cos I am ticked of right? I'll be ok in a few days..weeks lol)

450 cals

Not bad. That's like my whole lunch gone in one gym session.

I have been keeping up with the 3 times a week gym routine. I havent a clue if its doing me any good, but seem to be getting quicker, further round the track and burning more calories every time I go... We normally go for an hour. I have definitely upped the pace and graduation on the treadmill and made it tougher on the bike so I guess it must.

Weigh in tomorrow am. Be there or umm not. :-)

4 Years ago...

Well what do you know? Time flies when you're not having fun.

All the ups and downs that the last 4 years have seen are pretty much accounted for here in this blog.

So, not being negative at all, but just wanting to re-cap

This time 4 years ago I weighed 18 (252lbs) stone exactly. Today I am about 18 stone 9lbs (261lbs 118kg)

What have I learned?

Not a whole lot to be fair. I have learned that nothing is a 'cure' for this hellish nightmare with our weight, although it seems some have better success than others.

I have learned that no one has the answer to whats going on in our bodies other than ourselves.

I have learnt that we are the masters of our own success or failure.

I have spent a considerable amount of money over the last 4 years on dieting, dieting aids, clothes (smaller and even bigger than pre banding), diet foods and not to mention fills - 20 fills over 4 years at roughly £125 a throw ain't great.

I am still battling my own inner voices, checking out food porn (cheers Tina), wishing I could do anything to turn the clock back and not have made those bad choices/taken on board those issues before they went out of control.

I am however, alive, banded, have a beautiful husband and child and not reached the age of 35 yet...

So, here's to another year of - oh please God hopefully - slimming.

p.s. am writing this at 3am because made a stupid stupid stupid mistake of having 3 clementine segments at 8pm. Whoops. Puked all three bits back out, but still haven't managed to eat dinner yet and am feeling woozy. Kind of given up on food, but my pills NEED taking tonight or I am shot.

Way down

...my eating that is!

I have noticed that since fill #20 - yes, twenty - I have been eating a lot less.

Today I had the most stressful day for ages. Stress always gets my band tight when its filled nicely, and today was no exception.

To kick off we had an Sky HD upgrade planned for between 8am and 1pm. I was shattered after finishing work yesterday at 10:30pm and then having to spend 2 hours with DS finishing his homework when I got in so I was looking forward to Sky man coming at about five minutes to one this afternoon!!

No such luck. The bloke rings at 8:25am and says he will be there at 9:00am. Ah well, at least I can go back to bed after he has done his thing, thinks I. Nope.

He arrives at 9:30 (!) and then does one of those "Oooh, Ahh, I dunno" scratches of the heads that tradespeople seem to do when they think they have wifey at home all dumb and stupid. He says "Think your tubes have gone in your telly."

"Tubes?" I ask - perplexed as to why my plasma telly has tubes... then he goes "er... yeah, there's horizontal lines there on the blue screen... they are at the back of the plasma screen". Hmmm well yes, I can see lines, as I have done since we got the thing new. I flick the channel to one that actually has a picture rather than just a plain blue screen, and no sign of lines. "Oh that's good look, I cant see it now its actually on a channel, so I wont mind that matey" says I.

Then blow me if not 2 minutes later hes scratching his nuts again and oohing and ahhing over the state of my wiring to the phone socket "Oooh i dunno luv, looks like that's gunna be dodgy. Might need a new socket..."
"Well its not plugged into the phone line at the moment, nor has it been for the last 8 years, so don't bother plugging it in mate ok?"

"No no no no luv" he goes "You have to av it plugged in like cos yous taken out another contract".
"Oh no no no no mate, it slows the broadband, makes a scratchy noise on the line and I am gunna whip it out the minute you leave anyway - even if you do get it in there - so just don't bother yeah?"

"Oh alright then"

Hit me.

There were several other mini dramas that I totally ignore... line to the box, wrong cables bla bla bla. I am paying you to do the freaking job mate, so quit whining and do it!

Finally, and hour after he arrived, he gets the box out of his van. Surprisingly it all works. After the palaver he made you would have thought I needed a hot bath and a razor. Life just wasn't worth living the way he was going on! Do I have "M.U.G" written on my head? Well I must have because just after he left at 11:30am, I get a call from Microsoft technical support.

Yes, Microsoft technical support. Apparently they don't normally ring, but they had had a log of several threats on my computer and wanted to help me clear them.

Oh course I put the phone down straight away didn't I.

