Good Timez

Oh it was so cool today. Yesterday I ordered a new mobile phone. I had needed one for some time because it was just playing up all the time, and I had absolutely no signal whatsoever in the places I go, so I changed network and ordered my new phone. Well, surprise surprise... with my new mobile phone I got a free gift to choose from. I could NOT believe the choices...

£150 cash back, or a Nintendo Wii with Wii-fit plus, or a PS3, or an XBox 360 Elite or all kinds of other stuff (I am in the UK by the way, so anyone wanting to get the same deal as me will have to also be in the UK), and I was AMAZED. Well, first I thought it was a complete con or something, but it wasnt. The only relatively non 'problem' was that the contract is for 2 years. Well, thats not a big deal for me, I havent changed my phone for 2 years anyway and it was Shit! So I am getting a new phone with 400 mins, unlimited text messages for £25 a month with a FREE XBox 360 Elite Live with the game Forza 3 racing... i was already paying £30 a month for less minutes and 200 txts... so I canceled that swine and got this!

If you want to get a similar deal http://www.mobiles.co.uk/refer.aspx?refer=cust1045074

Well, lets just say that when the post came this morning after DS had been bursting his guts waiting for it he was over the moon excited and screaming:

There is something so awesome about getting something for nothing, but also it being exactly what your child has wanted for, like, ages!!! He was so excited yesterday. We were going to get him an Xbox in the January sales and he was practically faint with expectation for that, let alone getting it now! As another little treat, DH came home from work with a brand new flat screen TV for him and a Free View ariel so that he can watch Sky TV in his bedroom and play on his new Xbox. Up until now he has been using our old crappy TV from about 10 years ago which has definitely seen better days. So he is happier than a pig in muck right now!!

Its so cool giving really unexpected gifts and I get such enjoyment out of watching him being all happy and amazed and dazzled and over the moon. He is such a grateful little boy and so deserving. He really is the most humble and loving son a mother could hope to have.

Onto me... I was gutted today when I went to an old favorite shop of mine. I read your comment, Tina, about being harder for us here, and it certainly is. It got me thinking about a shop called The Daily Bread which does all kinds of Organic stuff and I had kind of forgotten about it. Its in Cambridge so its a bit of a trek, but I went this afternoon. Well I WISH I had gone before. I could have saved myself £50 on Mason jars!!! How gutted. I bought 20 1lb jars and 20 2lb jars for £15 and 40 replacement lids for £3.50. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
So I guess I will only use my precious Mason Ball jars for very special foods. I can get these other ones any time, and they are cheap. The only problem is that they don't have a safety button on the cap, but I guess when you open them, if they don't make that nice THUNK sound, then its no go. I could not believe I could get them there, and I had searched everywhere on the net. *Blows lips out*


Ended up spending a small fortune in The Daily Bread too. I had run out of Granola, and I thought "make my own?" so bought all the ingredients for it:

and the result:

Mmmmm. Also found my favorite honey for £2.85 per lb as opposed to £4.25 a lb if you buy it by the 1lb jar. Bargain!

Got lots of herbs, and other bits including my favorite Canadian wholemeal flour and White Manitoba flour. They make my wonderful loaves.

So a good day today, I actually don't think i have eaten anything at all today - nope, I havent. How random, not been hungry! But I am about to have braised lamb and onions with roast tatties and sugar snap peas. YUM.

Housewifery extravaganza

I have thoroughly enjoyed today. Check out my days fruitage:

2 Loaves of Bread

1 Fabulous 23 litre Presto Pressure Canner (drooooooling) ready to go!
12 Jars of Baked beans in tomato sauce ready for blast off in the wonder canner

Whilst waiting for the canner to finish (90 mins at 15psi) a batch of shortbread

12 cans of Pasteurised baked beans ready to go in the cupboard

My MSG free pantry filled with baked beans and also a couple of jars of pasta sauce.

Was a really excellent day. I spent the majority cooking, but I was enjoying it. canning isn't something you need to do all the time. 12 cans of beans will last me a month and a half, so I will do it all again then. It was my canner's first run, and she held up really well. It was quite scary, but easy, and I only had 1 can that failed to seal, so I ate it! HA HA.

the shortbread is excellent. Its really not diet friendly, but soooooo easy and nice that it would be a shame not to mention it. 4oz butter, 2 oz icing sugar and 8 oz plain flour. Cream fat and sugar, then mix in the flour. squeeze and kneed it with your hands until it sticks together in a clump (at first you think that it will NEVER stick ever, but it does). Then roll out and cut with a shape and bake at 180 degrees C for 12 to 15 mins.

Today's food has been good. I had some baked bean sauce with a slice of fresh baked bread and butter (Mmmmmmmm) and then for dinner I had savory mince in gravy with peas, carrots and roast potato. I also had 1 can of my beans. Yum.

The mince I made was not particularly appetizing to look at because there was no OXO. I fried the mince, then drained off the fat, added an onion and 1/2pt of meat stock I had made a while ago and frozen. Then I cooked it for a while. I added salt, pepper, whole grain mustard and some peas and it tasted great. I added cornflour towards the end to thicken the sauce and it was scrumptious... it just looked a bit anemic. However, that was just what it looked like! It tasted delish! How very random. It was very filling too which was good. I dry roasted the potatoes (without fat) and they were crispy and nice too. Nothing like a bit of lard though is there!! Lard does potatoes like nothing else. I love 'em. I didn't have any lard today though and I hate potatoes roasted (or more boiled) in oil. Yuk. They are always greasy.

So off to bed now.

Busted!

Yes, that's right I got a goal this week! I crashed through the elusive 30lbs down barrier today and am now 30 something lost! How did I achieve this magical feat? By going back to basics!

I have decided that as a general rule of thumb for anything I buy in a shop is:

If I dont have this ingredient in my kitchen cupboards, then I best not eat it.

This basically means that I have cut all additives and preservatives from my diet and generally got back to food basics. I am now 2 weeks into my MSG free diet and 2 weeks without quick meals, pre-packed or tins of processed foods, sauces or condiments that have anything 'suspect' and not in my own cupboard. The only two things I have found and bought that I can have are a £2.50 mayonnaise (absolutely whole ingredients which I could have made it myself if I had a kenwood chef - but don't so didn't) and a jar of mustard (also pure) that I found in the local butchers. No muck.

To be honest, both of these I could make, but its easier not to. I don't want hard work, so if I can avoid it then great.

I am eating my own bread, my own marmalade, organic butter, cheese, milk and eggs from up the road. Organic meat and vegetables bought locally, and NO SAUCE!

wine, has been an interesting connundrum. It does contain preservatives and sometimes sulphites, so you have to buy specific bottles and my favorites dont have them. Last night I found a 250ml (1 large glass!) mini bottle of Chianti at the back of the cupboard, and to my delight it didnt have crap in, so I drank it. However, it was really strong. It went to my head and if it had been a whole 750ml bottle, I would not have had another glass. I find that interesting as I really loved full bodied oaky red wine which would dry your innards out at one gulp. Obviously there must be great variations in wine, but this is interesting.

Things are going the right way, and I haven't been this weight since this time last year in fact - great news!

The band is behaving and I haven't had any puking sessions, stopped when I felt that familiar swelling feeling in the chest and just not been pushing it. Being MSG free is kind of nice because it allows me and my mind to eat absolutely anything we want, but not with that in it. Which means we are then unconsciously choosing better and healthier options because all take-away, junk, crisps, sweets, burgers, packet grills, frozen meals etc are off limits.

My usual day now is:

Breakfast - nothing but coffee & whole milk
Lunch - sice toast and butter and marmalade
dinner - meat and 3 veg plus gravy made from vegetable cooking water/home made stock
snacks - home made hummus, olives, crackerbread, lentil dhal (home made and canned), banana, yoghurt and honey, fairy cake or flapjack.

cool.

Ok , now ready to talk

Yeah, you know I was going through some stuff a few weeks back and just couldn't talk about it? It culminated in one or two of those binge out pictures remember? The last 2 weeks I have been back on track and all has been settled, and now I feel I can talk about it, and why it was so hard.

This is VERY long winded, but it will be cathartic. Don't read if you don't want to read drivel. I just couldnt bring myself to talk about it on here right then, which is weird because it always makes me feel so much better to get things off my chest. I guess I wasnt sure that I should write about it, just in case it turned out they read it or something, but dont think there is much hope of that.

To sum it up (and there was a LOT more so this is seriously edited) we found out that the neighbour we thought did the dirty on us regarding our previous garage conversion back in February, was not the culprit. It completely rocked my world when I found out who it actually was to be honest.

I found out by pure accident as their Singular Offspring was being a bit too nice - offering services free of charge and being really wheedling and it just smacked of guilt. Turns out it's because it's parent is a BEEYATCH

When we did the original conversion, which was back in February (all on the blog - pictures and all) we didn't really know that we needed certain regulations because we were already using the room as a room and not a garage. The doorway was there, and so we just made it better. We didn't give it much thought as we weren't changing the structure or anything and not being builders... how would we know. So when we received a letter from the council 6 months later asking "did we know we needed building regs" the answer was no.

