Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Little help from NLP

Today I went to see a lady for NLP therapy. I needed to address the trust problems I have with my band, and also the need to completely sabotage my weightloss. It was good. I was not sure if I was under or not, but actually I must have been because although I heard every word that she said, I thought I was under about 10 minutes and it was an hour and a half. The poor woman was horse. I also have a tape of it too, so that will help me in the next few days. I feel good and positive, in myself, if a little dubious about the treatment. I guess that everyone must feel that way. This was a total suggestive therapy and I didn't talk at all. During the session I wrote my ideal weight and size on a board and visualised myself that way. I wrote 12 stone. I thought that was odd because I normally think of 11 stone as being my goal, but maybe I am being unrealistic with that. So apparently my body will want to level itself at 12 stone for the rest of my life. Considering she says this is a 1 time session and I will not need another session - it will work - I should be thrilled and seeing results soon. However, I do get that horrible little thing at the back of my mind that thinks "why isn't everyone doing this then..?"

Hopefully its just the cynic in me. Who knows, we shall see.

It was £30 by the way and her name is Joy - ironic considering the slimmingworld pig's name was Joy too...

On that note, I rejoined Slimmingworld, as I said I would, with Georgina's class on a Monday morning. I weighed in at a hefty 17 stone and half a pound. I wont be able to go to the class this Monday because its a bank holiday and although its been re-scheduled for Tuesday, that's the day we go to the Czech republic. We come back the following Monday, so its going to be 3 weeks before I get a weigh in. I think this will be a good test of the NLP and also my willpower.

Something strange happened at slimmingworld this week too. You go to a stand to get weighed and the lady writes down your weight in your book and as she was doing this she asked "Have you had the lap band removed now then?"....

I haven't told anyone apart from he consultant that I have a lapband at slimmingworld. Consider the sniggers... "had a lapband but getting fatter!" "paid all that money but its not working is it! Still has to come here!" NO! There is no way I was going to tell any of the hoi-pol-oi at slimmingworld about my band, EVER.

So how did this woman know?

HOW DARE THEY TELL THAT?

Those who have been reading this blog for a long time will remember the trouble I had at Slimmingworld PIG Joy's class when someone came up to me and asked me if I had a band when even JOY should not have known (since I didn't tell her!!!). Talk about no confidentiality at all. I am so upset about it, but I am biding my time as I need to find out where this little woman heard that I had a band, and how many other people know. When she tells me that it was Georgina (as that's the ONLY person there who knows about it and should have held that information in the strictest of confidence as the consultant being paid by slimmingworld), then I will plan what to do.

I am NOT having that.

Friday, 15 May 2009

Hey hey on the way

Ok, had a few good days. I have sworn off the evil drink (boo hoo) as I know that's just liquid calories, all be it nice liquid calories!! Haven't had any sick making incidents, and have had evening meals and even a couple of lunches without a problem. They haven't bee the best of choices however, but still better than snacking and junk.
I have had sausage and chips, curry, fish fingers, chicken Kiev and a few other things that aren't fabulous diet wise, but no junk and no wine. Will weigh myself again on Monday and see where we are at.

I am also going back to slimmingworld as I like the weekly weigh in and it helps keep my mind focused on weight loss. Then on Wednesday evening I am going for an NLP session with a local lady who is excellent. I need to get over my fear of the band going wrong. I think my block is psychological, and I think it needs to be something deeper that counselling or similar, and I need it fixed fast.

Tonights tea is Shepherds Pie & Peas. strictly this is cottage pie as I am making it with Beef, not lamb but I gre up with it being called sheperds pie, so thats what I call it now. I think real shepherds pie is gross and minced lamb disgusting. Its way too fatty, even for me!

Tuesday our Romanian Truck driver lodger Stefan left the establishment. It was with a huge sigh of relief as he really did make us worried. He came back one night absolutely paralytic - and had driven over 20 miles to get back home. He could hardly stand. I reported him to the police and told them he didn't have insurance either (he told me that!) and the next night he didn't come home.

I did have thoughts that he'd been nicked, but then his friend brought him home to collect a few bits for a trip to London. He came back that evening, and the next day a friend came and picked him up for work. The same friend brought him home again and then turned up again the following morning to take Stefan to London again. It was when he came home that evening (Tuesday) and said he was moving to London and his friend was there to help him move his stuff that I put 2 and 2 together. 3 days I hadn't seen the car, and now he was off to London! His car had obviously been written off or taken by the police and now he was off. Whatever, he is out of here. I don't want people like that running around my house.

Right, off to have my hair cut.

Monday, 11 May 2009

Drastic

Peeps, its time to bulk buy slimfast.

I just cant do this.

Typical day (foodwise) for me ATM:

Coffee x 5
crisps
coleslaw
main evening dinner (too large for a bandit)
pudding
wine
crisps and junk
muller corners

Its a cycle. Hate self.

I am going to do what I should have done when we started this journey - slimfast for 2 weeks prior to the operation.

Now, I have to say that I was NEVER told to go on a diet before the operation. I phoned and was booked my surgery 3 weeks later, and basically ate like a hog for those 3 weeks. If they had told me I needed to do slimfast from that moment on, I would have done it. I was in the zone and ready to commit. After being in band land for the last 2 and a half years I now know that the vast majority of band patients are on 'optifast' or slimfast for several weeks prior so at to shrink their liver and prepare for the surgery with nutrients.

So, I think I need to go back and do this again in my head. I am going to do slimfast for 2 weeks and hopefully kick start some weight loss, get myself feeling better in that regard (no weight loss = comfort eating = weight gain = comfort eating = weight gain... ad infinitum) and then hopefully break this habit of self destruction.

I am re taking my oaths that I decided on pre surgery - no crap food.

I don't feel good. I don't feel healthy. I don't wake refreshed. I feel rubbish, sluggish, lethargic and sticky on the inside.

Once I have got my stuff together in my head, purged my body of toxins and rubbish food, I am going to re assess the situation and see if I can get this thing to work for me.

Life news... well not a lot. 2 kittens have gone to their new homes, so that means less blood loss from kitten inflicted leg lacerations, of which there are numerous.

Geoffrey had his second set of injections today and also a microchip with which he howled like billio! WOW, he really didn't like that at all. such a big needle for such a small doggy. But its all done now and I feel better about it. It was good because I had 27 tablets left from the kittens medication that I could get a refund for, so it offset the price meaning chipping only came to £5. Nice.

Can't wait to take him out for a walk.