Ummm.... nope. I didn't. I quizzed the bejayzus out of them - I really did - about how did they know it was my particular PC and not one of the other 4 in the household; how did they know it was MINE that was causing the error; where were they calling from exactly again; and how did they get my name, number, dob, email address, postal address and mothers maiden name etc? THATS RIGHT!!!! They had all that info.

So I thinks... Ok maybe they are for real, but I am no pushover. I consider myself pretty darn computer security savvy. I know what a phishing email is/hoaxes look like and I don't get pushed into changing gas/electric supply every week and I know a scam when I hear one. How many rich uncles in Nigeria can one girl have right?

They were very patient "yes, its totally understandable that you want to verify us Mrs. Bunny... bla bla" so I let them guide me to the relevant files they had had issues coming through on. I needed to check and low and behold there are an amazing array of threats on my computer. Loads of warning files and errors. I was really worried! They should have Oscars for con men cos they were freaking brilliant!

So I am totally convinced that the chap I am speaking to is who he says he is, and am going along with all this guff. He took control of my computer remotely and even as I type this I know you are all hanging your heads thinking I am a freaking foooool of gargantuan proportions but I am telling you I WAS FOOLED.

I 100% believed every word they said, and was sucking it right up and it actually worries me MORE because there must be thousands of people out there who wouldn't even have questioned these people. I questioned them for about 10 minutes and they still managed to convince me...

...right up until he showed me a screen where some log shows that my security layer on my computer was expired and I needed to reinstate it.

Uh oh... ding a ling a ling. Bunny you stupid rabbit!!!!

This was 30 minutes into the call. Alarm bells started to ring and I though Oh My GOD. I am in the middle of a scam. The next breath and he shows me a website saying the prices of the different packages I can buy to reinstall my security shield ranging from £20 to £120. Yep. A website lashed up just to take cash.

Well by this time I was fully aware, but hold my cool and said "Oh no, my handbag is in my husbands car and hes at work. Can you call me back this evening and we can do it then when he gets home?" and a "sure ma'am" came from him. Then he proceeded to give me his phone number 02081239216 and his name Austin Wells and that we could call him back any time.I thanked him SOOO much for helping me and I hung up.

I am well aware that often if you hang up or are rude at that point (when they are still in control of your PC!) they can execute files etc that can cause grievous harm, so I just kept it cool...

After hanging up I immediately shut my computer down and disconnected it. My PC has been thoroughly cleaned and thankfully there are no key loggers, no jammers or viruses or spyware thank god, but it was the fright of a lifetime. I thought as a precaution I would just change all my passwords and pins and everything as it's probably a good idea anyway.

So, friends of mine, if you get a call from Windows support and services department because your International IP address has been showing errors and they don't usually phone, but there was like Sooooooo many... you know what to do.

They used the run application on windows to enter the code eventvwr which showed up all the logs... go ahead on your computer and have a look. You will find errors and warnings as that's what it logs. Its a LOG. lol.

What a dumb ass I was. they used www.logmein123.com to remote access my PC  and the website they took me to that was basically phoney was techsupportonline.in Obviously don't go to these websites cos they might have viruses on - i dunno - but I am just adding this info so that they cant scam anyone again and others who got sucker punched like me can hopefully see ahead of time that its rubbish.

It might seem like I am trying to save face after the event, but I honestly never thought I would ever be tricked into doing something like that and it was relatively easy, so everyone must beware. At the end of the day I didn't need to write this here!! It really really scared the flip out of me at how easily and readily I was fooled.

Upshot - have eaten naff all today!! HAHA

I felt like crying immediately ofter the call, was shaking and not in a good state because my computer would not immediately tun back on so I was kind of freaking out. It tightened my band up to squeaky badgers butt tight and I could not eat allllll day long.

By 1pm I had managed to change my bank details and gone through on my sons laptop other accounts - ebay, paypal etc etc and ahything else I can think of that might mean I get robbed! By 2pm I decide to have some soup. GLERK! One teaspoon sat there on the band like a cork plug so I thought forget it.

Spent some considerable time on the phone to my mum, TB and DH at the shop and recanting the days dramas then got myself together to look at lesson plans for the afternoons work and dragged my bum out the door to go to work all strazzled (Stressed + Frazzled).

I get in the car and RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr RRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr clunk.

