Friday, 29 February 2008
mini bite size cadbury's caramel
2 slices bread, cheddar chesse, tomato toasted... but not eaten. I managed 1 quarter of this toastie... most likely 1 bit of tomato, a bit of cheese and half a slice of bread... and then most of that ended up in the sink when I pb'd.
2 little fish cakes, spoon of baked beans and a spoon of mashed potato.
Evening snack bowl of ice cream.
Total for today 850 cals.
Oh, and by the way... don't tell any one, but today I sneakily weighed myself... It said 17 stone 8 and a half... Oh BLISS! But I wont record it until monday so that I get my same weekly result.
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
Spaghetti (140g cooked) and 3 meatballs
1 glass of orange juice
Cottage Pie and peas
Total cals today 545.
Thats todays breakdown. Nothing happened of interest today. Got up, taught DS, went to work, came home and am now off to bed.
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
DS was running around all morning in his pants. He said he was too warm to put clothes on. By the way, who feels that I should worried about my 9 year old son not liking clothes...? Anyone? Seriously, the boy prefers to be in the nude or as nude as possible. He has absolutely no hang ups whatsoever and even once fully dressed, usually by the end of the day he has managed to lose the jumper, socks, t shirt, and trousers at odd places around the house.
I was also really annoyed yesterday. I left a HUGE pile of clothes, all folded, on his bed for him to out away. When I went up to check on him and give him a kiss, because I got back from work after he was in bed, I saw him sleeping WITH said pile. I couldn't believe it. He had just got into bed and laid on top of them all. What is wrong with him? There are toys in that bed, books, pens, crayons, cups, wrappers, PlayStation games and biscuit crumbs and it must be SO uncomfortable, but he says he likes it. I have given up bothering to tidy it up because it simply doesn't work. He likes living in a sty.
Anyway, I am freezing right now too, and am about to go to bed with a tracksuit on.
Breakfast: nothing but pills.
Snack: 1 Banana
Lunch: 100g Nasi Goreng (a chicken and rice dish from Eismann)
Dinner: 100g Lasagne and peas.
Total cals today are 454.
Monday, 25 February 2008
I was a little weak willed.
Todays cals topped just over the thousand at 1023.
This morning I had a banana. Then a carrot. Then an apple. Then an Ice cream. Then I went to work and I had some wine gums en-route. Dumb decision as I had to pop into the shop to buy a treat for one of my pupils - there was a 2 for a £1 deal. I was too weak to fight. What a dumb ass. Then I came home and had chicken, butternut squash and about an ounce of pastry followed by 1 ball of ice cream.
I had 2 pb's today. The first was after I ate a wine gum. Nah. It wasn't going to have it, so it had to come up... at a pupils house.
The second was after eating my dinner (but before the ice cream #2!). My band has serious issues with chicken. I must must must remember this.
I felt in need of sugar today. Maybe its the muscles trying to fix themselves from the complete repainting of the kitchen at 1am. My arms have been screaming all day!
...TO THIS IN 4 Days
An amazing transformation £25 on ceramic door knobs and £75 on really good paint and varnish and primer etc. DH finally put on the kick boards and even filled in the missing bits of cupboard after just 7 years! I now have my new kitchen.
Weight this week is 16 stone 11 pounds - a fabulous 17 pounds down.
I never really talk about my exercise, mainly because I don't really do any specific classes, or workouts or set things. But I have worked my butt off the last two weeks.
I am not one of these people who sit about or walk slowly. In the last 2 weeks I have re decorated our 4th bedroom, tiled and decorated the utility room and now re painted the kitchen and helped TB paint the cupboards. these things work up a serious sweat and make my poor body ache like crazy, so guess I am doing enough exercise.
This year alone I have completely renovated our downstairs and also built a swimming pool in the garden. I think that's quite a lot for a lass. But daily, I guess you could say I get a sweat on each day doing something... cleaning, walking, dashing from house to house for lessons, shouting at DH/Ds for something :o) or whatever.
I know a lot of people say this, but I really don't have time for the gym or a yoga class or whatever. I work at the wrong times for that. Its why I never get to see any TV shows and have to record anything I want to watch. Working from 3 until 10pm everyday kind of puts paid to going to an evening class or workout.
As you know, during the day, I have DS and we are schooling and doing stuff. I cant do it then either. So bike rides, roller skating and walking are what we like best.
Seeing as i never mention an 'exercise' I thought I better let ya'll know why.
will update later
Saturday, 23 February 2008
This morning I got up and went into town about some paint that needed changing. I took my tablets before I went and when I got back I picked up TB on the way through and started on the kitchen painting again. It got to about 2pm and I hadnt eaten anything. We are out of most things... I SERIOUSLY need to shop, but just cant be bothered. so I rummaged in the fridge.
I asked TB if she wanted to eat anything, and I thought I could make an omlette or something. But she said she didnt want anything and wasnt hungry... DH and DS had already had a couple of ham rolls each...
I looked around the fridge. I wasnt particularly hungry either, but I was goign to work shortly so I thought I had better eat something. I grabbed 2 carrots from the bag and ate them. They were hard work actually. I was full after finishing them too.
