Tuesday, 27 May 2008

A lovely UTI.

My cystitis has turned into a lovely Urinary tract infection. Geez, its terrible. Normally cystopurin or oasis sorts it out, but today I had to go to the doctor. I couldn't handle it any more. On top of that, The red team is playing at home too and I was about to chop my lower body off. So I have cefalexin to take 4 times a day. I hope they work quickly!

today was our little slimming world jaunt. I put on a pound this week, no surprise there. I always do around this time. Doesn't seem to matter what I do, I always gain. So I am not recording it, or feeling bad about it because I have eaten bugger all all week and know I haven't 'really' put on a pound. Next week will show up the loss. Pisses me off though.

I haven't eaten anything all day as I feel so crud. better go and prepare some tea or something.

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Yesterday, today

I wasn't feeling too hot yesterday for some reason. I got up and nearly trod on one of our new kittens because they are now under our bed... and moving around too!

We had to do a tesco run for really random things like Salad Cream and pegs, shake and vac and black trousers. The most unconnected shopping list that ever was.

I had a mother of a headache by the time we got home, and the air was really heavy and full of storm... not that we had one though. We went to TB's house to sort her computer out again and then came home. I really wanted to go to sleep but time got away from me. I went to work and bought a bottle of red on the way home and ordered a curry. Its not good really, because I can eat a curry, easily. As long as I make sure I chew those prawns, then it slips down a treat. Rice is no problem for me covered in sauce!

I was all on my own, eating curry and chilling on the sofa watching telly. It was great. DS was in a show so DH and his Mum had taken him to do that for the evening, and as I had to work I couldn't get back in time for it. It made a change to have the whole house to myself... well nearly. Sue was upstairs in bed as she is not well at the moment, but Laszlo was out truck driving. All calm and quiet.

I was really tired by the time DH, DS and Granny got home, and I just wanted to go to bed. So thats what I did. I crawled into bed with a copy of OK and had a good read.

I don't think I ate anything else yesterday apart from the bottle of wine, curry and few crackers and humous at lunch...

Nothing much to report really.

Ho hum.

Thursday, 22 May 2008

I hate cystitis...

...well at least I think that's what it is. I just get this terrible pain when I get stressed, and lets face it, its been a touch stressful around here these last few weeks.

So I am taking that horrible cranberry flavour salt drink made by canesten... Oasis? I think that's it. It certainly does the job, but I have run out, so am feeling a bit miserable.

Today has been quite good. Food wise, I was hungry when I woke up but after drinking my Berroca I was full again and didn't think about food until about 11:30 when I had a banana.

I had to go out this evening after work, so I knew I would not get dinner until late so I made a slice of toast, bunged some tinned chopped tomato and grated cheese on top and had that for lunch at about 3:30. DS was eating humous after finishing his several slices, piles of tomato and cheese combination as he was still peckish and I dived in aswell with 2 finn crisps and a couple of scrapes of humous.

So today's cals have been higher than of late at 760. I feel hungry now and I am going to have a lasagne that I defrosted this afternoon. I made it myself from scratch, so I don't know how many cals it has... but I have realised that as long as I eat only when I am hungry, and stay away from the BAD junk, then it doesn't really matter what the calorie value is. I like writing what I ate down, because I think it could help someone else thinking about the band, or with a band who wonders when they are at their sweet spot, but I think keeping track of all the cals gets me down if I do it every day. Its good now and again, and I haven't logged cals for a week or so on the daily plate, and I feel liberated.

I think to be honest I am there... I feel good, eat little, don't crave snacks and am losing weight. Sounds like my sweet place to me!

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

If you are Fat and you haven't got a Lap Band then GET ONE!


BRUGGE - FEB, 2007
MAY 2008 36 pounds lighter

Oh man I LOOOOOOOVE the lap band.
Seriously, we have been through rough times me and my silicone friend, but I am just 'luvin it, luvin it, luvin it right now!
It is ONE YEAR to the day that my Lap Band Broke (See May 2007 posts).
I am also 11 pounds lighter than I was this time last year. I am in a seriously cool place. Trust me, it messes with your head having a lap band break on you, but OMG is it worth it. HELL YEAH!