To be honest, it was not too much of a problem really... after the flood in August we decided that we would get the thing done really well and nicely and get a nice window in there. What it meant was we needed to raise the cash a bit faster as obviously we now needed to get it done to building regs. What I did feel was a bit let down that someone was obviously poking their nose into our business and it had to be someone who knew about the room... and who knew about the room, and was that bothered about it, that they would actually bother to find the number and ring the council about it. I mean, for goodness sake. It wasn't hurting anyone was it. In fact the house looked exactly the same as it did before.

Anyway, once we knew we had to 'comply' to certain issues, we employed a builder and did it. We are law abiding citizens and I hated the fact that someone thought I was flouting the rules, when I was simply ignorant.

We just didnt know it was this particular neighbour. We had our suspicions, but they were NOT this one. This neighbour was very seriously ill about 3 years ago and since the incident we have literally bent over BACKWARDS to help them and their singular adult offspring. Its just them two living alone. I will refer to the informer as IT. IT is completely disabled down one side. I don't do things for people because I am going to get anything back - EVER - but I just want give you some idea of the FEW things that we have done over the years:
*Taken the Offspring to see It every other day in hospital for about 6 weeks until they passed their driving test.
*Cooked the Offspring many meals as they were working all the hours and also visiting hospitals etc.
*Helped the Offspring when the parent came home with washing, cleaning and sorting the house out before they arrived back to bedlam after being hospitalised for 6 months
*Done umpteen tesco orders for It with MY card, on MY computer, getting it delivered - and orchestrating that, as well as my own shopping, and then letting It pay me back for the shopping at their convenience "whenever you like is fine, don't stress" - so it usually got paid back a week later after the money had come out of my bank for it already.
*Applied 3 summers worth of sun screen to It's 'live' arm because their dead arm cannot reach obviously.
* SHAVED It's armpit because obviously you cant shave both armpits with one working arm.
*Sorted out It's electric stair lift whenever the power goes off
*Taken It's shower curtain down, washed it and put it back up when they thought it was dirty
*Got into It's house numerous times when they locked themselves out by accident
*Helped It with their arm braces, fixing small parts that have fallen off etc
*Done millions of things - DAILY
*Helped It pay for THEIR boundary fence because it was broken and I felt sorry for It being single and ill and alone and stuff.
*Helped It write cheques, do banking, run errands, take to Physio when Offspring was on a 4 month holiday (!) etc

When work started on the conversion proper, I hear from my lovely builders that she keeps complainign to them about - the noise, the fact there are vans on OUR drive, a Skip on OUR drive and making all kinds of nuisance.

For goodness sake, its not like she lives in a preservation area or a country park! Its my bloody drive and I am having work done. Of course there are going to be vans there, and a skip. It was only for 2 weeks! It has vans and ambulances there all the time - sometimes I have been late for work because I cant get out of my drive because of an Ambulance on IT's drive taking her out.

I try and placate the builders with coffee and tea and explain to them that IT has been very disabled and is not completely all there now and has nothing else to worry about in IT's life any more other than little insignificant things. Bless it. Should feel sorry for It (obviously am blissfully unaware its a complete bastard at the moment!).

So, my builders are tearing their hair out as the Building people are also, inexplicably, really coming down on them with all kinds of stuff that's completely unnecessary. I have a friend in the inspection trade for another country and he TOLD us we didn't need these things, and that someone was obviously making complaints and they were getting jiggly and officious. He said it would all sort itself out, and it did, but I never thought it would.

The crunch came when we were told that we needed to have a sound test on our new room. Neither our builders or a couple of builders we know, knew what the building guy was on about. Our garage is next to another.... garage. Both were uninhabitable rooms. We obviously were changing ours into a habitable room. If the party wall had been next to another habitable room, then we would need to make sure they didn't hear us singing at 2am and chatting and turning lights off etc. However, the room next door was a garage. This is not a habitable space. Its empty. We were dumbstruck.

My builder put up exactly the right stuff to drown out noise, infact Over and above the regs. He ever bought a decibel reader to check it. We did various tests with a radio on white noise and a drill going and made sure that it was reading 45 Db difference. However, it was looking more and more like we were going to have to get a professional company in to do the readings because the council were going off.

So I rang several of these sound places. They all said they would not want to do the job because it would fail. The flat roof, the fact that IT's garage door was 1 foot from the new window, the joint shared concrete floor etc. It would all have too much sound leakage for an accurate reading. So we were in a catch 22. They didn't want to do it, council said we must, regs said we didn't need to. Who the fuck was right. Face off. But WHY??????

Whatever happened, I certainly didn't want to throw £1000 away for nothing!

There was 2 ways around the situation. 1.) Get the test done, have it fail and tell them why and then hope they are satisfied and or give a solution for compromise (especially seeing as the regs don't need it anyway!!!!) 2.) As a reasonable person, and in good standing with neighbours, Ask IT if IT will refuse a sound test. Then the whole thing will be assessed on materials and (seeing as we dont need it) cleared up. It would also be better for IT to refuse a sound test... why? Because the sound technician must come into and out of IT's property many, many times, set up 100Db bass noise, block up their garage door, and test over several hours with the sound in it's garage VERY LOUD. It would have caused terrible disruption to IT, and IT is very sensitive to noise and has just had new carpets, is already finicky about stuff and precious since the disability and you cant explain stuff to IT well and IT's just a royal pain in the arse, although we try our best to be nice. Try to having a cup of tea takes IT 10 minutes to talk itself around to it.

But feeling like we should give IT the option to not have all that disruption, and maybe give us a hand so we didn't have to fork out £1000 for something that was not necessary anyway, and us knowing each other well after all - or so I thought, and still not knowing It was the protagonist in all of this, we went around there to speak to them.

The Offspring is sitting there hanging their head in shame (so that's why offspring was offering their help so much. GUILT!) as they know exactly what the parent is like and the Offspring is actually a thoroughly good sort and we get on with them well, but its the parent who has lost their mind. IT was honestly a little bit of an arsehole before, but now worse if you know what I mean.

So we sat around there and I am in tears from the stress of everything, coupled with the tests I have to go through for my kidneys and bladder and my Dad in hospital again (long story) everything like that, I just cant cope with anything else and I couldn't have stopped crying whilst sitting there - even if we had been best of mates and were just having chin wag. Telling it all again to them was too much for me, and I thought it would be easily sorted out. We have lived next to them for years and years and thought we knew them well.

I thought it would just be elimentary.

Well, IT is a complete FUCKER. Absolutely not prepared to give an inch. It complained when we said we need a sound test because we need to get into their property and put a 100Db noise in their house and test in our house for sound. They don't like that idea. The only reason we need to do this is because they complained in the first place (It told us it did!) so, shocked by this, we say then - still reeling - all they have to do is withdraw the complaint or refuse access to their house and all is fine again, but NO NO NO. Their mind is too fucked up to reason with itself. It would rather go through all that hassle for some reason.

THEN, we find out the real reason. Insane jealousy. Offspring sits with head in hands excruciatingly annoyed with the parent, and I am in tears, DH is fit to blow a blood vessel, and we could see this was a pointless waste of time and get up to leave, keeping amazingly calm - so the sound test, costing £1000 which WILL fail because of the logistics, will have to be paid. We just start to settle that fact in our hearts and also the one where, although we have helped IT so much, the one time we need IT's help, it is simply not prepared to. EVEN THOUGH this has absolutely no impact on them.

*I must stress this as otherwise it might seem unfair - The party wall is a garage wall and there is NO SOUND able to permeate into it, let alone from there into their garage. This is such a NON story that we are stunned by Its sheer viciousness and venom that it attacked with. It was honestly at war with us as we walked through IT's door. *

Then, as we decide to leave, losing £1000, but whatever... IT says "Why don't you just forget it? I mean, how are you going to pay for that test?"... I am annoyed right, and I reply "Not that it's any of your business, but my parents are helping us" and IT says "Oh! well that's nice! Lucky you having family to bail you out! We don't have any help like that! No one comes and see I am alright" And the Offspring says "Oh lets not get into that, that hasn't anything to do with anything" and IT SCREAMS at the offspring to "Shut UP!" and turns on us and says "I just want it to go back to being a garage like it used to be".

I cannot believe my ears. My tears have stopped and I reply "Well, sorry X, that ain't ever going to happen! If you think i am going to pay £6K for a conversion and then wipe my hands of it you have to be crazy!" at which point we left.

Now remember that this was not all that was said. IT was really really hideous and nasty and was totally unbending. IT didn't want us to do the sound test because it meant us coming into their home, setting up loads of equipment and making awful noise for a day, but IT didn't want us to not have the sound test either as IT apparently wanted to "make sure it was all above board"! Stupid fucker. You can't have it both ways love. Above board is already done. This is going beyond the beyond. The fact that we didn't have to have this done in the first place is just compounding the lunacy. I am not sure if you are getting this but it was honestly like the proverbial chicken and egg conundrum but with 5 parts!

