Ultra great

I am being excessively good.
Monday 100% on plan
Tuesday 100% on plan
Wednesday (so far) 100% on plan.

I am going to have a night off the diet tonight as I am going to the cinema again and I will have minstrels and I will have a couple of glasses of wine when we get back, but then I am on track tomorrow again.

I have been virtuous and have decided to Syn rather than syn willy-nilly and not think about it. I have told myself I can have minstrels and wine and then I feel more in control. I haven't bothered to weigh myself this week as I do really like seeing what the reading has to say on Monday mornings, so that's what I am going to do. Also it seems a pointless exercise as my scales are inevitable wrong and I either get chuffed and they weigh me too light, or depressed when they weigh me too heavy. I might a well just do it on the slimmingworld scales once a week and then get chuffed and elated (or miserable and kick myself) for real!

Yesterday I had a jacket potato with beans for lunch and then I made Compton's Garden for dinner. Its a yummy recipe and everyone should try it. I have been unable to find the recipe online ever, so here it is. I got it from a TV show about 10 years ago.

New potatoes
French green beans
crispy grilled bacon
caraway seed
green pesto or home made french vinaigrette (whichever takes your fancy most on the day)
pepper

Cook it all as you would, then mix it all together with the pesto or vinaigrette. Serve and eat with ultra low fat mayo. YUUUUMMMM

There are variants that I have done before where you add sugar snaps and also broad beans. This is even tastier. The Vinaigrette just gives it a little more flavour, and the pesto is one I tried yesterday as I didn't have lemon juice for a vinaigrette... it was lush.

Today we are having a fritatta:
Mince beef, yellow pepper, leeks with cayenne pepper and 4 eggs in a quiche tin and layered with sliced potato. Looks yummy, and we will have that with a tomato and onion salad.

So I have had a completely synless day today. what I do love about my band is the fact that I do not feel hungry between meals at all.

Ok, Tuna fest is officially over

Its over. A strange thing happened. It was about 5:30pm and I just could not get why I was feeling really heavy and lethargic. I had to get up and cook the dinner and I was feeling like I was going to throw up just thinking about it, but I had to make it so I got up and did so. I made pastry for a quiche and then chopped the veg for the filling - Bacon, onion, mushrooms and cheese and put it in the oven. I peeled the potatoes for chips and tried to get myself together.

I just couldn't. I sat down for a bit and the only thing I could put it down to was the lack of carbs in my diet. I didn't think it would affect me this much to be fair. I went upstairs and washed my face and neck and hoped I would feel better, but I didn't. I kind of felt weak and heavy, but not weak if that makes any sense... I went for the 256th wee of the day and the smell was sour. Real dark and sour. It was definitely ketones. My mouth tasted funny too, so I did one of those little urine test sticks that I remembered I had when I did Atkins about 4 years ago. Well man it was DEEP PURPLE. Sooooooo Purple it was even darker than the shade on the packet! (I tested another one with water just to see if they were stil working ok). When I did Atkins it took a good 3 or 4 days to get into Ketosis - or the fat burning stage where your body is literally gobbling up your own flab for energy. This tuna diet took just over 24 hours.

I felt so crud that I went downstairs and decided enough was enough and I would have a normal dinner that evening. I had already made the quiche and the chips for the rest of the house (about to be deep fried in lard!), so I grabbed some rice from the freezer and then made a quick wet curry. If I was going to eat, I was going to do it right. So I made a really quick and easy tomato based curry - 1 can lentils, 1 can chopped tomato and curry powder cooked quickly. It was nice and wet and easy to eat. The last thing I wanted was to have a band problem as well!

This was fine and I felt mildly better within 10 minutes of eating. Phew... I started to feel better and better until about 20 minutes after dinner I thought that I must have just been hungry and that I was a total slacker and didn't try enough. We decided to then go to TB's house and have a nice chat, and I was contemplating going back to tuna again when DH asked me if I was ok...

Now, I thought I sounded fine, but he said I was kind of slurring my words and there were too many 's'-es in my words and that I looked flushed. I had to admit I felt a little light headed. By the time I got to TB's I was feeling drunk as a lord. I was red in the face, hot and sleepy and felt pickled!

So, I went from one extreme to the other in a very short space of time. After about 30 minutes I started to feel less pissed, but my head started expanding and contracting with a headache!

Honestly, I am completely fine now, but WOW! What a weird experience. I must have been so absolutely low in blood sugar that eating dinner of rice and tomato, with lots of carbs and sugars must have simply overloaded my system and I immediately converted it to alcohol! It was the most strangest thing ever. What was the most amazing thing was the speed at which it happened. This afternoon writing the blog I felt fine... a bit rough, but nothing too bad. Then Boom! - and then Boom again when I decided to stop. Wow.

So no more tuna for me for a while! Scary stuff!

Essentially with slimmingworld I have just had a pure red day yesterday and today back to Extra easy... so hopefully the weight will have changed a bit.

Day 2 of Tuna special

Well, I survived yesterday and its already 4pm on day 2... Can I hold out? I reckon so. I have had a better, more amiable band today and have thus far consumed 2 cans of Tuna fish in spring water. I Do have to admit that I smothered it in vinegar and black pepper. I think this was the problem yesterday... not moist enough. So I am drinking gallons of water and it took me an hour a piece to eat the tuna. I don't think I shall eat any more until dinner time to be honest.

Last night we went to bed early at about 11pm, and I have to admit I felt a little sick. I don't feel bad today as such, but I don't feel all that good either. I am loathe to say that its because of this diet that I feel so crap though. I guess we shall see after tomorrow is finished.

I am proper proud of myself for getting half way. The last few mouthfuls of tuna at lunch time were hard work. I just didn't want to eat any more and when I think about it, I get that water in my mouth and feel a bit sick around the gills. Maybe this peakiness has more to do with the diet than I think...

I must admit I did hop on the scales this morning, but they are decidedly dodgy as I said before and they said 16 stone 12. I only did it the once mind. To get an average I usually have to jump on at least 10 times, so I am not going to think too much about it. I don't think I shall get a true reading of the loss on this until Sunday morning.

One good thing is that I am honestly not hungry. Not at all. I ate the tuna because I have to at certain times, and not because I was physically needing sustenance. I think that just goes to show that a high protein diet is pretty good for staving off hunger. But then again, I knew that because of the Atkins diet.

I am also bored out of my skull right now, so I am going to play some Sims 3 and make a really crummy house and miserable characters Mwahhhahhahhh

Tuna Diet required adaption

It was supposed to go like this:
all day eating tuna (6 cans) and drinking water (4.5 litres)

Well, by 2pm it was crystal clear that it was NOT going to happen that way.

By 2pm I still had not managed 1 can let alone the 3 I should have had by then... So I had to change the rulz.

I also was waiting for a call from DS and didn't know when that was going to be, so could not go out after 4pm. I had also run out of tuna by this time as I dropped a can on the floor. Ooops.

So dilemma dilemma...

Should I quit? Should I nip to the shop and chance missing DS calling?

I decided that I could adapt the diet recipe. Basically protein is protein and it kind of doesn't matter where it comes from as long as its protein... The whole point of this diet is to eat low calories, high protein and zero carbs... I have very nearly stayed on plan then:

1 can of tuna
1 piece of hot smoked salmon
1 can of chicken

2 litres of diet coke
6 black coffee
2 litres water

I think that is pretty damn good.

Analysing it then, today I have consumed:
570 calories
95.6 grams of Protein
16.25 grams of fat
3 grams of carbohydrates

I reckon that's cool.

If I had done 6 tins of tuna like the plan said I would have done
881 calories, 162 protein, no carbs and 3.9 grams of fat.

So, although I don't quite know what to make of this analysis, I still think that things are pretty darn OK for today. I have also bought 4 cans of tuna for tomorrow, and I have another couple of hot smoked salmon fillets in the freezer and a can of chicken in the cupboard. I am pretty stoked that I remained on some kind of high protein low carb feat for the whole day and didn't bust it.

Temptation...? YES. Oh wow, making chicken Kiev and chips for DH and Sue this evening was HARDCORE. Watching DH sit on the sofa and drink a nice cold beer and have a nice apple and a yogurt was nearly too much to bear whilst I was nearly puking eating my canned chicken. There is something about canned chicken breast that is just wrong. Its kind of moist, but not in a good way and it tastes really high in salt too. After a half can (100g) I was having mild gagging sensations just because of the sheer taste and volume of plain meat. This is not a crash diet for the faint hearted. I really struggled this evening. To be honest the tuna and salmon was fine. I wish I had just kept eating that rather than open the chicken as that is what made me feel a bit ill. Tomorrow I will crack on and having done today ok, I know that tomorrow I can do it, I just have to force myself. Then its the last day and then back on slimmingworld. I actually think that it will make slimmingworld feel so amazingly rich and fulfilling that I will be happy just having syn free meals!

Anyway, day one is OVER and I am happy with myself, even though I had to adapt it. There is no way on this earth I would have been able to eat 6 cans of tuna. Its just too much for a bandit. I reckon tomorrow its going to be 3 tops...