I cannot believe that I am 15 stone something. That is totally awesome. I feel bright, energised and happy. I had my hair done today to celebrate the fact that my band IS working, and I feel young and vibrant and great.

I am wearing a pair of trousers and a top I bought last year before Sri Lanka, and obviously never got to wear them. Well this summer I fit into them perfectly. 3 weeks ago I couldn't do them up! Now they fit comfy... like they actually FIT! Wow. I feel so great about myself now, in a well deserved way, not an arrogant way. I just feel really pleased that something I did has finally gone right, and its making me feel a whole lot better.



THEN


NOW

RIGHT NOW!!

Today's food diary read thus:

1 banana

1 jacket potato (small) with curry sauce

2 chocolate yoghurts

That's all folk's!

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Daylight Robbery and the Judas Kiss

Today we found that the cheque Spelman had paid us bounced.

What a low life.

The guy came here, wasted another hour in my life with his inane chatter about bog all, which I only tolerated because he was going to finally cough up my husbands wages, then takes his stock back (several thousand pounds worth) then shakes my hand and gives me a kiss on the cheek "no hard feelings".

A week later the cheque has bounced and the bastard has all his stock back. He is supposed to be a millionaire. Money here there and everywhere. I have never clapped eyes on such a down and out millionaire in my life. He drives a poxy L reg car with rust and dents. He wears cheap shiny well worn Farah slacks and plastic shoes and a shirt - no tie. If he is a millionaire, then I am a monkey's fucking uncle.

I never liked the guy from the moment I met him. 10 minutes in his company and you just KNOW that the whole evening is going to governed by him and a waste of at least 5 hours talking about him and his and how great hes got it.

The guy holidays in Ibiza for god's sake. Tragic.

Food diary:
2 Finn Crisp slim crackers with garlic and herb cheese spread. I made myself 3, but couldn't eat the last one. I used to eat a box of these in an afternoon no trouble.

several cups of Coffee

Tonight's dinner is going to be... Roast beef, carrots, roast potato and creamed leeks. Horseradish naturally, but no Yorkshire pud for me... not worth the vomiting.
I will let ya know how much I get through!

Monday, 19 May 2008

Getting VERY excited

I think today was the day that I finally cracked my stupid psychological issue of thinking I am not losing weight...

I AM losing weight, physically I know this, but mentally I don't seem to be able to see it.

However, today I wore my new size 16 skirt and top and cardigan ALL DAY and went to slimmingworld and weighed in at 15 stone 6 pounds!! So this last week I have lost 4 pounds in total. That's so cool! I am getting there head-space wise.

It dawned on me that its 2 days until the anniversary of my band breakage.
This time last year I weighed 16 stone 3.

I am 11 pounds lower than I was this time last year! OMG!!! THAT'S SO EXCELLENT!

That's what has done it. I remember thinking that I would be pleased if, after regaining all the initial weight loss after the band break, I was 16 stone 3 by the anniversary of the band break.

Well people, I did a fucking hell of a lot better than that! 11 POUNDS! WOW MAN! That's so good.

I feel like a new person tonight, I really do. I am feeling positive about strutting my stuff on Holiday as I will be a lot less than I weighed last year. I felt ACE in Sri Lanka and really felt on cloud nine about my appearance and was in a kind of awestruck expectation of amazing weight loss results. I am now back there. I don't need to lose 4 pound a week... I don't need to lose 2 pound a week to be honest. 1 pound a week will mean that by next summer I will be BINT! I will be absolutely fit as.

I figure that I have about 3 to 3 and a half more stone to lose until I feel like a regular person. My ideal weight is 4 stone away, and I know that I might never reach that weight, because the last time I was 11 and a half stone I was 17. Since then, I have actually developed a bust, had a child and all kinds of excess fat and shit, so I guess its a little optimistic, but this band makes me wanna aim high now.