1.) Don't need it done
2.) Idiot#1 from council says we do
3.) She wants it above board
4.) she doesn't want noise
5.)has to be noise if done
6.) don't need it done
7.) Idiot 1 from council says we do

and on.... and on....and on..... and... on......

The best bit - it REALLY didn't need any of it. We didn't need planning anyway, they had no hold over what we turned the garage into and it didn't need a sound test costing £1000 as it was next to an UNINHABITABLE SPACE. It's been passed and we just haven't bothered IT with that news, so IT can sit there and stew thinking that they have the upper hand until the cows come home but I have my certificate and that's all that matters. If IT ever asks about it, then I might tell IT... or I might not.

Can you imagine an armpit that can never be washed. GRIM. Well, I certainly ain't going to shave any fucking stinky armpits again!

The pure jealousy of it was so abundant, and I am left with a knowledge that IT is a deeply nasty person, even though damaged. To be outright vindictive to people who have honestly bent over backwards for you, for no good reason is totally unbelievable. When we told people they couldn't believe it.

Here is a picture of the finished article. As you can see the conversion is next to IT's garage. Why it was so annoyed or upset I cannot imagine. It neither sits in It's garage or uses it for anything at all, with 20cms of insulation It also ain't gonna hear a bomb going off in there, and thankfully we wont hear It complaining through it either!

Wonder if IT will ask for help ever again. Hope so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another day in Bunny's warren

Been to work *bleugh*

Not been able to eat today for some unknown reason that is just totally random. I have no idea why this happens to me once a week or so. Its so odd. does anyone else seem to just not be able to pouch foods for a day with absolutely nothing changing in their routine?

Whatever, Albert (my band)is just being a bitch today obviously.

Last night I had some wine. The first for ages and this morning I felt S H 1 T. Really horrendous headache and honestly, dog rough. weirdly enough in just 2 weeks off MSG it also tasted really really awful. It was my usual tipple... Jacob's Creek Shiraz (obviously would love the budget to drink St. emillion Grand Cru daily, but havent), so have no idea why it tasted like salt and gave me the tongue tingles so massive. Maybe its the tannins... dunno. After the headache I am not going to repeat the experience, so wont find out if its a taste bud change or not for a while!

Have been a paragon of virtue, and being MSG free is now kind of ok. I really hope that I get my canner soon and my jars too so that i can start canning/bottling. I am really eager as I miss my baked beans and my canned foods for their convenience.

I am struggling to work out if I really want the canner, or if I really need it... Want and need are two very similar things, but I kind of jump into things and I am not sure whether it will be another purchase that I will use once and then never use again. I don't think it will, because this lifestyle has been really positive on the whole family.

What I think is really unusal is that Sue (who was being all officious and agreeing (!) with me about the msg and saying she was doing it too - which for her main meal she is, because I cook it) has started buying puddings. Its really odd. This week she has bought about 3 puddings... ready made custard in a tub, syrup sponge and other things.

Now, does she just fancy a bit of food with additives in, or is she trying to tempt me or what? I am not eating this stuff, but DH and DS are and I don't think that's very good. Maybe she will stop but I just think its really odd that since we went MSG free she has suddenly needed to supplement ours & her dinner. She buys enough for everyone, so its not a case of just getting a little something for her. She is a skinny mini anyway, so she doesn't need to lose weight.

Who knows. Charlotte is loving MSG free living and has said that the dinners are especially yummy. The gravies all look a bit weird - light brown or beige/see through but the taste is wonderful. I would say its even better than with OXO. We certainly eat with our eyes.

I am seriously enjoying all the cooking too. I am deriving exceeding pleasure from baking and cooking lots of delicious things for my family and having them "mmmm" and "ahhhhmmm" whilst eating it. Its very gratifying.

Put it this way, I made 18 fairy cakes, a tray of flapjack, 2 ginger cakes & a loaf on Wednesday. they were all gone by Thursday night. I am not being funny but shop bought cakes and biscuits last longer than that. I know its also not good for us to give up one form of crap for another, but these don't seem to be doing much damage to our waist lines. DH has lost 3 pounds this week and DS lost a pound which he doesn't need to. Charlie and Sue are both scrawny anyway, so they don't count - they don't eat my cakes either because they are not included in the rent HEE HEE HEE.

I am enjoying things right now, so even though I couldn't eat tonight's sausage, mash, peas and onion gravy, its all good in the hutch.

Things I notice

Some possibly interesting stuff... not really about weightloss or bands, but about food. Bit eco-food warrior!! Kind of a rant at commercialism.

Before we start, you know I am cutting MSG from my food, but I, as an MSG-sensitive individual, I consider the term "MSG" to include any and all glutamic acid that has been freed from protein through a manufacturing process. Thought I had better make that clear so that where you read MSG read 'glutamic acid freed from protein in any form'

Milk
Whole full fat milk has 64cals 100g (natural occurring MSG)
Semi skimmed milk 50cals 100g (MSG+)
skimmed milk has 37 cals 100g. (MSG++)

And for general information:
UHT Whole milk (MSG +++)
UHT Semi Skimmed (MSG++++)
UHT skimmed (MSG+++++) - what I was drinking!

When I have a coffee, I used to use skimmed UHT milk. I used to buy 40 x 1 litre cartons at a time so that I would have enough milk for the month. We used 1.5 litres of milk every day as a family (which is about 3 pints)

We now drink Full Fat Whole Organic milk so as to minimize MSG and we find we are using 1 and a half pints per day. This is HALF the milk EVERY DAY and it tastes better, is the most natural form of milk out of all of them, as opposed to the most processed which we used to drink. I thought we would use more milk if anything, so this is interesting to me.

When I have a coffee, it no longer has to be half a pint of milk in the cup to make it milky the way I like it. I now have a literal 'dash' of milk and let it cool down. When I first started using it I was putting in the same amount of milk and it was disgustingly creamy and horrible. I quickly adapted, and to get the same colour and taste I have to use exactly 1/4 the amount of milk that I used to use.

So what does that mean in general?

Well we are taught "drink skimmed milk, its less calories and you will lose weight"...

That's utter crap. I have just done an experiment - you know I am an anal retentive already right? I used to use 100mls of Skimmed milk in my coffee. It filled 1/4 of the cup with milk every cup I had. This meant I would use 37 calories a cup. I know this because I am anal.

Now, however, I use 25 mls of Whole Milk in each and every cup. 25mls of Whole milk is ONLY 16 CALORIES A CUP! I am actually CUTTING my calories by more than half by having whole milk!! Now who would have thought that?

I have always thought that skimmed milk was a great way to sell water, but this just makes me really angry. I am so fucked off with the MAN right now its unreal. It was the same when I was looking into the shit labeling of Muller lights. You have to have a frigging maths degree to work this bollocks out.

What has less calories - 200ml serving of Whole Milk or 200ml serving Orange Juice?

Well yes you are right, Orange juice has less. There are 86 calories in a 200ml glass or orange juice. There would be 134 on the same glass of whole milk.

But think about that a little more. How many people go and have a glass of milk as a supplimentary healthy drink? No one but kids. How many people think that having a glass or 3 of orange juice a day - in excess of their usual diet -is good for them? I know several people who drink skimmed milk in their coffee and tea because its good for them, but get through a 1/2 litre of orange juice a day. Its marketed as being good for you, which I am sure it is in moderation, but its not the health drink its purported to be. I am not saying that milk is either, but I just think its interesting that there are serious flaws in the marketting of products we eat regularly. There is money to be made, and that makes people very strange.

I have been completely satisfied these last 2 weeks. Everything I eat has really satisfied me. I have even cut down on my coffee intake as it now tastes like it comes from Starbucks and seems to be more satisfying in a way.

I had yoghurt with honey for breakfast - full fat organic stuff - and I was not hungry all the way to lunch. If people are full and content they are not going to buy products and make the companies money.

All this low fat stuff is crammed full of shit in one form or another, and the satisfaction doesn't last. to me that's a bit odd. I am really glad I cut out MSG because its kind of made me realise a lot of things and they have really pissed me off.

Here's another horror. I have cleared my pantry out of all MSG containing products and, although it looks bare now I know there is nothing in there that will tempt me. I gave all my stuff to a friend who was quite willing to relief me of it. My freezer however, has home made things that do contain OXO or a few frozen meals etc which I just cannot bring to throw away. they are not readily in my face, so its not a worry. I have lots of meat in there and other things, and once its gone its gone. It will gradually be replaced with stuff from the organic butchers Johnson's of Oldhurst.

The other night I cooked a bit of a roast. I had 4 chicken breasts from Johnson's and 1 left over from Tesco. There are 5 of us, so I shoved them all on a baking tray and put them in the oven as usual. they were all the same size give or take for general variation in chicken boobs.