O h h h h h hhh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I jump out the car like a mad thing just as my next door neighbour walks onto my drive (who can hardly walk as she has had a stroke - except not a nice person AT ALL and a complete beeyatch unless she needs something)

"YES?" I scream????

This is the same neighbour that ticked me off over our extension so pleasantry's are hard to come by and I am all out of nice today anyway!

She has locked herself out and do I have a spare key.

"No, I gave it back after you shopped us to the council!" I said. Then smiled sweetly. Her face was a PICTURE - It was so worth the 16 month wait! (Funnily enough the council sided with us YAY but thats another story)

I turned on my heels and marched back up the drive, grabbed the WD40 from the porch and whipped up the bonnet. Neighbour from hell is in the passenger seat of a car, and in the drivers seat is some snotty looking woman who is obviously doing her good turn of the year

"I say," snotty woman says "do you know what's wrong with the car?" she asks.
"I am a mechanics daughter. Of course I do!" I yell back like a fish wife.

I dress very smartly for work so it must look quite comical as with WD40 in hand, I swish my cashmere shawl and beautiful handmade french necklace out of the way, stand well back to stop the car grime getting on my wool suit and pop the bonnet. I rake around, lift the plastic cover from the bit my dad tells me to and squirt away. I squirt all wire connections and belt this metal drum style thingy (tip from dad too), slam the bonnet, squeeze loads of antibacterial gel on my hands to get rid of the grease (works like a dream btw!) and then fire up the old horse.

Blue smoke blows out and we are off! With a cheesy grin to posh woman and hell neighbour, I back out leaving them to sit on their drive until someone comes with a key.

When I say day from hell! PHEW!

However it doesn't end there! I get 5 miles up the road and realise I have forgotten a cruicial book for my 2nd pupil! After mending the car, there is not enough time to do lessons one, go back to get the book and then go to lesson two.

In a blind hunger starved panic I about turn, ring pupil one and explain that I have had car faliure and reschedule for later in the evening. I dive home to see hell neighbour still sitting in the car on her drive -  GLEE! (Yeah, I know I'm horrible but it made a tiny chick of sunshine in my day!)

So I grab the book and off I finally go to work.

I hadnt eaten or drunk a drop all day. I was so shattered by 9pm, with still 2 lessons to do that I got one of those teeny tiny small power shots from the garage for £2.50. They are 5 calories for 25mls of caffeine and what-not but wake you up for hours. Well its 3am in the morning and I am still awake but JEEEEZ it gave me well bad acid heartburn and I threw it up about 45 minutes after I drank it down - and even then I had to sip it!

There is nowt so demure as a cashmere clad fat lady barfing up in the headlights of her car on the side of a country road, knee deep in grass and most likely roadkill.

I dunno about anyone else in the UK, there just seems to be an awesome amount of roadkill on the road tonight. Huh, random!

So when I got in I was glad to see a nice curry sitting on the counter. I had a green tea whilst I did DH's accounts (he had deep cleaned my computer up even more once he got home), did the bills and sat down to eat at midnight. I had about a cup of rice and curry, 1 popadom, 1 glass of red wine and half a bag of tootie fruities (little sweeties).

What a day.

Thank goodness it's over!

Now I am off to bed, and I am NOT getting up until lunch for love nor money!

DO NOT USE POWER PLATE WITH LAP BAND

Well that's pretty final.

I rang them, seemed like the easiest option. Actually it wasn't because it took about 30 minutes until I had been connected and connected and on hold several times to get to the right person.

Tragically you must not use this machine if you have ANY implanted device which (after some deliberation by them) includes the Lap Band.

Also phoned my surgeon (as was scared!) and he said no too as it can cause tightness (!) swelling of the stomach lining and also tears in the muscle tissue around the port.

Apparently it doesn't have any effect on the actual band and port itself, but how its sewn onto us and where.

The same applies to massage chairs and the like.

So, my brief flirtation with wiggly jiggly is over.

:-(

It was so good at ridding me of aches after the gym. *Waaaaa Waaaa Waaa*

To power Plate or Not to Power Plate THAT is the question

OK...

H has left me a very interesting comment regarding use of the Power Plate.

I haven't seen any other bandsters (oh maybe just one bandster from Essex banded fairly recently) who use the Power Plate in their Gym routine.

H said that she has known a few people advised NEVER to use it for fear of dislodging the port/tubing etc etc.

Now, to be honest, I never even though about it!! Can you believe that? I never even considered that all that jiggly wiggling would do anything to my band/port! Even after all my band disasters.