Oh yeah... I wasn't hungry AT ALL. How cool is that.

Whenever There's a Snack Gap, Bunny Fits.

Can you believe that this is what came up when I typed my name into the Advertising Slogan Generator!

Ha HA HA HA

So perfect. P.s. the tuna is not easy to eat... still on can number 1 and it's 2 pm. Maybe I will have to eat more later when my band lets me...

Go tuna Go tuna GO!

Vroom Vroom fat burning machine

1 pint of water, 1 can of tuna about to be consumed. I thought I would let you all know this so that you can have no fear about your dearest Test Subject Bunny starting her mission.

Oh and my weigh in for this test: 16 stone 13.5lbs according to my scales (237.5lbs)

I did this 7 times. The first 2 times registered 16 stone 12 and a quarter, thereafter it registered 16st 13.5lbs So you see my scales are quite crap... but this diet is apparently good for FAT loss so we shall see. I sadly don't have those body fat measuring scales, but the loss of weigh should show up loss of fat too. I wont be losing muscle as its just pure protein.

Now ladies... I am off to Lady Jane's to get a couple of new Bra's and a Bikini top... Great stuff!

Tuna and water quick boost?

Here's something I found online... http://www.mybodyfat.co.uk/
This guy is trying to lower his body fat and remain at about 200lbs. Now he looks pretty buff actually so he must be tall and work out and stuff, because I am not too far off 200 pounds and I look proper dodgy!! HA HA.
Anyway, he was talking about this very rapid weightloss diet called the Tuna and Water diet that you do for only 3 days and he lost 6 pounds.
Now I know that there are these websites out there that profess this and that... but this is just a blog or journal about this British chap trying to lose body fat... a bit like this blog really. So he had photos of the scales before, and after etc and it was about a month ago and this is what he did for 3 days:

9:00 am 1 tin of tuna & Multi vitamin
11.30 am 1 tin of tuna & 2 teaspoons of Benefibre (3.5g)
2:00 pm 1 tin of tuna
4:30 pm 1 tin of tuna & Multivitamin
7:00 pm 1 tin of tuna & 2 teaspoons of Benefibre (3.5g)
9:30 pm 1 tin of tuna

With this he drank 3/4 litres of water with every can of tuna.

Now, I actually feel like giving this a serious go just to see if it really does work, and considering I have my holiday in Crete in 4 weeks, it would be good to get some pounds off quickly. Now this guy has quite a lean physique, so I am thinking that maybe someone with much more fat in their body - and lets face it, I have the same analytical fat content as a Pork Scratching - might actually lose a lot more fat. I would much rather lose fat than weight that's for sure. At the end of the day it's the fat - not the actual weight - that makes us look horrible in a bikini... so I am going to have a go. Today is Wednesday, so I am going to start tomorrow. I honestly don't know i my band will let me eat tuna that early in the morning, but I will just swill it down with water and see what happens. I think it will be a seriously cool experiment, and only 3 days so its quick and I can see the end of it.

Also being as that its such a short time, my body wont go into survival mode, and also the fact that it is tuna means the extra protein will be fabulous for skin and hair etc.

So tomorrow, I am going to go for it as above and see what happens. I will weigh myself that morning and Sunday morning just to see a comparison, but I will rely on the Monday weigh in as usual for the true result. My scales are not that accurate to be fair. So i will continue on plan for today and then do this Tuna thing and see what happens. Will be lush to lose a few really quickly. Maybe even do this once a week until the holiday to really shift some lard. I guess it depends how horrible it is to do it to be honest.

I love tuna though... so that's cool.

Yesterday was actually a pretty bad day. Thankfully I stayed in the 2000 calorie range, but it was not with good calories. I had a chicken salad for lunch which was about 150 cals if that, and then I made this lovely Chicken Liver and pasta dish. Sounds horrible, but actually chicken livers are divine. I spent ages making sure that it was all slimmingworld fayre and then I couldn't eat it and actually had to HMS for the first time in a loooooong while.

The recipe for anyone that cares:
This serves 4 and is completely free on Extra Easy Slimmingworld plan
1 packet of chicken livers - washed and chopped
1 onion finely chopped
2 garlic cloves grated or crushed
1 pack of smoked back bacon (fat removed) and chopped
4 tbsp's olive oil to fry (use as healthy B choice on slimmingworld plan)
1 tsp chilli powder
1 tsp paprika
1 tbsp sage
1 tub quark (very low fat soft cheese)
200mls skimmed milk (from A choice allowance on plan)
salt and pepper
Cooked pasta spirals and salad

Fry the onion, garlic, bacon, chilli, paprika, sage in the oil and then drain out the oil back into the pan and set aside pulp. Use the spiced oil to gently fry the chicken livers for 4 or 5 minutes, then add the pulp back in and mix it up. Set aside. Mix the tomato puree, quark and milk together to make a thick creamy pink coloured sauce and pour into the liver mixture and stir up. Throw in boiled pasta and mix up. Serve with a salad. Serves 4 hungry people!

Voila! This is what I couldn't eat: I had prodded it and pushed it about for half an hour before I took the photo so its not looking it's absolute best... In fact it looks like shit doesnt it. It wasn't though

The march of Mrs. Blobby

Hate self hate self hate self HATE SELF

Want to eat

Hate self hate self

eat

Hate self hate self hate self hate self HATE SELF

want to eat more

battle with mind battle with mind

eat

HATE SELF AD INFINITUM...

...and the result is 2 and a half pounds of lard re attached to my butt.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Such is the week I have had - an endless battle with my own willpower. Groan.

My name is Bunny and I am a foodaholic.

I have also been having thoughts such as "Well what the hell, I've seen fatty's in bikini's." "Who really cares about my weight except me?" "Do I want to be slim really?" "Can I be bothered to lose weight" "What if I just give up and do what I want... will it really be that bad?"

To be honest, its been a really rubbish week - had the painter's in, and missing DS as he's at kids camp etc, - and I knew I would gain this week, so I just went with it. As you all know my weigh in is on Monday's, so on Saturday we had a slap up Chinese - aromatic crispy lamb in pancakes, shredded smoked chicken, seaweed, shredded sticky chilli beef, chicken fried rice and sweet and sour sauce and prawn crackers to the tune of £35 + bottle of red. YUM. Then on Sunday we had a huge Indian takeaway which set us back £25 and I enjoyed every mouthful.

Yesterday I went to the weighbridge and faced the music. I stayed to 'image therapy' which I think is a completely pants and pointless title seeing as all it is is reading out peoples losses/gains and asking each one how they did that week. I don't know why they don't just call it Confession! It usually ends up with a load of old biddies talking about how they do their knitting whilst watching telly, or their Friend is going to Scotland and their husband is ill and they think they have swine flu or other such petty crap that has nothing to do with slimmingworld. And then you get the ones who are blatantly not doign it, but expect to lose wight anyway and will NOT listen to any suggestions and you just want to throttle them, and then the ones who just sit there and list all the food they ate menu by menu each day for a week and its terminally boring... BUT, that said it does focus the mind sitting in front of said biddies and having them say "oh well, maybe next week" and "how can you get on track" because they all do genuinely care. Staying to Confession as I am now going to call it is good for me. If I stay I usually do better, and even though most of the people there are dappy, at least they are there to talk to and its kind of a social occasion for them, so whatever.

They all know that I have a lap band, and that I can eat any amount of rubbish, but struggle with real food, so its useful to me to be able to share my joys/failures with them. Sometimes they come up with good ideas too... like one lady found a trifle that was low in syns as she brought it in for me because it was soft and sweet and said it might be easy for me to eat and nice when I want a sugar hit rather than chocolates... so that was nice. I hate trifle though, but bless her anyway.

So I got a rap on the knuckles and I was on plan 100% yesterday and so far 100% today.

Yesterday was a bit weird... I could not drink my coffee after slimmingworld, probably because I had a spoon of pea soup and one of the shucks got stuck or something, so for most of the day until 5:30 I could not eat anything. Then after I went to tesco I was able to drink 1 litre of Innocent smoothie, which was about 700 cals for the whole carton. I was glad of that as I was needing sugar and pure fruit smoothie is about the best I can grab. Then I made a roast chicken dinner and I ate this:

Then in the evening I managed to keep control of myself and had a muller light and some home made tomato soup. The tomato soup was luscious:

10 very ripe large tomatoes

1 onion

2 sticks celery

3 carrots

teaspoon of thyme

1/2 teaspoon of dried chilli flakes

2 tablespoons of tomato puree

3 litres of water

1 vegetable stock cube

1 tablespoon of olive oil to fry the onion a little (but you can omit this)

salt and black pepper to taste

Boil to death for about an hour and then blitz with a hand blender and then portion into food bags and freeze.

Its just great. I am about to have a bowl now actually!

