Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Ooops been gone a while

Right then, seeing as I have been tardy, let me bring you all up to speed. I had my unfill which was wonderful... too wonderful. I have been able to eat everything and it's dog.

So I booked to have a top up and had it done last Sunday. I had 0.5mls put back in (for free) and to be honest there is not a lot of difference. I have not been eating quite so much, but apart from that I am able to eat pretty much all things except for sliced bread/rolls.

I am finding that pitta is a really good thing for me to eat. I have had 3 pitta bread over the course of the day with hummus. Tonight's tea is roast gammon with cauliflower cheese and for afters we are having apple and blackberry crumble and custard.

I am not hungry right now, and all I have consumed all day has been pitta bread and hummus, orange juice and coffee.

If you asked me have I had a lot to eat today I would say "yes" and in the back of my min think "too much" but actually this is BECAUSE of the band causing the sensation of satisfaction. I only FEEL like I have eaten too much, when in fact I haven't.

I hope to see a difference with my eating with this fill. Not so tight that I cannot eat more than a bite, but enough so that I can keep healthy and just lose maybe even 1/2 pound per week.

I am conscious that I am not really at my 1 year out yet (Band Mk2 that is - counting November 9th as band day.), and I have lost about a 1/3rd of the weight I want to ideally lose. I hope to have knocked half the weight on its head by my Band (mk2) Anniversary.

What damage did I do to my weight whilst at open free for all... 4 lb gain. This was analysed as 1 pound of water, 1 pound of muscle and 2 pounds of fat. Not bad when you consider I ate like a hog for 2 weeks solid. Mind you, eating like a hog for someone with a band, whatever their restriction is like, is significantly reduced from the Hardcore Hog that I was pre banding!!

So, I am not going to update my weight bar and add on the 4pound gain, as I will feel horrible and it will put me in a bad place, and I will adjust it when I have lost 4 and a half pounds instead and then I will be happy.

I have exactly 6mls in my band.

I suffered with a lot of pain in my port over the last few days where I have had to resort to codeine (Thanks Dad! He gave me all 200 packets of 90 tablets given to him from the hospital after his cancer operation - bargain!). Codeine was the only thing that touched my pain before when my band broke. However, it was NOT that kind of pain, but really from the injection site. There has been no swelling, redness or anything else and I still definitely have restriction, so I am not worried, although paranoia did start to set in during the long sleepless night after the fill! Today is fine though and I have been decorating, sawing, painting and all kinds of stuff without a problem.

As for the normal lark... we have our new lodger Josh. He arrived this afternoon at 3:30 with all his stuff. He is really excited about staying and starting his apprenticeship etc. Seems like a nice lad. He has a brother aged 9 too so just like home really!

Right, over and out for today.

Monday, 18 August 2008

Todays roundup

I have loads of things on eBay at the moment. A car, some shoes, a face cream, art books, my dress that I wore to the wedding and other stuff.

Hopefully I might get some cash back!

So that's what I have spent most of the day doing... photographing stuff and entering reams of crap on eBay. Its so long winded. Something that has really annoyed me today is the fact that if you revise and item, once you have listed it on eBay that is, it changes the title for you. good huh? I think that's rubbish seeing as I chose my title and took ages on it.

Grrr

Bunk mate phoned today. Was wicked to catch up and her life has been just the same crazy whirlwind as mine... but not quite eh bunk mate? She thinks I am totally crazy and I guess she is right. HA HA.

Trish the Canadian lodger moved out today. Boo Hoo... but there we go.

Now, Bunk mate pointed out that people might be getting a tad lost in the comings and going of the lodgers and the cars...

Ok, here's a round up of the lodgers to date:
November 2007 - February 2008 Carina our German Girl
February 2008 - April 2008 Our two Spanish sweeties... Maria and Xandra
April - present Sue out lovely English Rose
April 2008 - June 2008 - Lotse the Hungarian truck driver
June 2008 - July 2008 - Lotse + Csilla his wife & Lilli their daughter!
June 2008 for 2 weeks Katie the Scottish news reader
June 2008 - August 18th Trish the Canadian Medieval history PHD student

So at the moment we have just Sue and her dog Dylan. In a week, Josh arrives. He is a young lad of 16 just about to start his apprenticeship and will be staying with us for at least 13 weeks... but more likely a year +.