Then I went to work, came back and the kitchen is in chaos, so I said to DH to order a curry. He did, and when it came I sat down to eat too. I gave myslef a 1/4 naan bread, 2 large inch cubes of chicken and a tabespoon of rice and some curry sauce. I actually ate half the rice, 2 bites of naan and 1 cube of chicken. Then after feeling quite uncomfortable for 10 minutes had to go and spew in the sink. It was just saliva it seemed... so at least the food stayed down.
So then I carried on in the kitchen with TB and its got to half 12 and I am updating my daily plate... when I add up my calories...
Oh. I have eaten 288 cals today. That's seriously bad right?
Does anyone else have this 'problem'? I just didn't feel very hungry today. Simple as. But that has got to be strange. So I am eating another 300 cals just so my body doesn't think its throat has been cut. I don't know if that's the good thing to do or not, but I don't think I want to exist on less than 300 cals.
OMG 300 cals. How is that possible...?!?!
Ok, now its 242 more as I ate the yoghurt's all up like a good girl.
today's total cals: 530
Thursday, 21 February 2008
I took my Prozac and my antibiotic and then gulped down my vitamin before I thought to break it in two... Instantly felt sick, but just did NOT have time to be. So I got in the car and drive to town. well that was the plan. I got half way there and had to pull in to an industrial estate and hurl my gut's up in a layby infront of a selection of builders.
"Gets better after the 4th month love!" was the chorus.
HA HA. Yeah whatever dudes. Its a lap band. Not that you'd know what that is. They didn't. Great, so I look like a complete tool.
This pissed me off really bad. I have been really really really really (did I say really?) broody. I can't have any more children. If I could have, then I would have about 5 by now no worries. However, I was sterilized at the tender age of 22 because of a blood thing that I have got. Its just too darn risky for me. I nearly died having DS as it is. That's enough chances for me thanks.
So, as DS is now 9, and not particularly enjoying the mass hugs and snogs and slobbers that he has to endure daily, I really miss a little baby munchkin to smother with love. DS puts up with it, but its like "Awww MUM!"
So I was in a happy mood. Came home and looked at ebay for a while and ate a yoghurt and watched a bit of Jeremy Kyle... and then TB phoned and said she was coming over to paint my kitchen. So I went over and picked her and the paint up and we came back and got cracking. So I spent a pleasant 3 hours scrubbing and prepping my kitchen.
DH and DS, my sister and Carina all had fish and chips from the chip shop. I was busy scrubbing and didn't bother eating. TB didn't have anything either; just carried on working.
I was getting ready to go to work a little bit later and I grabbed the half of fishcake that DS hadn't finished. That was me full. On the way to work it dawned on me that I had only eaten a yoghurt and half a fish cake. Oh dear.
At my second pupils I get a cup of tea and a cake. I ate a bit if the cake and realised that it wasn't going to stay put. I quietly and with as much dignity as I could, made my excuses and went to the bathroom to hurl. Goodness knows what they thought. Ho Hum. No more cake. Just drank the tea.
So I Got back from work at 7:30pm and, not surprisingly, I was not hungry. So I immediately started to rub down the units in the kitchen and fill some holes and things. DH made me a coffee. He said he wasn't hungry because of the chips earlier, so I didn't bother to cook. I grabbed a yoghurt at 9 and have just finished that.
Today's food has been poor to say the least, and minimal for sure. 450 cals have been consumed if I count a whole fishcake, because I cant exactly know how many calories are in a chip shop fish cake. I chose one with the most calories and counted that. I would rather over estimate than under estimate and not be able to work out why I don't lose weight.
But I get a suspicion that this weight lark is not going to be the problem that it has been in the past! I love my band. I can honestly say that I don't feel hungry and I feel well and not dizzy or weak or anything either. Hope it lasts.
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
However, I haven't done that. I had to get up this morning to iron DH's shirt as he was running late. Then I did a few bits and bobs and put things on ebay after I cleared out a load of my clothes and stuff. Carina was a real help as she measure them all and told me stuff whilst I listed them. Over 40 items. Phew!
Then I went to work, bla bla.
1/3rd tin baked beans on 1 slice toast with grated cheese.
Home made cottage pie. About 2 decks of cards in size... less than shop bought packet one anyway. However, I seriously couldnt be bothered to count the individual calories, so I counted it as 299 like a shop bought one! Mine would be less than that because it was extra lean mince, no fat added and only onion, peas and carrots and then potato on top.
Todays cals 591.
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
1 poached egg on 1 piece of toast.
Well that's what it tried to be. I am still struggling to keep it down right now at midday!
As you can see half a yolk, and less than half a slice of toast.
A small plate of pasta with garlic and mayonnaise and Parmesan
1/4 quiche and peas and sweetcorn.
Total calories today 818.
Another good day!
Monday, 18 February 2008
1 Ye Olde Oak Hot dog
1 finger roll
Gypsy roast and peas.
I am seriously LOVING my band at the moment. I might consider proposing to it is so damn great.
Today's calories were 691.
I have not been too hungry... just the what I consider to be 'normal' feeling of wanting a meal soon. This is an absolute miracle for me.