Then today I have been on plan too. I woke up at bout 9:30 (DS is away on camp remember) and filled in all my stuff for the CRB enhanced disclosure check I have to do each year as I work with children, got that down to the post office and that took about 45 minutes to sort out as they never know what the hell they are doing and I have to wait and wait and wait for them to read the guidance notes (again just like the last 6 years running) and then make a phone call because they are still baffled, and then I tell them they should write "just fill in the 'check&send' form" on their guidance notes so that EACH YEAR we don't have to go through this farce and they say "what a good idea, I will do that" and then not bother again like they haven't done each time they have said that (Yeah, I get a little grieved by this!)... and then came home to find I had a music theory paper to mark for a pupil, so I did that and then had to trek back down the post office again to post that, then came home and had a coffee. After all that it was 12:30. So I made a chicken salad with the left over roast chicken from last night and added honey mustard dressing (8 syns for the WHOLE bottle so very low syns to use) and now its 3 o'clock and I am peckish again. Heres the chicken salad:

I am able to eat quite a lot of food at each sitting as long as I go about it right. I think that this is a good thing.

To eat and have nothing stick I must do the following:

1.) Drink 1/2 pint of squash or water and then have a coffee - immediately before eating

2.) Chew teaspoon size mouthfuls for the first 5 or 6 bites and do it thoroughly

3.) Chew thoroughly every other bite of the meal

4.) Stop eating immediately on sensation in chest and wait a full minute until next mouthful

These are MY golden rulz. they are not the same for everyone, but this is how I manage my band and food intake.

If I follow these rules:

I do not HMS (aka PB)

I do not have to eat between meals

I do not have any problems what so ever.

If I don't follow these rules:

1.) I have to HMS

2.) only manage one mouthful and then sit for an hour with pain in my chest

3.) not manage anything else to eat for hours and feel weak

I always call it HMS'ing rather than PB'ing because I NEVER have 'productive burps'. That has never happened. If I have a problem it always ends up in me Having to Make myself Sick or HMS for short/decency reasons

I have never in my entire time with the band burped and had blowback. Nope.

If I get a heavy chest, it usually will not pass, and I have learned to stop eating if I have the slightest sensation because experience tells me that if I carry on it will only be a.) more painful and b.) mean it could get embarrassing if in company where I cannot wait and have to throw up immediately. If I stop on first sensation I can usually wait until I am at home/safely installed in a bathroom to get on with the HMS job and I can wait out the pain as its not terrible. On very rare occasions the food does pass through, but it normally takes about 1 to 1.5 hours to do so.

So that's me for the last few days. I will try and keep with the programme guyz and girlz and let you know how its going. I am going to take more photos of meals as I find this really helps me, and I guess you too, know how much I am eating and the type of foods I can eat as a restricted bandster...

Back

Camping was cool... in the real sense on the word. It threw it down with rain and thunder and lightening for the first night - thankfully after we put up the awnings though!
It was so heavy we could not even hear ourselves talking, but rhythmic enough to fall asleep. To be fair, I think I would have fallen asleep anywhere that night I was so tired.

We didn't get to be until 1:30am because of setting the folding trailer up and getting everything straight inside and then cooking the lunches for the next day. So that I could stay on track with my diet pretty much I made pasta salads each day, a snack bar, yoghurt and chopped melon.

The pasta salads alla slimmingworld were:
Pasta spirals
tuna
chopped onion
chopped olives
spoonful extra light mayo

Pasta spirals
Puttanesca sauce - Cooked at home and taken with us(Red peppers, chilli, Onion, Black Greek olives, tuna (hate anchovy!), pine nuts, tomato, capers)

Pasta spirals
Passata
chopped onion
Parmesan

Very uninteresting, but all doable with one gas ring in a tiny caravan.

In the evening however, we ate out. On Thursday we had Fish and chips en-route. I have 2 fishcakes and a few chips. Haven't had them for ages and it was goooooood. Then Friday we went to pizza hut. I had mixed olives to start with, a small thin pizza and NO PUDDING!!!!!! GO ME!
Saturday night we went to Nando's with some Friends and I had a very random meal. Nando's is all about chicken really and how spicy you want it. Well, I had Olives and garlic, Hummous, Green Salad, ratatouille, Chicken livers. The Olives came in a dish on their own, The humous came with about 60 chopped pitta breads, The Ratatouille came in a little dish too, the salad was like a handful of lettuce greens on a huge bowl/plate (the plate was warm too.... a pet hate is having salad on a warm plate. That's just rubbish), and the chicken livers win a luscious creamy spicy gravy were on their own too. So the Banded Lady at the table actually had FIVE dishes on the table. Well, I just dumped each dish on top of the lettuce bowl and Bingo! Salad of the year.

Oh man... the chicken livers, ratatouille, olives and garlic and humous all on a salad is the best combo and dinner out I have had in a long long time. It was heaven. I was on a roll and I did order the GAWJUS caramel cheesecake and ate every tiny crumb and enjoyed each and every delicious mouthful!

Then Sunday night we got a quick happy meal from McDonald's for the drive home. I got mozzarella dippers and a cheeseburger. When we arrived back at the ranch, Sue had made a full Roast dinner - Lamb and all the trimmings! Phew, so I knocked that back too. It was ace.

So it was with a little dread that I approached the weighbridge yesterday morning. I gained 1 and a half pounds! That was all!! I was really really pleased.

Obviously to people in the world at large, I must stress that it might sound like I ate a lot of food, but the portions were all very small in reality. DH ate much more than I did, and also put on 5 pounds, even considering he was on Slimfast milkshakes during the day! So the band is a limiter I guess. I also have to go so slowly to eat normal food, that its not such a problem. That little fill has done me the world of good as it just slowed me down that little bit more.

Not that its not a battle still because I don't feel like the band has restricted my intake of normal fattening foods at all. I could easily put on weight each week, so I need to keep with slimmingworld to lose weight, but what the band has done is slow me down, make me less prone to snacking and not feeling hungry between meals.

Maybe that's the perfect solution. This time last year I could not eat much of anything as it was so tight, but I am tighter now that last year, and I am going fine.

I just find the whole band thing a very weird experience.
So, we continue...

Off Camping

Had a good week really... Finished work last Tuesday - YES! No more work until 12th September. Hip Hip HOORAY. I am so glad I got through it though. Its always the same with the end of term... people farting around cancelling all over the shop and it just makes me want to say 'stuff it - see ya next year'. But I did it. I did all the lessons on the schedule that didn't cancel me, and I re-arranged the ones that did if it was possible and got my hands on as much cash as I humanly could. 6 weeks without work means the next few weeks are pretty lean unless we are really careful with our budget.

So, ITS OVER!!!

So, being completely DeMob happy, I have just chilled and relaxed and done nothing much. Apparently the word Chillax is the most annoying word in the world. Actually I think its pretty cool.

Weight wise, well I stayed the same this week. No change at all. I think I am pretty darn luck to be honest, because I really was a bit naughty. That said, I didn't probably eat too much over the top. One day I just had a family bag of malteasers. That's 900 cals... but that was all I had. I am sure that its calorie intake at the end of the day as opposed to what you eat. Obviously its not going to be a great source of nutrition to just eat chocolates, but one day ain't gonna hurt.

So this evening we are off camping for the weekend. We have a big convention to go to in Norwich which requires smart attire during the day, but then when we chillax (HA HA) at night, that will require more of a casual approach. We also have to have a 1km walk to the venue and back each morning and afternoon, so hopefully all the meals I have planned (on slimmingworld) will be good, and if I do succumb to a little naughtiness, then I will walk it off!!

So see you when I get back folks

Feeling the pull of the Dark Side

I'm writing to reassure myself again. Today I feel like I have blown it. I feel like its not worth carrying on with dieting today and should just give in to temptation and scoff whatever I fancy.

Why?

Because I have eaten about 35 Hot Tamales - about 11 syns, and therefore have blown today's syn value.

BUT I also have not had ANYTHING else. I know this is crazy but I have just been sitting all day working at the computer nibbling Hot Tamales and thinking how crap I feel and I haven't actually been hungry until right now.

I have probably ingested no more than 300 cals for the whole day so far so I should really get upset right?

The calorie thing and the slimmingworld thing are what mess me up. Because I have a band, slimmingworld has to be a little bit adjusted anyways, and when I do have random days like this I HAVE to remember that if I am only eating Sweets, but the calories are low, then I haven't busted the diet at all. If I was just a regular un-banded person then would have a problem because I would be eating sweets on top of the other stuff and then that would definitely mean I had messed up.

At the end of the day, If i eat less calories than I expend, it doesn't matter where those calories come from, just how many there are.

If I eat 1000 cals today and its made up of Hot Tamales and full fat rootbeer, and tomorrow I eat 1000 calories made up of meat, salad, egg, pasta etc... its STILL ONLY 1000 cals right?

A pound's a pound

Well, this week it was just 1lb off. Bit disappointed with that, but not too bothered. I have had a lot of stuff that was junky this week due to the massive cooking marathon that started Friday and ended Sunday 3pm. I had some of the truffle mixture and some of the finished article, and I had some of the Red Hot Tamales and Big Red gum that mum & dad brought back with them from Oregon for me, also some other bits and bobs that I shouldn't have had really, so really I should be thanking the scales!