35 minutes later I go to get them out of the oven as I usually do, and The Tesco one was cooked and, as happens to meat, it was about 1/4 smaller from shrinkage. the other breasts were not cooked. they were all the same size and I had to give them an extra 20 mins until the juices ran clear! The Johnson's breasts were more than double the size of the Tesco one.

This was a real annoyance. The small wizened and hard chicken breast from Tesco and 4 plump juicy breasts from Johnson's sat on my chopping board. I served it up and actually gave myself the wizened one, although I now knew it must have been chock full of water and fillers and god knows what else, but simply because there was no way I could have eat a whole Johnson's breast.

Well funnily enough no one else could either! Even DH left some chicken. He said it was SO dense and filling. He could have gone halves. Charlotte left most of hers and Sue left half of hers. DS gave the rest of his to the dog.

So the meat from tesco (Lakeland Frozen chicken fillets) cost £9.22kg. The Johnsons ones were - wait for it - £7.94kg!!!!! Frigging Cheaper!!!!! I just rang them, so I know its correct (did I say I was anal).
Now the sad thing about this is that I bought frozen ready bagged chicken. If I had bought fresh organic breasts from Tesco today they were a staggering £17.49kg. the ones I think everyone would normally buy - Tesco healthy living ones - are £10.99kg .

They are ALL dearer than Johnsons and they all taste like shit, and shrink to half the size. We have a case of selling water again. I honestly couldn't remember what the chicken breasts were at the butcher shop, so I called them and found out. But had he said £15kg I would still have thought that was a bargain because there was double the meat there at the end of cooking. I was even flabbergasted at the price.

To be honest I am finding stuff like this across the board. It has been so hard to go additive free and even get normal healthy meat and vegetables at a reasonable cost. Doing this needent cost the earth, and nor should it. Its a hell of a lot more work though. But thats just it, its easier to go with the Man.

Today I hopped on the scales and saw the 16 stone 8 again. The curse is all finished and water levels are returning to normal again thank heavens and everything seems to be still on a downward trend.

Couple this with every day having some kind of home made cake, real butter, whole milk, home made bread and then a selection of fruit and vegetables and cereals that are additive free... I am more satisfied, and the band also has to cope with less food as a result and there are no calorie rich sauces helping it all slide down there. I had very mild cravings for chocolate during this months curse, and it was satisfied by a square ( a SINGLE square) or Peruvian 70 which has absolutely nothing in it but cocoa mass and cocoa solid. Unreal.

I would urge anyone struggling with the band as I have, to look at your diet again. Obviously different countries have different laws and guidelines and names for stuff, and I am in the UK. It might be easier to avoid stuff like this in other countries where there is more of a home grown mentality... like Canning or Bottling for example. You cannot buy a pressure canner in the UK. full stop. This means that you MUST buy or cook often all your jarred foods. Most people nowadays don't even know how to cook these things so buying them is as fundamentally basic as buying bread or eggs. Bought jarred foods are now a basic shopping need as opposed to a convenience or luxury.

The book I hired at the library actually said "Do not can your own vegetables as fatal results could occur as the high temperature required for canning these items cannot be reached". Well, sorry that's just wrong. It CAN be reached, by a pressure canner which you cant buy in the UK. Going to the Czech republic taught me the lesson of what wanton wasters of food we are. Everything was canned, dried or pickled there. Everything that ever had a biological life. Why isn't this way of preserving made public knowledge? The book on canning I bought is an American one! Yes the Brits make chutney, or pickle or jams, but not canned ratatouille or mustard greens and bacon, or baked beans etc. We have to buy them. Maybe they are worried that people wont do it correctly and the health risk of Botulism etc... But I think its more risky to eat all this canned shit with god knows what in.

Yes its hard work baking bread each day, cooking from scratch, remembering to drain your veg water into a bowl rather than down the sink, making cakes daily, shopping in 15 different locations for ingredients, but out great grandmothers weren't fat. And they didn't go to work either!

Buy eating processed foods, we have to join slimming clubs, look for different foods that are low fat and taste good and buy umpteen different things and then feel bad because its not satisfying and go out and have a chinese takeaway and then feel guilty and still hungry and eat junk food and then go back and spend more money on the gym and slimming clubs.... ad infintum.

Our great grandmothers were not fat, cooked from scratch did not go to the gym, and as is commonly suggested they didn't do manual labour either... that was the men. Granny was at home with the kids and the kids were looked after ok and the community as a whole was better.

I am not suggesting that the worlds problems are created from MSG, its just funny how my thoughts run in logical low to weird knock on effects.

I know that they died of heart attacks and high cholesterol etc life in general was harder with lack of vaccum cleaners and washing machines, but then they didn't have the amount of furniture to polish or the amount of carpets to clean . But then even 50 years ago - with these mod cons - obesity wasn't the crisis it is now so I well know its a balancing act - But a very interesting one at any rate.

The right stuff!

Well, its official... my body does just love to get the bloody great size 11 hob nails in there!

I got the dreaded curse of all women again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHH

That happens every darn time I want to have a good weigh in. Rubbish... But, STILL GREAT RESULTS so YAH BOO SHUCKS to my body smiting machine!

2.5lbs was removed from this fat ass this week! Yeah baby!

Who would have thought that drinking every coffee with full fat milk, eating butter and home made cakes and biscuits and even chocolate (admittedly 70% muck) could shift weight off ya?

Its all down to the right stuff.

I feel FULL and satiated all day long. I think a combination of good wholesome grub and the band is liking it very much. Who knows... all I know is I am allowing myself to eat any thing I please but it CANNOT have any kind of MSG in it, in any kind of version that might come in at all.

I have even got into bottling. Now this might come as a huge surprise to some of you people from overseas, but in the UK we CANNOT purchase a pressure canner. Its NOT physically possible. You can purchase a pressure cooker, but the biggest you can get is 11litres - pointless when you want to do quite a few of these cans and also doesn't have a pressure gauge so you don't know when they get to temperature. Guesswork is not good when you don't fancy a dose of botulism for pudding.

Also, there are no books of canning/bottling other than for doing it with fruits and chutneys and jams. If you want to bottle veg, there are NO BOOKS on this subject and in the ones it tentatively says you can bottle in (which most don't) it says you cant do it because "lethal results may occur as the bottles must be heated above 100 degrees C."

Yeah, that's right they do... but HOW? The British don't seem to know. Well thanks heavens for the internet. I have managed to purchase the complete guide to canning from the USA food place thingy and also get some Ball Jar equivalents called Home Discovery Deluxe jars... same lid and band jar style which is great.

I have my eye on a 23 litre canner though, don't you worry... wink wink. all is not lost. Meanwhile I have my pressure cooker.

This means I can now process my baked beans in tomato sauce and have them ready in the cupboard along with curry sauces, pasta sauces, meats and greens and all kind of lovely stuff. I can make all the jam and preserves I need in a tub of water, but this is a real boon to be able to actually can (bottle) my own cooking and have it ready when its needed rather than having to dive into the freezer and not know what the hell is in the bag as the label long fell off (and also stuff lasts for up to a year which is even better than freezing!)

I am a right devil of a housewife right now.

So the organic additive free diet is a real goer at the moment. I had the most almighty horrors for a couple of days though. I was a complete bitch ogre from the swamp jungle and it was scary even from my own eyes. I can only put the terribleness down to the 'cold turkey' process of non processed things. Obviously cutting MSG and MSG containing ingredients has meant I must have also cut a lot of other shit out too, and our processed foods are really very very limited. It was all I could do to not tear the hand of a kid walkign by with a bag of crisps!! Thats so bad. I was craving big style and it was horrible. I was seeing salad creme in my sleep and dreaming about curry and it was so bad. I even had a dream about egg mayonaise sandwiches!!! So perculiar.

Anyway, seem to be over that lark now, and have not had any particular cravings for a few days and have been very happily content to even stop when my band doesn't want to eat. That normally frustrates me no end and I end up eating massive portions.

For example today I have had several coffees with full cream milk, a bowl of yogurt and a teaspoon of wild forest honey. I have a portion of my baked beans for lunch and then this evening I got a can of my home made (and home canned) dhal. I ate about 1/3 jar and that has been it. I am satisfied.

When people go for a Chinese (which is loaded in that shite) and then an hour later are starving, this must be what its down to for me. Cutting out all that stuff has made a huge difference on my food intake, so I am not going to knock it.

Check me out...

I'm a veritable little housewife:

Bread

Ahhh, home made bread.
12 oz strong white flour
12 oz strong wholemeal flour
2 tbsp organic raw cane sugar
1 tbsp sea salt
2 tbsp natural yeast
3/4pt tepid water

Throw it in the mixer for 20 mins, bung it in a large Pullman bread pan (not one of those poxy little loaf tins that are really for cakes or tea breads, but a high 5 inch sided bread tin) and let it prove for an hour. Shove in the oven for 30 minutes at 175 deg C and BINGO! The above.

