Weigh in today...

Well, I weigh 17 stone 6 and a half pounds this morning. (244.5lbs)

I thought I would weigh in again this morning seeing as it's Wednesday again. It was also a Wednesday that I weighed before I went off to Belgium again, and by strange coincidence, it was also Wednesday that I was banded in the first place.

So Wednesday will be the weigh day for me.

To date - my total weight loss since banding is 7.5lbs

Because of last nights choke... And for those who have asked "Do I mean PB?" No, I really do mean choking - I could hardly breath with that food stuck in my band - which was too far down to be puked up by fingers down the throat, but not wanting to go through the band either; I guess you could call it a 'half way house'. Trust me I had my fingers down there many times, but it didn't do anything except bring the swallowed saliva back up again. Grim for sure, but its these type of experiences that help others right?

Since being reconnected to my band I have come to the conclusion I haven't had a pb... just a reaction to the food going through the band, or not as the case my be. I haven't had a classical burp followed by regurgitated food. That has not happened at all. Its strange, but maybe others have experienced the thing I am going through and also had a PB...? Your experience is valued.

So all I can call my episodes are 'chokes' as nothing ever came up, just royal pain on and off for between 20 minutes and 3 hours, near loss of consciousness, shakes, runny nose, sweating, hiccups and eventual release as the food passed through the band.

I am going to seriously re train my eating as it is obvious that I have a serious difference now.

So, today, because of last nights 'half way house choke' as I will henceforth refer to them, I am on liquids for 24 hours. I can feel my band in my stomach right now.

This morning when I got up I had a glass of water and took my tablets. Prozac comes in a capsule that is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING and I refuse to break it apart and take it any other way, so I was careful and swallowed both pills individually with a couple of large swigs of water. When I went to the doctor on Monday for pain medicine, I spoke about getting the Prozac in liquid form, but he said they are not supposed to prescribe it as it's horrendously expensive. Diddums. What a joke. If I need it mate, then you will have to prescribe it. I then broke up my Co-dydramol into quarters and took them individually with large amounts of water. I followed this 30 Min's later with 2 warm coffees. Then for lunch I had a yogurt. I have just finished another warm coffee and am about to have another one.

I really don't want to have to go and have an un-fill or a de-fill or whatever you call it. That would just be bloody typical! So I am really going to take it easy, and also I am just gonna stay away from really dry foods. Its not worth the hassle. Maybe after I start to lose some weight then I will be able to have a try again, but for the time being I am going to let this settle down.
I think that I might have some gastric swelling as I can actually feel it around my oesophagus which is a bit worrying, so I will let it settle down with fluids/soft diet for 24 hours and then see how i feel. If its still terrible, then I will do another 24 and so on until I go to mashed stuff again. Now I know its working, I am going to do it right.

Something in me just had to push it a little bit and see if it REALLY was going to work, if there really was a difference you know? Its so horrible having lived with this crud for so long, and getting so down about it and losing all faith and confidence in the band, the doctors, the surgery and even myself. I really thought I was a total failure.

I know its working for sure, and I am really really REALLY EXCITED!!

Update from M the bunk mate - she was out of theatre last night. Her tubing was in her intestines!! OMG. Yes, it was quite a nasty surgery as they had to go deep apparently. I shudder to imagine, but she phoned this morning and its all done. She left the hospital this morning with her DH and went back to the NH hotel where I stayed -Her DH apparently had wild boar last night just like I did for my last supper - it was heaven I'm telling you!

So I also must tell you I had a call from the company who supply my band to Dr. Dillemans. They are handling everything and I should get some forms to fill in in the last week of November. I fill them out, send them back by Post and then they deal with it within a week apparently. That will be good, as I can pay off my credit card and not worry about spending money for Russia. That's a weight off my mind. I spent the holiday money on getting back to Belgium in a hurry, so I was kind of fretting that we would be eating in the Moscow soup kitchen for the week! Not a good thought.

If I get any more news I will post it.

I am feeling really up beat today and happy and bright and alert. Still in pain, but not doing too bad.

*Whispers* My bands working!!! HA HA HA HA

*silent hope and optimism is growing inside me right now*

Food log for today:
8oz glass water
2 cups coffee
1 Tesco Healthy living Toffee Yogurt
2 cups of coffee
1 serving of Quaker Real fruit porridge over cooked and then pureed till a paste
8oz skimmed milk (for my coffees)
1 cup of coffee
1 glass of water
3 inch square piece of home made lasagne (low fat) pureed

Total calories for today:
approx 800 (can't work out the lasagne at all)

The lasagne I made was really tasty.
Heres the recipe
1 500g packet of leanest steak mince
1 500ml packet of tomato passata
20 sheets of Egg Lasagne Verdi
3/4 pint skimmed milk
3 oz flour (or enough to thicken)
1 tablespoon of green pesto
grated mild cheddar cheese (enough to lightly cover each layer and the top)
1 beef oxo cube

Pre heat the oven to 200 oC
Dry cook the mince in its own juices until no red meat is visible.
Add tomato passata, pesto, oxo and mix.
Blend with an electric hand blenda until no big lumps are left.
Set aside

Put milk in a pan with the flour and bring to the boil whisking continuously as it thickens. If too thick, add more milk/water. Add a little salt and pepper if liked.
set aside.

Get a large 16inch x 10 inch square casserole (or smaller for more layers)
Grease the bottom of the casserole with olive oil or butter.
Put a little white sauce on the bottom and spread around
Then add 4 sheets of pasta to cover the bottom of the dish - Keep close together.
put a dollop of mince sauce on each sheet and carefully spread to cover the sheets then grate enough cheese to cover.
Cover this layer with another 4 sheets of pasta.
put a dollop of white sauce on each sheet and spread
grate cheese over, add another layer of pasta.. continue i this manner until its all gone.
The top layer you want to put both mince and white sauce and then cover the whole thing with grated cheese. No need to go over board, but needs to be a little more than you were putting in the layers. I think i must have used about 200g cheese in the whole thing. Don't worry if the edges of the pasta sheets are peeking through its gonna be lovely anyway!

Bake for 30 minutes and eat!

What you don't eat, let cool and cut into portions and freeze. It reheats in the microwave in 3.5 minutes from frozen and is just as yummy.

As you know I made this lasagne yesterday, and froze last nights leftovers. I didn't think we would be having it today, but both my boys wanted it again!! So its served us another night.
This recipe makes 6 good sized adult portions.

Enjoy.

Oh Sweet relief - 3 hour choke over

OH MY

I just spent the last 3 hours choking; Let me set the scene.

It was 4pm. DH and DS are getting ready to go for a bike ride. They shout cheerio, and off they go slamming the door behind them. I am on http://www.lapbandtalk.com/ looking up everything I can about lapbands now that I am all interested again since mine might actually works now...(!)

I got up, went to the fridge, grabbed some houmous and then went to the pantry and grabbed a box of finn crisp slims. Ripping open the packet and yanking off the top of the houmous whilst reading some thread or other I start to tuck in.

I had 3 crackers and 1/5th pot of houmous. Felt a bit chokey and clogged. So I stopped.

All seemed fine, just a bit blocked up, but not like anything before when I have had to lean over the sink etc. Spent another 15 minutes or so on the computer looking at stuff, and then the boys came back. I got up and started to get the things ready to make dinner.

I was making a lasagne. I made the mince sauce and then the white sauce and started laying the pasta in the dish etc. We are about 45 minutes post crackers at this point. DS wanted to help make the lasagne, so I let him put the pasta sheets on, and DH grated the cheese in between the layers as I HATE grating cheese (EEEEwwww) and so we called it a family lasagne. However, DS was dithering about and making a right mess, and I was feeling *dodgy* and slimy in the mouth. so I told him to run along and I quickly finished the lasagne. By the time I had put the last layer on it and DH was grating the final lot of cheese on it, my head was in the kitchen sink amongst the grotty empty mince meat packet, garlic crusher, coffee cups and veg peelings. I was spewing slime for England and the pain in my back was crushing.

I got DH to bash my back like he was burping a lead baby and it helped to ease the pain, but nothing relieved it. I got the lasagne in the oven and wandered about a bit. it was so strange. I sat on the sofa and looked up some stuff on DH's laptop as he was in the classroom with DS playing 2 player games across the Internet by this time. So I was sitting feeling really weird, and hot and flustered and I got a bowl and just put it under my mouth. The saliva started pouring again. It was 6:30 - 2 hours since the crackers. I felt hard and uncomfortable. I needed to be in the quiet. DS and DH had come back into the front room and were making so much noise talking and the telly and all that stuff... I just HAD to get out of there. I took myself off upstairs and sat on the toilet seat with my head in the sink. At 6:45 I called Dee. I couldn't take anymore and I didn't know what to do with myself. She was such an amazing godsend to me. She was right there in the bathroom on hands-free listening to me foaming at the mouth, having Man-Hiccups and spitting and puking and telling me it will pass. I was so glad. She then told me it was gonna get worse after the hiccups. The hiccups move the stuck food you see. It got worse just like she said and I wanted to DIE. It was like I was gonna choke to death. I was talking all funny, I couldn't breathe and the PAIN!!! Then Puke! Up came a bolus of something - I thought I must have swallowed a golf ball and missed it hidden under the crackers or something as that's what it felt like, but this was just a soft little bolus of half digested cracker paste.

Then, as I was doubled over banging my foot on the floor for DH to come upstairs watch my death throws, and Dee is on the phone saying "Its ok, honest", I felt relief.

Phew... then I felt faint and thought I was gonna pass out, and then I got the shakes. totally uncontrollable. The adrenalin that pumped through my body in that time was untrue.