Last night we went to Lotse and Csilla's for dinner with Sue. It was really great. They have moved into a 3 bedroom place and they invited us over for dinner. They are so grateful to us for helping them get started. Lilli, their daughter, is coeliac. They didnt know that they could get a lot of her food on prescription. She is so painfully thin its harrowing. They nearly wept at the thought of Lilli being able to eat bread, pizza, rolls and pasta. In Hungary their life was a bit awful I think. Anyway, to them its like they have arrived in Paradise. Weird considering I would give anything to go and live in Hungary!! HA HA.

So it was really nice to go there and see them settling into English life. What a massive decision huh? Their son Greg joins them in September also to make a new start. Really exciting for them.
So, lodger wise that's it really... waiting for next Tuesday to settle Josh in, but that should be no problem really.

Cars...
well, I wrote my red Rover off last December, remember? I bought the horrid Mondeo to tide me over. Then I bought my MG but just didn't get along with it. Now I have bought a Rover 25 which is much more 'ME' and sold the MG. DH had a company car until beginning of June. Then he bought a Rover 400 saloon. It was a big of a nadger, and he swapped it on the site called http://www.swapz.co.uk/ which is cool for a Citroen saxo. But he still needed a better small car. So we just got him an 02 plate Ford Fiesta with is totally great for him and he is thrilled. So we are now selling the saxo.

Its all go around here boyz and girlz!

I have only 2 more weeks of the holidays left and then I am right back in the thick of it again. I am going to put my prices up because its just ridiculous not to. The few new people I have got over the holidays have not blinked a bit at the £14 per lesson price tag. I am, after all, extremely cheap anyway! The going rate is £16 - and that's travelling to the teachers house... so I am a bit of a bargain. I cant be too cheap or I will look like rubbish. Hard huh?

Ok, roundup of today's food...
had the prawns thing this morning
had an apple
had a couple of cereal bars
dinner was cauliflower, creamed leeks and duchess potatoes. I didn't bother with meat as it makes me sick.
Then I had half a bottle red and another cereal bar.

That's all folks!

Shopping is getting to be a full time job for an accountant

1 Tesco Plain Flour 1.5kg

2 Pataks Madras Curry Paste Medium Hot Jar 283g

14 Golden Delicious Apples Class 1 Loose

4 Pot Noodle Chicken & M/Room 94g

1 Red Bull Energy Drink 250ml

2 Tesco Nas Orange Squash 750ml

1 Robinsons Hi-Juice Orange 1 Ltr

4 Tesco Thick All Butter Shortbread Fingers 250g

1 Frozen Cooked & Peeled King Prawns 250g

1 T.Salt & Vinegarcrunchy Sticks 150g

1 Tesco Prawn Crackers 60g

1 Walkers Wotsits Cheese 12pk

3 Tesco Spinach Ricotta Tortellini 250g

1 Ready To Eat Peach Punnet

1 Tesco 12 Mini Savoury Eggs 240g

2 Boklunder Schulte Bratwurst 540g

1 Dove Deodorant Fresh Antiperspirant Deodrant 150ml

1 Raid Fly And Wasp Killer 300ml

1 Tesco Value Cooked Ham 125g

1 Tesco Value Table Salt 1kg

1 Tesco Non Biological Powder 30 Wash/2.4kg

2 Tesco Value Chicken Breast Fillets 1kg

2 Go Tan Nasi Goreng Mealkit 380g

1 Lamb Whole Leg 1.4kg - 2.4kg

1 Go Cat Duck Rabbit & Chicken 950g

2 Tesco Chocolate Chip Chewy & Crisp Cereal Bar 6 Pack

2 Tesco Value Dishwasher Tabs 30's

1 Clean & Fresh Washing Up Liquid 1 Ltr

1 Tesco Floral Liquid Rim Plus 3 Refills

24 Tesco Uht Value Skimmed Milk 1 Litre

5 Felix Fish Variety Pack 6 X 400g

TOTAL
£104.74

Same EXACT shop... using equivalent brands in LIDL.... £77.88

That is a saving of nearly £27.00!!!!!!!! Thats a new pair of shoes!