Fresh Vegetable Stock

What can an MSG free wifey do without OXO?? no Knorr to gnaw on. Sweet horror!
Not at all... lets just get old Mrs. Beeton's cookbook out from 1950 and see what we can come up with. Ahh haaaaaa!!! Brown foundation sauce!
The above vegetable stock was made thus:
1 Onion, sliced WITHOUT removing the skins
1 very large carrot - (of rupturing size)
3 sticks of celery
4 sprouts (had them in the fridge, might as well thunk I)
white pepper
2 tbsp salt
tsp of parsley
tsp of sage
tsp of marjoram
tsp of dill

Boil to death for about an hour and a half, or 20 minutes in the pressure cooker, strain, shove in bottle. The result = the above. The darkness depends on the onion peel. No peel, no colour. How funky is that? Its all coming back to me. I remember wrapping eggs with onion skins and they made a swirly brown pattern when they were cooked. The more onion skins, the darker the colour... so beef gravy (add dripping from joint only to this brew) will still be brown.

Home made Baked Beans in tomato sauce

Ok, not the most visually appealing of photos, and it does look EXACTLY like what you would pour out of a can, but these baked beans are the mutts nuts. I have honestly been missing out my entire life. I BEG you to try this recipe even if you HATE beans. BEGGING YOU!!!!!

Baked beans from a tin contain yukkies and sexy additives including MSG my arch enemy. These monkeys are completely free from ALL shite.

1 x 500g packet of canellinni beans
soak overnight and then cook in pressure cooker in plain water for 10 minutes. set aside.

for the tomato sauce:
7 tbsp olive oil
1/2 onion
3 cloves garlic (whole)
2 cans organic chopped tomatoes
1 tbsp salt
200mls of stock (above) or water

Heat oil and fry onions gently until golden and see through - 4 or 5 mins
Add garlic and fry for a further 4 or 5 mins.
Add the tins of tomatoes, bring to the boil and then simmer gently for 15 mins or so. Don't let it burn, keep an eye on it and stir a lot. Add the stock & salt and bring back to the boil.

Completely blitz this mixture to death in a liquidizer or with a hand blender until completely smooth and creamy. Add all the sauce to all the beans.

This makes the equivalent of 6 cans of baked beans, but if you had to buy them in a shop would be millionaire prices as they are TO DIE FOR! Then portion them into food bags - 400g in each (a cans worth) and freeze - that's if you haven't already eaten the whole batch already!!!

Today has been good. The hypno went well, and things are ok. Have screaming PMT and a bladder and kidney scan tomorrow which I am not looking forward to, so stress levels quite high, but am managing to stay MSG free, day 4 has come to a close and I am off to bub-byes.

Evening all.

cheeky little weigh in

Ok, I needed to share this... I weighed this morning and I was 16 stone 8. that is a loss of 5 and a half pounds in 48 hours.

OH MY!

Also been peeing like a racehorse.

Feeling up for it....?

Ok, I think I am ready to give this a go, I've been in a dark place there for a few weeks. I am not going to worry about the band, how its working, not working or if it makes any goddamn difference to my life at all except for making me puke if I eat too much.

Its 2 years since my band was fixed. 2 LONG YEARS. I have got down to 15 stone 6 (216lbs) at my lightest and am now 16 stone 13.5lbs (237.5). When my band was fixed I weighed 17 stone 12 (250lbs) so I have lost the sum total of 12 and a half pounds in 2 years with my band alone - no dieting particularly, but thinking about stuff obviously. That is SHIT SHIT SHIT. I know I don't play the game, but nor do others entirely. This is not a quest for making a band work. This is a quest for losing weight in any way possible AND sorting out the underlying issue for being overweight in the first place. I started the blog with that intention 5 & half years ago. That intention has not changed. If I realised that sleeping upside down is the only way to lose weight I would try it. I cannot think about my band right now. The band is not the reason I am gaining/losing weight. Something else is driving me to overeat IN SPITE of having a band. That is the issue I must resolve if I have any chance of using my band as the tool it was designed for.

So this last week i have lowered my MSG foods a little bit, not a lot, but I certainly didn't eat the quantity of sauces this week. I felt some craving and funnily enough when I had craving I couldn't eat it because of the band! Sod's law!

I had about 3 tight days last week, had a coffee or 2 in the morning but then make a mistake like swallowing a tablet or having a sneaky bite of DS lunch that would then throw my band into "NO WAY JOSE" mode and that was that for the day.

That said, I didn't have too many pukes... only when I was being a stupid git, getting annoyed with my band and getting a bit desperate.

Like the night we went out for a dinner at Spiceland. DH runs the badminton club now because the chap who set it up was leaving, and we all did a surprise dinner for him at the curry house. Before he arrived we all ordered drinks and my orange juice was a no go on first mouthful. Have no idea why, but my band, Albert Ladysmith Steptoe, didn't want orange juice. He certainly didn't want curry either and I sat with the bowl of curry sauce in front of me for 4 hours. In the end I tried to force him, but he kicked me and I had to run to the loos for relief.

That was just gutting. I paid £18 for a buffet indian dinner and a pint of orange juice that I didnt eat any of. The most expensive meal I've never had. We were there only 2 weeks ago for a friends wedding reception and everything was hunky dory. Such a fickle cantankerous little thing is Albert.

Had a couple of days like that, but I guess it was for the best as I lost 1 pound this week in spite of myself.

So yesterday was weigh in day. I decided that I might as well start cracking the whip at this body of mine and went completely MSG free yesterday.

I had mashed potato with scrambled egg for lunch/tea and then later I had some more mashed potato with cheese for dinner. I haven't got much stuff in at the moment, so this was a bit of an odd day to say the least! I don't normally just eat mashed potato!! I was really craving my sauces. It was all I could do in the evening not to grab some pickle to go with my mash or brown sauce or ANYTHING!

Anyway, I did it. I fed the Wiltshire farm food meals to the DH & DS and Onion (Charlotte our lodger's nickname) for dinner as, although they only contain Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein - this is essentially MSG. Hydrolyzed anything contains high levels of MSG. I don't crave these meals, its mainly the highly flavoured sauces, but who knows how dark this will get.

I looked for some OXO or Stock cube substitutes. Organic thinks I. Well by law you are NOT allowed to put anything with MSG in it in an organic product. But its a bit like the stupid phrasing on labels:

No nuts (cannot guarantee nut free)
No Soya, Milk, Gluten (made in a factory that uses said products cannot guarantee free from said)

etc...

Just because its organic doesn't mean they cant use ingredients that contain MSG in it.
This from the SOIL ASSOCIATION:

Yeast and yeast extract are permitted as additives in organic foods, therefore there will be some MSG in organic foods which have added yeast, or yeast extract.

Well, that's good then. You can read the whole article here.
So you want to buy organic stock cubes? They have yeast extract in them. So you think ah ha!!! Look for yeast free!! Yeast free stock cubes have Maltodextrin! That's full of MSG too!

Now, there is NO Maltodextrin in the organic ones. that has Yeast Extract. In the Yeast free, there is no Yeast extract, but there is Maltodextrin. If they cant get it in there one way, its in there in another. Its like they WANT us to have it. Why? I have no idea. I don't want to have this blog getting all political and attacking food companies, but there must be someone out there who can produce a product that is PURE for goodness sake! Even when we TRY to do better, we fail because its side swipes us in another way.

So I have no other option but to start making my own stock. I have gone back to Fresh Whole Organic Milk - The lowest msg containing milk there is (we usually have UHT Skimmed - the highest MSG containing milk there is. No shit!), and the msg contained is naturally occurring not added or released by chemical process in some way - like Heat treating! I have gone back to pure block organic butter, fresh vegetables, brown rice (white rice is washed in some form of MSG containing ingredient before drying & bagging!), my own home made bread - which means I can actually make small rolls just for me too - organic meat that isn't full of fillers containing the shit and has breathed the same air I breath and ate the grass that I have walked on personally.

Out goes:
Mayo, malt vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, salad creme, cocktail sauce, tomato sauce, daddy/brown sauce, any other condiment sauce I love, butter/marg spreads, shop bought yoghurts, strong cheese, peanut butter, nutella, wine (unless home made), pre packaged meats, ready made meals, jars of cooking sauce for pasta or casseroles etc, some spice mixes (especially sharwoods curry blends), stock cubes, packet soup mixes, canned soup, baked beans in tomato sauce, spaghetti in tomato sauce, bovril & marmite (or vegimite), all non organic pasta, coconut milk powder, and everything that has been adulterated in some way by food technicians.

Its back to basics.

I am currently enjoying a home made curry. I used a Sri Lankan curry powder which has whole spices and no additives - thankfully, seeing as I bought 2 huge tubs of it only a few months back and weirdly have only used once, and persisted with Sharwoods (and bought more of even though I have these 2 other tubs) which has MSG and Other hydrolyzed sexy goodies!! Funny that eh?