It was 7:30pm and it was all over. 3 hours choking on a cracker when I wasn't particularly hungry is NOT something I want to repeat in a hurry.

So guys, its has never happened before, and I now know what it feels like to have restriction.

YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Dee reminded me that when I last saw her, I was frustrated and angry that my band was not working and I said "I just want to PB, and choke and be restricted!" Well, that wish came true! Something is definitely going to happen now and I feel excited beyond belief about that!! THANK YOU GOD.

So today's food:

1 weetabix

1 piece Spanish Omelette

3 finn crisps and 1/5 tub houmous

1 Tesco Healthy living toffee yogurt (i am about to try this)

Total calories: 637

All I can say is Wow.

MY BUNK MATES PORT IS DISCONNECTED TOO!

So that's 2 other people I now know who have had the same problems as described here on this blog.

My bunk mate, M, went back to Brugge today. We have talked, and her port is ALSO disconnected from her tubing. Funny that.

So she is having her operation about now...

I am SO grateful to INFORMER for telling us about this. We would still be living in agony not knowing about any of this if she hadn't.

I have started to add up my expenses, and they are shockingly high actually.

I am simply being straight down the line, that way they cant question it.

To be honest, I am not surprised money has been tight the last few months. I have lost about 2 months wages all told.

So now I am waiting to hear from them. If I was employed it would be fine, because I would have gotten sick pay, but if I don't go to work, no one pays me. Simple as.

Anyway, back to the New Me in Lap Band Land...

Last night I made Mashed potato, chicken supreme, peas and broccoli. I actually ate 1 sprig of broccoli, I fork full of potato, 2 fork fulls of peas and 2 bites of chicken. that was me done. I was quite surprised. I stopped before I got to the sink dribbling thank goodness.

Today, I have had:
Breakfast: 1 weetabix with milk and a teaspoon of sugar
Lunch: Last nights left over potato and peas added to red pepper, tomato and spring onion and eggs and cooked into a Spanish Omelette.

It made a huge frying pan full! I ate just under a quarter of the pan... about the size of a slice of pizza. I know its anal, but I worked it out to be
1 medium potato
1/2 egg
2 oz spring onion
1/4 red pepper
2 oz peas
1/2 tomato

So total calories for today so far are: 443

Good huh?

So far no problems on the PB/dribbling front. I can feel that darn lunch in my throat though. Very weird.


L8erz

First day back

I thought I would graphically show you all what I saw on the x-ray.
Obviously I am using a generic skeleton (and this is probably a male one or something HA)
but I saw the band and the port with a little metal spike sticking straight up and then the tubing hanging right down into my pelvic area. Pretty scary stuff to be frank.

Well, its now 3 days since my re-operation to correct this naff up.
I weighed myself this morning and the scales said 17 stone 5 and a half pounds.

So that's a 7 pound loss in 5 days. Hmmm

I have decided that my weigh changes are so random now, that I need to keep a weight record on this blog. So, there is now a link to the weightloss record page on the right hand side of my blog called WEIGHT HISTORY, just above the Photos page, which I will update every time I weigh myself.

So today's food:
Breakfast: 1 bowl of quaker real fruit porridge and 1 teaspoon sugar

Lunch: 5 thin slices of Polenta with a sliced tomato and 8 olives fried in half tbsp olive oil and a sprinkling of parmesan

Snack: 1 nutrigrain oat baked bar - + a spell over the sink dribbling and thinking I was gonna puke. 1 packet of parma violets and a swizzles lollipop.

Dinner: Chicken supreme, broccoli, mashed potato and peas.
As yet, dont know how much I will eat, but I will update again later.

Operation Number 2 Photo's

A typical room in St. Jan's Hospital. 5th Floor.
2Beds
Electric/reclining armchair
Satellite TV
Microwave
Kitchen and sink
Little dining table and chairs
Wardrobe and drawers
Bedside cabinet
Private washbasin
Toilet
Shower

SPOTLESSLY CLEAN and SINGLE SEX ROOMS. People of the same age in the room and if they possibly can, they try and get people of the same language in the same room too!
I had this room to myself.

Back to Blighty in time for tea!

Well I am home.

I don't really know what to write to be honest.

I had my 2nd Operation on 9th November 2007.

My port was replaced and re attached to the tubing, and then I was given 4.5mls of liquid to kick start it all off again.

I have 2 lovely brand new holes in my tummy... one where the original port scar was, and another one to the right of it where they poked around for the errant tubing and dragged it back through my abdomen.

Once again I came to with that tube in my throat after the anaesthetic. My throat is still raw from where they hoick it out.

I was given a shot of something in the leg for the pain, and then about 30 minutes later a REALLY nice shot of something else. That did the trick. Other than that, it was just paracetamol like last time.

I went back to the ward (or should I say private room) about 4 hours after surgery... so it was about 2:30 when I saw TB again. I was bright and alert - unlike my near comatose state of delirium last time - and we chatted and I phoned a few people and texted and stuff. I was still tired out from it all and did sleep a great deal, and so did TB! The chair was very comfy obviously.

I thought I was going home that day as Dr. Dillemans had told me that on Wednesday, but the nurses told me that was not the case. I couldn't drink or eat until the following morning, even though I had not had anything done to my actual band... and all in all had really only had a big fill. But they were adamant. So I just let it go. I swigged my Evian and sucked my sweets when they left the room anyway! At about 4 o'clock, I said to TB that there wasn't any point in her hanging around if I wasn't going to be let out that day, so she got a bus back to the NH hotel in Brugge where we were staying. It used to be the Sofitel, but has been taken over. Its well lush, you should try it.

I was drifting in and out of sleep, trying to get the TV to work, reading my book, sleeping etc and in the end gave up for the day and turned the light off at about 5:30. Then at 6:00pm a doctor came into the room to see me. He asked if I had had a drink and something to eat. !!!!

I said the obvious NO... and he said "Yes, you should drink something and eat a yogurt and then if all is ok, you can go home."

YEAHHHHHHHHHH

So I drank a cup of water, wolfed a yogurt and then jumped out of bed and got dressed and waved goodbye to the nurses. By the time I was downstairs I could feel that I had definitely had an operation and an anaesthetic, and all was a bit woozy! - but I called a cab and he took me to the hotel. Interestingly each journey to the hotel and back has been a different price... Weird.

When I got back, TB was not expecting me and she had gone out and got a hair cut and stuff. She looked like she was having a great time without me ! HA HA.

So I got into bed, and there I stayed.

That's about it really. I got no aftercare check up or anything, so it makes the whole aftercare from the private nurse that we HAD to have last time look like a bit of a joke don't you think?

Also it didn't seem like a big problem to be in the Sofitel/NH hotel rather than the Acacia... Much much better hotel and the same price! Ho hum.

Anyway, that's that. Yesterday we got up and I did intend to stick to fluids... but my curiosity got the better of me I am afraid. I have become quite the little rebel haven't I!! I just think they say all this to cover their own back. As long as I am careful I will be ok. At the end of the day their advice hasn't been all that has it!!!!!! So in the morning I ate a yogurt and a mousse from the market that is on T'Sand square (the square with the fountain which we never saw last time) every Saturday morning from 9am-1pm.

Then I knew I was hungry as I felt shaky... but I didn't actually feel hungry if you know what I mean. It was a different sort of thing. So we went back to the hotel to have lunch (seeing as its all expenses!) and I ordered grilled perch with mashed potato. It was about 150g of fish and a couple of tablespoons of potato. I managed it, but I actually felt a little bit too full. I chewed it to a pulp and swallowed wanting to know whether I was actually restricted. I just wanted to know and after all this waiting and messing about I think I deserve to get things moving a bit faster. 8 months ago I would have totally done the whole liquids thing for 2 weeks, but I am just not prepared to punish myself anymore. I really don't think its necessary as long as I feel ok and stop when I am full. I mean - I knew there was something wrong with my band since May - they said there wasn't and gave me pain, infection and agony for 5 months. So maybe I actually know a bit more about my body than they do...???

So yesterdays lunch went down a treat.

The next meal was dinner, and I ordered lasagna... again gooey and soft. I ate the topping, and about 1/5th of the plate. I was full. (see below) TB ate the lot, and mopped the juice up with bread... then said that she could still eat more.

ME = BLOATED TB = FAMISHED

Then today I drove home from Brugge. It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

We stopped for breakfast at 11:30 in a little town an I had a slice of apple pie and TB had 2 toasted cheese sandwiches and salad. Again I was full.

We drove all around the place looking for shops to buy coffee and cheese, but every single supermarket is shut on Sundays. Rubbish.

We got to the ferry early and got the 3:30 to Dover. On board I ordered an orange juice and a toasted cheese sarnie as was feeling really weird. I swigged the orange juice down quick and then cut all the crusts off the sandwich and just ate the soft squidgy middle bit, then laid down on the seat and slept for the whole journey. I awoke about 5 mins from Dover and felt much better.

The drive home was uneventful, and I dropped TB off at her place and unloaded her stuff. Then when I got home my little monkey came running out of the door yelling "MUMMY!" and was so pleased that I was home. So a mass huggle on the drive with DH and DS ensued and WOW! How I have missed them. Its so horrible being away from your family.

DH had prepared tea and made quorn sausages and chips. "Great" thinks I. Nevermind, I didn't think i would eat much anyway as I didn't feel too hungry really. Just thirsty.