I feel FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC

Today's food, if any of you are interested...:

Salad and 1 Bulgarian meat thing that I can only describe as a sausage...

1 banana

that's it.

Love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 17 May 2008

8 Dress Sizes Lower!


3 T-Shirts and 2 Skirts
SIZE 16
ENOUGH SAID!

Friday, 16 May 2008

Oh Joyous Day

I know that I shouldn't but I just couldn't resist it. I will probably live to regret it on Monday, but there we go. It feels great now!

I weighed myself this morning. I thought... what the hell and hopped on. 15 stone 7 it screamed out at me. I was shocked beyond belief. All I feel is proud and happy and so amazingly wonderful. 15 and a half stone???? OH MY!!!! This is like the best thing ever. I think I am actually believing in this band now, and cutting the crap out of my diet... i.e. wine and chocolate, sorts me out. It is simply those 2 things that cause me to feel shitty, guilty and to put on weight. They don't even make me that happy when I am eating them, so why do I (and 1000 of others who have the same problem...)?

Nothing feels as good as getting on those scales and hearing those pounds getting lower.

I really shouldn't have logged it today, but it felt so good I had to. I just hope that on Monday its not higher, because that makes me feel worse than anything. I had a bad experience last year that way just after having my band sorted... I lost about 9 pounds in a week do you remember? Well obviously I checked and checked and checked and the scales told the truth, but when I jumped on the following week it was higher again ad it really puts me backwards. Its like some kind of twisted mental game or something.

I have really taken on board Lapbandgirl's comment of the other week... Thanks Erica. I don't know why but this comment has REALLY helped me... like a word at the right time.
She said:

"...we shouldn't be eating by the clock, just when we're hungry. If you don't
feel like much dinner, don't eat it... but don't think you have to eat
something..."


Now we all know this is true right? However, until that moment I read that, I hadn't really GOT it. Why the Fuck do I eat if I am not hungry? Why??? Seriously? I honestly don't know. We get up and its breakfast so we have to have something to eat right... Then its lunch, so we better eat something. Then dinner.... etc.

(-what follows is a really weird post of my meanderings and righting the worlds wrongs so quit now if you don't want to be inanely bored)

Actually no. Just because I have a pencil in my pocket doesn't mean I have to sharpen it. I only sharpen it if I need to right? What happened to us? If you pardon the pun, why do we have the all consuming desire to keep the motor running?

Its taken me a about a week pondering this comment from Erika to really sort my shit out. I have been feeling guilty if I don't eat breakfast so I make sure I have lunch. So as I am puking the lunch up over the sink I am now worried that I am gonna drop dead from starvation. Was I actually hungry in the first place? The thought does not enter my mind.

So these last few days I have really taken stock of where I am at head space wise. I get up in the morning and the last thing I want to do is eat. I DO however want to drink. So that's what I do. Its half past 12 right now in the UK... about the time one starts thinking of ones guts... Why? I am not actually hungry... so I have to ignore this urge to stuff myself as that is all it is. Its not driven by hunger or need for physical sustenance. Its driven by the clock. I mean... what? Why do we do this?

*Shakes head with utter confusion*

So I am not going to eat by the clock. I am going to consider if I feel hungry before I eat anything. this is hard because obviously as wives/girlfriend's/mothers we have to feed our brood when they get hungry (which is oddly around the clock... so maybe we are making the same mistakes there... there really should be no time for lunch or dinner... it should be when you want it.) So to make it easier on us we call it lunch time or tea time or dinner time as it saves the poor woman having to slave her guts out in the kitchen endlessly when ever someone comes in and says "I'm hungry."

So Lunch, breakfast and dinner have become an institution that has been brought about by laziness in fact. Bare bones and all... if we really ate when we were hungry we would all eat at completely different times. You never see a rabbit stop whatever he is doing and sit down to some grass on the dot of 5pm do you?