I must admit I don't count my milk that I have in coffee's, but its skimmed and not a great deal. Probably a pint a day if that.
So apart from being the coldest day ever this year, where even the snowmen stayed in doors, it has been pretty darn chill on the food front too.
I am off to bed now to catch up on some reading.
Jumped on, at DH's insistence and was stunned to have lost another 1/2 pound.
I don't think that has EVER happened at this dreaded time. Also it was really sneaky this month... I had no prior warning and I didn't feel the need to binge out... or kill everyone within 100 metres...
So I was pleased to now weigh in at 16 stone 12 and a half pounds. 15 and a half lost. YAY
I am not going to weigh again until next Monday now because I really like doing it weekly and seeing a good result. I find that sometimes if I hop on and off each day I get downhearted. I don't want to stop that buzz feeling I have right now.
Going to the doctors this morning to get some more pills and also see if I can get something to sort my awful puss filled spotty face! It must be a result of the different/lack of foods...? any ideas? Also BIG blind spots, yuk! Not enjoyable, just painful and annoying.
Sunday, 17 February 2008
Yesterday we went down to my Mum and Dad's. We had a really cool time. My brother and his fiancee came over for lunch and then my brother asked DH to be his Best Man. How lovely is that? DH has obviously known him for years - my brother was just 16 when we got together - but we never thought he would ask him. My brother has so many friends, but apparently none he can truely rely on sincerely on the big day. I thought that that was really sweet. DH was really blown away too.
So DH is Best Man and DS is a Paige boy! I am not doing anything THANK GOODNESS! I am already planning my WOW factor as I am hoping beyond all hope to be nicely along in my weight loss expedition. The last time I saw everyone was at my brothers engagement party. I was pre band then too... so about 18 stone. I am hoping that I will at least have lost another stone before August, and the way things are going with my FABULOUS band, I think I might just pull that off!!!
My Dad has also bought a Sinclair C5. Remember them? I cant believe he has bought one, but he has much to DS's delight! He's got it going and has driven it up the road and stuff. Its in incredibly great nick. I have always wondered what they were like in real life. Your legs go over the handlebars and you steer it from close to your hips. Its a really strange thing. But, if you thought I was crazy... then you might get an idea where I get it from now!
So, yeah, yesterday was really great. Food wise I wasn't very happy with myself. For breakfast I had half a tin of mixed bean salad (140cals) and then when we got to my Mum and Dad's we had coffee and I had a shortbread biscuit. It got a little bit stuck, but soon passed. For lunch everyone had pizza and chips, but I had pasta with a stir in sauce and roasted vegetables. Totally fine. After initially tuning down ice cream, I succumbed as everyone was being offered seconds and had 1 scoop. Its amazing how SIT this makes you feel. Such guilt from something so tiny. Our minds are powerful things. By this time I thought I might as well go and shove my head in a gas oven and ate 6 sugarland chews from lidl - a bit like starburst. Then later when we got back from the suit fitting for the wedding (luck DH said yes to being best man huh!!!??!!) I had another shortbread biscuit with coffee. Then for tea Mum brought out hot cross buns, lemon drizzle cake, cream sponge cake, wagon wheels, bread and butter. Oh my.
Initially I was scared. Because I am *Paranoid Pants* I thought, maybe my band is broken and I am gonna get fat again, so I tucked into a hot cross bun. I ate 1 hot cross bun. Half a bun at a time. I was then - swear to God - worried that I was right and my band had indeed broken. WHY? I dunno!! So I ate a bit of lemon drizzle cake. then rushed to the kitchen sink! Puked up the cake and felt miserable, but glad to know my band was there. I kid you not, I really do go through these crisis moments thinking because I have been able to eat something that I maybe should not have had, the band must have stuffed up again. I am such an idiot.
Anyway, tea was over with. Another coffee and shortbread biscuit and we were on our way home. On the drive home I ate another 12 - 15 chews. Felt thoroughly miserable with myself and had convinced myself that I had overeaten and RUINED the whole weeks good work. We got home at about 10:30 and went straight to bed.
Then this morning, I got up and had some weetabix. I managed 2 spoonfuls, and I was done.
It was after this that I decided to face the music on The Daily Plate and add up my calories. I entered absolutely everything and I was GOBSMACKED to find that I only consumed 1200cals. That's after all the sweets and stuff too!! I really thought it was gonna say 3000 or something. That is what it would have said PRE banding. Goes to show really. I felt awful for no reason. I will try and remember this lesson.
So on this happy note, I made lunch at about 1pm and I ate 1 and a half chipolata sausages and 1 friend egg and 1 spoon of baked beans.
Then I went to get something out of the freezer and guess what. EVERYTHING WAS DEFROSTED. AGAIN!!! That's twice in 4 months. So I have spent the whole afternoon cooking. The switch for the freezer got knocked off whilst decorating and must have been off for at least 2 days. I have lost ALL my soups I made and had in store - Borscht, pea soup, chicken soup, lentil soup etc. I had 3 bags of prawns, 8 large lamb chops, mince, fish, 8 chicken breasts and bread rolls, bread and pastry etc.