So we sat down, and I ate a piece of sausage and a chip. Then rested a little, chewing well just in case as it is dry, and then I have another piece of sausage and a couple of chips... Then I thought "right I have to stop right now". I felt that another bite would bring on an episode of watering mouth and back thumping. So I Stopped and waited about 5 minutes, but it didn't get better. Then I felt the water and got up and DH kindly came and thumped me on the back between my shoulders... it lasted like this on and off for about 25 minutes, and in the end I was so exhausted that I couldn't be bothered to eat anyway. So that was tea.

I haven't ever experienced a sustained attack like that. It was the same feeling as the others I have described on this blog, but they never lasted that long. I had to get up a couple of times to go to the sink and it was only after leaning bent double over the sink talking to M (Bunk mate from Brugge who was banded same day as me) on the phone that it gradually subsided and I actually felt it go through the band. Phew.

So that was today.

M is worried about her trip to Brugge now, she is worried just like I was that there is nothing wrong and she is just a failure. I felt exactly the same. I told her to prepare herself as I really was not prepared to see what I saw, even though I was 99.9% sure I had suffered exactly the same problem as INFORMER. It still didn't help me. I just fell apart knowing that I had been robbed of 8 months of emotions.

So there we are.

I will keep you posted, but please do check out the photo's under "Operation Number 2 Photos"

Hello From Bruges - or rather HELL from Bruges!

Well here I am everyone.
I am in the hotel business suite and I thought I should update everyone on the state of my band.

The road to Bruges was an easy one and the journey by car, just an hour from Calais.
We arrived at the Hotel Bistro Brugelhoff, parked up and went to the front. It was empty and closed up.

We called the number on the front of the door and a guy answered saying he would be right there in 5 minutes.

The Belgian equivalent of Norman Bates turned up and let us in through an underground passage and back door with the letters WC on it. WC summed the place up. It was disgusting.
However, it was cheap and TB and I had been on the road for 12 hours. He showed us around the 'room' or squat. It was only to sleep in and the sheets looked clean so I though OK what the hell, we will find something tomorrow.

So we paid for the night and then Norman left.
Left us alone...
All alone.

We were the only guests in Normans villa. Everything was locked up and we had to let ourselves out through the basement toilet. Lovely.

It was freezing in there, so I turned on the little electric heater, and the light above the sink in the room so that when we got back it would at least be light in our room and then we went out to explore Bruges again.

All was good, we bought some stuff, and had fun and saw the sights and had a wonderful meal and then made our way back to the hovel.

Picture the scene. Its 10:30, cold dark and windy. 2 foreign and beautiful (shut up!) ladies enter a deserted car park...

We walked down the driveway, the wind whistling in the electric wires.

The lights to the basement are out.

Bravely I pull my phone out and use the light of the screen to guide us down the steps into the cellar.

I fumble for the lock, open the door and flick the light switch... "Tack tack!" Nothing.

The electric is out.

I fumble around and drop my phone and scramble about for it in the dark whilst TB is yelling "Where are you?"

Ok... getting the picture? It was awful.

Anyway, we call the guy, he comes over and apparently, because we left a light on (!?!?!?!) it tripped the power.

I told him that that was F'ing pathetic, and to cut a long story short, we got our money and ran away fast!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the Sat Nav out again and found the closest hotel to where we were, as it was now 11pm. We booked a room and stumped up £oodles for the 4 nights and checked into a swanky job on the 'Tsant.

Thank God. It is lush. It's also warm and you can have a coffee when you get up. Oh, and there is hot water, sweet mercy!

So.. with a long sigh, I settled into bed with a bottle of wine and slept.

This morning, we got up early and didn't have breakfast. TB ate some biscuits that we had bought yesterday, but I thought it would be wise not to eat just in case I was having surgery.

We got a taxi to the Hospital and the appointment was a bit of a farce. I was told that I would have an X-ray and then go see Dr. Dillemans. I went to get the X-ray, but they sent me back to to see Dr. Dillemans first. He saw me, and as I described what had happened to me and the pain etc, he immediately suggested that my port had become disconnected from the catheter.

He didn't muck about. He told me if this was the case that the company who make the band will pay all expenses and they will sort it out. Apparently they developed a new port and connection and started using it in March... so I was unlucky by one month.

So I went for the x-ray which was bizarre as I had never had a fluro fill. So I stood on a platform and there was a big round x-ray machine in front of my tummy. One the screen I then saw my insides. I could see my spine, my pelvis, my hips and all other bony stuff and also my port. Then further up I could see the band around my stomach on an angle (perfectly positioned). The catheter was hanging from the band straight down, past the port and down into my pelvic area.

I knew this was what happened to INFORMER and she had had the exact same thing happen to her, but nothing prepared me for this shock. Up until that time I TURLY thought that they would x-ray me and there would be nothing wrong with me, that I am just a greedy fat pig and I am yet again a complete failure destined to be a fat git for the rest of my life.

I now know that since May, my band has been screwed. The excruciating debilitating pain I have experienced when it burst, and at each subsequent fill has been because of this fault. I am so angry and ecstatic at the same time. It was nothing to do with my fall down the stairs afterall.

I am not a failure. I was losing weight so well and I was having such success, and then it was all ripped away from me literally.

It is totally weird to see that catheter hanging loosely inside your body cavity. No WONDER I was in agony. And I mean agony.

So I was in tears walking back to see Dr. Dillemans after having the x-ray and sobbing and I just couldn't help it. I wasn't worried, it was sort of like humiliation, and fear, and anger and everything all together - also a lot of 'poor me' in there too.

So we went back in to see Dr. D and he was totally cool. He is so angry about it and emailed the company too. I mean - he has to squeeze my surgery in to his day tomorrow, its the last thing he wants to happen. So he reassured me and put me at ease and I was laughing by the time I left his office.

I am now quite happy, but a totally ticked off that I have lost 8 months and re gained all my weight. I feel pretty crap about that, but at least I was not wrong. At least I wasn't going mad.

I am more angry with Dr. Dovey. I cannot believe after seeing me he didn't do the simple sum 2=2+4 and refer me back to see Dr. Dillemans. Even after he aspirated my band that time and found no fluid, you would think that might spur him into action, but no. What an idiot. I will be having serious words. He even saw INFORMER before he saw me on the morning of my last fill. Maybe thats why I saw him scuttying off after my appointment so quickly...

I have seen him 3 times, each time I weighed more, and each time he says I am making progress. YEAH RIGHT!! I bloody knew there was something wrong and now I am having surgery again because of it. I could have sorted this out back in May had Dovey said that those were the symptoms of a port break out.

So when I was bending down to feed the cats, or put the washing in, no wonder I was crippled... the metal prong that comes out of the port which should be sheathed in silicone is sicking directly up and jabs into my stomach muscle every time I bend over! I had to employ Mina!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I am Nil by mouth from midnight, and tomorrow I will be going in for my surgery first thing. I hope I will be anyway!! I have to be there 8am and apparently I will be able to come home in the afternoon (or back to the hotel anyway). I am glad I am getting it sorted out, but now a bit nervous of the pain as I was in pain after the last one... Hopefully it wont be so bad.

So peeps, say a little prayer for me and keep me in your thoughts. Hopefully I will be on the road to success very very soon!

I will update this when I get a chance.

Farewell amigo's

I am off to Belgium again

Most likely I will have another surgery.

I am bricking it to be frank. After talking to 'INFORMER' last night, and again today, there is no doubt that the same thing that happened to her has happened to me. Its not just similar its exactly the same. Everything that she went through I went through.

I am horrified that I am having to stump up £68 on the ferry, £? in petrol, £800 for hotel and all kinds of other stuff. I am having to put it on my credit card because I simply don't have it.
God knows what it will be like to drive home if I have to have surgery.... :o(

So I am driving to Bruges tomorrow. We leave here at 8am and then catch the 12 o'clock ferry from Dover, should arrive in France about 2:30 and hopefully be in Bruges at about 5:00ish. Looks like a dead simple run to be honest. I have one of those satellite navigation jobbys, but it looks straight up the A16 in France, then across the boarder the A18 right the way to Bruges.

I just hope I am gonna be able to drive home. I have booked to come home on Sunday. I am probably being over cautious, but its either going to be recuperation time, or its going to be a nice rest after all the stress and hassle of this day. I wish today never happened. I have been rushing around like the proverbial blue bottomed fly.

I am praying that this is going to be able to be fixed with a local anaesthetic... but I just know I ain't that lucky. What a nightmare.

My bunk mate M can't come with me. I feel sick leaving her here knowing that we both have the same problem, but on the other hand pleased that at least she will be armed with my info when she does go.

Right, talk to you peeps laterz.

SCARIEST CONVERSATION OF MY LIFE

I made a VERY interesting phone call today.

I dont know whether to be extatic or soiling my pants or furious or what. Infact I think that I will be all of them.

Everyone who reads this blog regularly knows how my band and I have been NOT getting along for the last 5 months.

For everyone that doesn't... Here's a quick re-cap

14 Feb 2007 Banded in Bruges by Dr. Dillemans with Heliogast 10ml band

*1 week later, lost 8 pound

*1 month on lost 15 pounds

*2 months on lost 20.5 pounds

*3 months on lost 23.5 pounds
Fell down the stairs - hospital x-ray for legs. No probs
Recovering from Fall, taking into hospital with sudden onset gut rot - kidney stones/diverticulitis considered

*4 months started regaining. - regain 1 pound
Went to Sri Lanka and ate like a complete hog.
Recurrent pain every single day

*7 months on
Hired a housekeeper as no longer can manage domestic chores due to crippling pain (NO JOKE!)

*9 months on... have regained 18.5 pounds and been in agony for 5 months solid. NOT GOOD.

So that's it basically, very very basically.