I made it with green lentils, chopped tomatoes & onions served with a packet of steamed rice which doesn't have any weird sexed up additives. Its nice, but I feel a bit in need still.

I know some might think I use sauce to help me eat things with the band, and to a certain extent that is true. I have loved sauce for years though. My binge foods have not changed for some time and looking back through this blog over the 5 years I have written it, I can see the foods in there that I still want, and some. In fact my binge foods have been drastically reduced by the band (donuts, cakes, much bigger indian takeaway and much bigger chinese meals and other volume foods like whole chocolate cheesecakes and pies etc which I just cannot cope with now). Sauce has always factored big, and I guess the band just adds to this crime. Looking through those lush foods I used to love pre banding, they are all highly processed, high in all kinds of autolyzed this and hydrolyzed that, heavy on flavour and essentially VERY high in free MSG of some description.

I think I have cracked my demon.

Obviously its not everyone's bag, and I must admit I have never come across another condiment abuser, but there must be others out there who just love their sauce!

Its Hypnotherapy tomorrow, so I am ready to ROCK this bodies WORLD!

There has to be a logical explanation

(This is a REALLY long post. Grab a coffee and settle down for the evening!)

Right. After being a complete emotional cripple for the last few days, I decided that there just MUST be some logic to it all.

When you consider that people have walked the earth for thousands of years without being obese; that obesity as a disease is relatively new in about the last 50 years or so, and the internet has been going for at least 20, then someone somewhere must have the information I need.

I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like before the internet, even given the fact that I have only had it for 10 years this January. What on earth did we do before? How did we find out information? Whatever those skills were, I don't remember them and haven't needed them since I had the internet.

I cannot begin to imagine how thios planet would be had the library in Alexandria not burnt down taking with it, to a vast extent, the whole intelligent worlds information. Thank goodness the internet cannot 'burn down'.

But it can feel like it when you are searching for things with no end to the information, but it not being the thing you want/need. You can start to think of yourself as unique to this problem you are facing when you return 1,285,935,959,280 google results for "food addiction", when what you want needs to be much faster and easier to solve.

I went to slimming world on Monday as you know. I spent the rest of the day looking up counseling services for drug addicts, alcoholics etc trying to find some strategies to stop me overeating. I read a pfd file on alcoholism which was really great. I could completely relate it to my food addiction and it got me to thinking about cutting out all the foods I crave and staying off them.

I can easily cut out the foods I want/crave/need/must have for about a week, but after that.. forget it! I still needed a strategy to help me cope in the long term. the article about alcoholism talked about peers and family and support at groups, and obviously the lovely people who wrote back did suggest just that... over-eaters anonymous and the like.

But this is me... right? I am not good at just telling people "I am a fuck up" face to face, and this is the only place where I do admit an awful lot of things I never would because I am semi anonymous. This IS my group therapy, if you will. I started to think of another possible solution.

do you remember than I had NLP suggestion back in the summer with that wierd woman who spoke in a really odd Yorkshire accent and whistled through her bad fitting false teeth at me (Beryl Reid's clone!) about avoiding "the hard cheeses and the fatty foods, the greasy foods" etc that I DON'T eat a lot of and I considered her a quack and the therapy a load of shite?

Well, years ago I had analytical hypnotherapy for a few horrible issues back when I was at college. This was the thing I needed as it really helped me. So I decided to have a look into it further. The NHS provide hypnotherapy on prescription in some cases, not that I was going to go to the doctor, but I thought I might try and find a therapist that worked with the NHS and privately. An NHS practitioner would have to hold certain qualifications and be, well... good!

I found three women who I felt good about. Their photo's were nice. One I didn't call because on her website she said how you needed to be careful about fakes and charlatans and you need to make sure that they have the right qualifications bla bla and that she did have these particular ones she was talking about... which, I don't know... makes me kind of think that SHE is a fake. I don't know why, but someone who tries to put me off other people for one reason or another must have an agenda... cant really explain it, but that's kind of how I felt.

So I rang the other two. One still hasnt got back to me, but Rachel did and she looked nice, my age, and her voice was nice and I felt at home. I think I couldnt take that other NLP lady seriously because she had a neckercheif, was fat, looked and spoke like Thora Hurd or Beryl Reid and her voice just totally grated each time her teeth whistled. *Shudders* I couldnt concentrate and she hadnt listened to me as she tried to put me off foods that I dont eat... kind of pointless really.

So I have an appointment - 45 minutes FREE consult on Friday. That's more professional I think. Then if I want to go ahead, I can book a session at a later date. I like that idea.

In the evening after I got back from work, I still had some wine and some chocolate and some prawn cocktail and some pickle with my dinner and DH and I tried to find out the things that I wanted to eat the most.

It is sauce. Any kind of sauce at all.

My Mum once said "Its better for me to have 2 teaspoons of sugar in my tea, than it is to give up sugar and find myself eating a packet of biscuits or cake every day". I completely understand this, and this could be my downfall. She tried to give up sugar in tea, but found it elsewhere and instead of eating 30 extra calories each cup of tea when was having tea and a slice of cake so about 300 calories. She put ON weight by giving up sugar in tea.

You cannot have sauce on its own. You cant sit down to a dish of pickle. I looked at the pig out foods I bought on Sunday, and I bought prawns - because I love the cocktail sauce! I brought smoked salmon - because I love the dill sauce. I bought Doritos - because I love the tray of dips.
I buy curry and suck the chicken or prawns and spit them out on occasion simply to eat the sauce!!!!

What new madness is this????

I think of the times I have had a few slices of cheese so that I can eat salad cream. Made mashed potato so I can eat daddy sauce (brown sauce) or pickle. Then I think of the times that the cheese/cracker/mash/Doritos is finished and I pour a little more sauce on my plate and lick it off my finger. A particular favorite of mine when I do that is sweet chili dipping sauce.

Ok, there are a few exceptions. I love chocolate minstrels and biscuits and other things, but biscuits feature much less in binges. Minstrels feature quite a bit. Doritos feature a lot as so all kinds of sauce with something. I order at least 2 or 3 curry's a week for example and when we have a Chinese, I order 2 POTS of sweet and sour sauce and pour it over a carton of seaweed and then all over some Singapore noodles or chili beef.

Ok, so I need to eliminate the following in my diet:

Salad creme
Brown sauce
sweet chili dipping sauce
cocktail sauce
tomato sauce
pickle
balsamic vinegar and olive oil
dips - salsa etc
salad dressing
curry
Chinese
Dorito's

When DH & I were considering this list I said "maybe I will find I have to stop other things too. I might find I am starting to have gravy with everything etc..."

Yesterday I began to wonder if there were any foods that food addicts clearly need to abstain from - a NO GO list if you like. I found a lot of info but the main things that cropped up were
CHEESE, MEAT, SUGAR, MILK, CHOCOLATE and often foods containing E621.

Cheese - Now, I like cheese quite a lot, but I don't have it that much in everyday (non binge) eating. I might have a few grams grated on something, but seeing as I used to love it grated on beans on toast - which I cant eat anymore with the band - or on a jacket potato - again not that often I have that - I don't eat as much as I have in the past. The only exception to this is when I have a few slices in the evening with SAUCE which has been quite common as a binge food.

Meat - well I really cant tolerate too much meat with the band, so that's limited and I have never been a big crazy fan. I could easily be vegetarian in fact and never eat meat again. Its not something I hate or love. Its just... meat.

Milk - Hmmm. I drink a lot of milk I think. I have milk in coffee and I have maybe 6 cups or more every day. I know people talk about coffee having side effects etc, and I am probably addicted but hey - coffee dont make you fat so I dont give a shit. Milk however, has a lot of empty calories at about 70 cals each cup. Its a lot of calories to use because of a drink. I dont use milk in any other way. I dont drink it as a straight drink or stuff like that. I dont think this forms part of my addiction to food, but it is in chocolate and I do have a lot of coffee... So I had to weigh it up. do I drink coffee for the coffee or the milk. well I know its for the coffee because if there is no milk in the house I still drink coffee black. So think that's put the milk issue to rest.

Sugar - Well, maybe this forms the addiction. There must be a lot of sugar in all those sauces... and chocolate certainly has a lot of sugar, but I don't add sugar to things. Being brutally honest, I think If i was addicted to sugar I would add it to coffee, tea and porridge and cereal if I have it, want cakes and biscuits and sugary foods like sweets etc a lot of the time, and this is NOT what I do or want. I cut out sugar in tea when I was 12 because I hated it, and I cut sugar in coffee about 6 years ago because if wasn't refreshing me. If someone gives me sugar by mistake (rare) I cant actually drink it as it tastes weird. I do like biscuits and cakes, who doesn't! But I don't crave them, need them or dream about them. Looking at the sauces, some don't contain sugar at all, and on most its quite a long way down the ingredients list.

So I was starting to get rather disheartened. I was not going to find anything to help me and seemingly no one had the same problem with condiments. (ha ha! A condiment complex!)