I have decided that I have to be more frugal with my spending, and am choosing where to buy things rather than just going to Tesco like I always have done.

A year or two ago I never thought about the price of things. The weekly shop come to such & such and that was that. I didn't buy value all the time, nor did I look and compare prices. I just saw what I wanted and put it in the trolley. I am finding with rising costs that this is simply idiotic these days. I was in tesco teaching DS how to work out which olive oil to buy and it struck me that I was actually working out the price per litre and then seeing which one was better value on a basic necessity like olive oil. This was really concerning.

When I was looking at it all, there were several thoughts going through my mind. Firstly was DS needs to be able to do this. He needs to be able to convert £1.25 per litre/kilo into mls/grams. He needs to work out how much per litre a 500ml bottle of oil costing £3.65 is etc.
Secondly, how cunning supermarkets are. For example there are 10 bottles of oil on the shelf. Some are 500mls, some 1 ltr, some 750. They all are labelled by price, but because of the sizing of the bottles, you still cant work out which is cheaper. They have 'tried' to make it easier by underneath putting the price per litre... but it is NOT uniform! Sometimes they put price per half litre or in mls, so for someone who cannot do basic maths, this is a minefield.
It struck me that they need to uniformly put the price per litre, or per ml or whatever and stick to it. But of course they are not going to.

DS and were looking at all these bottles of oil, and we were sat down on the floor in the aisle doing these sums. People were staring at us like we were mad. I said to DS "Which one looks the most expensive" and "Which one looks the cheapest?" He chose the Bertolli light olive oil as the most expensive because the label looks lovely. He chose the plain glass tesco bottle of oil as the cheapest because of the label too and also by the price tag. He was right about the most expensive. But wrong about the cheapest. Right next to the bottle of Tesco olive oil was another bottle which looked exactly the same size. It was dearer by about 25p though. However, when you looked VERY closely this bottle was 1litre of oil, and the glass one next to it was 750mls. The 1litre bottle was PLASTIC. It was exactly the same shape and size as the 750ml one, but was infact the cheapest. Now, just rushing through with screaming kids, Mrs Joe Bloggs would pick up the 750ml no doubt, because 25p is still 25p and would not notice that actually the other WAS cheaper.

I think this is like deception. It amounts to it. They cover the prices with jargon, put different prices, different sizes etc and it baffles one. Cunning. Obviously its their job to be, but I think it terrible. Going to such lengths as that to gain a few pence.

It doesn't stop there... you by loose apples because you see that the packaged ones are dearer. Then you keep doing that and what do you find, the packed apples are now cheaper!! so you go back to packed, then a few weeks later the loose are in again. They swap it to maximise their success and your loss.

Who goes shopping for a pint of milk and comes out with that pint costing £50. Its a time old saying, but I know I do! They swap the shelves, move products practically weekly to get you traipsing through the store in the hope that you will spot a bargain! How much more of this kind of thing that we don't notice? I always used to wonder why you could smell bread as you walked in the shop, but the bakery section was at the far back of the store... Hmmm.

Anyway, I am getting my veg from a local farm shop. I asked the lady there to make me up a box of veg and salad. That way I can go in, get the goods and leave and it cuts down on impulse buying. I find that I never have enough veg to last the week, so I go shopping purely for vegetables 2 or 3 times a week and end up come out with all kinds of other crap.

I am doing my main shopping in Lidl once per week.

I am buying my washing detergent ONLY from ALDI because their Liquid wash is £2 per bottle and it does 30 washes!!! That's Unreal! It washes really well too.

This way I figure I am going to save myself about £50 - £65 a week on my shopping bills.

Needs must when the devil drives.

band land... I am going to have a top up, I think I wrote that already, on Sunday. I have had a good day today... some prawns in a ginger and garlic sauce that I saved and froze from the other week and an apple. Not gonna get very fat on that huh.