After my phone call I had heard basically the EXACT same story except that this person went back to Belgium, like I am doing, and ended up in theatre having another general an a fix for her band. Her port had come UNDONE. She got to about 5 or 6mls just like me (and M - my bunk mate in Bruges!!) and then it went pop... about 3-4 months after surgery. She got 8 months down the line in agony and pain and frustration and depression and failure just like ME and M and then went back to Bruges to get it fixed. She was then back to square one and is about 6 weeks into her new port.

Apparently there were a whole bunch of bad bands that were obviously blowing out. They are all over the world, not just Belgium, they are everywhere. It is not the surgeons fault at all, but the makers of the band.

I am now:

excited that my band is busted and I can restore faith in it
excited that I will lose weight if that's the case
excited that this time next year (dejavu) I will be thin
Pissed off that its ME AGAIN!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY
Pissed off that no one bothered to check serial numbers and do a recall if it is the case
Pissed off that I have wasted 9 months of my life
Pissed off that I am still a fat cow
Frightened that I might have to have surgery again
Frightened that it might go wrong again
Frightened that it might NOT be the same problem and its something else
Angry that I have to go through this drama
Angry that my friend has to go through this drama
FURIOUS at all the wasted time and money and time off work etc

I wonder what he would say if I said, "just give me a refund mate!"

JEEEEEZZZ I really don't know whats wrong with my life. Maybe I was born under a rain cloud or something.

Also...a lot of lap band and RNY people are getting horrible comments on their blogs by an anonymous reader who is really spiteful and rude. Thankfully, they haven't written to me yet...
I know that other people deal with all sorts of rubbish in their lives, and problems. the thing is, this is MY problem, so thats why I am writing about it. If I had another problem I would write about that...

I hope if the nasty f***wit reads my blog they read this bit too.

Infected port scar photo

This is a photo of my port scar 2 days after my last fill. You can see the bruising and puncture wound from the fill to the right. My stomach had swollen up and that's when the scar started to go pink, hot and then the surrounding tissue started going red too. You can see a faint ring around the scar here.

Pain? OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cure? 1 week of Flucloxicillin 500mg 4 times per day.

The last few days....

My my my.

I need a holiday man.

Mina has left the building. I gave her an ultimatum that was too good to resist and she left.
I was so fed up with her chain smoking in the garden and leaving her buts by the back door and coming in all red blotchy and moody from having yet another row and subsequent crying fit with Ricky.

After my last post, I had a chocolate fest. I ate (in the space of 1 hour):
2 toblerones
1 bounty
1 mars
1 twix
1 kitkat chunky
1 bar galaxy
1 snickers
and swigged it all down with ropey sweet sherry.

I lost the absolute plot. I was totally stressed out. I was so stressed just sitting on the sofa that my tummy and port were actually hurting again!

I didn't think I stress ate, but I obviously do, especially when its coming up to 'that dreaded time' too.

I sat up chatting until 2am with Mina about this and that and the other.

On Friday DH took her to college, and I picked her up (btw college is 8 miles away) and on the way home I decided that I just wanted her gone. It simply wasn't going to get any better. She was going home later on that night anyway, so I thought I would plant my little seed again and set it out before her since she had now had nearly a whole day to think about her situation etc.

I gave her an hour to decide and she jumped. I went to work at 2:00pm and said goodbye then as by the time I got home from work I knew she would be gone.

DH was really angry - not at her, but at Ricky for ruining her chances more than anything.
A Bulgarian in the UK with no family, no money, no qualifications or training and no chance of getting a normal job as they aren't allowed unless she is self employed, abused mentally by her boyf', been through all kinds of rubbish growing up in a country with an alcoholic Dad, and neglectful mother and only 21. Suddenly she is living for free in a house with her own room, anything she wants, a college course that will enable her to be self employed and money in her pocket.

She left to get the bus at 5:45 and on the way out she said "Am I doing the right thing?" and he said "To be honest, I don't think so Mina." and then she said "No, I don't think so either..." and left. What a silly girl.

She still has some stuff here, so I am wondering if she is hedging her bets...

Friday night was strange. I was worried about her and hoping he would treat her well etc. He is a such a manipulative guy. Hes like a 5 year old begging for sweets, wearing his Mum down until shes too weak to do anything else.

She says, its what she is used to.

If she finishes the course at college I will be amazed.

Friday was hard work, at work and at home. I cant even remember what I ate but I think it was less than 1800 cals.

Yesterday was well tiring. I was up at 8am, and out to work at 9. I worked all day until 6pm when I met my boys at the swimming pool to go for a quick dip. DH thought it would be good and as I finish near the pool on a Saturday evening, it was a really cool idea.

Today has been good so far.
I have had 2 weetabix for breakfast, a prawns salad for lunch and one of those Nutrigrain Oat Baked Bar's as a snack. I am exhausted from the last few days though. I just want to go to bed and sleep.

DH has downloaded the last 5 episodes of Heroes that I haven't seen yet. He watched the series back in April and May and said it was great, but I wasn't interested. However he talked about it so damn much that I thought I would give it a go. Its BRILLIANT. Well strange, but fabulously acted/written and cast. I cant explain what its about as I still don't know!! HA HA. He is watching the first series again with me so that I can catch up in time to watch the new series which is screening in America right now. He has 6 episodes of that so far too, so no doubt we shall be catching that up too soon.
If you haven't seen it, I suggest starting at the beginning. Its not the sort of thing you can pick up a couple of episodes into at all.

Right, I am off to do something other than be on this machine.
cheerio

Wanting to trust but just can't quite go the whole distance

Yesterday I decided to just get on with it and keep going.
I walked 3 and a half miles (1 hours) and then biked home (20 minutes) and was well pleased as I got in through the front door, got changed and then went immediately back out to work again until 10pm. I got home and had a jacket potato with beans and cheese (counted before you ask!! HA HA)

So yesterday's food consisted of:

Quaker Oats real fruit porridge - 2 servings
5 apples
jacket potato
baked beans
30g cheese
2 glasses of vino.

Not bad.

Today I am going to update later... so keep posted. I am in the middle of cooking, and I shall explain the title above later on... How thrilling, bet y'all cant wait!

**Update**

Ok, so its today and I got up and had to take Mina to college. Then I did a tesco shop and used Dad's £49 worth of vouchers - cheers Dad!
I hadn't eaten anything and it was 11am. I then had a breakdown and succumbed to a Kellogg's rice crispies square.

We got home and I had a call from TB... she has been cut off from the Internet for like EVER, and was re connected by her provider, but needed help getting it all back up and running. So I popped round there. Hassle after hassle ensued, and it was not working (poxy Virgin changed all the passwords and stuff and never bothered to tell them! Obviously the name Virgin is a good name for them as they simply don't know how to do anything!) So I ate half a tub of houmous and 10 Finn Crisp thins for my lunch whilst there.

When I came home I was dithering about feeling 'spacious'. That's all I can describe it as. I don't even know if that describes how I was feeling, but pretty vacant and empty in the head. So I thought I would grab a little nap. I grabbed another rice crispie square on the way up the stairs :o( ooops

Anyway, when I got up I felt a lot better, and I prepared dinner. I made BBQ but in the house! Corn on the cob, chicken goujons with a crispy coating (bbq sauce then rolled in breadcrumbs and fin crisp crumbs. well lush), also baked new potatoes, baked red peppers and a helping of coleslaw. It was well yummy.

Apparently I have today had 1400 cals. Now this is the reason for my post title. I feel so full and treated with the squares etc that I feel like I will put on weight, and certainly not like I will lose, or even be underneath my calorie intake for the day, but there we go. So I am not totally trusting it at all, although I have double checked and the entries on the daily plate are correct according to my packages.

So today's food:
kellogs rice crispie square x 2
3 slices of chicken with bbq sauce and crumb oven baked
1 corn on the cob
half long red pepper baked
4 baked baby new potato's - yes the tiny ones
50g of coleslaw
3 glasses wine - so far (will be a hell of a lot more than that I can tell you - see below)

Why can't I trust that I am doing ok...

Why is it that if I feel good then I think i must have shagged my diet?

Why is it that I cant just eat pigging normally and not get a stupid guilt trip?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

Ok, diet talk over.

I am having a F***ING crisis.
I am absolutely totally and completely annoyed with Mina.

She is so stupid its untrue. She is being mentally abused by her boyfriend and is willing to ditch her college, her job and everything else (life!) for this w***er who messes with her mind.
I can be bothered to go into all the things 'My Ricky' has done, but its amazing in such a short time.

She is at this moment out down the shop to get fags because she cant deal with the situation I put before her.

I cant be bothered to go into long details as its too DAMN tiring, but she is messing us about and I am fed up being taken for a soft touch.

I told her tonight that we needed a little chat. I said that I was fed up with her just taking time off whenever she felt like it, and expecting lifts to college and back to the City at the weekends and stuff and that she needed to choose. Did she want the job or did she want to go back to 'My Ricky'... today.

Well funnily enough she didn't want to go immediately. I pay for her college in leau of her pocket money for cleaning. So if she wanted to walk out of the door right now, then she would owe me about £125 as I pay by direct debit. Hey I am a nice person right and I will do anyone a favour if they show me some respect. I actually think i must be a flaming moron. I am just being taken for granted.

She says to DH this evening (whilst he is picking her up after college as she missed her lift home) that she was going to have to talk to me as she needs (yeah NEEDS) to go to a Sex Pistols concert in London on Thursday night, and obviously she should be working. DH was fuming and told me I was being taken for a mug.
He said nothing, just mentioned to me that that will NOT be happening.