So what I NEED to know is -

TO POWER PLATE OR NOT TO POWER PLATE

Just to let you know how I use it:
Calf massage - Lay on back on the floor and have my calves massaged = no jiggly wiggly in rest of body.
Thigh Massage - Lay face down with only thighs on the plate and kind of doing a  press-up on the floor so only bits on the plate are thighs and knees and probs a bit of pelvis/gut too.
Back massage - Sitting on the edge of the plate dangling forward - Whole body buzzing away.

Freaked out!

Ooooh dear!!! I do not want this to be the next band disaster in my life! I can see that this would also be an entirely feasible reason for the Power Plate to be contraindicated if you have a band. The lady at the gym didn't even know what a band was... helpful.

HELP LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Depressed

Feeling really down today. We were supposed to be going to the NEC for the Jewellery show. I really loved it last year and it was so exciting as we were starting our own business and stocking up our shop with goodies and I think I just felt really on the cusp of something awesome.

This year, we had planned to go up tonight and stay in  a Travelodge (oooh the glamour!!!!) and then tomorrow get to the show early and spend the day there. DS is having a sleepover and spending the day at a Friends, so it was just the two of us and I thought it was just going to be nice to be on our own for a day.

However, we are not going.

The room is paid for, but it's going to cost about £150 for the weekend - petrol getting there, dinner tonight, breakfast tomorrow and then lunch etc. DH will probably be tempted to buy some stock for the shop etc etc.

So we just decided not to go as its £150 we can't really afford right now.

So feeling really low, DS is already at the sleepover and I just want to go to bed and snuggle down forever.
Rubbish.

What happens to bands when you exercise?

Just a query really chapettes...?

I have been to the Gym 4 times now with my matey TB. 

Our first day was 28th January. I did my workout while TB had her induction into all things Gym, then we went for a coffee after. We went back to her place and she made me a lunch of Broccoli and Stilton soup. Mmmm.

Then I had my fill on Saturday (0.5mls) and my unfill on Sunday (0.2mls).

On Monday we went to the gym again and worked out exactly the same but could not eat lunch - soup - at TB's house.

On Wednesday we went to the gym again and worked out exactly the same but could not eat lunch - soup again or even drink coffee.

Today we went to the gym, did our workout as usual and about 15 to 20 minutes afterward I couldn't drink any more of my juice.

Every time we go I drink whilst I am exercising - Berocca being a favorite as then I know I have had my vitamins, water or squash. There is no problem with that at all. But by the time we have got in the car and driven home about 7 minutes away, I cant drink/eat!

I am wondering if any of you babes have noticed this too?

I am also wondering if it has anything to do with the Power Plate? It says on the notice that you should have drunk plenty of water prior to using it - which I have, but think that's a bit of an odd thing to ask for so wondering what the bearing of drinking water has to do with the Power Plate.

I use the power plate at the end of every workout to massage my back, massage thighs, calves and inner thighs so that I don't ache and it works SO well.

So any of you get that or use the Power plate?

Dinner

Above is Onions sliced with mandolin, 300g defrosted frozen spinach, garlic, pepper, salt and 1 tub of philadelphia (or quark for low fat option)

 

 Above: Very cripsy bacon

Above: Pasta, spinach mix and shredded cripsy bacon

Monday Weigh in

This morning I was down to 118.4kgs (262lbs or 18 stone 9lbs)

This is cool as when I resumed my band journey in October in earnest I weighed 122kgs (269lbs or 19stone 3)

I am being very careful with this fill. Yesterday I had soup and liquids or yogurt all day and then about 11pm I had about a cup of mashed potato with some creamy coleslaw.

Today I had a berroca during my workout at the gym. I don't really like them, so putting it in the sports bottle meant that I did actually finish it. We fast walked 5k, rowed 5k and cycled 5k with a little bit of PowerPlate wiggling and some random tries of other machines to see what they were like. Then for lunch TB had made a nice soup, but it was too 'whole' for me with big lumps of veg in. The spoonful I did eat was really tasty, but I just couldn't eat any more after the first bite. I know from old that I never used to be able to eat before about 4pm, so I came home and the soup finally passed through the stoma. I had a couple of coffees and tea and then a can of mushroom soup for very late lunch.

I haven't got a clue what to do for dinner tonight, But I think I am going to make an old favorite - Pasta with spinach, Philadelphia and bacon. I don't know how much I will manage but I will take my time as always, and chew chew chew!

