Wednesday, 21 October 2009

DHL & vomit

Oh what a day...
I have had a BAD band day and I am feeling it.

The DHL man stakeout went just as expected.

I sat in the caravan reading a book (The Piano Teacher) and lolling about on the duvet in there -which was actually kind of a nice escape... I might even do it in future as it was so pleasant. I pulled the curtain over the window a little so I could see him, but he couldn't see me. I contemplated my cuning plan and I lay in there for about 40 minutes until a red car rocked up on the drive. Out lopes a very odd bloke. He spoke on the phone like a 70 year old... he really had an old voice, but he looked young - about 35ish?, I dunno. He was wearing short shorts (in the pissing rain) and a cap (of the old git variety!) and coat. He just strolled up the drive and opened the letter box whilst rummaging in his pocket. He was about to card & leave again! What an anus!

I BURST from the van "Hey! I didn't hear you ring! Where's my parcel?". He was obviously stunned and dithered a bit, and then with his old 70 yr old voice said that he thought I was out. "What gave you that idea seeing as you didn't bother to knock or ring?"

I stood there all folded arms, in a chin wobbling act of ahh HA! You scoundrel!!! I found you out!

He actually said NOTHING. He walked to the car, grabbed the parcel off the seat and held it for a while whilst fiddling with his PDA wotsit. He was obviously not particularly good at using it (maybe he never has used it... the idea crossed my mind to be honest) as he was fumbling and shaking and seemingly just harassing the parcel's barcode as opposed to getting any kind of job done. Then his machine made a bleep and he jumped a little in surprise shoved the parcel into my hands, galloped back down the drive to his red car and flew away.

WHAT THE HECK???? Can anyone explain this madness? I honestly don't have an inkling as to why someone would waste their time and NOT deliver a parcel.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Ok so on top of this, its DH's day off and we want to go and see 'UP'. The first showing is on at 1:45pm. Its 12:30 and I am cooking eggy bread for DS, Fried bread and fried eggs for DH and scrambled egg for me. All at the same time. I sit down to eat my eggs (last out of the family of course) and its only 10 minutes before we need to leave for the piccies. I cant eat. I try, but its no good. I drink my coffee too quick and it sits there.

By the time we are at the cinema, I am in need of a puke. I promptly trot off to the bogs and throw. Meanwhile, back in the land of the un-lapbanded, DH thought it was a good idea to order me popcorn *SLOW BLINK*

So I sit in the theatre watching UP with DH on the right eating family size bag of Malteasers, DS on the left eating a family size bag of Twisted Starburst both of them slurping gallon tanks of sprite whilst my popcorn *BLINK* sits on the floor along with the cooling black coffee they got me too.

Half way through the film, after a couple of sips of coffee, I needed to go to the bathroom again and purge. Coffee, even black, is not happening.

We get home. I make a fresh coffee and it goes ok. I make the mistake of tasting 1 piece of popcorn. PUKE #3 & puke #4 when I do it again. *sigh*.

I make dinner - home made beef stew, romanesque and mashed swede - have a few spoons of the gravy/beef broth and its all good. I have a teaspoon of mashed swede and here comes puke #5. I am properly annoyed now and feeling shite so I persevere a little later on (microwaved for the 2nd time) and puke #6 hits the sink.

So, the sum total of today's intake is nothing. Whatever has gone down, has just hit the deck again, so bugger food for today. In about half an hour I am going to initialize 'sip-a-minute' my amazing never fail tight band relief module. This never fails to help me get my fluids in and at least a protein shake or two down the gullet on a tight day.

So tight day is nearly over and tomorrow is hopefully going to be better, especially as DHL moron delivered my beauteous shiny glass body analyzer scales that seemingly are amazingly accurate and wondrous.

Sigh.

4 comments:

  1. what the heck!!!! You should call his employer! that is just nuts. Is he afraid of talking to people? what a wackadoodle.

    scrambled eggs do that to me every time-My last scrambled egg was about 6 months ago. They cause the most painful long-lasting vomit fest on the planet. The only way I can eat an egg now is in egg salad with lots of mayo.

    I hope you feel better!

    Tina

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  2. Bunny, you have made me laugh till my sides ached. Just the image of you lurking in a caravan reading a book with one eye fixed on the front door is like something out of a film, not to mention the weirdo delivery man. I agree with Tina - it's too textbook not to tell DHL. And that he didn't even offer an explanation...
    I had scrambled egg this evening - I can only have a small amount, which always pleases me. (How does one type na na nanaa na?) !...
    Caroline

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  3. HILARIOUS!!!

    I am glad I am not the only person who becomes incensed with those lazy DHL and FED Ex ppl. And Canada Post? Don't get me started.

    I don't have much restriction yet, 4.1 ccs in a 10 mil band, but I will be keeping that sip a minute trick in my brain for when I am ;-)

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  4. LOL You have a great way of playing out a situation and I was giggling away here like mad! It was too funny.
    I hear you on the egg front - I am having trouble with them too (whats with that?? Seriously!! They are soft ffs lol) Anyway, maybe you couldn't eat after so much PB'ing due to being swollen. That happened to me and no way was food happening.
    Glad you caught the lazy bastard out anyway! Ring his employer!

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