To make it easier on ourselves we give ourselves times for these things... so we can plan our days around them. This is why it becomes such a bloody problem for some of us.

So is it possible to just eat when we want to...? Yes if we are all individually responsible for making our food. But for children this is not possible, and socially its not the best. Its really nice to sit down to a dinner and chat over it... but its not actually necessary is it. We could all sit around and chat at any time we wanted to... its just the fact that is a convenient time to do it when everyone is together.

Anyway, I have decided that if I am not hungry I will not eat. End of. So, thanks Lapbandgirl!

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Another good one

Another good day. Am at home writing this when normally I would be at work, but have managed to change my late pupils to earlier in the day making an earlier night for me. Food wise its been a bit weird. I seem to have these odd few days where I cant eat much every now and then. In fact I think it was the same time as last week thinking about it. Anyway, today I have eaten 1 bite of toast and a slither of fried egg white. I was going to have 1 fried egg on 1 piece of toast for my lunch, but my band had other ideas, so all I got was a couple of teeny weeny measly mouthfuls which amounted to practically nothing. Then I went to work and en-route, during and on the way back, drank a carton of Tymbark Vega juice. Then when I got home DH had made Jacket potatoes, beans and salad for dinner. I managed 1 mouthful of salad, 1 mouthful of jacket potato and a few beans and then I was done. Since then I have had an orange juice. I am not actually hungry. I don't feel quite 'full' or satiated in any way, but I am most certainly not hungry. I might have a yogurt when I go to bed, but today's intake has been seriously low. I don't think I have even broken 300 cals to be honest.


Here are some beautiful pictures of Mary's kittens. They are 11 days old and terribly cute. A couple have just started to open their eyes and they are so teeny tiny!

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Another good day

Today has been good. Really good.
1st DH got the job at McDonalds. YAY. I can start to breathe again.
2nd My Dad is out of hospital and on the mend from his 'antibiotic resistant bacterial infection'... shall we just say MRSA??? Yep. thought so.
3rd I washed my car - by hand!
4th Terry 'The Scumbag' Spellman came over and coughed up £376.50 for the work DH had done for him last month. He wasn't going to but I 'out Jew-ed' him! DH was just gonna let it go and not bother... which I totally understand, but I was not going to let it go. I spent ages on the floor polishing all his gold and silver and arranging it in new ways and making it look good. It was in a complete and utter state when we got it. How dare he try and get away with giving us nothing. I made sure I made out an invoice for our services, and I got every penny I asked for as well I should. DH is really pleased and I am thrilled, because it means that we have actually saved ourselves this month. I mean the guy has damn near put us into bankruptcy. Its because of him we cant claim dole, or claim on our mortgage protection etc... So really he should pay more, but I was fair. I asked for what we spent out, and that's what I got. I had to work hard for it though. He now knows who has the balls of iron in this family though.
5th We got all the stuff we needed for a cool money plan we wanted to set up and sent that off. That should be started within the week, so that's cool.

And finally my diet today has again been really good.
Prozac and coffee for breakfast
clear chicken consomme with a little pasta floating in it for lunch
dinner was Pasta Puttanesca

I have had 3 big glasses of water and a half litre of orange juice too. Put all that together with washing the car and also walking down the village quickly to post the letters, I have had a good lot of exercise too.

Rock on.

Monday, 12 May 2008

food diary

Thought I might add a food diary... whenever you see this title post... if you dont want to be bored rigid with the contents of my stomach for the day... then dont read it. Its more for me to remember what I did than anything else.

Prozac
Berroca
Coffee
1 carton Tymbark Vega Juice
Coffee
Coffee
Chilli con Carne (2 Tbsp) + Rice (1.5 Tbsp)
3 glasses red wine... to finish it up!! HA HA

Giving myself the feel good factor

This time last month I was 16 stone 1
That's 5 pounds off in a month. Coooooool.

I am officially at my 6 month mark today. I have lost 32 pounds in 6 months.

I have to forget about the whole year that was wasted before this.