I think I actually might have a working band. Who would have thought it!! HURRAH!

Super teeeeee-ight & thank you

Well, things had settled immensely after the orange juice debacle yesterday, but we went to a friends for dinner in the evening. She had made 4 courses. This obviously strikes feelings of deep doom into bandsters around the globe, even one as slack and shizzy at it as me - especially after a fill! GULP

I knew that I was never going to be able to eat much, if anything, so as she served up, and I glugged some green tea (I had come armed with my pot and leaves!). I had a little nibble of a tiny asparagus spear in anchovy butter. It was... not the most pleasant of dishes I must admit. I had about 3 tips and then stopped as I felt chogged, even though I had pureed it to death and back in my mouth and drank, and waited and breathed and all those little tricks.

Nah.

It came back at me, and I passed on the soup, the beef stew and rice and also the caramel cheese cake. I Even       
Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn        
                                                   Passed on the WINE!

Yes it was a spectacular fail and I felt like a leper.

So we came home, after having actually a really really fun evening, food or no, to that time of day called:

"Try and take my tablets after a fill"

Its always a fabulous sort of family horror event, and last night  took the Golden Globes and Oscars in a clean sweep! 

By the end of the dinner party I was consuming a little water, had half a glass of red, and a little black tea relatively okay... so I thought I might as well give it a bash. Now I am not very good at taking tablets 'dry' so I have to have quite a lot of fluid. I thought that things were OK - there was some glugging, gurgling, belching, blopering going on in there at that special cleavage region of the chest, so I swallowed em down. After 2 minutes, I had to hurl. 

I take high doses of Gabaentin, Tolterodine and other concoctions for my lupus and my criminal piston pain (that's my word for the urethra for those new here) and I HAVE to take them or I start going into withdrawal. If I miss them, it only takes 2 days for me to be a twitching wreck trying to score a hit! I never miss taking them though - mainly because I am addicted to them so I never EVER forget!! These are the only tablets I have never forgotten. My body simply knows when it's time for pills!! HAHA  They are an Opiate based and nasty and am on em for life. So you can imagine that the thought of not taking these pills is like totally alien to my being. 

However, hurling these beauties is G R I M  I honestly could not believe the taste, it was unreal! I puked as only a bandit knows how, then it was immediately followed by a massive spasm of REAL vomiting and then proper dry retchy heaving for 30 seconds on the afterkillertaste! OH WOW! They were so bad, and kinda spicy and burny and frothy and hell like and tasted like death itself. 

Honestly, I have tasted some foul junk before, but this was on a new level. I swilled my mouth out fast with TCP mouthwash just to take the taste away. I hate it, but less than that mank! TCP was the only thing I could think of that would take the taste away and disguise it completely and luckily (!?) I only bought it the other day for my sore throat. Small merices!


DH said afterwards that the heaved pills stank the kitchen out like dead fish. Truly scary times. I have oft been tempted to make it easier after fills by opening the cases on the pills and just mixing them with water or something, but this has given me the whole answer in full. That's is not EVER happening. 

So after this headache, and a quick email to Jane that I needed an unfill pronto in the morning, we went to bed. I lay there gurgling the night away and willing myself not to salivate in fear of waking up vomiting. I slept really well strangely, and thought this little 0.5 was not too bad really whilst I slurped on my first cuppa of the day.


At 9am I gave Jane a ring, bless her she must HATE me! I had drunk 2 cups of black tea at this point, so things were looking good, and I thought that I had better let her know things were ok and I would manage. She suggested that I ring back at 2ish and let her know how things were going, which was a massive stroke because things disintegrated from the black tea onwards. 


We went out this morning for a couple of hours and I was sipping thoughout, but I noticed it just starting to slow down through the stoma! I only had a few sips of drink between 9am and 1pm. I was able to drink, it wasn't sticking, or making me sick, but I could just really feel it sitting there for a little longer than was necessary or needed. It felt uncomfortable and like I couldn't relax. I could feel everything going on; I was really aware of having a band and I just thought, you know what? I don't need this. So I called her up and asked if she could take a smidge back out. 

So this afternoon at 4:30 I had 0.2ml taken back out. So I just have an extra 0.3ml instead which I am really happy to have a go with. I could drink immediately although with that nice thunky glug noise which we all know and love, so things are on the march I hope!