So I have made a chicken and onion pie, a Chicken and butternut squash pie - that's the chicken and pastry taken care of. I have made a cottage pie too and 5 fisherman's pies. I have thrown a whole bag of sprouts out. What a nightmare. I am just glad it wasn't stocked to the brim. It is bad enough having to throw away all that home made soup. GRRRRRRRR
So by the time it came to eat dinner this evening, I seriously couldn't face it. I cooked lamb chops, parsnip and carrots, but I ended up leaving it for DH. I had a quarter of cheese and tomato quiche instead.
So today's calories have been 645. I am off to bed now. Back to work tomorrow. *sigh*
Friday, 15 February 2008
It now says 15 POUNDS LOST.
I just couldnt take it any more and weighed myself. I have lost 4 pounds since Sunday!!
WOW bloody WOW WOW WOW!
So I have now achieved 2 goals..
Lose 1 stone and get into the 16 stone zone.
Both done, today! YES!
I now weigh 16 stone 13 pounds.
Because this is SO awesome, I am gonna put it in the weightloss record.
I know its just in there but the BUZZ I got from the scales saying 16 instead of their usual 17 was like sweet music to my ears.
This also means that its only 10 pounds until I am back to my original banded weightloss...
The total loss I ever managed before it buggered up was 25 pounds. That was my lowest banded weight (16 stone 3). It was devestating to see it go up and up and up... I just wish someone had noticed and sorted it out earlier. Well, they didnt, so I guess I have to get on with it. Its working now honeyz!
My lowest banded weightloss was on 16th May 2007. I will be so great if I am less than 16 stone 3 by 16th May. In a strange way it will make me feel really good to know that I am back on track, even though its a year later. I still feel a little bit like I am competing with my initial weightloss. If I weigh 16 stone 3 before May 16th I will be very very happy; like I have overtaken myselfagain. I know it doesnt make sense, but somehow it will make me feel 'even'.
So the scales are shifting downwards again thank God. I knew that they would because food intake and eating habits have had to drastically change since Sunday. It has only been the last 24 hours where I have actually puked on food. I guess you start to relax a bit and forget to chew 500 times and do 450 times instead and WHAM! Your band says NO! NO! NO!
So I was reminded, not that gently, that thou must first chew TO DEATH the cooked beast and vegetation of the field.
Tablets. Didnt want anything after that.
1 McDonalds Hamburger (300cals)
5 Mc Donalds fries
1 orange juice
NOTHING! GO ME!!!!!!!!! I was too full from McDonalds! COOOOOOL!
Roasted vegetables (Butternut squash, aubergine, courgette, tomato, onion, pepper, sweet potato) coleslaw and green salad - 275 cals
So with a few other odds and sods, today's calorie intake is gratifyingly low at 835.
Thursday, 14 February 2008
Here is a plain regular size apple I tried this evening at about 5pm. Its still sitting on my desk waiting to be finished. I COULD NOT eat any more.
Here is the remains of my dinner. I have been painting and tiling all day again, so DH said he would get fish and chips. I ordered a small cod. I pinched 5 of hubbies chips and two are still on the plate as you can see. The cod fitted on the plate, so you can see exactly how much I could eat. No much. HA! Cool.
Suddenly this band is doing the job in a way I would never never never never in a MILLION years have been able to.
Its really strange. Until you are literally AT THIS POINT you cant imagine what its like. This is like mind blowing. I have read so many blogs where they say things like "When you get the perfect restriction you will know" and I kept asking "How?" I mean surely there must be some kind of way to describe it...
Well basically its the above pictures. This is what restriction is. Couple it with a feeling of fullness thats NICe and not bloated and hurting. Couple those with not being hungry between meals. Then wrap all of those up in a ribbon with realising you are eating around 800 cals WITHOUT TRYING!!!!!!!!!!! I mean WOW!
Today I can truly honestly from the bottom of my heart say
I love my band
So back to boring stuff...
Breakfast: rest of the prawn and salmon salad in the fridge from yesterday's lunch
Lunch: Knorr chicken noodle soup - 1/3rd packet
Snack @ 5pm: Kiwi
Snack @ 6pm: 1/4 apple
Dinner: 1/3rd piece of battered cod and 3 chips
Total (I F'ING LOVE MY BAND) Calories - 501
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
1 chopped apple, 1 kiwi fruit, 4 grapes and 1 petit filous.
This kept me well full until lunch time. It took me 30 minutes to eat.
"Right, rather than sit here and keep trying to eat a little bit more, and then
a little bit more, I will bung it in the fridge and get on with my jobs. If I
get hungry I can eat it then."
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
SPELL CHECKER STILL NOT WORKING. SORT IT OUT BLOGGER PEOPLE!!!
Today I felt really lazy, but got up with DH and then just bummed around on the computer and doing loads of washing. Spent just over 2 hours on the phone to my Mum too. How cool are free phone calls!!
1 weetabix with skimmed milk
1 snack egg... like a scotch egg, but much smaller and with egg mayo inside. Yum
3 tablespoons of pilau rice
3 ounzes of chicken breast
1 tablespoon green lentils
1/5th Jar of Yellow thai curry sauce (Loyd Grossman)
(this is such a SMALL meal. COOOOOOOL!)