Yesterday was a bit of a bad day... not because of over eating, but being sick. I cant remember what I had for breakfast... I think a muesli bar... then I went to the city to buy some stuff for our box day anniversary celebration which is on the 30th (will explain all later). I was really hungry and bought some spinach falafel from waitrose. I ate one and should have stopped. I didn't and ate another only to have to be sick later. Then we went to Lotse and Csilla's for dinner. They made fried chicken and mash and tiramisu. I had some chicken, but had to throw it back up. I managed the potato and also the two helpings of tiramisu. Yum!

Today I have also added a cereal bar to my daily food intake. I have no idea what we are doing for dinner, but I want something nice!

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Blessed relief







My brothers wedding was fabulous, and we had such a lovely time. They were so cute and in love and I am thrilled for them. The above was DS in his penguin suit as Paige Boy and Ring Bearer, and then one of my get up...





Check out the wedding 'cake'. What a nightmare for us bandsters huh? Thank goodness I hadn't had my band relaxed at the time of the wedding!! there was 240 Krispy Kreme Donuts and even a chocolate fountain in the evening. No I didn't succumb!

But back to banding... My appointment with Wendy went well on Sunday. I had a WHOLE millilitre out of my band.

I cant tell you how wonderful it feels. Strangely enough, although I never thought I could feel my band inside me, I must have been able to in some way because my chest actually feels different.

When I hopped on the table I told her I wanted all the fluid - everything - out of my band because I couldn't take it any more. she told me that 1 ml would be fine.

She said that when people are too tight she can tell. Its in their eyes and skin condition and general behaviour... lethargic and lacklustre all around. She said that I wasn't that tight because I looked healthy, rosy cheeks and was bright and attentive etc. Apparently some people are literally starving themselves and think they are going to be able to lose weight, but in fact the very opposite is true and they are seriously jeopardising their bands and the integrity of their stomach.

So when she stuck in the needle it immediately popped out fluid - a clear indication of tightness. She drew all 6.5mls out of my band to check for leaks, fluid loss, colouration etc and all was fine, then she just put 5.5mls back in.

I felt the relief immediately. I was hungry before having the fluid out as she doesn't like you to eat before a fill, so we went straight to KFC afterwards. I was able to COMFORTABLY eat half a twister. That was unbelievable. No puking, no worries, and a natural full feeling where I just wanted to stop eating.

I actually didn't eat anything else the rest of the day as it was about 5pm when we had the KFC anyway.

Yesterday I had a bit of crap carb day, and spent a lot of time in bed with horrible period pain, but today I am determined to not think about having a band and try and eat to satisfaction and stop. I don't want to push the band, and I don't want to overeat just because I might be able to.

So today's day started off with 28g muesli and skimmed milk - a previously unimagined delight.

Weight wise I was 15stone 8 according to the scales at the weightloss surgery group appointment. So that's good. Last time I weighed 16 stone 4, so at least I have lost 10 pounds since April.

Anyway, I am gonna crack on with this band lark and start behaving myself. No wine, no junk. Actually, it feels great to know I DON'T have to eat junk. I was relying on it to keep me going for the last couple of months, but now I can eat regular food its a real relief.

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Liquids and Mushies

Thanks for all your support guys.

I got a real telling off from Wendy at WLS Group. She told me to drink iced fluids for 24 hours and then liquids and soup until I see her on Sunday as I am totally jeopardising my band by being way too tight and sick so much. She said it was very dangerous to have stayed in that position and I should have got in touch with her immediately I noticed the amount of HMS'ing.

I have been very good. I did what she said all day Friday & Saturday. Sunday was a bit awful. TB was having some serious stress and I needed to be a chocolate eating partner with her, so I ingested my body weight in minstrels and had several glasses of vino too. Yesterday I had a little mashed potato and also muesli bar as well as yogurts etc.

Today I have been good too. I had a muesli bar with some milk for breakfast. For lunch I had a little bit of spaghetti that was left in the can after DS had spaghetti on toast for his lunch.

I have just consumed some nice biscuits soaked in coffee and that's probably going to me for the day. I might have a yogurt for dinner though.