I should be feeling BLOODY FABULOUS right now. 32 pounds in 6 months??? UNBELIEVABLE Without dieting??? Its a MIRACLE.

But I am not feeling fabulous because of the wasted time I went through for 8 months putting all that fat back on again when it broke. How can I forget about it. this time last year I was feeling THE BUSINESS. I was full of confidence and self assured and all was right with the world. I had lost less than I have now at that time, but I felt better then than now.

the band break was a really disastrous thing to happen. It has made the process seem very very very slow... and actually...

I AM DOING BETTER THAN I WAS LAST TIME!

I am gonna try and think positively about it, and consider the second operation a completely different operation... maybe I can think of it like I had a better band put in, or an upgrade or something and then I might feel less annoyed at the whole breakage debacle.

I am feeling better just writing this actually. I am feeling really good at losing 32 pounds... 2 stone 4!! WOW in just 6 months without starving myself or having to combine different types of foods or cut out this or that. This is the most wonderful invention and I have to start believing in myself that I actually AM going to be slim... slimmer than I ever felt possible. I have to also believe that the band is NOT going to break. I am looking forward to May 21st with a feeling of dread. I am not superstitious, and I am not thinking that something will happen at all, but the thought that last year on the 21st May I was in such agonising pain and no one found out... makes me want to throw up. How did the leave me like that. I had x-rays and scans and all kinds and NO ONE SAID ANYTHING. They must have seen it as I saw it clear as a bloody bell and I'm no doctor. It makes me feel terrible.

But 32 pounds... when this thing is working its working like a wonder horse!

Dare I think about buying smaller clothes yet?? Everything is hanging off me... but I am so loathe to buy new stuff in case I cry like an idiot or something that it either fits or doesn't or whatever. God I feel like a complete emotional wreck today.

I repeat... I am 6 months out of my band upgrade (Hmm feels good)
I am 32 pounds lighter.

I feel GREAT.

Better post my 6 month photo I guess!!! check out my photo log later.

Getting smaller... slowly

Well the mega weight losses are a thing of the past now, but I am losing steadily. I lost 3 pounds this week... taking my weight to 15 stone 10 pounds. This is excellent. I am really really proud of myself. I just want another couple of good weeks so that I can be a bit slimmer for my holiday at the beginning of June. It will be a really nice feeling to be 15 and a half stone or something when I go away. I haven't been on a nice hot summer holiday weighing less than 16 stone since I was a teenager. It makes the heat so much more bearable, I remember that from last year in Sri Lanka. I cant imagine being 2 stone heavier than I was then... it would have been dreadful.

So total weightloss now is 2 stone 4 pounds since banding in February 2007 - or 32 pounds! YAY

food today so far... 1 berocca, and 1 carton of veggie juice to get my nutrients. tonight I am making chilli con carne with rice, so that will be nice. Off to work in a bit, not looking forward to that in this weather, but it brings home the bacon.

Talking of bacon... DH still hasn't heard if he got the job at McDonalds yet. I think he is secretly hoping that he wont, but on the other hand hoping that he will because we need the regular cash. That scumbag Terry Spellman really sold us down the river. If he had told us that he was not really in a position to do it, we could have claimed on our mortgage payments insurance when he was made redundant, but going self employed for that Shit head has meant we cannot even get dole money or any financial help whatsoever. I hope he fucking chokes on his money. The bastard hasn't even sent us the money he does owe us. I hope he goes bust. no one should treat people like that, especially my DH because he is so lovely and doesn't deserve it.

So now DH is carrying stock for his old company on a 10% commission deal and also another local supplier for 10% too... if he gets the job at McDonalds aswell, we will be laughing.

Bit of a come down for the poor guy, but beggars can't be choosers. We went out and got him a car yesterday... a fabulous bargain of a diesel saloon for £600 just like my old Rover I crashed. so I feel a bit awful driving around in my new MG whilst DH has no air con or any luxuries... but he says not to feel awful because its a nice family car and we need one decent car in the family anyway. There isn't any point getting a good car just to plow it around the country and run it into the ground, so he is happy, so I should be too.

will update later if i get any more news...