1/2 box raspberries (100g) and skimmed milk.
total cals today 817!!! WICKED
Totally full, totally satisfied. OH GOOD GRIEF ITS
Wait for it....
At flamin' last! I am so happy. This is totally different than I have ever felt before. I have not had a single PB, or any pain or sickness at all. I am HAVING to take at least 30 minutes to finish my meal, but I am serving myself at least half of what I normally have, if not less than half. I am seriously chewing. Chewing is not the word. I am actually eating the tiniest bites and chewing them over about 50 times. Its getting to be quite enjoyable as it seems like I am eating for ages!!
I was self restricting after the bodge up of my last band, and practically psyching myself out of my brain to believe it was true and that I really did have restriction.
Now I HAVE restriction for SURE!!
This time, I am not thinking about food for large amounts of the day. I truly feel great. I feel as full and comfortable after my meal as I would had I been able to stop when I was full before banding. I feel no different to how I used to feel on a sunday roast. I didnt ever use to stuff my guts to bursting. I just ate until I was full and I had had enough. Sadly it was too darn much. But I feel EXACTLY the same as If I had had as much as I used to have had, except that obviosuly I have changed the portion sizes dramatically because I dont feel pressure to eat more.
Oh I really cant explain how different this is to, like, 3 days ago even!!!! Honestly, there was a significant difference then, but I was still being a dumb bastard and not thinking in the right way, and maybe even trying to check that the band really was there.
Yesterday really was a wake up. I am so HAPPY that I puked up coffee. WOW. This band is skill.
I dont even feel pressure to weigh myself because I feel so great, and I KNOW I am eating correctly and without any problems or bad feelings or guilt or feeling hungry and deprived. This is going to work, and I am getting my enthusiasm and trust back, little by little, day by day.
Oh my goodness, I do hope so much that I am not talking too soon and stuff, but I can feel the difference and its made me feel completely blissful.
After nearly 1 year - YEP 2 DAYS UNTIL MY 1 YEAR BANDIVERSARY, its finally JUST yesterday started working. I really am a year behind. That is so shit. But hey, its doing the thing now and BRING IT ON!
Want to say Hi to Erika and Bunk Mate, Erika, I am loving all your comments, they are really inspiring me, especially as we kind of started this journey together and you are now so far on in your success. Keep going babe, you are an inspiration. And Bunk Mate, Hey honey, I hope you are Ok. I am so glad I met you and we truly did start this HELL/HAPPINESS together! I hope that you have heard from 'the company' about your band problem too, and they have sorted you out... but I am guessing you are still hanging on otherwise I would have heard from you. Either that or you are off on a caribbean cruise on the cash!! HA HA! ;o)
Anyway, love and hugz to both of yaz
Thanks to everyone else for reading my blog. I hope it helps someone somewhere someday.
Monday, 11 February 2008
The spell checker on blogger is STILL not working... so bear with my spelling errors if there are any.
Well, todays scales were kind but not gratuitous.
I lost 1 pound this week. 17 stone 3 pounds... So I am very close to my goal of being in the 16's and also to losing 1 stone (14lbs)
I expect that a day of fluids and nice big fill will go some way to sorting both of those out though! Hee hee.
Today's intake so far...
1 can of potato and leek soup (pureed) 200 cals
20g end of packet granola soaked totally in milk and chewed to death
Then some wierd stuff happened.
Its important to note that I felt completely fine after everything I ate. Completely. I had the granola because I was hungry and needed something more filling than soup. Its not sugar loaded, its whole grain and was literally the end of the packet... so like dusty stuff stuff with a few barley grains etc...
However, I can only equate what happened later to having eaten that.
At about 1pm I went to bed for a lie down and to read my book. I took a coffee up with me and DH was playing with DS and the inevitable happened. I fell asleep.
I was so worn out from yesterdays rushing about that I hadnt wanted to get up this morning, especially since I am on holiday too! But DH had to take his car in to be re sprayed after someone smashed into it. So I am not suprised because I have been feeling tired all day. I was so tired I ended up sleeping until 4:30! DH came into the bedroom and said he was taking DS fishing and I woke up and thought I must get up anyway. So remembering my coffee on the side I took a few slurps. Nothing excessive, just the same old normal way I always do.
I noticed something unusual immediately. It felt strange. like I was eating, not drinking. I took another slurp and sat there in the bed 'listening' to my body gurgle, glug, tiny burp and feel like I do when I eat to much. I grabbed for my tub I keep for used tissues and facial wipes and dummped the litter on the floor and promptly sicked up at least 2 mouthfuls of the coffee!!!
I sat there some more... and then some.
I felt odd.
I got up and came downstairs and wandered about but there was still more to come up, and I threw the rest of the coffee up in the sink.
I can't believe this. Its really strange, especially as it was about 4 hours since I had had any food.
Even though it was about an hour after I ate it... I think that its probably a combination of eating something likely to swell and then going and having a lie down.
I made sure that it truly was like milk with bits... but obviously it didnt pass through my stoma and was still in my pouch when I woke up... When will I learn. I guess now.
I swear that if the operation had not gone wrong I would not be experiencing these problems. I seem to need to test my band, even feel like I dont believe its there.