The last on the list of addictive foods, kind of like a side issue for some people it would seem was E621. I had no idea what it was. Its Mono Sodium Glutamate or MSG. I have head of it. I thought it was a salt or a nutrient or something.

Its got a recent researgnce and is called Umammi in Japanese which translates as flavouring. I was intrigued.

Well just have a look at www.msgtruth.org for MUCH more info.

40% increase in appetite
Inability to lose weight even when half starving yourself
Added to the food chain since 1940 in greater quantities - parallel with obesity rising

Its in EVERY SAUCE. Its in ALL TAKEAWAY FOODS Its in CHOCOLATE its even sprayed onto our crops, in practically every frozen, packaged, canned and processed foodstuff on earth.

Its even in skimmed milk.

Obviously you need to do some serious research on this subject because most people sensitive to MSG have proper real medical reactions like shaking, palpitations, headache, vomiting etc. I don't get any of this but every single food I crave and love is high in this shit. Its name is covered up and disguised so sometimes there is more than one ingredient in the item you are eating that has MSG in the ingredient!

I was interested to see Bouillon cubes (oxo and stock cubes) and packet soups, tinned soups, prepared meals, tinned tuna and other things I also eat very regularly that have MSG in.

I am sure there are a lot of additives out there, and they are all "safe" for the majority of consumers, but some people are sensitive to certain things. When I consider that I have tried to lose weight time and time and time again and then more something is FAT FREE, or REDUCED FAT or DIET or VITAMIN ENRICHED the more MSG in has in it. If you remove the fat, you take away flavour so they must put it back in in some way.

MSG used to be made from seaweed. Its now mainly manufactured from GENETICALLY MODIFIED BACTERIA.

Ok, I spent the day looking into this yesterday and all evening after I got home from work. I KNOW that this is my problem. I just know it is. I read the articles about Bees leaving hives near fields sprayed with Auxigro (MSG) and about the "Food addiction you never knew you had" which just makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER.

I finally found out the common denominator of my binge foods, and I can avoid them.

Randomly, if I take a benadryl and red bull each day I can stave off the effects of any miniscule amounts of MSG I ingest by accident. Benadryl combats the histamine release from MSG and red Bull contains Taurine - Taurine is blocked out of production by high MSG doses. Taurine is required for efficent fat absorption & solubilization. Studies also showed that dietary taurine supplementation help renal disease - & I have problems with my kidneys right now don't I!!!!

For me, this is such an amazing breakthrough and by reading through the pages of many website I can see that a lot of my health problems are probably being exacerbated by this stuff.

I am going to try to eliminate MSG from my food by sticking to the following detox plan for a week and then gently return to normal and try to keep msg at low levels and see what happens.

I think that eliminating MSG and having Hypnotherapy to help my emotional state and cravings could be what I need. Its bizarre that I should be able to eat so much food and put on only a pound and then be good and lose nothing. From the studies of MSG on rats, that is just what happens to some susceptible individuals.

You just get fatter and fatter and crave foods containing it more and more. Its what makes me eat on past the stop signal. Its what makes me eat when I don't want to. Its keeping me fat.

Hey, I don't know if this really is the key to all my worries. It really does seem a bit too easy and unbelievable to be that simple. All I know is this stuff rang serious alarm bells when I read it through and all I could do was sit here feeling angry that this could be the reason why so many people are obese these days.

If food tastes good, then you buy more. Why don't the governments ban cigarettes or alcohol even though they damage peoples world? If they don't ban those, then they aren't going to stop a bit of GM bacteria that's "completely safe" to eat from being added to your tomato ketchup.

Oh, did I tell you they also put it in vaccines..?

Watch this space.

Pity Party, My House, 2pm

This is mine, you bring your own stuff!

Yeah baby, yesterdays pig out fest was huge. It was awesome in craving lustfulness and I now feel... Shit.

I have a problem. I really REALLY have mental issues.

I went out yesterday with the sole intent to buy foods. Foods for shooting up with. I spent £30 on this mess, and I felt sick afterward. I completely indulged in chocolates, prawns and wine and all that jazz and didn't really feel significantly better for it.

I bough a slush magazine and hired 5 DVD's, watch 3 of them whilst eating shite and had no one to watch me do it.

I dont want to say I needed it, but I kind of did. DH and DS were at Top Gear Live and the MPH fast car show all day, so I went to church, came home googled Ikea and thought it was a bit far, so decided to slob out. Then I realised I had about 9 hours before DH & DS got home so I went shopping for pleasure foods. I bought all of the above photo plus some other bits and bobs. I still have the biscuits and the salmon, but the rest lies in my large intestine.

I even managed to cook a roast dinner alongside watching the 3 DVDs and eating like a hog. I didn't have any roast lamb though as I felt too sick. Later on in the evening I ate a peshwari naan bread with some mango chutney. Peshwari naan is a naan bread filled with crushed almond and coconut and sugar paste and is delicious. When fresh i cannot eat it, so if you out it in the fridge for a day it goes hard and brittle. I can eat it then as it disintegrates enough to get past my band.

I went to Slimmingworld today and put on a pound. So that is 2 pounds in 2 weeks that I have gained. This is really not bad. I still cannot tell you about the stress in my last week, as I just cant go there right now, but lets just say I ate enough shite this week to gain 1 stone (14lbs) let alone 1 pound!!! stress can be a good weightloss aid sometimes, but I could do without it to be honest.

So, slimmingworld was awful. I was really trying to assess what the heck is wrong with me, and what the hell I am doing to my body and my life. I just cant work it out. I know I need some professional help but when you have a group full of crack and heroin addicts and they say how they stole to feed their habit and they lay out of it in a gutter, and then I say "yeah man, really needed some chocolate buttons so like went down the shop and ate a whole bag" it kind of doesn't really hit the same shame mark does it, although I feel EXACTLY like a crack addict right now.

I wish people could take it seriously but the minute you say you are addicted to food people immediately brush you off and go "yeah I love chocolate too" and that is NOT what I mean. I am crying out for some kind of help here.

I actually came home and filled in a 'alcoholic or not' questionaire and in my mind replaced the word 'drink' with 'Food' and it told me I was very alcohol (i.e.food) dependant!! There is no questionaire out there for food addicts and we dont get the same gravity of consideration but I am DESPERATE.

The band is good, but my head is MESSED UP. There is a woman out there with a blog called lap band for the mind. What a cool title. I need one of those. I think its called a friggin lobotomy!

I am out of control and freaking out and I seriously don't want to do this to myself.

I have to face up to this and I have this morning been doing some research into overeating, bulimia, compulsive food addiction etc.

After reading certain things about drunks, and druggies, I have decided that I need to completely eliminate the foods that I am addicted to. I know that I have a dependency on certain foods, and I have never considered it before.

I am addicted to spicy foods. I must have curry at least 2 times a week, and often 3 times. I would have it every single meal if I could but I cant afford it. I am not addicted to home made curry, but any curry bought in a jar, or from the shop I crave.

I am addicted to sauces - tomato and brown , salad creme and also pickle if I don't have that.

I am addicted to chocolate and also to a certain extent red wine.

I can do without all of these things one at a time, but I have NEVER in all my dieting years had a diet exclusive of my addictive foods.

Every time I think of a food "oooh I really fancy that" I am going to write it on a list. I will then exclude this food from my diet.

So far on my list I have :

Chocolate
Red wine
Cocktail sauce
Tomato Sauce
Salad creme
Rolo Deserts
Curry - all kinds from shops/take away
Chinese - all kinds from shops/ take away

I actually feel proper weak and freaked out just writing this. Funnily enough I feel worst about writing down salad creme, and I am not sure why because I don't use this food too much... interesting. Anyway, this HAS to be done and I must do this for my own sanity. In fact, I am amazed that these foods are my addiction foods... they aren't all that exciting are they!

I also must stress that I am not giving them all up today. I cant do that. The stress is too much and I need my drugs just for a bit longer, and I know that sounds hopelessly tragic, but I just do.

I am also going to have some analytical hypnosis done, that woman I went to back in the summer was crap so I am going to find someone right for me, maybe who is reccomended through the doctor. Once I have found someone I am going to give them my list and then start on with the plan. Maybe I will start sooner, I just don't know. I need to do this in my own time.

If I don't get this sorted, I am going to end up a bulimic binge eating fatty whether I have a band or not. The band has stopped me to some extent as I seriously haven't got any other control right now, so I am thankful for small mercies.

I want to make it clear that I do not want to do this to myself, I try and stop and cant. I am on a spiral into destruction that I cant seem to stop even if I want to, and I wish i could just lock myself up and throw away the key. Looked into the possibility and it would cost me £2K at a retreat for a week... NOT likely to be doing that.

If I ever get right in the head I might look into getting some kind of retreat that is not so expensive up and running. I would like to help people like me, but seeing as I cant even help myself I think we will start with me first.