On a completely different tack, I have been thinking about Babara and her girls today so much. I think its finally sunk in that Mark has gone and that lovely lady Barbara who has been so strong for so long is just shattered in pieces. I feel so deeply sad for them. I have never met her (or been to boobs cos I am a UK bandit) but I have followed her blog forever. I was so pleased and proud of us bloggers for the over 70 comments I saw on her blog this morning. We all really do pull together and no one is alone in their struggles, whatever they are, in this little world of cyber-reality. 

It takes something like that for us all to realise what we have created, all of us - A massive network of ladies and men from all over the place living their day to day lives with a band. Our lives come into our blogs so often, but I know I always wonder whats the use of telling some of the boring drivel I write about, but this is how Barbara is gonna get a heap of support she would never have known if she hadn't been a blogger or a bandit. If she had thought it was boring, or not of interest to us to know about her husband, her kids, her home and day to day stuff that shes gotten up to over the years, we would not have known about her struggles of late or be able to sense her pain now. We wouldn't have been able to give her the only thing we can - our love and support. 

We never know when we are going to need some kind words, love, prayers, a nudge in the right direction or just to be told to hang in there or that we are doing just fine. Sometimes we get told, and we didn't know we needed it until we see that email flashing with a comment. 


Its a cliche that we take stuff for granted, but I feel like I know so many of you, and I guess it goes the same the other way. That's simply lovely. 

I am glad that I found all of your people who read my blog. I know that when the chips are down, I have friend's to eat them with! 

Love to you all, and it goes without saying but especially to Barbara.  

Lapband Fill with pictures (the shame!)

Well today I done got me a cheeky fill!

I now have 6.5mls in my band. I had a little freak out earlier as I glugged some orange juice and it just sat there. ARGHHHHHHHH and for an hour it was sat sitting there and in the end had to barf. Since then all has been well. I vaguely remember that orange juice can have that effect. I think I had had a milky coffee earlier so it could have curdles with it... who knows. But at present its all ok.

Here follows a grotesque (i.e. my guttage) section of photos of me having a fill. it was a bad angle ok????!!! My lovely husband is to blame!

All sorted. I hate having to roll down my trousers to my caesarian scar hang over point. Its so humiliating!! Oh well, never mind. Soon I will be a scrawny bint! YAY thanks Jane!

Gym

Me and TB went to the gym today. I have been a member since the summer and apart from 1 time (shortly after the induction) I haven't been since.

I don't know why I haven't been cos I always kind of wanted to. Maybe because I had to go with DH and DS and I don't really want to go with them and have it like some family sweat time. DH is kind of competitive and even though he isn't competing with me, just trying to encourage me, it just gets on my tits when someone is like "how many reps did you do? WOW that's AMAZING!!! Well done". Saying that to me is like wrong. I know I shouldn't, but I feel patronised and belittled as if I just accomplished the impossible.

He would hate that I felt that way, but I just do. I don't really wanna be there with him all sweaty and getting down to it and me just loping along on the treadmill without my breathing even changing. I feel like its a competition, even though it's not, and it's a competition I can't win and the whole thing just gets messed up in my head.

Going with DS is OK, but again he gets on my nerves cos he is either complaining  all the time or being silly like "look I can go 10km per hour on one leg" or something, and it's not like I am competing with my own son, but it makes me feel small inside and stupid and fat and ugly.

So I have been trying to cajole TB into going, and she finally caved on Wednesday. I booked her induction for this morning and did my workout whilst she was shown the ropes with the instructor. I did 30 mins on the treadmill which was about 1 and a half km and 150 cals apparently. I then had a game of Fish on the rowing machine where you have to pull harder and to get your fish out of the way of the big sharks, but also vary the speed and pace to eat the 'good' fish to gain points. It takes 5 minutes and goes really fast because you are playing a game. Then I played darts, where the rowing machine is timed over 5 of your strokes to aim darts at a dart board. It helps you keep your posture and even rowing pace but gets a bit boring. Took 5 minutes to throw 100 darts and I still had 300 darts left so I though naaaaa and stopped.

Then I had a go on that wobbly tooth tickling machine called PowerPlate and gave myself some massages on full power for a minute a pop. Then I sat on one of the leg press things and had a nice rest whilst TB finished off.

We then went to get a coffee in the club house and went back to hers for some lunch. She LOVED it. I loved going with her cos we are both wanting to lose weight and we work well as a team. It will inspire us both and I think I have kind of missed the regular get togethers we used to have for slimmingworld and the like.

So all in all a good day so far.