Saturday, 3 September 2011

Ramp it up

Well it's September and who would have thought that I would have had a relatively good year since I decided to sort my stuff out.

I haven't lost oodles and oodles, but I have lost 10kgs - 22lbs. That's not bad. I feel a heap better than what I weighed last September that's for sure. There seems to be a weight cutoff for me that I just feel so awful that I end up doing something about it. 122kgs seems to be about my limit.

The first time I got to that kind of weight I started this blog and slimmingworld and eventually, when that didnt work, I got the band. The second time I got to that weight was last September. Not a good feeling. I did have a FABULOUS eating fest though between April and September when Albert was totally de-filled! MMMmmm I remember those days!

I am trying to remember how I felt to be that fat though. Hot, sweaty, puffy and uncomfortable. Ugly, not feminine or sexy in any way.  Worried about dying of a stroke, looking like a loser who can't make good choices for themselves etc. Feeling like people looked at me as being ill educated too. Like I was so dumb that I didn't understand how to feed myself properly. Being verbally abused by kids at the park...

I felt horrible at that weight. I felt humiliated and embarrased and sick to my stomach. I felt worse last September than I did when I started my blog back in 2005 too... I think mainly because I was 5 years older, 5 years sicker with Lupus and it was just plain wrong to be carrying that kind of weight about.

I need to ramp this up though. I have stagnated now for a couple of months around the same weight. Losing 1/2 a kilo a month is pretty freaking poor show really.

We have had a LOT of takeaway food. The week before last EVERY evening meal was take out. Chinese, Fish and Chips, Curry, Pizza, Kebab... you name it. I don't know why but it was just so busy and I was shattered and no one complained about dialling dinner. But that has to stop  - if not only because my wallet is empty!!

In about 4 months we are going to be going on holiday again. We are looking at anywhere that is cheap, leaves on Christmas Day and is hot - even though I wont be able to sunbathe which is gutting.

It looks like Tenerife or Lanzarote. Both of which I have been to before, and they are fine. I would love to go somewhere with a bit of culture, sight seeing etc but DH wants to have a relaxing holiday rather than a driving about one, or a carting all over the place one. He wants to lie on his back for 2 weeks, and who can blame him!!

So that's 4 months to try and lose a bit more weight and see if I can look a bit better in a cozzy this year than last. Last xmas when we went to Fuertaventura I succumbed to buying a hideously expensive and ugly swim dress. Yes, it really had got that bad. I hadn't worn a swim dress since my bulk before the band... but it was a serious state of affairs and a normal cozzy or bikini was beyond imaginable.

This year it would be nice to not feel like a total whale and maybe wear a bikini again. Yeah, I know I am no twiggy, but I don't see why wearing a bikini rather than a onepiece has to mean you gotta be scrawny. I felt so much better in a Bikini than a onepiece. Theres nothing worse than peeling off a twangy tight wet onepiece in the ladies lavs to have a piddle and then trying to put it on again, cold and wet; stretching in all the wrong places and feeling rancid to the n'th degree.

The last time I wore a bikini was in Crete when I was a little over 17 stone - about 107kgs (only 4 kgs away!!!) - so it's not out of the question that I could do that in four months.

I am going to give it a big push and see what I can achieve. I am going to aim low and go for 1/2 a kilo a week. That means hopefully 8 kgs before xmas. I think that is a good target to aim for. I would then be around 103kgs (under 17 stone) and nearly under 100kgs, which would be nice progress. I want to get stuck in this year. The lowest I have ever got is 98kgs and I felt $1,000,000!!!

Although I have been banded for over 4 and a half years, I really do feel like this thing has been working properly now for the last year and Jane at  is the one to thank for that. She has given me a lot of confidence, and let me decide on how much fill to have, or not have. I have got it just about right.

I have a perfect fill level for me at the moment. I am NEVER hungry, and I am only not losing weight because of the stupid choices I am making with my food and drink.

I still have to chuck sometimes and its all too much, I even had a day last week where I could - for absolutely NO REASON whatsoever- eat a single thing, or drink a drop of liquid at all!!

To this day I find the band a fickle son of a bitch and it's name - Albert Ladysmith Steptoe - is still as apt as the day I named him!

So, big push here we come!! I am going to use the daily plate again too to keep track of stuff. I find it much more useful to see where my calories are going and if I am getting enough protein and other nutrients.

Lunch today is a jacket potato with Tuna mayo. Mmmm.

OMG, just realised that if I lose 1/2 kilo a week from here on in... I will be back to my lowest weight (98 kilos) in 26 weeks... that's like mid February!!!!!!!!!!!! lets see shall we!


  1. Fantastic Bunny, I'm so pleased for you. Also, it's very reassuring to read that you've been banded for a long time, and it's still there working - it's just your food choices that stand between your weight now and the weight you could be. You've made me feel better too.

  2. It's great to hear you sound so positive about where you are with the band. I hope your ramp up plan works. I know just cutting out the take away should help- I know it helps us when we start eating too much of it.

  3. wahoooo :) we all have to do this in our own time and space and I am so happy that you are getting yours time and space figured out. Your underwire metal for the war effort will be minimized in not time :) hehe