One thing I have never done is pray about my food problems. I always think "how can it be God's will that I lose weight?" and its not. His will is completely different and running on a much grander plan than that... but then I did think "gluttony is written about in the good book, as is suicide - both of which I am committing if I don't get this under control" so maybe I could pray about it and see what happens. Worked for my smoking. I new I could never personally go back to church if I smoked. It was not caring for my body and hurtful to others, so I proper told God that if he wanted me back, then he would have to stop me smoking like a chimney... and I quit the same day and haven't had a single craving as yet - 6yrs out! Sometimes I rely too much on my own insignificant self.

I cant do this right now

This afternoons snacks: Biscuits (half a tin) and an order of Shredded chilli beef takeaway.

I am heavily using right now. I can't stop myself. I don't know what the heck is going on in my head but I just need my drug. I crave it, need it, think about it and have to use it all the time. I am a mess and I am overdosing daily right now.

There is a heap of crap going on with my life right now that I just CANT talk about any more than I already have, but I will once its resolved. I have talked the problem to death with everyone and it will not help the situation. Its just some bureaucratic jobsworth giving us a nightmare that is basically a never ending catch 22. They HAVE to back down as we cant do anything else. Until that happens, the only thing that helps me is food.

I put on 1 pound this week, and that is simply amazing considering the amount of food I have consumed.

I don't care right now. .

Chilly

Its a bit Brrrrrrrrrrr in blighty right now. Especially when you are in the caravan. this is our little cosy abode for another week. Once you are in and the world is shut out its actually quite pleasant, if a bit random to be sleeping on the front garden. HA!

Its a cute little pop up trailer in actual fact. It completely folds flat to just above the height of a bicycle, and you can tow it easily with a small car. It has a wardrobe, cooker, fridge, cupboards, lights and plug sockets and underfloor heating too. We bought it from a guy about 2 years ago for just £500!

Garage work is progressing nicely as you can see. The window is in and the plaster board has gone it. right now they are bricking up the front ready to clad the front wall. Its gonna be fabulous. Its already as warm as toast!

The caravan is just to the right in this picture so we have to sneak out at night and jump in, and then in the morning quickly hop it back cross the grass inside again before anyone sees us in our PJ's!

This is where I live! Our bedroom is the front right, Charlotte's bedroom is front left. DS's was and obviously will be in the conversion and Sue is in the back bedroom. When you go into the house you go into a porch, the stairs are behind a door in front of you, and the front room is the full length of the house. The kitchen is on the left hand side of the back of the house and through the kitchen you go to the Utility room and from there into the office, which was part of the garage originally too.

Here is a plan:

I know its not particularly interesting to anyone else, but I like to have a record. My blog is a great diary tool and I have used it lots of times to look back and find out when, what and how I did something or other.

So, back to topic... The scales seem quite positive, but obviously weigh in will be Monday. I just hope I can keep a grip until then. I am really really wanting chocolate big time and treats and things like that. I will have to have things like prawns and olives with extra garlic to try and keep me away from chocolates. Right now I REALLY want one of those big purple versions of the chocolates that you get in Quality Street. Its the BIG purple one with caramel and a hazelnut inside. Oh MAN I really want one. Thankfully I have no idea how to get my hands on one, so I am safe... for now! I love the way they tickle your throat. I must have a craving for caramel as well as chocolate because last night in tesco I succumbed to a rolo yoghurt (more of a desert than a yoghurt, but anyway) and also a piece of millionaires slice. Both have a layer of chocolate and then caramel. Must be a strange phase I am going through. I counted both on My Daily Plate so that I didn't go over the top, but this week I have been scraping the top of my allowance every single day. That's not going to be great for weightloss. Mind you, 1800 cals a day should help me lose 2 pounds a week, so as long as I stick to 1800 and NO MORE, then I will hopefully do what it says on the tin.

TTFN

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

So slimmingworld revealed the news that this week I lose 2 pounds.

I am really pleased that I have lost 2 pounds, but like I said before, I would be lying if I said i was completely happy because of yesterday saying I had lost 4. Yeah. That would have been much nicer. I was feeling really ticked off all morning, and when I got home I found out why I put on 2 pounds over night... and was ready to KILL.

Dreaded flaming curse again!

I seem to have it all the time! I just get over one bitchfest and spot covered face picking session when it seems like it was only 2 days ago I finished the last one -but yet it really was 28 days ago. Time whizzes by.

If you have periods for approximately 35 years of your life... then you have 13 a year which doesn't actually seem very many... but when you add it all up you will have had 455 of these sods. Now I think that 455 weeks out of my life is more than a bit skanky and bad. That's near as damn it 10 YEARS feeling like death for no good bloody reason.

considering we have a debilitating condition that will disable us for 10 years (ok tongue in cheek a bit), I reckon someone needs to make a charity for research into funding for Period sufferers and get some tablets to cure our moodiness and stroppiness and outright horribleness. I don't want to be an evil witch every 3 weeks that's for sure and I could sure do without any extra pain in my lower back right now thank you very much.

But no, its a fact of life and part of being a woman so instead of getting anything worth a shit from a doctor to cure PMT or PMS for good, we should learn to embrace it. PFFFTTT!

Roll on menopause. Menostop in fact! A bloody pause is no good to anyone (pardon the pun!).

Anyway, enough of chipe about something that ain't ever gonna change in the foreseeable future of the universe.

I have lost the 2 pounds that I had picked up, lost, picked up again bla bla over the last few weeks, so I am still sitting at 28 pounds lost. Grrrrr. But, because of said curse, I should find that if I sit tight and keep to what I am doing, next week should be big time great!

Today so far I have had a couple of yoghurts, some chicken noodle soup, 2 crackerbread and 2 popadums. I had my meals delivered today from Wiltshire Farm Foods, so that will be a great help. I am having my first one this evening and its 300 cals. So tonight that means that I can have some chocolate (-this is what I mean... the scientists could get their heads together and get us a patch or something to stop this bollocks! I am pretty sure it would be easy if they actually tried).

So, band is great.

Want a couple of pics of the new garage conversion done properly this time?
Back in February's posts you can see the effort hubby put in and what it looked like and how proud we were. Well it took them 2 hours to destroy EVERYTHING in that room. They had completely gutted it back to normal by 12pm when I got home from slimming. Marvelous. Anyway, its gonna be great when its done. Here you are:

This is the view from my front room... Hard to imagine Warrens whole entire decorated bedroom was here this morning.


and a horror shot from inside. They put up a couple of the old bits of chipboard we used to cover the hole where the new window will go...


and the outside shot as it was left today. This will have the window in on Wednesday, and be completely clad with uPvc ship lap fascia.

How does my body smite me?

Starting to get annoyed with my stupid body. How is it I can weigh 17 stone (238) fully clothed, in the evening the other day whilst loaded with food and drink... then weigh the next morning at 16st 11 (235) and think "yeah baby... tomorrow is going to be S K I L L!" and eat only 1200 calories of non stodgy food all day - which was the lowest calorie day of the entire week - and then I hope on this morning and its 16 stone 13 (237) a measly 1 pound difference between 6pm food loaded and 9am empty?

Does it wait and silently titter to itself and take great delight on Mondays?

I have worked really hard this week and I know in the long run its good, but for fuck's sake.

Also did loads of extra exercise yesterday as we had to move DS room out of his room and into the front room for the builders to start work. Didn't break a sweat but it was 4 solid hours of moving, clearing and rearranging.

This body of mine will seemingly always have the last laugh.

I will probably put on weight when I am dead so the coffin they fit me with at the beginning of the week is too ruddy tight on the day of my interment and they have to just fling me in the hole!

Official weigh in later... slimmingworld isn't until 10am. They go electronic at my place this week and I expect it will take the dozy fen folk a while to work out how to turn it on and stuff and then we will have to be there for about 6 hours. They are a bit odd the people in my slimmingworld class... I think I have mentioned it before, but there is practically a tangible barrier between our village and the village where we go for slimming. Its one road that separates us and about 8 miles. The air must change... a bit like James Herbert's - The Fog. There is a fen folk fog that turns everyone a bit nuts anywhere north east of where we live and they end up talking with a real yokle accent - any one with this accent over our way we just know came from that way. I have never known an area like it. We obviously have an accent to them too, but what I mean is this sudden stop of any accent. If you live in Newcastle you will have a particular accent but it sort of merges and gradually changes into a more Yorkshire accent as you come down the country, and if you travel east it gradually changes into a Wales accent, and that changes into a Liverpool accent and that changes into a Manchester accent and that changes gradually into a Brum accent and on and on and you can wander around the country like this gradually slipping accents and there is no perceptible cut off point until you come to Fenland. There is a sharp and distinct point from Fenland to all other counties around it. Its like a little island of accent. They are also a bit odd in lots of other ways too...

Anyway, this is frigging pointless talk, so I is gunna stop now.

just listen to this to get an idea of what I mean
http://www.archive.org/details/Suitcase_401