I know you guys don't know our lives, or the ins and outs of our daily life, but we are more than fair ok. I know some people who mess people about and use their aupairs as slaves and stuff, but we really don't. She has one damn good life living with us and she wants for nothing - and yes, I know that of course I would say that, but I really am being straight up.

She took 2 weeks randomly off last week just - because. No reason other than 'My Ricky' wants to play with her mind. Its a case of he says jump, and she asks how high would he like that jump to be.

Anyway, I was fuming, but went off to the meeting anyway, and on the way as I am telling J, who I take every week, about it all, DS pipes up with "Yeah Mummy, and she said to me "If I could just pay your parents what I owe them I would do it and go home." "

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I MEAN --- WHAT???

I dropped J off at the meeting and turned the car round.

I got home and immediately sent DS to play PS2. I called her in for a chat and I was right. It is Ricky putting pressure on her. The poor girl doesn't know which way to jump. Its horrible. she doesn't want to leave us because she owes us money - even though I actually said to her "I actually cant handle this any more Mina, if you want to go, then go now and we shall forget all about the money you owe us or stay and make sure you work a full week."

Can you believe it! She turned down walking away and not having to repay £125 and is still here thinking about it.

I really think she doesn't actually want to be with the guy, but cant bear to take the jump into the unknown.

I have no idea whats going on with her, and I cant make the decisions for her, I cant really advise her because I know its pointless.

All I need to know now is whether she is going to stay and I can rely on her, or whether she is going and then I can get cracking on finding someone new.

ahhhhh
Exhausted.

Weigh Day - Way Hey - 9 months + 1 week post banding

Hey all you Band lovers...

Its exactly 9 months and 1 week since I stumped up £4000.00 ($8000) to have my band and change my dumb fat life.

I have lost an amazing, whopping, mahoosive 5 pounds

How totally cool is that?

NOT
*sarcasm drips from lips*
Roll on 27th November 2007. Oh look - its another date where my life might actually being again.

Official weight 17 stone 9 pounds (247lbs)

Yawnnnn - but heres the daily update

Today = good

Breakfast = slice of bread
Lunch = 4 fish fingers and chips
Dinner = egg noodles, passata, tiger prawns and curry powder
Lashings of wine

Still under the 1800, just, although I have no idea how. I am feeling cool and cucumber like.

Replying to random messages on my hotmail address, and trying to sort out another housekeeper... Yes! She is leaving us in December. How bizarre. Her miserable Boyf' finally put the nail in the coffin because he was (get this!) 'crying' when she got on the bus Monday morning as he couldn't bear for her to be away for 5 days. Ahhh Diddums. What a criminally rubbish thing to do to a person. The poor girl was in tears Monday evening saying she didn't know whether to ditch college or what. We agreed on a plan where the Boyf' (idiot and manipulative son of Beeyatch that he is and actually 30 years old not 15 like it would seem) gets his way and has her at home to wash his socks and... yeah well. She gets to continue college thereby giving her an escape route if she needs one in the future (she will!) and gives me 6 weeks to find a replacement. Greeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaatttt.

I really need this stress man.

I have posted a couple of ads. One that I am renting out the room for £50 a week, the other offering dosh + board for a housekeeper. Which ever one is sorted first wins. It would be nice to be £200 a month better off, but then it also would be nice to have clean ironed socks in the drawers!

ohhhhhhhh why oh why does everything have to be so damn difficult? Everything starts to be great, and then KABOOM. Bunny is left with the smoking wreckage.

I cant wait till I go to Belgium and sort this ruddy band out. If it wasn't for the band, I wouldn't need a sodding housekeeper anyway. If I could bend over and feed the cats, or do the washing etc without getting gut rot for 3 days, it would be a miracle.

Lets hope they will see the problem and sort it there and then.

Anything else happen today? Had a spa pedicure and my nails done... took ages as always but looks fabulous.

Anything else? No...

Random day in the life of me... how boring

I have no idea if anyone cares about what I get up to in my daily life, or if they just want info about what I can do now I am banded... but I guess both must go hand in hand. If you don't know who I am or what I care about, my reactions to banding would not make sense sometimes I guess. It makes my journey unique. Uniquely boring maybe but hey that's life.

Today has been boring.

I did work with DS for the most part of the morning, he does his handwriting, Meleto, maths worksheets and spellings with little input from me, but together we have to go through the book Toe by Toe which teaches reading to dyslexics. I have found that its just good to teach how to read full stop! This is the only tool I have used to get DS to read, and its worked. It worked in about 4 months actually, but as he gets older, he needs to know harder words and stuff... so we are about halfway through that book. Its a fortune at £25.00 but the best £25 I have ever spent. If your kid is struggling to read, then GET IT!!!

Toe by Toe by Keda cowling and Harry Cowling ISBN 0952256401

Then I had to go to work. I had 10 lessons today. From 3:30pm until 9:00pm. Considering the money I get for this, people would think that this is one sweet job, but its not. Its damn hard work. I have done other jobs. Its easier to sit at a checkout for 12 hours straight that do 2 piano lessons back to back. Its in fact like have 10 separate jobs. Yes, you are doing the same thing - teaching music, but every pupil is so totally different - emotionally, socially, physically and mentally - that my mind has to do somersaults to get into mode. I guess you could say its like working half an hour at Tesco, then half an hour at Co-Op, then Sainsburys, then Morrisons, then Asda, then Tesco again, then Kwik-Save, then Rainbow then One Stop, then finally the local Corner Shop.

I have to drive to each pupils house too, so it really IS like this. Also, I don't get a chance to get myself comfortable, and then get into a routine - its BANG straight in.

"Hello there Johnny? Had a nice week? Right, play C major both
hands together for 2 octaves please..."

...whilst I scrabble for a pen, their notebook (usually under a pile of crap or the piano itself) and also concentrate and see if they are doing it right. Phew. 10 times.

Its completely exhausting. Then when I get home, I have to make the dinner. Yes. I got home at 9:30 last night, and could not be bothered in any way shape or form to cook. So I ordered pizza. I counted it all, don't worry, but you can see why the takeaway shops LOVE us. I work 3 days in the week, and Saturday. So before banding it was usually 3 takeaways a week if not more!! HA HA.

I have tried the whole Pollyanna thing, where I make a lovely wholesome soup or casserole or something so that I can eat it the minute I get in, but it just doesn't last. I am one of these people that I like to get in the kitchen and think, "Hmmm what do i fancy?" and normally its not what I made earlier in the day. Even the same with ready meals. It still takes 30 minutes to get the thing out, nuked and on a plate, where as all I want to do is sit on my (fat) arse when I get in. I would still rather flop on the sofa pick up the phone and wait 30 minutes for it to be delivered. It makes me feel good that someone else is running around for me!

I MUST get more organised and stop being so stupid about food.

Wow, that was easy to say. Lets see if I can do it. *cynical snort*

So yeah, that was my day.

I had nothing for breakfast as I was in bed.
I had 3 slices of bread made into sandwiches with tomato and salad creme for lunch
I had 3 slices of pizza for dinner.

Total calories for the day were just over 1500.

Well its weigh in time tomorrow. We shall see. I actually expect I will be higher than 17stone 5 because I really was so ill after that fill, that a lot of that loss must have been fluid. I am not setting myself up for a fall, but just being brutally honest. I don't expect to lose 2 pounds like the daily plate reckons. But next week maybe I will have. This has sort of been my trial week of getting used to it all. Its been easy peasy!

Then I went to bed.

Oh No work tomorrow... :'o(

And so the half term ends... Back to the grind.

I spent the whole time flat on my back in bed, so I feel kind of cheated, but at least I had a jolly good rest.

Next holidays - 7 weeks and counting!! HURRAH I am sure I can get through that. Then we are off to sunny Moscow...!?!?!

Our Visa's arrived stuck into our passports. Its well cool. All that Russian lettering and stuff. I haven't got a clue of what it says, but there we go! HA HA

Today has been pretty dull.

Food:
Brekkie was boring, 2 weetabix and milk.

For lunch I made pancakes for DS and me. DH was having slimfast. I thought that would be pretty terrific calorie wise, but actually it turned out fine. I made a batch of batter, and it made 12 pancakes. I added up all the ingredients and split it two ways and it turned out to be something like 540 cals which was not bad for that. Thats less than the spag bol i made the other day!! Random!

I cant actually remember how many pancakes I ate, I lost count after 2. I think it was either 4 or 5, but I am not completely sure. I know I had 1 with cheese and at least 2 with lemon... so I think its probably 4... But I took the calories for 6 right there on the chin just because it was a hell of a lot more simple!

Dinner was a super quick curry. It was made with the curry powder from Sri Lanka, onion, passata, coconut cream and green lentils and then I cooked up 6 tiger prawns to go with it. I had 100g of rice too. So that was a pretty good meal too. Haven't had anything else since 6, so that was that really. Sri Lankan curries are the best. No oil, thick sauce made with roasting the spices and adding passata, awesome - and SO tasty! I didn't have any peaches, otherwise I would have shoved some of those in too. MMMMMmmmm

So that was me grub.

I went on a bike ride this afternoon and burnt off 390 cals too!! HEY HEY

Total cals for today, 1144. After burning off 390 - net cal intake 754! Coooooool

Looking forward to Wednesday to see if I have indeed lost 2 pounds. I am wondering if it will be a true reading simply because I lost a lot of weight over the few days on liquids and little food after the fill... We shall see.

I really like the daily plate because it calculates how many cals you have burned according to YOU not just some generic female. Thats great. DH didn't burn as much cals as me HA!