Friday, 9 May 2008

Halelujah - I can eat

Well a nights sleep seemed to settle the problem of the strangulating tightness of yesterday.
I was able to have my coffee this morning without incident, and a couple of thin bread sticks for lunch and I have managed to get a couple of pints of water down me too which I am VERY pleased about in this heat. Its 28 degrees in the garden... wonderful! Long may it continue.

Dinner tonight is Chicken casserole with new potatos and peas. Hopefully our burgeoning family will enjoy it. Goodness knows what it will be like when Alexandra arrives! 5 adults and a child in one house. Phew!

Thursday, 8 May 2008

VERY VERY TIGHT

Does anyone have problems when the sun shines? I have been getting progressively tighter over the last 3 days, and am wondering if it has anything to do with the heat...? I cant think of any other reason why today I have had the sum total of:

1 60mg Prozac tablet
1/2 coffee followed by another 1/2 coffee an hour later
2 teaspoons of yogurt
1/2 glass water
1 teaspoon rice and 1 teaspoon of chicken

Its now 9:30pm and I can still feel something in my band. I am actually worried about drinking anything. I really am at a loss as to why my band is just SO tight today.
Yesterday it was really weird... I had a happy meal from McDonald's and I took it really really slowly and managed to eat the hamburger and chips. THIS IS A MIRACLE IN ITSELF... firstly because its like... bread! and second because it occured before 2pm! Food before this time is practically unheard of these days. Then later on at dinner time I couldn't even eat 1 bite of lasagne. Random

Today has been the MOST frustrating day on my band to date. To be honest, I think today is what I thought my life was going to be like every day after I had my operation. But that hasn't happened... until now. Its not as if I have been puking and puking and making myself sore or anything like that. there is no reason I can possibly think of other than its got a bit warmer and I have been feeling really hot these last few days, whereas I have been freezing for months. Ho Hum. I guess it can only help with the weight loss though hey!

I am getting into a really bad habit too. If I can't eat my dinner, I get DH to go get me some chocolate. Today that's not going to happen, because I cant even drink water let alone chocolates... but yesterday I had M&Ms and the day before it was minstrels (a personal favorite!). I have gotta stop that really.

Anyway, a good day in every other way. Our new lodger Sue moved in, and although it seems like she has taken over the house with plants, I hope to be able to streamline everything so that it goes back to being nice and clean looking again. Plants are wonderful, but they do seem to make the place look cluttered.

Night all.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Royally annoyed

Gained a pound this week. Can't say I am surprised as my diet has mostly consisted of chocolate and wine, but even though I have thrown up ever ounce of goodness I have consumed and followed it by crap, I still expected to lose.

So, feeling pretty darn shite, and that's about it really.

Sunday, 4 May 2008

5 NEW ARRIVALS

Mary the Mummy!
They started at 10 to 10 in the evening and she was all done by 2:30am. 5 beautiful bundles.

1.) All Black
2.) All black with white feet and little white patches on the back legs and white nose
3.) All black with white feet and big white patches on feet and white face
4.) White with black spots!
5.) All black and slightly smaller that number 1.

Will write more later...






Above: Number 2 at the top, Number 3 underneath it, Number 4 in the middle, Number 1 on the right and Number 5 on the left





Above: Number 1 on the Left, Number 2 on the right!



Above, a 5 minute old Number 4

Above: A brand new Number 5 with Number 3... after a nice 1 and a half hour break Mary delivered the last little nit nit.

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Drinking wine from a can is seriously uncool

This is what I have come to. I have to ration myself by buying cans of Tesco French Red Wine. A peculiar vintage... I'm NOT tasting plimsoles in a dusty old staircase joined with sunbeams on old leather car seats infused with strawberry kisses from a baby with final notes of smoky rain drops.