The Piano recital went really well. I dont have many photos because I was too busy 'presenting' it all, and the ones DH took are crap.

Anyway folk, just thought I would check in and tell you all's good in the hood.

Felix getting better, Recital went great and we raised over £600 for CLIC Sargent to help children with cancer doing the sponsored Practice-a-thon, The lap-band is being good, no drama's right now thank goodness and no swine flu in the area... yet.

Travelling Buddy's DH plays Gymnopedie No.1. By Eric Satie.

Gunwales

Roll on Sunday when we can eat it all!

Desert Canape's

Worked out what I am going to do for the desert canapes... I am going to make a kind of weird chocolate truffle. actually its probably more like a soft crunchy chocolate ball covered in chocolate vermicelli rather than a truffle, but it will do the job. I am not going to bother making different types, but the one will be fine I think. I will make one with digestive biscuits, butter and plain chocolate and the other with dessicated coconut and white chocolate and butter. I have to try this out first (what a shame) and see it it holds together and stuff, but I think they will be ok. I bought 100 petit four cases and I will pop them in those on platters. Should be nice.

I also bought some cocktail sausages and bacon to wrap them in, which I thought might be good too and also some chicken tikka pieces.

So I have catered for meat eaters, vegetarians and coeliacs but could have a problem if there is a vegan in the house! LOL.

I am going to cook the falafel today too and freeze them. I think that's the best thing for those. I can't make it all up on Sunday otherwise I will stink of cooking and be shattered too. All I really want to do on Sunday is fill the vol-au-vents and put the stuff on the blini's and the pitta and that be it. So I think even the sausages are going to have to be done on Saturday evening, along with baking the vol-au-vent cases. Ho hum.

All this talk of food is making me hungry! Mind you, one look at Felix in he corner of my eye turns me off again. I think he is really going to struggle without his eyes. I mean today we got all the paraphernalia ready for his morning nursing care:

• warm salt water and gauze for the eye
• Iodine and cotton buds for the leg pins & stomach tube wound
• 10mls water with 1 antibiotic for initial flush of tubing
• 50mls of liquid cat feed
• 20mls of water with 4kg dose metacam pain relief for second flush
• 2 puppy training pads for below the vet bedding for when he wee's
• Clean vet bed liner

None of this worries me too much, and once you have it all laid out and prepared it goes ok. I mean it only took about half an hour this morning to do all this stuff. But what worries me is the toilet situation. The cage is too small for a little tray proper, so the vet said get a little baking tray and put some stuff in it so he can feel it. The trouble is he can't SEE it, let alone feel it, so he just goes to the toilet where he is laying. This morning after feeding and bathing his wounds and doing all his bits and bobs he has to have a little walk for 5 minutes and he just squatted and went for a poo. He didn't find a corner, or scratch. He just squatted and did it on the floor. I have ceramic floors throughout my home so its not a problem at all, but there was no normal cat behavior like scratching to clear a space, or scratching afterwards to cover. Maybe this will improve when he feels better and knows that he is back to normal. I am just worried that its because he is blind and stuff.

But, hey. Its not my problem in reality. He is Sue's cat, but I am the one who is here all day. If he is in the cage its no biggy, I just clean him up but when he is out of there and back in the land of 6 other cats and 2 dogs... hmmmm interesting. What happens if he just craps where he likes. I am going to have to clear all that up man. I don't mind too much, but its a bit of an ask. I suppose we will just have to suck it and see.

Yesterday I was really positive and stuff, but today I am back in the 'was this the right choice' camp. There is a LOT of work and nursing to be done - so much so that after it all I guess I will be a qualified Veterinary Nurse! HA! I just wonder that after doing so much for him, spending thousands of pounds on him and stuff, that he won't be able to cope being blind. I dunno. I guess I have to read up about it. I think I am more worried about how the other animals will be with him, because Sue will get angry with me and my animals because they are harassing Felix, when in fact its her problem and my house.

Apart from all that malarkey, eating is going well. Yesterday was a good day again and I was well within my calorie count for the day. I had 3 squares of chocolate, 1 harvest crunch bar for a snack and dinner was watercress, rocket and romaine lettuce salad with spicy grilled chicken breast pieces and sugar snap peas in a lemon and thyme dressing. I also had a big bowl or strawberries with a vanilla mullerlite yoghurt on top - as opposed the double cream that DS and Sue had on theirs! DH hates strawberries so he just had a yoghurt. He is doing well on Slimfast and has lost just over 14 pounds now since we returned from the Czech Republic on June 1st.

I am itching to weigh myself, but I am not going to. Even if I do and I have lost weight, on Sunday we have the recital with all that other food, so I might be tempted to eat a little bit and I would be annoyed that I lost and then put on in the same week, so I am going to just wait it out and see what Monday brings. Its only 3 days after all.

Looks like the weather has changed here. Its got fresher thank goodness, but also got darker outside as I have been writing this and I think we might get a load of rain. With that, I am off to check the rain situation and get the washing in.

Felix is home

We collected Felix from the vet today and he is chillin' in a nice big cage in my office. The other cats have come and had a sniff and amazingly he knew they were there. His Mum Mary sauntered right up to the cage and he got up and mewed! How do they know that their are others about, and who they are when she was silent and he is blind? Wow, their senses are strong. Anyway, he is settled and here is a picture of the poor little baby.

I am off to tesco's now to get a few bits for the canapes I am serving at the recital.

here's the menu:

Smoked Salmon and cream cheese Blini's

Garlic and Herb Olive's and Cream Cheese Blini's

Vol-au-vents with Egg Mayonaise

Vol-au-vents with Cheese and Onion

Vol-au-vents with Prawns in cocktail sauce

Falafel balls

Toasted Pitta pieces with Cream Cheese and Spicy Tomato Salsa

Red and White wine and also a lot of fruit flavoured water.

I was thinking of serving strawberrys dipped in chocolate for a sweet, but its a hassle. I cant think of any other kind of sweet canape to make. Any ideas?

Ramblings - sorry bit boring

I was going to blog yesterday but our Internet router was playing up last night. I have no idea why, but seems to be fine this morning. Maybe it just needed a rest like I do!



Well, beginning of the month again and i would love to say 'yippee payday' but our overdraft was so huge that we are about £25 in credit after both of us have been paid and all the bills accounted for. That is what I call rubbish. Mind you we use one of those Tesco Clubcard Plus accounts for our shopping, which means in reality all our petrol and food are paid for already, but it still feels crap to only have £25 spare cash.

The reason we are so skint? We booked 2 weeks in Crete for the end of August. Yay! But it meant that all our hard earned savings are gaaawwwnnnnn! I don't really mind going without a little bit though seeing as we have something ace to look forward to. It would be a bit pants to have no cash and nothing to look forward to, which is the normal state of play around this house!

So yeah, we are booked 2 weeks all inclusive in Crete and I am counting the days! Also it gives me a real incentive to lose the flab, as when we went to Malta last June I was 15 stone 7. It would be nice to be well on the way to that figure if possible. I have 8 weeks to do it, so lets rock!

We have our annual Piano Recital on Sunday too, so that's something nice to look forward to. I chose my dress about a month ago and it fit snugly, but comfortably, so seeing as I have shed about 9 pounds since then, it should fit brilliantly now. I pick it up on Friday and then have to take it back on Tuesday. Cost £80 to hire it, and I have paid £40 already, so that helps out. I have already accounted in this months bills for the other £40 so I don't need to worry about that either.

On the 16th We are going to go to Norwich camping for the weekend. Paid the deposit for that and accounted for the other £75 to pay the balance there too, and that is a relief.

There was so much to take into account this month that I nearly forgot about paying for Norwich. That could have been a bit painful, so just at the last minute I remembered to add that onto the sum total.

This months bills were £2265. Horrendous I think. Ok, I did have a few bits and bobs on there that wont be there next month, but that's a lot of cash. When you think that a lot of people just getting married will have similar bills, that doesn't leave a lot of space for enjoying themselves and having fun does it. When you consider this amount its easy to see why people argue about money and stuff. I wonder what kind of people these days would be able to get married, buy a house and have this type of bill package and then have their wife give up work to start a family. I doubt that's possible for most people these days. There is no way on earth DH ever earned near that amount even when he had a good job, let alone now. There has to be the 2 of us working or it would be curtains.

Our bills per month, just for the hell of it are thus:

Cost to run 5 bedroom house, village location, East of England, nothing special:

Mortgage (aka millstone).......................... £946
Council Tax................................................. £127
Life Insurance for Me and DH................... £88
Water Rates .................................................. £35
TV Licence .................................................... £12
Mobile Phone Me ......................................... £22
Mobile Phone DH ......................................... £22
Gas and Electric ...........................................£148
Sky TV ............................................................£20
Cinema passes x3.......................................... £40
Gas/electric/white goods homecare plan ..£40
Buildings and Contents Insurance............... £22
Broadband Internet....................................... £13
Landline Phone.............................................. £40
Car Insurance for Me and DH..................... £64
Loan from my Mum to buy a car................ £50
Dog Insurance................................................ £10
DVD rental........................................................ £4
Games Rental................................................... £8
Musicians Union Membership...................... £12
Food and Petrol (minimum!)....................... £450

Total ..............................................................£2173

Now, apart from the 3 Unlimited Cinema passes and a dvd and games rental there isn't anything on this list that isn't run of the mill and kind of a necessity. Ok, I guess you could argue that if really necessary we didn't need Sky TV, but that's only £20.