Because I had fills with a broken band, and never had a problem not doing the fluid stage of my fill... but thats because there was NO POINT. I have to get it into my head that there IS a point now. I really have a working band and I have to DO AS I AM TOLD.
I know its probably obvious to everyone else, but its truly not a concious decision.
I will try and have a drink in an hour and see what happens.
I havent taken my tablets yet today, so getting a bit stressed about that. I will take them with jam, even thought they are AWFUL without their capsule just incase.
I will of course update this disaster.
Well I waited an hour and took those little packets of calpol slowly. I thought trying to take a paracetamol with water was not a good idea, so I just sat and sipped my way through 4 packets of strawberry calpol. Yum.
Then after no problems I made a coffee. I had a few sips. No problems. Another couple - also no probs. I then decided, mad or not, to take my prozac whole. I swallowed it with the coffee and there was no problem at all.
At 6pm I started cooking dinner. I wasnt hungry but the hounds had started gathering asking me what we were having. I cooked chicken breast on a bed of onion, garlic and passata in the oven. Also used up the rest of a packet of roast mediteranean veg and added a bit more courgette. I boiled some potato too.
On my plate I decided to be really good. I put one cube of the chicken (about a 1/4 breast) with some of the passata/onion sauce, 1 boiled potato (slightly smaller than an egg) and 1 tablespoon of roast veg.
All present commented on this meagre portion and were laughing at it. I thought - well If I want more, then I can have more, but lets not start off the wrong way. So I told them to shut up and we all sat down to eat.
I was finished after 30 minutes. Everyone else ate 4 times the amount I did and also finished before me. I was NOT hungry. I was NOT bloated, but I was full. I still am full nearly an hour later.
I can feel the food still there and I feel quite content.
I chewed that food some darn much. I even hawked a little bit back before it slipped down my throat because it had a little lump in it. It was all paste as it went down. I did not have a single episode of pain, pressure or have to wait. I just ate in itty bitty bites and took my time finishing each mouthful thoroughly as I went. I am a happy girl.
God, I so hope this is it for me. I am going to work my arse off to be good and lose this weight. It was a really good experience for me to pb on coffee!!! I mean - COFFEE!!! Jeeez! Who would have thought that? But it showed me how powerful this little bit of silicone is and if I dont do it properly now I am gonna end back in hospital with a slip or errosion or something awful.
I am gonna do this thing people. I will be posting pics of my food intake from now on. I am trying to stick to three meals daily, so today has been perfect.
Soup, cereal and chicken + veg. Cool.
I have had a lot of coffee though. I am pretty aware of that, and I am oing to experiment a little with fruit tea and stuff, but I am sorry to say that I do love my coffee. Its not instant either... ooops. But hey! Its thats the only vice I end up with stuff it.
Take it easy peeps.
Sunday, 10 February 2008
I got 1 ml straight in there. YAHOO!
I now have 6.1mls FOR SURE in my non-leaking, non blood stained, totally bubble free WORKING band!
But it means that my secret devilish plans will not come off.
I had schemed to have the free second half of my fill today as I was promised 4 weeks ago, (+ 0.6mls), then wave bye bye and go to Dr. De Bruyne on Thursday for a little bit more.
Yeah, didnt happen. The woman sees like a gazillion people or something, so she simply asked me why I was here and if I was there for a review. Gulp. She didnt remember...
*frantically dig through my vocabulary to jog her mind about the free top up she was gonna give me*
I told her and, as I was rapidly begining to think, free top ups must happen within 2 weeks. I was in Hungary (and had told her when I was there last time - but didnt bother pushing it) and just decided to take what was chucked at me. So this time I was told £85 for a fill (cool!!) and urged again to take out their programme which is about £1200 for unlimited access to fills/dietician etc for a year. Hmmm. I want to go for it, but its a lot of cash to stump up when I can have it adhoc every time for £85.
I was a bit miffed thinking I was gonna get 0.6mls which seems such a poxy amount, and she asked me the usual questions and popped a whole 1 ml in. So maybe it worked out for the best?
Basically I have the same outcome as if I had had 0.6 for free, then 0.5 from De Bruyne. Infact I am probably better off because I saved the train fair too! Cool.
My weight according to their scales was 109.6kg Last time it was 110.2. so I have lost about 2 pounds. I hate weighing after a days food though. I know 1 litre of water weighs a lot, so I prefer to weigh in the mornings. But at least by her scales I am coming down. I wont be adding this to the running total as I prefer to keep it to monday mornings (Tomorrow!! Ha ha)
This morning I had a bowl of Quaker Granola with raspberries and skimmed milk
Lunch I had a 3/4 snack sized pork pie and prawns in cocktail sauce, avocado, tomato and spinach salad - the amount being about the size of a large orange all together.
I also had some Yop, a yoghurt drink.
Then I had the fill, and since that I have had 2 coffee's.
So here we go again. 3 days of fluids, 3 days mushies and go slowly on the solids. feel really like I am getting somewhere now. I feel like 6.1 mls is going to give me a good restriction where I feel fuller for longer as I think that was the main problem. I was getting hungry, too hungry, before the particular meal time and then eating too fast when I got to have it.