I am tasting sour, metallic pre vinegar grape stew. Yuk.

So why am I drinking it... well, maybe it will put me off, or maybe it will make my mind up totally that its not worth it unless you pay £50 a bottle, or maybe I just think that I know something about wine and actually its just the packaging that makes a wine taste nice *Mind Games of Big Brother* and right now, I don't particularly care what I drink... especially after the shite day we have had.

Today I have been mostly washing. Oh, and drying and ironing too... but mostly washing. 12 loads, with 1 load a piece still in the washer and dryer for tomorrows kicks. What a party animal.
I got up reasonably early today (for me!) and tidied up, although most of the house was still spotless from Tuesday when I gave it a complete delousing as the girls were leaving and we had new prospective tenants coming to view. So I pottered, and then decided to get cracking with the washing mountain. Now, in our house you know its time to do the washing when:
1.) You can't see daylight in the utility room
2.) The cats are walking down from the cat flap rather than having to jump from the window sill
3.) You don't know where the clean pile starts/ends and the dirty pile - the same thing
4.) You have to first dig through clothes to get to the fridge whereas you used to be able to push the clothes out of the way with the door
5.) You have lost your 5 drawer filing cabinet
6.) You have lost the washing machine
7.) Your son wears pants all day long - and not because he can't be arsed to get dressed
8.) Everyone is wearing global hypercolour colour change t-shirts, shell suits, pregnancy trousers and other random clothes that you haven't seen for a decade because they were at the back of the cupboard
9.) Your neighbour brings you a bag of clothes because they think you are doing a jumble sale
10.) Your child is involved in an terrible avalanche accident on the way to get an ice cream

Today I decided that most of the above applied... Ok all of them, and I actually BURNT OUT THE TUMBLE DRYER! Can you believe it. It never rains but it fucking pours - metaphorically and literally of course. The rain pissed down all day long and I had 68 loads of washing to do... you know the kind of thing (probably not because I expect you all to be great housewives whereas I am Rrruuuuuuu-bish). So I get the cycle of 1 load washing, 1 load drying underway when I decided after 6 loads to go have a coffee.

Sniff Sniff... something dodgy. Low and behold I can smell burning. Not an electrical burning, but the kind you get from paper or... clothes!

ARGHHHH - yep, the fluff in the dryer is smoldering and filling my house with its noxious vapours. So I drag everything out of the dryer and its ROASTING hot. It all has to be bloody washed again as it smells like its been on top of old smokey, and try and see what the problem is. DH gets his ever ready screwdriver out and whips the back of the old dryer. Its 9 now bless it, so a bit of an old girl, but still, after so many years of good service, I think it should darn well continue! We notice that the connection is covered with sooty, burnt, smokey fluff and grease and STINKS big styleee.

So we clean, de grease, put back together (less 4 screws... how did that happen...?), and try it on its own for a few minutes. All we can smell to be fair, is smoke. So I open every window and door in the house and we try and air the place. Thing is, it gets up your nose, so you cant tell if it has gone, or getting worse, or what. I went out to the town with DS and we posted a letter, and by the time we got back I couldn't smell anything dodgy, so I guess it cleared itself. I chucked the next wet load in and so far its been working away like a demon. I might not leave it on on its own though, or over night like I used to... scary.

So with all the washing, it took my mind off of the BIG CAHONNES. We have still not been paid. We were due to be paid on 25th. Its the 30th. I am, shall we say, a tad stressed...?

So this afternoon DH went over to the alleged boss, whom I think should have been crawling on his hands and knees begging us to forgive him, and asked for his money. He got the measly amount out of the fucker, but no expenses (tight arse) and they had a 'heated' conversation. So, the upshot... there isn't one. Looks like we will have to buy a car, service it, insure it and tax it and run it by ourselves without any help from the man who said he would supply all and pay all costs. What an arsehole. So not only did we default on our mortgage for the first time in the 13 years we have had one, we bounced all over the place because the arsehole was full of wind. God that guy can talk. He one of these that is like:

"Oh hi, can I have my money"
"Oh hi, yes I was just thinking about that, well I have to go and get my grandmothers pension and I saw her brother the other day and he has got me a deal where I will get £18K from blaa blaa blaa and then that will be sweet and I can make you a director"

W T F ?