I cant do liquids for a week. But puree and soft diet I can do. its a half way house.

Friday, 1 August 2008

Unfill booked

Right, my next trip to Harley street is on the 10th August at 1:00pm.
That's worked out well actually. we will be on the way back from my mums house on the Sunday anyway, so stopping off at Harley street on the way is purrrfect!

Yesterday was bad news. I got home from the meeting and went to bed with 4 trash magazines, a bottle of wine, a bar of cadburys caramel (not a little bar... the big 500g one!), a box of pringles and 3 packets of Worcester sauce flavour crisps and a 5 pack of kit kat chunky's!

I felt like total crap yesterday, emotionally, physically and mentally. I felt like I needed to go away for a while. I felt like I wanted to be on my own and have my own space for a while, do what I want to do and think about no one else. so it was nice having a couple of hours in bed on my own enjoying rubbish.

However, this morning I feel disappointed with myself. Sue really upset me and I was kicking back at her remarks. She is slim, 60, never had a weight problem and apparently all I needed to do was control my portions. Its easy apparently. I just needed to have a small piece of grilled protein and a salad and I would be fine. Now, I am so upset! Why didn't I just try and stop eating so much? OMG like I never thought of that. I have had a lap band. DEAR ME! Does she really think that I haven't tried EVERY DAMN THING IN THE WORLD.

There is not 1 thin person on earth that understands where fat people like me are coming from. I mean, if you got a bunch of us fatties together in a room, the reasons we all eat are so different from one another that even WE don't know why we do it, so how the HECK does she think she knows. I was furious.
I told her that for me, it was the swallowing part I love and infact it didn't matter what the food was I would just like to eat it. Apparently I was wrong, and I didnt enjoy that at all

She said:
" No, its the taste that makes people eat more. You just have to control yourself. Everyone gets to a point when they are full and they cant eat any more or they are sick. Its just greed"

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What a moron. I hate thin people who think that we are gluttonous hogs. That is so TOTALLY wrong. I eat because I feel RUBBISH. I eat because I feel good, I eat because I lost weight and because I want to lose more and I eat because I don't lose weight.

Someone needs to find out what the hell is going on in our heads because it is NOT just a case of control.

I gave up fags. If I can do that I think I have pretty damn strong will power.

I cannot control my urge to eat.

So I was real pee'd off last night and felt really vulnerable and like some fat common dumb hick idiot who is just ignorant or something and only has enough brain cells to work a can opener.

She also said "I don't think overweight people realise that if they just have 3 small portioned meals a day that they would lose weight"

And when I said "Of course we do. We have been to EVERY damn slimming group and know all the rules and the do's and don'ts. We can follow it for a time, but we just eventually give up because the desire to eat is stronger than the desire to be slim."

"But its not like you don't care about what you look like, because you do..."

"Yes, I really do care what I look like but I don't care enough to stop eating. Infact I eat more because I look so grim"

"well put a picture of your self on the fridge and that will stop you"

I took her to my fridge and showed her the 2 full sized nude me's. 1 at my fattest and one at 2 stone less. " I have done that. It doesn't disgust me enough to stop me eating."

" Well it should"

WHAT A BITCH. She might as well have looked me in the eye and told me I was a disgrace to humanity and I was greedy and gluttonous and disgusting and ignorant and that I have no control and am basically an animal.

Well, maybe its true. But let me think about that a little more. You live in my house.

That's right, you are a 60+ year old woman living in MY house, in the small box room.

You have no idea the amount of stuff I have been through, or the right to tell me what I should and shouldn't be able to do.

Just as I don't know what stuff you have been through, I don't comment on why a woman of 60+ is living in the box room of a young family, when they have 3 grown up children who were private boarding school educated, are now married and living all over the world with posh jobs etc. You have the poshest voice outside of Knightsbridge. You don't fit in here at all, and your kids don't even care enough about you to give you a duvet and pillow on their sofa.

You are getting back what you gave out.

I know I would choose being a unhappy fatty, dying young of diabetes or something and any day rather than squatting in a room and knowing that my 3 kids do not give a crud about me.