Watched a film in Spanish tonight called Maria full of Grace. More like Maria full of Gear! She was a drug mule from Columbia. Its pretty shocking how people get tempted into that life really. It was a really good film, gripping. Imagine a kinder surprise egg. The toy is inside a little cartridge thingy... try swallowing some of them and you will get the idea. Not fun.

Night night peeps

Spent loads of money... again

Uhhhhh we spent loads of money today.
We bought DH a new laptop and other associated gumpf.

We sorted out the office cum classroom at home and shortened DS's desk so that mine and his fit side by side. That way, I can keep a better eye on him out of the side of my vision. He slacks off a little bit too much for my liking. We bought the new laptop so that DS can have the old one. I say old, its only about 6 months old and totally too much for whatever he will use it for, but his one, which was really ancient and outdated wouldn't run ANY of his schooling programme like http://www.time4learning.com/ or http://www.meleto.com/ or http://www.raz-kids.com/ or http://www.wizardsspell.com/

I was getting a bit frustrated at having him on my PC and me wandering about doing nothing whilst he got on with it. a real waste of my time to be honest. So this way, I am right here for him should he need help, and also I can get along with my work too.

I tell you what though, home schooling is not the cheap option it seems to be. We spend an absolute fortune on stuff. Mind you, I wouldn't have it any other way, and its still cheaper than private!

Whilst we were out I got a couple of tester pots of paint. I am going to change the colour of our bedroom. I painted it Dutch Gold about a year ago. I didn't like it from the moment of the first brush stroke, but DH persuaded me that it might look better dry. I knew by the time I had finished one wall that I hated it. So I have justified the cost to myself and the stress and upheaval and I am now considering doing it again.

I am going to go for green. I have never had a green room in my life. I don't know why I think it will look nice, or why I am choosing green, but I think it just needs to be green. Green is a fresh colour and a cool one. At the moment with the Dutch Gold its like a warm womb. It feels stifling and hot and horrible. I hate it. I think Green will be refreshing. so I have plastered a couple of squares on the wall to see what tone I want. I don't think you can get a good idea just like that anyway, but at least I can make sure it will go with the curtains!

Food today. Pretty weird.

I have had:

1 banana
1apple
9 chicken nuggets
1 french fires
2 slices bread with baked beans

I have consumed about 1400 calories so far, and am way under % on all my fat/carb/protein etc

So I have a theory about myself.
Maybe... just maybe the times I think I have blown it, I actually haven't! I know that when I ate the nuggets and chips for lunch (quite a lot for 11.75mls in a band right! HA HA) I thought, "Oh, I have blown today. Well I will go easy with supper, I can have one day off" and stuff like that.

When I actually put it into the daily plate, I realise that I probably chose wisely for a fast food dinner. That meant I don't feel guilty or starved, and I am coming in well under my 1800 target cals per day. How good is that?

If I had been on slimmingworld, I would have had like 'shed load' syns, and be feeling proper crud and sending hubby to the shop to get me some sweets or something. But slimmingworld make up their syns reckoning on having a load of free food as well. So of course you would be over budget on cals. However, I haven't had anything else apart from the above, so I am fine.

This has really pleased me. I think i can see light at the end of the tunnel.

also although I obviously don't have 11.75 mls in my band but more like 5mls, I really am getting my hopes up and thinking the band is working. I know I am not choking, or only eating a mouthful and then pushing my plate away, but I am having NO TROUBLE eating less than 1800 cals a day. Its dead easy. Now I have the tools, making sure I stick to it is simple as. Its the not knowing and our own stupid minds thinking we have done badly.

Thanks Daily Plate and thanks *ahem* band.

YAY, I'm out of bed!! HURRAH HURRAH

Got up this morning, yes I REALLY did, and came downstairs with the family.

Ok... sounds a bit good to be true, and I am sort of fibbing.

I got up at 10am when DH came home from collecting his bike. He got it repaired and had to pick it up this morning, so He went and got it. I did however get up on his return and iron his shirt and then came downstairs with him and had coffee whilst he had his breakfast (slimfast poor soul!).

So I think that was a valiant attempt at returning to the world.

I am feeling 100% today. I have been gingerly going about the daily tasks, but so far, so good!

I took DS to see the film The Seeker: The Dark is Rising.

Last night when he said he wanted to watch it I thought it sounded really scary... akin to Nightmare on Elm Street or something, especially as it being around the Satanic Festival of Halloween. *Shudders*

But it turned out to be a classic tale of Boy is rubbished by family, turns out he is a really cool dude destined to save the world, is now held in awe by his family and does indeed save the world. It had Ian McShane of Lovejoy fame and also Christopher Ecclestone from Dr. Who.
It was really enjoyable.

There were MASSIVE queue's to see Ratatouille, but there was 4 families in our screen. How cool. I really love going when its empty. But... is it me or do they pump in ice cold air to freeze you slowly to death half way through. That place is always sooooo cold! I think DS has hypothermia setting in.

Food today:
2 boiled eggs and 1 slice of bread and butter
1 packet of minstrels
spaghetti bolognese

And thanks to my splendiferous calorie counter I know that I have had 1095 cals so far today.

I am feeling good. I know I shouldn't have had those minstrels, but I didn't have anything else for lunch, so I figure I would have eaten something about that many cals anyway.

If I think about eating the bad foods, they go around and around and around in my head and make me feel guilty which makes me eat more, so I am dismissing them as my lunch. I mean, my dinner has more calories than them.

I am surprised actually at how many calories is in a standard Spag Bol. just mince, onion, carrot, tomato and pasta and its a whopping 600 cals. Maybe that's not bad, but I think its a lot compared to yesterdays chicken and jacket etc. I guess its the combination of two heavy calorific items (meat and pasta). I wll have to think about that some more. Maybe eating pasta with just vegetable sauces rather than meat will be easier for me to keep under the 1000 cals.

Not too bothered however as have been under my 1800 goal.

We are off to DH's Mum's pub this evening to do a Karaoke. Oh Joy. I cant think of a more unpleasant evening. Mind you at least its a smoke free place now, which goes a long way to make it bearable.

I will update this if i have anything significant to add, but I doubt it.

Take it easy!

Ok, here's an update, there is no way I could eat a whole portion of spaghetti, so I went for half a portion. Instead of 75g I had 35g which makes a big dent in my cal intake. I have now had only 973 cals.

After I have actually eaten this meal, It might be less, but I can only count it as a 3rd of the whole lot... so its on the over estimating side, which is good for me!

Just feeling fragile now

Spent the whole of today in bed. Got up at 5:15pm and got dressed for the first time in 6 days.
This has been a particularly bad fill. It usual to have 3 or 4 days sore, but I guess with the infection, it takes its toll a little more.

I was tempted to try and clean the house up today, but I decided that it really was best for me to just stay put, and now I am glad because I don't have any pain in my side at all... it just feels a bit delicate so I am simply being really careful walking about and bending and things.

This has been THE worst time for our H.K. to take a week off. I was so looking forward to Wednesday when she was coming back, but she phoned and asked for an extension until Monday. To be honest, It doesn't bother me, I just get to save my money but I do think she is taking a bit of a liberty to be honest. If you phoned up after being on holiday for a week and asked for another 5 days what would your boss say...? Hmm. Yeah "NO!" springs to mind. But there we go. Her next holiday will be on the 20th December when we all go to Russia. We get back on the 30th December, and then are going to France on the 2nd January for a week, so she will have a nice long holiday then. I don't think I am being unfair to be honest. She goes home every Friday afternoon until Monday evening every week anyway, so she is pushing it a bit I think.

anyway, I am not bothered to be honest. Its one less mouth to feed for a week when I am not working.

Today's food:
Breakfast:
2 Weetabix with milk and 2 tsp sugar
Coffee

Lunch:
1 tomato and 1 shape lasting sensation yogurt
1 pint squash

Snack:
8 grapes

Dinner:
1 small Jacket potato, 3 chicken breast strips/goujons and peas and sweetcorn.

So pretty good day today. I will update this portion if there is anything significant to add.

I have to say that obviously I am in bed all day, and I am trying with all my might to restrict the food intake so that when I feel full I stop, or once I have finished what I am eating, wait 20 minutes and see if I am full or not. So far its been working, but I must stress that I know I could have had 3 weetabix, and I know I would have preferred more than just a tomato and yogurt for my dinner... but I haven't been up for 6 days guys. I am conscious too that time in bed = no calories burnt... So I have to be even more careful. I think I can keep it up at least till I see Dr. Dillemans by which time he will fill me up some more and hopefully we shall be cooking on gas!

That said, it has shown me how I just assume that I need more food, when infact I don't. I am perfectly content with everything I have eaten today. I am looking forward to my dinner but I am not starving hungry. Its a case of cravings. If I am eating something I like, then I want more. Pretty easy equation I guess. So this is where I have my battle. I WANT more, but i don't actually NEED more.

It struck me last night as I was watching a programme about a 34 stone teenager who lived in Lincoln that there is no help for us. We don't get a dieting equivalent to methadone. We don't get a dieting equivalent to nicotine. We cant even do cold turkey like an alcoholic. We have to have our drug every day. No wonder this is the hardest struggle ever. Once you are 'addicted' to food then you are going to have a continuous battle for the rest of your life.

There must be a reason I get low and eat, or I get worried and eat, or something. Why don't I get worried and go for a run..? or shooting or something. I wish I could unravel this knot of misery. Why cant someone invent patches with the happy hormone serotonin when we feel like eating a mars bar, or a patch with endorphines to make us feel happy when we are low.