You can see why people think 'stuff it! lets run up a credit card and live a bit'. Its unusual if we ever have any spare cash, and pretty horrifying when you consider the above does not include Clothes, shoes, haircuts, school dinners, trips, decorating stuff or general things needed for the house day to day, entertainment etc. How on earth do people cope if they smoke? 20 fags a day would be about £40 a week... OUCH!

Sheesh.

Would be good to compare this with other countries, as I expect that there could be some significant differences.

We don't own credit cards anymore, but boy they are tempting hey! So easy to max one out, but the rest of your life paying it back. I could easily go out tomorrow and spend a couple of thousand on stuff, but with no spare cash ever, it would take the rest of the century to pay it back.

Credit cards are a wicked temptation for people and its horrible. Its so easy to get so far out of your depth that you have to shove 2 straws up your nostrils just to keep breathing a bit. We've been there, and it wasn't pretty. Everything is fine until 'life' deals you a bad card. Ours was job loss and half pay in the new one. Gulp.

The only thing that saved us was getting a couple of lodgers and that is all. It would have been the streets mate! I am glad we have lodgers though. It makes life a little interesting.


Talking of lodgers, Felix - Sue's cat - is coming home tomorrow after his ordeals. He is blind, has one leg with pins and a bar attached to it and a broken jaw, but he is getting better by the day. We will be feeding him with a tube that goes into his tummy, and keeping him in a big cage in the office until he has recuperated fully. Hes not out of the woods completely, but he is on the mend. We saw him yesterday and he looked very well.

Eating wise, well things have been going well. Yesterday I didn't have much. I had a square of chocolate in the morning, some peanuts for lunch and a mashed potato, tomato, jalepeno, frankfurter and cheese concoction that is FAB on slimmingworld diet that I made up. Its just 4 syns.

4 chopped frankfurters - 4 syns
mashed potato - I use instant
chopped tinned tomato
chopped jalepeno's
grated cheese allowance (54g half fat)

Its brilliant. Great for the band as its soft, but great on slimmingworld too.

Today, I had a smoked trout flaked on green salad, and it was yummy. So a syn free day again so far. I am going to do a beef stirfry for tea, and then enjoy a couple of glasses of red whilst watching Big Brother. Yay.

2 Pounds Removed From Me Carcass

Weighbridge went well. Considering the chocolate-a-thon, and having the painters in too - 2 pounds off has me well chuffed.

I came home and celebrated with a nice smoked salmon salad and the omnibus edition of Neighbours. I'm now off to sun my sleeker self in the garden and have a splash in the pool. 28 and a half degrees here in Sunny Cambridgeshire :o)

Roast dinner

Hi all. Today we had the pleasure of DH's Dad and his mistress for Sunday Luncheon. It is always a most unpleasant experience and today was no different.

I honestly don't get the bloke - as I have said many times before.

Today they drove up in their new Freelander and hopped down. He was wearing his usual Farah slacks and nylon shirt, but with a stunning belt accessory in a waterproof camouflage design with the logo 'sport style' emblazoned on the front in a crazy font for his blackberry to go in.

I want to vomit just recanting this diabolical tale of cringeworthyness.

Personally I think freelanders are fine. Nowt wrong with them. DH's Dad having one though is just hilarious. The is some white haired, pot bellied, jumped up, shoulder chipped, small penis'ed little man trying to make people think he is someone special. It's glaringly obvious he's never been to charm school as he has the social graces of a mute vole.

His mistress was nicely attired however, although it was a shame she forgot to wash her hair this year, and we scurried her into the house before the neighbours saw. No, I am kidding in a way because I seriously don't give a hoot what people think of us. We are bog standard brits living Bogstandardville. Infact it would be great for the neighbours to see the 'odd couple' and then we could all laugh at them. The reason I write this stuff about them is to make myself feel better for the way they hurt me, DS and DH every time we see them. Also it helps to emphasise that they REALLY have tickets on themselves (smothered in them) and they look like something the cat dragged in. People like them deserve to be picked apart; in fact, they are positively inviting it!

Anyway, Dad stands in the porch for 15 minutes because he is a social leper and it takes DH calling him over for him to join the party. Mistress has already roamed the house and gardens and looked me up and down 50 times by the time he has actually overcome his retarded embarrassment of being outside his own house/car/ comfort zone.

They brought with them their dog called Brandi. So Geoffrey and Brandi are happily licking each others bits on the lawn and I am cooking Lunch and making tea etc.

DS is excited about the up and coming piano recital that he will play in and wants to show Grandad... Grandad promptly ignores him. He does this kind of thing a lot. He ignores you and looks like he is trying to dream up something clever to say and then the moment is gone and it leaves an uncomfortable silence and him looking like a prick and DS upset and me wanting to ram his head through the wall behind him.

Then DS asks him to sponsor him. After reading through the sponsor form and picking holes in it and being stupid and being a complete prat about everything to do with everything, 2 hours later he makes a BIG HUGE show of giving DS and tenner for it.

He sits snorking and talking through his three rotting front teeth about how he is doing this with his 'company' (tin pot effort), and how they have to spend £1000000 pounds doing this and that and £1000000 was spent on this dinner or that event or some other complete rubbish. I must admit I wasn't taking much notice, but its always about how much money this has cost or whatever. At its always £100000000000000000000000000 if you know what I mean.

Then they TELL us about themselves and how wonderful they are and their neighbours and how funny they are and how their neighbours have a friend who has a dog who has a auntie who has a brother who built a house and its fabulous and amazing and has four double 'beeeeardroooms' (because he likes to say things wrong on purpose because he is a stupid C***) and thinks this is very impressive. Its so tragic because they are trying sooooooo hard to impress people all the time and actually they fail because the things they are trying to impress people with are just run of the mill anyway! Talk about small dick syndrome.

Then we hear about these people who he knows who are the head of some company or other, and the MD this, and the chief exec that, and how they are 'really nice guys'. I dont know why, but the bloke makes me CRINGE and want to eat my own ears off when he says this. 'They are really nice guys' with his stupid stumpy toothed little chuckle of self improtance to himself - *WRETCH*

Oh my days. I am just glad that DH feels exactly the same way.

Then we have a great tirade of abuse about their next door neighbour because he commits the crime of having 2 cars and a camper van on the drive. Apparently he will be emailing the owner of the house (its rented) and ask them to move them. Oh sweet mercy.

Thankfully. one of the things we didn't get today was some kind of lawsuit pending against someone. He absolutely loves talking about suing this person or that company or whatever for £1000000000000000000. Again it apparently sounds impressive. Ummm No.

Then I made them all sit at the table and called over "Dad, do you want parsnips" which he completely refused to answer until Mistress nudges him and he snorks and then goes "no fankyoo" in a weak pathetic dumb voice. (remember he doesn't talk properly, and snorks or sighs before every word he does get out. Hardcore)
so I serve up roast beef, roast potato, green beans and carrots with a lovely gravy and they all tuck in heartily. Then we had strawberrys and cream and the cream got passed around to everyone and then we realised he hadn't put some on his... he just passed the jug around. This was so he could pour ALL the rest of the cream on his food - the cheeky bastard. So no one got a little extra and there was none left for the cats or anything else that I might have wanted to do with it!

I picked up all the plates and the bloke never even muttered a thank you. Mistress can only talk about her daughter and how her daughter has this and that and the other and its always twice as big or bad as what you have or have done or... well you know what I mean.

They spoke nothing but bullshit for the whole afternoon and when we were waving them off with gritted teeth (hoping that he would scratch his precious penis extension of a freelander) we realised that he had not once asked us how our holiday was, told us how well DS played his piano piece, wish us luck for the recital, asked how DH's job was going, asked what Ds was up to with his home school or looked at any of his projects, commented on the garage conversion ( even though he went in there today with DS to see the dog - last time he came he completely ignored the fact that it was there) and he had ignored every subtle little subject leader that we brought up about our lives - DH running the badminton club, DS doing drama etc

They couldn't give less of a shit about us if they tried.

I wish I was one of those writers who could sum up a persons character completely and really get across how this guy is, but I can't. I know there must be a word for this type of wannabe old fart who is self centred to a fault and has to invent this make believe world of wealth which he simply cannot pull off because he is an ill bred peasant. The fact that he has to do this with his own SON though... that is the tragedy of it all. What kind of person cannot be themselves with their own offspring?

Sometimes I wonder how the hell DH popped out of his Mum and Dad, or even how his sister can be so completely different to him. Its like they got this special person that dropped out of the sky or was swapped at birth because DH is the complete antithesis of his father. Thank GOD!

Bandwise, well its being very good. I am eating everything still which is good but not needing to snack. I am finding that Slimmingworld, doing it properly this time around, is actually very easy. Its not like this for me without the band though, so long may things stay the way they are.