It's all BOLLOCKS. He could be a politician the way he talks himself out of anything and everything and manages to sweet talk you at the same time so you come away feeling god, and then have that sinking feeling that you have been rogered by an extra large telegraph pole without Vaseline.

Anyway, enough! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ARGHHHH I am going to go insane HA HA HA

I cant take much more of this crap I seriously cant. Just going over the last few months is about enough to make anyone to query how to tie a noose the best way and work out the drop needed.

I jest... or do I?!?!?!

Anyway, just had to get all that off my chest. Today's food... 1100 cals:
Breakfast: 1 shape lasting satisfaction
Lunch: 2 slices bread, no crusts, beetroot slices and salad creme

Dinner: toad in the hole - 1 grilled beef sausage, a twelfth of the packet of batter mix, carrots and gravy with onions and tbsp mashed potato(about the size of a 2 year olds portion)
Bedtime Snack: 2 danone activia's

I cant seem to eat before about 1pm. Its practically impossible. the sandwich at lunch (2pm) was really hard to eat and it took me a while. I ate the first 2 bites and then had to wait about 30 minutes before taking 1 bite at a time. I took a bite and chewed and chewed all the while I was ironing a shirt... 1 shirt = 1 mouthful. That's the time it took people!

Anyway, I am now tired, so am off to bed. thanks for letting me rant.
Oh and I have noticed a really weird thing... I can type without looking and the keys. How totally cool is that. I never knew that before. I am typing now to see when I have to look down and I haven't had to yet. I just spelled haven't wrong, and had to hit the backspace button and I didn't even look down. That is so excellent. Its really amazing not to have to look at the keys. The more I think about it the worse my typing gets... its really funny... sorry people, this is kind of an experiment. I have drunk 2 glasses of wine too!! That's really coooooool. What else can I say the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... WOW ALL FINE!!! Ha ha. I am gonna carry on. Stop reading because this is gonna be proper boring everybody. I am a mole and I live in a hole. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane. Its so cool that I can watch all my words fill the screen and no have to check down for errors. How did this happen. This shows I spend way too much time typing. OMG this is totally awesome! I cant believe it. If I spell a word wrong I instantly hit backspace and can blot it out and get the right letter each time. this is so skill. I am really glad that I can do this. I still haven't looked down..... Ha ha ha ha ha. any second now surely I will have to look down. How long have I been doing this without realising it?? I didn't know I knew the keys so well!! And I only type two fingered. Actually that's wrong., I do use a couple of fingers, but its mainly the index ones. I use the 4th (wow I got that, AND the bracket too!!!) (WOWOWOW again!) finger of the right hand to catch the backspace an the I seem to use the index of the right hand to do the spacebar. I use the little finger of my left hand to fo the shift key to get capitals. I am really impressed with myself. When I start to concentrate on it I get slower, how wierd is that. But when I go fast them I can seem to get everything right. i am shutting my eyes now and I am seeing if this all comes out ok. OH WOW!!! That was actually easier that looking at it on the screen. I am using all the keys now and I had to think about that one because I stopped and scratched my chin. I can feel that I am catching other letters and not hitting the keys straight on, so I hope that I am getting most of this right, I think I am, but only when I open my eyes will I know for sure. This is much much easier, so I am guessing that it will be all a load of crap and all over the place the lazy brown dog jumps over the fat cow, oh no, i cant remember it. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. I think i got this shit licked.

OK, I am looking now and I have opened my eyes... I am impressed with myself. How sad is that. I always look at the keys when i type. Maybe I have invented a new way to type... use 2 fingers, and only look at the keys, not at the screen (opposite of how they get you to do it in school!) and then WHAM! you can touch type. COOL