Jeez. I could go on and on. The worst thing is that we have to keep taking our 'drug' to survive, and no ones ever going to quit giving up crack cocaine by having a hit 3 times a day, so how are we going to do this, and how come others don't get this?

DH is of playing badminton with TB's husband tonight and I know that DS is itching to go with them. I hope they take him as he has been such a good boy these last few days. All going well with my port pain and all that we are going to take him to the Robin Hood Experience on Saturday. Should be good! They do banquets there in the evening from 7pm until 1am for £40 a person. Why didn't I know that before I got banded!! RARR I would well loved to go to that.
We toyed with the idea of having a medieval banquet for our 10th wedding anniversary before we decided to go to Sri Lanka. Boo Hoo.

Oh, and some cool news... we are going to Malta next year for our summer holiday. It wont be the same luxurious holiday that we had this year, but its still a 4* place and looks really good. Lots to do and nice and hot! YAY. Hopefully I will be MUCH lower in June 2008 than I was this year. So we have 3 holidays to look forward to:

Moscow on 21st December
France on 2nd January
Malta on 5th June

Yipee
I am really looking forward to Russia. Our visa will be back tomorrow, and that's going to be well cool to see a Russian visa in our passports. We are coming back on the train via Latvia. So we are going to catch the train in Moscow at 9pm on the 28th on December and travel through the night in a sleeping compartment to Riga in Latvia. It goes via all kinds of Russian towns including St. Petersburg. WOW. We will see a lot when we wake up in the morning and it will be a great experience for us all especially DS. He is one well travelled boy!

Just joined a REALLY cool calorie counting programme. http://www.thedailyplate.com/
You can use it for free to calculate how many cals you have had each day, but I actually joined as it was only £18.00 for the year. It will help me keep track of my food intake and I can be sure of cals too. If I am not going to slimmingworld, then I like to have something to chart myself with.
Check it out

My stats for today:
They say I should aim for 1800 cals to lose 2 pounds a week. Interesting.

Totals & % of my recommended daily intake

Cals 866 43.3%

Fat 6g 9.32%
Cholesterol 80mg 26.67%
Sodium 1,175mg 48.97%
Carbs 163g 54.47%
Sugars 65g n/a
Fibre 24g n/a
Protein 55g 110.36%

Getting cabin fever...

I am so bored.

Today the pain is much the same as yesterday, except it has migrated a little bit lower. If you put your hand on your left hip and slide it along the lower half of your stomach where your leg meets your belly towards the crotch, that's the area that hurts. All of that. From the hip to just above bikini line. Strange doesn't cover it. When I walk about I am holding up my tummy like I did after I had my Caesarean, only a little bit to the left.

pwhhhh *blows air out of lips in bored way and sags shoulders slightly*

I have decided that I am not going to put my latest photo on the website at the moment. I know when viewing it there will be a blip, and I really want to be able to contrast as I lose, and I wont be able to do that if I put a pic of me now on there. You guys know I am having a struggle, and the dates of the photo obviously will show something went awry, so the next Photo will be when I hit 16 stone flat out. There are 14 pounds in a stone so that's 224. That will mean I have lost exactly 2 stone or 28 pounds.

The scales were the same this morning, so no change today.

Food for today:
1 tub of tesco finest prawn cocktail (200g) a shocking 600cals
1 packet of asda 8p noodles 317 cals
3 HOME MADE crispy duck pancakes. Heavy on the cucumber and onion.


At the Chinese restaurant you get half a duck for a shed load of money, so on the way back from my last fill I stopped off at the oriental supermarket and picked up the exact same half duck for a LOT less. I bought a couple of packets of the thin pancakes and a jar of hoisin sauce to go with it. At the Chinese they also deep fry this bird once defrosted. I oven baked mine cutting out most of the fat problem. So that wonderful succulent juicy meat, is actually just a whole load of oil, but mine tasted exactly the same flavour wise but is just a little dryer.

We didn't have anything else, just this and DH had 8 pancakes and DS had 4.

I know I have had a little too much as I can feel it sat at the top of my band a little bit like very mild indigestion. I also have an itchy back right in the middle, but it feels like the itch is deep inside. I could and should have stopped at 2 pancakes to be honest.

Breaking lifetime habits are WELL 'ARD

Oooooh I just had the smallest of smallest of smallest of PB's. I just burped and a little something sharp tasting hit the back of my throat. I kind of have a vague pressure pain in my back between my shoulder blades... its not uncomfortable, but its weird and definitely band area -sort of itchy annoying from the inside and comes in waves. Its totally forgettable, but because of doing this I am noticing it and detailing it. Oooh Yeah, theres another one. Must be the food stopped at the top of my band. ACE

Not going to go getting hopes up too much though. We shall see. I think if I had eaten any more I would be in pain right now though...

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Anyway, the portions I have been eating are major small, and I am not getting hungry between meals. When I start thinking about food, its around the right time of day, so that's good.

Wow, I know I would have been in trouble if I had eaten any more! Jeez. Glad to have stopped when I did.

8 months and 9 days since banding

I am gonna do a resume of my banding

Firstly, lets refresh stats.

BANDED Dr. Dillemans in Bruges 14th February 2007 - 18 stone - 252lbs - 114.5kg

#1 fill (Clayson) - 15th March 2007 - 4ml (cc's and ml's are exactly the same)

#2 fill (Clayson) - 26th April 2007 - 1 ml - total 5ml in a 10 ml band
#3 fill (Clayson) - 14th June 2007 - 1.2 ml - total 6.2ml in a 10 ml band

#4 fill (Dovey) - 30th June 2007 - 1.5ml - total 7.7ml in a 10ml band

#5 fill (Dovey) - 8th September 2007 - 2ml - total 9.7ml in a 10 ml band

#6 fill (Dovey) - 20th October 2007 - 1.75ml - total 11.45ml in a 10 ml band YEAH RIGHT

Doesn't look good when you put it that way huh.

Weight today - 17 Stone 5.5lb - 243.5lbs - 110.5kgs

Starting weight Weight - 18stone - 252lbs - 114.5kgs

LOSS TO DATE - 8.5lbs - 3.86kgs

Lowest weight - 16 stone 3lb - 227lbs - 103kgs

Weight regained - 16.5 lbs - 7.5kgs

SHOCKINGLY POOR

The date when I was at my lowest was Wednesday 16th May 2007 when I weighed

16 stone 3lb - 227lbs - 103kgs

This was before I fell down the stairs et al.

I am gonna put a photo of me on shortly too. Not yet cos I can't actually be bothered to get up and get changed (I am ill remember!), but soon. I didn't want to put a photo on being fatter than some of the others. I really psychologically wanted to see a smooth steady drop... but maybe that's me avoiding the truth, and obviously for those of you out there who are trying to decide if this is for you... then I need to show the truth.

So I am gonna update the Photo section shortly. Probably tomorrow I will get DH to take pic of me again in the same get up as the others. But I want you all to know how hard that is gonna be for me ok?

Today's food:

This morning I cooked up 3 scrambled eggs and 2 slices of toast (no butter).

I actually ate just under half of that.

Lunch I cooked 2 quorn Cumberland style sausages and some antipasti - pepper, courgette, aubergine, tiny mozzarella balls etc. It was About 200g of antipasti and the 2 sausages chopped up. I actually ate 1 sausage and 3/4's of the veg.

Dinner I cooked Quorn Swedish style meatballs in gravy, peas and mashed potato. Funnily enough I got a bag of baby carrots and also a bag of broccoli and cauliflower florets out as well, but as I was preparing to cook I was paring it down thinking 'Hmmn. I don't think we will eat that much actually...' so put the baby carrots and broccoli and cauliflower back in the freezer!

I actually ate half a meatball, a spoon of mash and a spoon of peas. DS finished of the meatballs I left, and DH wolfed the leftover mash.

I am rapidly going to say that this is not a 'change' in restriction, but a change in my attitude.

I am eating slowly and when I feel full, I am stopping. I have also only eaten when I have been hungry. So I am using the band to help me, rather than trying to force as much as I can down my gullet to see how much it stops!

See the switch?

I am making a concerted effort, even though its obvious from the history of fills above that something or someone has completely messed up. I shall be sorting it shortly, never fear!

Today's update

Today has been particularly cruddy.

I felt steadily worse over the course of the day, and after writing my blog earlier this morning, I thought to myself "I have to eat something". I know, I know... It should be 5 days of fluids, but OMG its so hard.

Having nothing in your system and being on liquids = diarrhea. Pain in my stomach and the trotts? Enough was enough. I had been in utter agony for 2 days and knowing that I could easily get rid of one of these problems just by eating something, I did.

I had a coffee and then half a bowl of porridge.

It was well nice. It was a new type I think... Quaker oats with bits of apple and sultanas and cinnamon in it. Yum Yum Yum!

So after I ate that I went to bed as my guts were just raw. I had run out of paracetamol as I had been eating them copiously all weekend. I had 4 lessons to do today, and as I was lying in my bed feeling exceptionally crap I knew that it was not going to be happening.

I think I went to sleep. Poor DS is downstairs saying "Mum can I have some sweets; crisps; another ice cream as I have already had 18 today already?" etc and I am just going "Yeah Ok baby... Mummys not well, you have whatever you like. Love You"

What kind of mother am I? Its so horrible to be sick and have no one around to help you or anything. Thank goodness he is a good boy and knows how to make his own lunch and stuff... doesn't make me feel any better though.

So I was lying festering in my pit, and talking to TB on the phone when I realised that my port scar was not just swollen and raised, but hot, red and angry.

Goody.