I had a slice of beef, some green beans, 2 roast potatoes and carrots with gravy today for dinner and strawberrys with a mullerlite on. Not cream as you all probably thought!! Naughty naughty!! No, I was a good girl and I had vanilla mullerlite on my strawberries and so my dinner was about 1 syn (for the gravy). All the potatoes and parsnips were roasted with fry light, so it was great. The extra easy diet is so easy its unreal.

I got the dreaded curse on Thursday, so I have no idea what that will do to my weigh this week. I am still hoping for a loss because if I gain I will be devastated. I will try hard to remember that if it is a gain, its just fluid retention. Its so hot too, that I am taking on a lot more water this week Its been so hot and muggy and yucky. I know I had that dodgy day where I ate the chocolates, but I have been so good the rest of the week that I think it will be fine.

So off to the weighbridge tomorrow am. Will keep you posted.

2 hours

Just done a long walk in 26 Degrees. We were out for 2 hours and walked roads, fields of grass, dirt tracks, linseed fields and country paths and allotments around the village. Been to places today I didn't know existed and saw how beautiful some of the places here are when the sun is shining.

Feel better for doing that and must have burned off a few of those naughty calories too.

Bad Girl

It was my Friend's daughters Prom yesterday, and I said that I would do her nails for her. She came over on Monday and I did her a flash set of pink and whites and they looked awesome. She gave me a bunch of pink roses which were gorgeous, and then

a

BIG

box

of

Cadbury's Heroes

They sat like a giant elephant on the piano all Monday, all Tuesday, and all yesterday and this morning I ran downstairs and grabbed them after DH went to work and sat in bed and stuffed half a box. I feel like a nasty little sneak and a horrible cow because I told DS that he couldn't have any and that I was going to give them away to someone as a pressie. Now he is eating the remains and then we are going to go out and have a really really REALLY long walk because I feel so bad and sick just thinking about my disgusting fatness and hopefully will lose some of those pointless calories I ingested. Anyone know how much walking burns?

Yesterday

I felt horrible yesterday.

At 2:30 we had a phone call from the RSPCA man. Sue's cat Felix had been run over and was badly injured. Now, it is Sue's cat, but it obviously lives here, was born here, and his parents are our pets. Felix is our cat too in that respect.

The poor animal had an eye hanging out of its socket, was pouring blood and couldn't walk. Sue has him insured as a result of not being insured this time last year when the dog savaged him and having to pay £700. The person who ran him over was apparently distraught, and sat with him for over an hour and a half waiting for the RSPCA man to turn up. They saved his little life, because they kept him still and warm.

RSPCA man took him to our Vets and Sue pulled her curlers out and bombed down after him. When she came home they had made a quick summary and said that he would lose the eye, was not responding to light with the other one and also had a fractured jaw. There could be internal injuries too, but they didn't know yet, put him on a drip and sedated him and calmed him down.

Later in the day they phoned Sue and said that he needed intensive care treatment and needed to be transferred to The Queen's Veterinary School, which is part of Cambridge University. I took her whilst she sat in the back with Felix and we booked him in. What a place. Its really state of the art and I guess he is in the best place possible.

So they anaesthetised him fully yesterday to do tests etc and the whole diagnosis is that he has very very badly broken his jaw and its in pieces. They wired it shut yesterday whilst he was under anaesthetic to keep him from damaging it further, and they will repair that with wire etc tomorrow (Thursday). He had his left eye removed yesterday too and the other is blind and not in particularly good shape, so they are going to monitor that and its possible they will remove that one tomorrow as well. His Left leg is shattered too. They will pin, repair and cast this tomorrow when they do the jaw.

Today he is having a break from surgery and resting under heavy sedation in preparation for the main surgery tomorrow.

Our cats are not insured, so they would have been put down. Felix is, so Sue is doing all she can to help him. I am not sure that I would have made the same decision, but its up to her. He will be a blind house cat which we shall all have to adapt to, so we shall have to see how that works out and how he does with his recovery.

If a Human was in a RTA and had multiple injuries, we wouldn't put them down, and I would rather be blind and alive than dead I think... but that's about the only way I can justify fixing him up. My heart would have made me put him out of his misery I think, but then the vet says that he isn't in pain and will hopefully make a full recovery... but is that true?

I don't know. I just feel so so so sorry for the person who ran him over. It turns out it was one of my very good friends who lives a couple of roads up. Out of all the cats it had to be Felix, and out of all the people it had to be my friend. At least I know why the person sat with them for 1 and a 1/2 hours now. She adores cats and is such a lovely caring person. I think she is more devastated about it than we are.

So rubbish Tuesday. I hadn't eaten anything all day due to the drama's and about 6pm I was struggling and needed sugar. I got a Fridge milkshake and some yogurt coated banana chips and some kiddies sweets. I was going to get a Chinese on the way home too but stopped myself. I had some left over chilli con carne that I made the other day instead and then a few fishfingers.

Not the best, but they way I as feeling I could have eaten chocolates, crisps and ice cream and pigged right out, but I didn't.

Back on track today and feeling much better as things seem to be looking up for little Felix.

The boys are at the cinema, and I am home alone having a chill out. Great stuff.

For lunch I made 1 slice toast with baked beans and a poached egg. I managed half of that and then had to admit defeat. My band is not great at eating early on, so will leave it until dinner now.

4 POUNDS GONE - Slimmer of the Week

I am pretty darn chuffed with myself.

Went to see Wendy yesterday at the Clinic in Harley Street, London. I had gained 11 pounds since seeing her last time. I was glad to be able to tell her that it would have been 18 POUNDS had I not been doing the Slimmingworld plan for the last 2 weeks. I jumped on the scales there and weighed in at 17 stone 1.5 so I knew I had lost about 3 and a half pounds this week as a sneak preview before today's official weigh in at slimmingworld.

We had a good chat about things. I told her that I do feel restriction, and that I can eat basically anything. I told her my concern over being able to eat too much, and that I thought the amount I was consuming was too large, and she asked me a couple of good questions back. Do I stop during the meal and think 'Am I full?'? Am I eating a wide variety of foods and mainly protein and vegetables? Do I snack when I don't need to?

I gleaned from our conversation that my band is doing its job well, I just need to open my ears more. I need to put less on my plate, and think during the meal about how I am feeling. Doing slimmingworld is now the thing I need to do to keep in control. I need the weekly weigh in and to follow some kind of advice.

So when I went today I decided to stay to class. I was really glad I did because I was slimmer of the week! I got my half stone award too, and all the fruit (not that much of it will pass my lips as I find fruit difficult to eat with all the skins... too much chewing needed!)

So this weeks loss was 4 pounds, taking me to 17 stone 1, and I have an extra 0.2ml in my band taking it to 7mls in total.

I am just about to have lunch - new potato and vegetables. I know that there should be protein in there, but I don't fancy it and I am having a roast tonight, so will make up for it then.

Rock on weightloss!

Cooltimez

Everything is going okey dokey. Fill booked for Sunday (21st June) so that will be good. diet going well, not had any blips or mess ups this week. I have definitely used my syns allowance each day though!! HA HA.

Thought I would show you a nice little lunch I prepared which was exceedingly tasty. Made the sauce from a teaspoon horseraddish sauce, juice from half a lemon, loads of dill and teaspoon of olive oil, teaspoon of sugar and water to thin. (oil and lemon makes a thick sauce) Its homemade so at least I can work out how many calories/syns are in it and it tasted yummy. My first option would have been to smother the salad with salad creme, or shop bought dill sauce, but that's too fattening in the quantities I like it!!

So, here is Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese Salad. Yum.

Oh, and by the way, I ate ALL of this and pudding!

Today I had 2 poached eggs on a slice of dry toast, some plain noodles for lunch and just had chicken stir-fry for tea.

The poached eggs were a little bit 'out there'. I grabbed what I thought was celery salt from the spice draw and gave it a good shake, only to realise after the second shake that it was in fact ground cloves. Gulp. So, I wiped the excess off, leaving yellow eggs with minimal (but essentially loads of) ground cloves on them. I decided adding celery salt at this stage would be a bad idea, so what a surprise to find that it actually made them rather more palatable than just plain. It is probably not going to be a recurring event, but it was not unpleasant either and I finished them all up.

DS is visiting Granny this week. He went on Wednesday to stay the night. then we got a call... "can I stay another night?" Of course!! So its now Friday, and he is due back on Monday! Its extremely weird not having him about the place. Home schooling means that you have you child with you 24/7 and absolutely NO time to yourself. I honestly don't mind this, but it has been seriously nice to just get up when I want, do what I want, go shopping, have a coffee with a mate, go for a walk - in PEACE! Also little Geoffrey has gone with him, so that's even more of a break!

Our new lodger Charlotte moves in on 27th June too, so that will be nice. She is very young, just 19, but has been renting a flat in the village where we live. She seems to have her head screwed on because she decided to rent a room somewhere rather than continue with the lease because it was crippling her financially. She wants to go to Australia in 2010 so this way she can save loads of money to do that. Looking forward to her arrival.