Once hunger is under control I should be in a better position to fight the flab.
Lets just say, I can feel the coffee. Its not sitting there, but its gurgling for sure. Cool.
This is a totally different feeling to ANY I have had before.
Saturday, 9 February 2008
I feel shit if I dont.
So I am better off feeling shit doing something RIGHT than doing something wrong.
I am not going to drink wine unless I am on holiday. I know I go away a lot, but I am not going away until June now - Malta YAY! - so thats a good long time.
I am not going to buy CHOCOLATE, ICE CREAM, CAKE, CRISPS AGAIN!
It tempts me. I hear them calling. I have to stop being such a stupid COW.
I am just going to be a normal person from now on.
Been to work today, had a banana for breakfast. Had a couple of cups of cofee whilst out and about, and then came home to sort the house out.
We have re-arranged the house to fit in the new lodger (hey its worth it for £200 a month!) and put the computers and stuff in the dining area and moved the piano up a bit. Basically all we have done is squeezed in a desk. Esentially the room looks the same and still feels spacious, which was what I was worried about.
I am glad we sold all the books though, otherwise I have NO IDEA where we would have put all our junk! The shelves in the utility room are now full with OUR books and stuff and actually it looks great. It looks liek we are all really clever and into reading hardcore non fiction books about artists and biology and applied physics etc! HA
These are all the books I kept from College years ago that I just cant bear to throw away or sell because DS might need them.
Lunch was a banana too...
Lunch... chicken soup - made from the roast chicken at the weekend and some onion etc.
Dinner... bacon and onion steamed roly poly pud (yep, suet and flour and all things BAD!) with leeks and cabbage.
Initially had a load of trouble with the pudding. I had to puke up 2 mouthfuls of leeks/cabbage because it wasnt playing ball. If I am too hungry I find everything sticks really bad.
So after that, I was able to eat one slice (about size of deck of cards) of bacon pudding, 1 tablespoon of leeks and 2 tablespoons of cabbage.
Then this evening I ate 1 whole large bar of dairy milk and a bottle of red wine.
WHY? I dont know. I just feel shit.
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
On the way home last night I picked up a packet of pancakes... the large fluffy ones a little bit like pikelets as my Mum used to call them - like American pancakes or the ones you get in McDonalds.
As Carina was off to the shelter this morning I thought it would be nice to have something filling and nice for her before she went for the day. I really find cereal so utterly boring.
So I toasted the pancakes and laid them on the plates (tea plate size) and put some maple syrup on them. I ate a quarter of one. A QUARTER.
My mind seriously wants to eat the rest. I am going to experiment with blindfolds. I truly think that its my EYEBALLS that lead me into trouble.
So I stopped after the quarter and its half an hour since and I am still full.
I wish we could put lapbands on our dumb greedy brains.
Oh, and by the way the spell checker on blogger is NOT working right now and hasnt been for some days. Goodness knows why, but if the spellings a bit whack, thats why! Bear with me. LOL
What a cruddy day. I feel proper rubbish about it, but cant be helped.
Yesterday I put off my students because DH was coming home, so now I have to do them tomorrow. Not a problem, until tomorrow comes and I ill wish I hadnt bothered.
I made couscous for lunch. It was yummy. I couldnt eat much of it. I felt crap, hence we stopped on the way to TB's at the local shop. I bought, and ate, 1 mars, 1 twix and 1 twirl. I can eat them until the cows come home. So finally I ate something, stopped shaking like I was going to pass out and felt full.
After I ate the pancake for breakfast, I couldnt eat any more, but I was STILL hungry. After the couscous I couldnt eat more than 3 bites, but I was STILL hungry. I dont understand why I still feel hungry. Do I need a fill so the food sits on top of my stoma? Or do I need an nfill (GOD FORBID!) so that I can just eat. I am seriously worried that the only food I can eat is crap. I mean, short term, I am less than bothered. I do NOT mind having to survive on Mars bars or whatever for a couple of weeks, but long term I know this is not good.
BUT, yesterday evening I ordered a curry. Carina wanted chicken (TOTAL NO NO FOR ME) and so did DH. So I got a prawn dahnsak. I ate most of the carton. I ate in little tiny nibbles from a baby spoon and I made sure that 1 single prawn was good before I swallowed.
If this is how I am supposed to eat, fine, I just feel like I am out in the dark somewhere with NO HELP!
I am torn because I want this band to work, but I havent lost anythign fopr 3 weeks. I know I have not been a saint, but I never used to be on slimmingworld and I would ussually lose then.
So I am eating hardly nothing thats any good for me and because I am literally shaking and faint with hunger I eat high calorie sweets or a spoon of sugar. YEP! I even did that once as I thought I was going to pass out.
I am going to try being a good girl today. I will eat off of a tea plate and eat with a tea spoon and feel like an idiot and eat the tiniest mouthfuls and see what kind of day I had.
At the moment it feels like my band is getting tighter day after day. That cant be possible obviously. I haet felt a slackening in restriction at all since the fill 4 weeks ago.
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
Today has been totally average. Nothing odd happened, nothing great either.
