Monday, 11 May 2009

Drastic

Peeps, its time to bulk buy slimfast.

I just cant do this.

Typical day (foodwise) for me ATM:

Coffee x 5
crisps
coleslaw
main evening dinner (too large for a bandit)
pudding
wine
crisps and junk
muller corners

Its a cycle. Hate self.

I am going to do what I should have done when we started this journey - slimfast for 2 weeks prior to the operation.

Now, I have to say that I was NEVER told to go on a diet before the operation. I phoned and was booked my surgery 3 weeks later, and basically ate like a hog for those 3 weeks. If they had told me I needed to do slimfast from that moment on, I would have done it. I was in the zone and ready to commit. After being in band land for the last 2 and a half years I now know that the vast majority of band patients are on 'optifast' or slimfast for several weeks prior so at to shrink their liver and prepare for the surgery with nutrients.

So, I think I need to go back and do this again in my head. I am going to do slimfast for 2 weeks and hopefully kick start some weight loss, get myself feeling better in that regard (no weight loss = comfort eating = weight gain = comfort eating = weight gain... ad infinitum) and then hopefully break this habit of self destruction.

I am re taking my oaths that I decided on pre surgery - no crap food.

I don't feel good. I don't feel healthy. I don't wake refreshed. I feel rubbish, sluggish, lethargic and sticky on the inside.

Once I have got my stuff together in my head, purged my body of toxins and rubbish food, I am going to re assess the situation and see if I can get this thing to work for me.

Life news... well not a lot. 2 kittens have gone to their new homes, so that means less blood loss from kitten inflicted leg lacerations, of which there are numerous.

Geoffrey had his second set of injections today and also a microchip with which he howled like billio! WOW, he really didn't like that at all. such a big needle for such a small doggy. But its all done now and I feel better about it. It was good because I had 27 tablets left from the kittens medication that I could get a refund for, so it offset the price meaning chipping only came to £5. Nice.

Can't wait to take him out for a walk.

3 comments:

  1. I recognise the self-hate only too well. But don't be too hard on yourself, because you'll fail and hate yourself even more. I also find that setting targets (for a food-addictive person like me) is hopeless. Failure to meet target has same effect as above.
    Why don't you just try as a first step just to slow down? The cycles you describe sound as though they occur many times a day. I mean eat slowly but don't get anxious - promise yourself that if you're really still hungry you'll have a bit more... The only item you list which looks essential to fight against is the crisps, not just because of the fat content, but because they are SOOO addictive, and you get to feel you can't possibly survive a day without them, and one packet only is nowhere near enough. Two or three is nearer the mark, etc etc. Long term there's no way you're going to get slim on a lorra crisps, and it's too hard to allow yourself a packet a week, isn't it??
    Sorry, I'm rambling, and I don't mean to preach. I truly sympathise with the agonies you're going through, and I'm just trying to give you ideas.
    Keep posting.
    Caroline

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  2. Going on slimfast for a couple of weeks ain't gonna be too hard and it might help to reestablish the bands position and tighten it again...

    I know you had your band done abroad, but have you ever had an x-ray to make sure it was in the right place? Only a thought and not one to make your think that something is wrong.

    good luck with your slimfast... it's hard but may just be the start you need.

    ;o)
    xx

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  3. Hi Bunny,

    Have you tried some good old calorie counting? Really getting back to basics and weighing food and working out how many calories you're eating? You may not eat half a bag of chips when you know it's half your daily allowance of energy!! What about including fruit and more vege as snacks? I agree that getting back onto slim fast will help you get focused, but if you have to also feed a family and keep other foods in the house for them, the temptation can just get too much!!


    Get those chips out of your house! And maybe start a challenge - for eg... no alcohol for 1 month.. or no chips for 1 week, or chocolate only once a week, or drink 2 600mL bottles of water every day... if you do it for long enough it starts to stick for the long term...

    Good luck hun, and keep blogging!!!

    LBG xx

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