Also, we just booked a beach holiday in Crete. I am Sooooo looking forward to that already! 4* all inclusive on the beach. Czech republic was fabulous, but it was a doing' holiday. this will be a complete 2 week slob out and book reading fest. Great.

Diet and fitness wise, I spent 37 minutes exercising today. I used the Wii Fit for about 4 sessions of hula hooping, and then a 3 minute jog on the spot. Then it unlocked Free Jogging, so I thought I would give it a go. I did a 10 minute jog - up and down the front room as jogging on the spot is killing - and ran 3k according to there guide. I don't know how accurate that is, but the 10 minutes is dead on! Then I did a 10 minute step thing and really flung my arms about. I was well proud of myself.

OK, I did it

I booked a fill.

Yesterday I ate a lot. I ate a half bag of ready prepared salad leaves with Salmon and beetroot and then followed it with a yoghurt... Now, that was a big salad. Actually I put the salad in the serving bowl and just kept it right in there and added dressing and 4 chopped beetroot and the piece of hot salmon and ate it right from the dish. It was a B I G salad.... but I finished it with a yoghurt.

Yesterday evening I did a BBQ. It was nearly raining... spots here and there, you know. So I cooked up 16 sausages, 6 quorn fillets, fried some onions and boiled some new potato's. DH, DS and Sue all had hot dogs in buns with new potatoes, and I PUT 3 quorn fillets on my plate and some new potatoes. I ate 2 of the fillets, DS nicked one and of the 3 that were left over - the cats pinched one of them. Later on at about 8:30 I finished off what was left of the potatoes and the fillets.

Ok, all of this food today was completely allowed on slimmingworld - Free food in fact - Salad, fish, potato, quorn, beetroot... but its not the kind of diet I envisaged after banding.

Thankfully I know there is nothing wrong with my band like there was last time. I still have 'restriction' to a degree, but to be honest maybe what I think restriction is... isn't!

I think of restriction being - 'I cant eat another bite or I will puke' so I will wait a bit and then eat some more. Well, this is the case if I eat too fast or don't chew. But maybe restriction really is 'I cant eat another bite because I am full'. This doesn't happen. I could happily continue eating until the cows come home. So considering that I am eating way too much, have been gaining weight steadily (unless doing a diet) its got to be time to see Wendy again.

Had a row with the National Insurance office today too. Honestly what is wrong with the world. I did my tax return the day the self assessment form came through, realised that I had paid NI all last year when actually I didn't need to because I was earning under the threshold. I wrote to them and asked for a refund. The was 6th April. I called about mid May asking if there was any news... "It gets sorted in the beginning of June" I was told. Ok. So I called back last Monday and they said the refund was issued 28th April for £89.70.

So, it DOESN'T get sorted the beginning of June, and also where the hell is my cheque then? That's over 5 weeks ago. She said "I will have to check the cheque has not been cashed, and then they will re-issue it."

I rang back today to see if there had been a problem and the chap said "Well it's not our department. It says it was issued, so .... bal bla bla" but as I was proper GRIEVED he gave me the number for another department who deal with issuing refunds.

She said "Oh, it looks like it was actioned but never issued. I will look into it. But the computers are off as of next week for a fortnight..."

What the hell???? Seriously man. Anyway, she did have the grace to ring me back and tell me that the cheque had in fact NOT been issued, so she had done it for me today, but it would STILL take about 2 weeks to get to me.

*sigh*

Right Hand meet Left Hand and get to know one another PLEASE!

But, hey when it does arrive, at least it will pay for my fill!!

3 and a half pounds

That's this weeks weightloss. When I do the diet, I lose weight. The band is kind of a side issue right now. I always thought that the band would mean that I would eat less, and lose weight gradually without having to do a diet as such. I don't mean 'eat anything' but just, you know... live.

Maybe that's not how the band will work for me. I have not been hungry doing slimmingworld this time, whereas I was always looking in the cupboards for stuff without the band, so maybe its just helping me follow the plan. I honestly don't know.

Tina thinks I should get a fill. I just don't know about that. If I eat too fast, I will throw. I have to take tiny bites, and swallow carefully and take my time. I feel food hit the band and I am careful at this point. After about 10 minutes I usually know that everything is going down well and towards the end of the plate of food I am usually eating semi normally. I kind of look like a fussy eater who's trying a new dish and then realise its ok and by the end and tucking in like the rest of the diners. I do put less food on my plate, but its still a large plate of food - or what I consider would be a large plate of food for a bandit.

If I have a fill, I know that I will have to be EVEN MORE careful at the beginning of a meal, and puke more because of it, whereas right now I am eating nicely, getting satisfied and not snacking...but its a lot of food.

I have NEVER eaten food and thought "I am now full" after a deck of cards sized portion. Not ever. My food doesn't seem to do that. Before surgery (over 2 years ago now remember!) I was shown the diagram of our 'new' pouch-like stomach and told that the food would go into that and we would be full when it was full, and then it would gradually kind of leak out the stoma and sustain us throughout the next hour or two as it passed through. Well, 2 mins into a dinner I feel my food hit the stoma and pass through and keep right on going throughout dinner. It has never filled my pouch and stayed there. The only time it ever did this was when it was sealed shut and I could not even drink water - remember that hell?

So my question is this... Does it REALLY do what it says on the tin? For me its a resounding "No". I don't really care if that which I was told is not really correct, but I would like to really know what goes on in there. I guess unless I sat and had a chicken salad under x-ray I am never going to know that though.

I am scared of having another fill purely for the reason of having that awful 'sealed shut' malarkey, and also that I will just end up puking all the time. Will I be able to cope a little tighter, and to be honest will it make any kind of difference at all???

Truly I ask, because I honestly don't know if it will make a difference. will it just mean I have to chew smaller and smaller pieces of food to further and further death and just go slower, but still eat the same amount or what. Because if that is the case, I seriously can do without spending £85 on that, and then £85 getting it un-done again!! People, this is hellish expensive for me, so should I not just stick with the status quo?

That said, if I really truly knew how things were going on inside there, it would help. Is it a case of the tighter you are, the more the food stays in there and you feel full. Now, I mean 'F U L L' and not 'backed-up'. I often feel like food is backing up and then I have to puke.

Maybe its like when I go slowly and then, my band seems to get up to speed and not worry about the food that is zooming past it - well maybe that doesn't happen. Maybe the food with not get quicker and then I will just find that even going slowly I start to feel satisfied.

Oh, I don't know if this even makes any sense or any of you even know what I mean, but when I read this back at least I do, so hopefully with whatever decision about a fill that I make, I will be able to read this back through and see if its all worth the effort.

And to Tina, babe, I so want to finish together and I wish you were here to kick my butt. In fact, it would be better to kick my brain as its misfiring big styleee.

Today, just for laughs, and as a gauge here are my stats:
millilitres in band... I and honestly a little confused but I think its about 7ish.
Weight at start of Weightloss-Expedition back in 2005 18 stone 12.5lbs (264lbs)
Weight at the start of banding February 2007: 18 stone (252lbs)
Weight right now: 17 stone 5 (243lbs)
Weight lost in total 21.5 lbs
Weight lost since banding(over 2 years ago) 7lbs

This makes me want to just hit something very very very hard and just bugger it all.

However, I am continuing with slimmingworld and we shall see what happens.
Today I have had Mexican Hot Smoked Salmon Salad:
Piece of hot smoked salmon with Mexican herbs, flaked up and dumped on half a bag of lettuce/leaves and 4 beetroot with salad dressing. Yum.
Tonight we are having a bbq and I am going to have quorn fillets marinaded in my own special marinade (apricot jam, Worcester sauce and soy sauce mix) and new potatoes. Free food.

Dunno

Feel like writing stuff. I ordered Sims 3 yesterday. I love the Sims, its a great way to occupy myself and forget about eating. I can spend hours lost in 'flow' and apparently its good for us to get into that zone now and again. Flow is awesome.
This is what flow is defined by:

1. Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one's skill set and abilities). Moreover, the challenge level and skill level should both be high.

2. Concentrating and focusing, a high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).

3. A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.

4. Distorted sense of time, one's subjective experience of time is altered.

5. Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).

6. Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).

7. A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.

8. The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.

9. People become absorbed in their activity, and focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself, action awareness merging.

Not all of these are needed for flow to be experienced. I guess other things that could induce flow would be stock exchange work on high market days, musical improvisations or playing, marathon running, although the rewards are not instant, but maybe stand-up comedy would do it too. There must be other types. People talk about being 'in the zone' - 'on the ball' - 'in the pipe' or even the phrase 'go with the flow'.

The Formula 1 driver Ayrton Senna, who during qualifying for the 1988 Monaco Grand Prix explained: "I was already on pole,...and I just kept going. Suddenly I was nearly two seconds faster than anybody else, including my team mate with the same car. And suddenly I realised that I was no longer driving the car consciously. I was driving it by a kind of instinct, only I was in a different dimension. It was like I was in a tunnel."