This morning I had scrambled egg, mushroom and tomato. Not a lot mind you, because I felt a tad raw from last night. I could still 'feel' the food an hour later.
Lunch was borscht (beetroot, potato, stock, dill, onion and... stuff - not fattening)
Felt a bit dodgy eating that too.
Dinner was salad. Beetroot, cucumber, tomato, lettuce, pepper and caesar dressing. Then I had a bowl of home made chicken soup later (chicken off the bone, water, onion and yesterdays sprouts/carrots)
This was all ok. I think my stoma was a bit swollen today from all the drama from last night. I was certainly aware of my food/band today.
Anyway, off to bed. Have played 3 hours of Sims, and had just about enough. Once you know the cheats, and also how its really hard to kill your sims, its kind of boring. Mine always have top of the range everything, massive house, massive pool and no job. My kind of life! HAH
Going to miss Carina when she goes home. Maria and Xandra move in on the 4th March. Yep... 2 lodgers! Cool!
Monday, 4 February 2008
Attack of the Killer Carrot - 3Parts.
I spent a most of what was supposed to be an enjoyable evening with my head down the sink.
2 hours choking, barfing and salivating, hic-coughing, back thumping and belching. Grim.
The contents of the bowl is NOT sick. Its like chewed food plus saliva. Its not even got anywhere near my stomach. So its just like a load of spit and food mixed up, not grim or stinky like sick.
It is the slipperiest, slimiest stuff on earth though.
A very naughty piece of carrot escaped my gnashers and slipped down the throat. What a nightmare over a thumbnail size piece of carrot. I actually filmed my pb for posterity, but its too large to go on here or youtube. I find that really strange. How come other people can get their videos which take AGES but are less than 100MB? The PB incident is only 6 minutes of film because the SD card ran out, but its like 388MB so too big for youtube. So there we go. Anyone wants it, then I will email it to them.
So today has been random. I started out with the sniffles and ended up with a cold which has now disappeared. Goodness knows what that is all about, but glad I havent got a cold still. I have never heard of a 12 hour cold. Bizarre.
So, have had a strange day band wise too. Didnt have breakfast, but had beans on toast for lunch. Or should I say, I tried to have beans on toast. It was seriously hard work. I thought I was going to chuck several times. Then I went to work, although seriously didnt want to, and when I got home DS and I had roast chicken and veg. Sadly mine is now making its way to the sea. So the only thing I have eaten this evening is an ice cream. My throat is raw.
I am off to bed to get some kip.
Saturday, 2 February 2008
Story of my life *wry smile*.
The days seem endless when you are at work, but once home its bedtime and cocoa before you know it. Rubbish. I have been working my butt off these last few days. I am proud of myself for not cancelling 1 single lesson, and turning up to everyone on time and being a responsible adult for a change.
This new prozac level is doing the trick completely. I have never felt like this before. I feel energised and ready to do my duties of wifedom without a hassle. I am as fresh today as I was on Wednesday when I got home from the lush spa week.
I think getting stuff into focus really helps. I really look forward to the holidays. They are like little islands of rest. I have just 1 more solid week of work before I have another week off. I can handle that. All I need to do is focus on the fact that in 7 days I will be chillin' again. Then after that its not long until the Easter hols because of the early date of Easter this year. So thats pretty fab.
Band...? Its there. Doing its job? Well yes! I puke if I eat too fast, or too much.
I am still not being a good girl. Its SO EASY to eat chocolate, crisps, wine, and junk. Why? Its so random. I would have thought crisps would be really difficult because they are so dry... but alas no.
Yesterday I was a greedy fat cow.
1 kitkat chunky
1 thorntons praline bar thingy
1 thorntons dark chocolate bar
1 bag malteasers
1/2 bottle if wine
How ever, what matters is calories and guess what? It was 1400!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA. Thats awesome. So if the bottom line is calories then I'm fine. I seem to have these blow outs when I am getting stressed.
I am getting stressed now because DH is off to Birmingham for a trade show for 5 days. :o(
Hypocrite, I know, but I really miss him if I am here alone, and I know he hates being cooped up in a hotel with his work buddies too. He loathes it. We both get really tetchy and clingy before he goes away. It happens every year. We call it the Birmingham Blues. Hopefully next year he wont be going. Woo Hoo. It will be the first time in 12 years he hasn't!
So I have a miserable week of fetching and carrying. At least when I go away I take DS with me, but there we are. So early start tomorrow getting DH off on the road and then crawl back to bed for a cry. All together now - Ahhhhhhhhh!
This evening, me, my sister and Carina all did mad make-up and mad-hair. I made myself up and my sister did my hair, then I did her make up, and she looked like a female version of Adam Ant, then we both did Carina up. My sister did her make-up and I did her hair. No joke she looked like Amy Winehouse!! HA HA (Before she haved her head and looked like Prince William that is!) I did the whole backcombed boufant beehive thingy and sis did the eyeliner hell.
We took photos of each other and I look like Jo Brand. Its not a pretty sight. When I get a photo from her, then I shall post it. I look like a great big fat lesbian on drugs sitting with Amy Winehouse and Zemfira the Russian Singer!!!