I made an appointment with the doctor in the village and went to see them. I couldn't drive. TB's hubby dropped her around and TB, DS and me walked down to the surgery. It took 20 minutes to walk about a quarter of a mile!

The quack looked me over, said I obviously had an infection and prescribed me with flucloxicillin 500 4 times a day for a week. He also gave me codeine for the pain. So I have had 2 doses of antibiotics so hopefully by tomorrow things should start looking up.

I can't believe I have an infection in my port. What an absolute nightmare. Its so weird too. my scar is all swollen and red and stuff, but the injection site is about 2 inches below the port scar. I have no idea how this all works.

My band journey has certainly been an interesting one!

This evening DH got fish and chips. I ate some fish, no batter, and was really pleased with myself. So today I have had porridge and fish. Hmmm. Well below 1000 cals me thinks.

I will keep you posted

Lumpy Bumpy Sore and Bloated

Went for my fill on Saturday. Another drive to Barnes. Another meeting with Dr. Dovey, who wasn't up for chatting for some reason. I was early for my appointment, very early, but he saw me and then left the building. Strange. Oh well I guess its nice to finish early for a change.

I met D after for some TLC in Starbucks and a peek through her weight loss expedition too. It was SO LOVELY of you to come and meet up. I must admit I am very depressed at the moment, and I didn't feel much better after the fill. Chatting to someone who knows what you are going on about really does help.

I have come to some opinions..

There can be either 2 things wrong with my band experience. Each throws up new questions...

Here they are:

1.) When I fell down the stairs in May, went to Sri Lanka and then re gained everything I had lost up to that point (20 odd pounds) I dislodged something or caused a leak in the system... one end of the tubing come off or something like that.

2.)Dr. Clayson from The Peel Medical Practice in Tamworth did nothing except inject my tummy with very expensive water - missing the site completely and therefore I was empty until I met Dr. Dovey.

Arguments for the first case:

1.) When I fell down the stairs I was in agony in my stomach. I ended up being admitted to hospital for 3 days where they systematically gave me a rectal exam, ultrasound and x-ray and various drips and plugged me full of morphine.

2.) I weighed 16 stone 4 before the fall. I now weigh 17 stone 12, slowly regaining the weight in the following 5 months down the track.

3.) Every time I get a fill I am incapacitated for DAYS. I have to plan my fills carefully so that I don't need to work after them. My stomach swells around my port scar and is sore and hard like a rock. (check the photo) Today the scar is a little inflamed and red round the edges from the swelling.

coincidence?

Arguments for the second case:

1.) I never liked or trusted the guy Dr. Clayson in Tamworth. He was a smug arse.

2.) His hands were shaking when I was there and he was giving me my first fill

3.) I didn't feel a thing. No whooshing in my band area, no pain in my port. It also didn't feel the same as when Dr. Dovey does it. With Clayson it was like getting a tetanus jab. With Dovey there is all this pressure and I feel the needle connect with the titanium plate at he back of my port and everything.

Arguments against case one:

1.) I know that you are able to do all kinds of violent sports with a band, and 3 months after it should have been ok.

2.) Even after going to sri lanka I didn't put on an ounce, it was only slowly after that

3.) I have some kind of restriction now, which I dont think I'd have if there was a leak or something

4.) I am allergic to loads of stuff and its possible the reaction at the injection site is just me

5.) I lost 6 pounds after my last fill, and then put it back on, but I hadn't exactly been eating good things :o(

Arguments against case two:

1.) there arent any.

Dr. Dovey actually said to me that he thinks Clayson screwed up and that I had absolutely no fluid in my band. The initial restriction was simply from the swelling after the operation and the fact that there was a band there giving some form of restriction. Also I was being a very good girl, eating carefully, stopping when I was full and taking my time, not drinking wine and not drinking with meals.

He now thinks I have 5 mls in my band in total from what he gave me.

If I count Clayson's fills I would have 12 mls in there or something, so you can see why I am worried that its not working or broken and that there is a leak!!!!!!!!

I think basically that I have to forget Clayson's fills, and only consider Dovey's fills. That means I have 5mls in there. Its a complete swine because I thought I was so much further along the line. But I am going to run with it.

Just to put my mind at ease, I have booked a Fluoroscopic fill with Dr. Dillemans in Brugge on 27th November. I am hoping that this will allay my fears, restore my faith in the band, and then I am going to SO HAVE A GO AT CLAYSON! I will be wanting my money back actually. And my petrol money for the 5 hours drives there and back. Yes, I think so...

I am going to try and consider that I have just had my operation, and now I am on the way to being restricted. 5 mls is not a lot, and most people need 6 or 7 mls to get good restriction... but guess what? Dovey said my next fill is Free!! Ha ha. I wonder why that is... maybe they know the other guy was RUBBISH.

So In 4 weeks I will have another fill anyway under fluro, so things should start to shape up.

I am also taking myself in hand and not drinking whilst I eat, and am not going to eat junk like takeaways and stuff. I am also not going to have any more wine, as I don't think its helping at all.

The morning before my fill on Saturday weighed 17 stone 12 pounds. This morning I weigh 17 stone 6 and 3/4's. I have done 2 days of fluids granted, but it makes me feel better.

I got down to 16 stone 4 before all this crap.

My next target is 15 stone 13 and 3/4's.

I know I am making progress when I hit that! I know its a far off target, but I think it has to be. anything less will be an empty target as I have been there so many times before.

I am also going to dob that slimmingworld Pig in. MWA HA HA HA HA

POSITIVE POSITIVE HERE WE COME

What did I say?

Yes that's right

I quote:

"I have had less to eat this week than the last 2 weeks. Less wine as
well...I am guessing I will probably put on weight, as is the wanton and
perverse reaction of my body when I think I have actually been good for a
change."

I was TOTALLY right.

I put on 2 pounds this week. HOW CRUD

This week I couldn't give a stuff about my band I HATE IT.

I want to be able to eat NOTHING

I want to be full on fresh air and a baked bean ok????

I want to puke each time I even sniff fresh baked bread, let alone eat a whole shagging baguette!

I actually ate a WHOLE baguette, stuffed with prawns. I also ate it quicker that my husband ate his roast beef one. Quite a lot quicker to be precise.

WHY IS THIS THING NOT WORKING FOR ME????

I know I have to be careful but for GAWD'S SAKE.

If I could be careful I would have lost the flaming weight without resorting to the having a band in the first place!

I had the thing done so that it would MAKE me careful. I WANT to be full after a sniff of a strawberry yoghurt!

ARGHHHHHHHHHH

It's so damn frustrating.

Who says they cant inject you with 8 ml right there... They are bleeding me dry with the £100 a throw fills. It has so far cost me £600 to lose half a poxy stone.

I know it will work eventually, but I am EIGHT MONTHS DOWN THE ROAD!!!!!!!

I need a break. And quick.

I am just about as far away from liking my band as anyone can possibly be. I think the whole things is a load of rubbish, waste of money, agony for months and too much sheer sodding hopelessness of a tragic woman's plight to look better.

I thought I felt crap before I started slimming. I feel a whole damn lot worse now I can tell you.

Before I joined slimmingworld 2 and a half years ago, I was fat.

When I had my band done 8 months ago I was fat.

today I am STILL FAT.

I have lost pounds though! THOUSANDS OF THEM!

£500 in slimmingworld fees
£100 (approx) in gizmo's like Easy Yoghurt makers, juicers, faddy diet stuff
£hundred's on horrible food that tastes like "The Real Thing's" washed out distant cousin
£6000 on the Lap Band and hotel bills and food for me and TB for a week.
£hundred's on new clothes I bought in my excitement

I am teetering on the absolute last, tiniest, craggy, splintery ledge at the bottom of the bottom of the bottom of the chamber of the deepest darkest pit of human despair in the entire universe.

My name is Bunny and its been 5 weeks since my last fill.

*round of applause*

Where did that week go??

Blimey... I didn't realise I hadn't blogged for a week. That's scary.

I am actually alive and well as you can see. I have had a random week... nothing much has happened, but loads at the same time.

We are about to be £400 a month better off as we changed our mortgage! YEAH!
So as ever, when we are riding high on the elation of something actually GOOD happening to us, this weeks complete kicks in the butt are:
1.)MOT due - know it will fail and will probably cost £300.
2.)Someone left the freezer unplugged.. lost everything. Claimed on house insurance - YAY...then realised we have a £100 excess... bugger.
4.)Central heating boiler packed up and its freezing in this house. Will cost £300.

*cynical sigh*

Should have known better than to try and actually *SHOCK HORROR* Save money!

What fools we are!

****INSERT ECHOING MAD LAUGHTER OF THE INSANE***

Weight wise... God knows.

I have had less to eat this week than the last 2 weeks. Less wine as well...
I am guessing I will probably put on weight, as is the wanton and perverse reaction of my body when I think I have actually been good for a change.

We shall see.

Tomorrow we are going to have a rapid weigh in and then back to the ranch because I have my American cousins coming for the night. They are something like my 7th cousins. I met them when I did my family tree, and we have stayed there with them in San Diego, and they have been here. Its so cool meeting people who are in your family from YEARS ago, and you still look like them! Its quite scary to be honest.

So tomorrow the house will be in chaos. H (This is what I am going to put instead of writing housekeeper out every time as it sound pompous and rubbish) is getting up at 6am to sort the house out, and then I am going to be putting up a tent in the garden for the boys (DS and Devin) to sleep in, putting up the folding caravan for Carmella to sleep in, and making the two singles up in the spare room for Marcie and her Mum Lucie. Phew. We are going to have a massive BBQ in the evening and TB and her hubby are coming along too which will be great.

Can't wait.

night night