I love this feeling and I have never experienced it in any other form other than when I play Sims 1 or 2. I am not a gamer at all. In fact I would say that I positively dislike gaming as its such a waste of time, which completely contradicts the fact I love playing The Sims. I can honestly play it for hours and hours and have even once, cancelled my work for the day because I was 'in the zone' and it was too important for me to stop.

I wish that 'flow' could be something that being banded could induce, but I guess we cannot be that lucky. for instance its impossible to focus completely on weightloss, or get immediate feedback and it therefore be intrinsically rewarding. Also the level is high, all the time, and for me, always too hard! HA HA. But wouldn't it be great.

I would love to sit down one day, focus on fat busting and then get up after the session a stone lighter. That is my ultimate kind of game. If only.

I guess with the band its a case of trying not to make the goals too hard, or set the bar too high. I know that the band doesn't magically lose wight for me, as is completely self evident in the last 'punishing' year with my band. I have been punishing it for all kinds of things. I think I punished it for it going wrong. I punish it if I feel rubbish about myself. I push and push and push my band to see if it will break/quit on me. What on EARTH is the point in this?

Goodness only knows man. I don't know why I do it, but I do. I did. I might do again, but I hope not. I know I feel terrible that this time last year I was 15 and a half stone, and this year I am 2 stone heavier. Its my OWN doing though. Its not my bands fault.

I think I had false expectations. Until you have this little thing put in your guts, you don't know how it works. People talk about it. They talk about PB'ing. They talk about fills... People talk about having a baby, but you just DON'T know what its like until you've got the T shirt.

And even then its different for each person you meet. Actually having a baby is a really good example. Yeah, it is. I had DS 6 weeks early my Caesarian. I was proper ill with Full Blown Toxemia and been in hospital on and off for months. I was back in on the 4th January 99 and on the doctors rounds the next morning, they just decided that I would have the operation that afternoon. Just like that. Now, there might be a few people out there who this has happened too, but the majority of people having a baby go into labour of some kind. It either end up with them popping it out with/without drugs, or with C-section awake/asleep but just as they don't know what it feels like to just calmly wander down to the operating room and then be given a baby, I don't know what a Contraction feels like.

After this, all of us will have given birth, but we have all had completely different experiences. The end result is the same however. I guess we can apply this to our band-baby too.

The end result will be the same. It WILL. And however much I torture myself, I am not doing me or the band-baby any good. I have to get with the programme, but jeeez its hard.

Today every cell in my body is screaming at me. To be honest its screaming so loud I don't know what its saying, but I KNOW that its screaming about NOT being good and losing weight. It wants me to give up. I need distraction, and that's where the flow comes in. Its going to have to be a mammouth Sims 2 session, as Sims 3 ain't arrived yet! LOL

Oh, and the spell checker on blogger REALLY ticks me off. Why can't it spell check ENGLISH English rather than just American English. How hard would it be to offer BOTH spellings? I mean for goodness sake the blokes name was CAESAR nor CESAR!!!!!!!! so its a Caesarian. And its Mammouth not Mammoth. If your American, sorry dudes, I know its the reverse for you, but I reckon us Brits should have a spellchecker dictionary choice seeing as we invented the flaming language in the first place...

grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Back on the wagon

Well, it's day 4 into my new slimmingworld regime.

When I got weighed on Monday it was horrible. The dreaded black monster said 17 stone 8.5 lbs.
That is practically back where I was in November 2007 when I had my band fixed. I was 17 stone 12 when I had it fixed, and I honestly thought I would never see the 17 stone zone again. Its pretty horrifying. I touched the horrifying zone just before I went to the Czech republic and weighed in a slimmingworld at 17 stone 0.5lbs so, just over the border, but to have the next weigh in put me firmly in that zone... GULP! its horrible. So, when you think that I was good for majority of the week I got home, who knows what the damage truly was!! I think it was likely to be about 11 pounds that I put on, and if I had gone to slimmingworld the day I came home I would have been proper horrified. So at least having a pretty good girl week when I came home got it back to about 8 pounds gain.

So this week I have been great. Before I went to the Czech rep, I organised a pamper evening for all my mates, and that was yesterday. Because I knew it was coming up I did several mature things. I decided to just drink water all day, but had my dinner in the evening just before the guests turned up so that I wouldn't be able to stuff too much down my throat. If I am full, I am not inclined to want to keep nibbling. I only also only bought snacks for the party that would be hard for me to eat - cocktail sausages and snack eggs, dorrito's and dip. This meant that I only had a couple of everything rather than chomping my way through a pile of crap on top of my dinner. Because I hadn't eaten all day, although not hungry, it meant that I 'saved' some calories to use up in the evening, so in my mind - even thought the things I did eat were not good - at least I didn't eat this stuff on top of my whole days food.

Then, something I am very proud of, I said goodbye to the last guests at about 1:30am and then cleaned up! I was so tired, and a little tipsy and just wanted my bed, but instead I got a big black bin liner and THREW away all the crisps left in packets, the dips, the half eaten box of chocolates and the last of the snack eggs and a few other bits people brought and poured half a bottle of plonk down the sink! I wiped up and put the dishwasher on and tidied the house and then went to bed at about 2:30am. This morning when I got up, hungry and wanting a nibble... I didn't have any of that stuff lying about saying "eat me". I was really pleased with myself for doing that.

Today I am back on Slimmingworld's plan as was my intention, and I have had a massive green salad with Tuna and mayo - the extra light variety. Its not very nice but makes it easier to eat so that I can enjoy it rather than just endure it. 100g of extra light mayo is only 3 Syns. That is a lot of mayonnaise and I only need 80g to make a whole tin of tuna mayo for me and DS, so even better. I also found a nice honey and mustard salad dressing that only has 8 Syns in the whole bottle, and don't know about you other bandsters, but having a sauce that's NOT loaded with calories and makes stuff a bit more easy to eat is a bonus. I must admit that I tended to stick to easy eat foods like curry and casserole, but we also have to eat regular stuff, so a bit of sauce of some kind helps a lot with this. The trouble is that the sauce is normally worse for you than the food! Sauce ideas always welcome people!!

I would rather have a little sauce or gravy with my meals and eat them that be permanently over the sink heaving my guts up and then feeling rubbish and eating chocolates... so I guess for me its what works.

I am really in a good place with my eating right now. I am completely nonplussed with the band at the moment - having no particular likes/dislikes with it, but I think doing slimmingworld is easier having it in because you have no cravings or hunger pangs. so maybe that is its saving grace. At the moment if asked whether I would do it again, I would have to say no, because for me its been a huge annoyance and mind-messer. I do wish I had had the guts to go with the bypass and throw in the extra couple of grand.

However, who knows how I will feel about the band in a month of two... A couple of moths back I was ready to do my own band self-removal...

We shall see. I am happy with slimmingworld right now and hopefully the band will just aid that. At least it makes me chew well and avoid bread/doughnuts/muffins etc.

I am very annoyed with myself for letting things get out of control and not sticking to a plan of some kind. Its down to me at the end of the day.

Back to Blighty

Our Czech trip was great once again, and I will be going back! Its such a nice place, and so friendly.

Food wise, I ate loads. I must admit to 'using' their version of Tatar sauce, which is like a sweet tartar sauce tasting creamy mayonnaise. Hellman's actually make the stuff, but I have never seen it over here. I love it. They eat it with chips rather than fish. I just ate it with everything, hence the weight gain!! LOL. However, I don't exactly know how much weight was gained as I missed the weigh in on Monday as I was still stuffing myself in Czech Rep! I reckon at least 7 pounds, if not more!!

The food was relatively easy for a bandster... well for me anyway. I seem to e a bit unusual to other bandsters so many of you might think its truly unbelievable that I could eat it, or some not... i don't know. You will have to tell me.

Most days I had Yoghurt with honey for breakfast, followed by pate and butter thickly sliced on a dry caraway seed bread. That's right, sliced butter. Don't. Just Don't. It was heaven, but it was a heaven eaten very slowly. Often times I added in some salami too, or cheese, but mainly I stuck to pate.

Lunch was pretty much the same as dinner, a piece of chicken variously cooked, but normally in a hammered steak style, fried, with some kind of sauce. Often topped with cabbage/cream mixture and always roasted potato - basically deep fried boiled potatoes. They call these American Potato's. Hmmm All washed down with lashings of Cervene Vino (red wine!) and Tartaska - the yummy most delicious Tatar sauce on earth.

Obviously there were puddings too. various including the obvious ice cream and stuff, but I also managed some Svestkove Knedliky - a kind of plum dumpling pudding with strange crunchy topping with cream. Yummy.

If I ate too fast I knew I would be in trouble. I was sick just 1 time in the whole holiday and that was because I had allowed myself to get starving hungry. I find that if I am very very hungry or thirsty I have trouble drinking, let alone eating, so I have to 'work' the band into shape a bit to get it going.

I have been back on Slimmingworld's diet since my return, so hopefully on Monday I should be nearing the weight that I was when I left. I hope anyway!!

And don't worry, I am still on my mission to find out what is going on with Slimmingworlds confidentiality agreements... Watch this space.

night night peeps