Tuesday, 22 May 2007
I have just been released from hospital.
Oh My Goodness!!
As you know Saturday I fell down the stairs.
Well SUNDAY, I developed pain in my stomach. I am not going into it all, but I was admitted to hospital Sunday evening at about 11:00pm.
I was poked, prodded, scanned, x-rayed, drained of blood and urine and shoved in a horrible side room. However, it was not as horrible as it could have been. They could have put me in the ward with the 80-100 year old men and women in varying degrees of continence. *shudders*
It was all mind numbing to be honest. I didn't know what was happening or wen I would get out of there. I was only able to see DH and DS for 2 hours on Monday afternoon and that was it. I was just on my own. It was awful. I was on a drip and nil by mouth for 24 hours.
They decided that it was a kidney stone. I never knew that it could be so painful. It was either that or I have diverticulitis or something, but I should not have that at my age apparently. So basically they don't know what it was, except that I thought I was going to DIE of agony. it was like giving birth without painkillers. I would not even wish this pain on Ivana. She's not hard enough to deal with it... *snide tee hee*
Anyway, they finally let me out of the place at 10:30am this morning. How close can you cut that? I have spent the day getting my nails done, and my toes and the bills paid and washing and ironing and packing and tidying the house. What a nightmare!!!!!!!!!!
I am still not done, so that's why I have to tell you that it is my last post for 2 weeks.
I am sorry I haven't been weighed this week. I really wanted to know how much I weighed before the holiday, but I was in the hospital feeling lousy with myself.
So bye bye peeps! I will post weight and photo when I get back because the day I get back is my 4 month bandiversary!! Woo hoo!
Sunday, 20 May 2007
How cool is that. My heads a bit too big for my body. Oh well, at least I'm slim!! I really like the dark hair... might actually make that a reality...
I have had a really awful couple of days. Friday night as you know, we were up all night with DS. Saturday I got out of bed a bit later than I should have and got to my first lesson about 10 minutes late. It wasn't a problem as I said what had happened with DS that night. Anyway, I thought I would rearrange my next pupil for later on in the day so that I could catch up and not make everyone late.
I popped home and ran upstairs for a quick wee, then called my pupil and rearranged the lesson. Then I was just 1 step down the stairs and I caught my foot in the turn up of my trouser leg! I fell all the way down the stairs in my knees to the bottom.
I thought I had broken every bone in my body.
Sri Lanka!!! BOOOOO HOOOOO
But an ambulance came and took me to the hospital and check me over. Nothing broken thank goodness, just a couple of bad sprained ankles and a bruised bum, arms, shoulders and wrenched wrist. Not bad considering.
Anyway, feeling pretty sorry for myself, so I made this picture of me when I am slim!! Its cheered me up no end!
Saturday, 19 May 2007
He has this horrible cough that is making him bark like a dog. Poor little thing. When he's lying down, in the dark, with nothing to think about other than "I'm trying not to cough!" its awful, so after getting up to him for the 3rd time, I decided that there isn't a lot of point staying in bed.
He's coughing, I am awake, DH is snoring.... life's peachy....
So I am in the office writing and he is in the front room watching cartoons... Hopefully it will lull him and he will fall asleep. It always used to work for me when I was a child. I spent many a night up with my mum... standing on chairs with the kettle boiling and boiling to fill the room with vapour to help me breathe; wallpaper peeling from the walls. Making jam tarts at 4:00am because I was coughing and wheezing so much I couldn't lie down... Even watching some dodgy film in Italian or Spanish used to be better than lying in the dark bedroom trying not to cough. I would eventually fall into the land of nod. So I have fed him a yogurt to soothe his throat because he has drunk all the Benolyn and of course its 1:00am. If things don't improve in the next hour or so I might go to tesco's with him just to get some more medicine and some throat sweets.
Its handy really. When I was young Tesco's shut at 5:30pm or something, as did all the other shops. And there wasn't 24 hour children's entertainment. I do wonder why they put tele-shopping on the kids cartoon channel Toonami at night though. That's a bit weird. What adult is going to say "Hmmm let me check out Toonami...., yes, that's right dear - the kids cartoon channel - and see what bargains they have for us in kitchenware tonight!" or what child is going to say "Mummy, pleeeeease can I stay up and watch Toonami at midnight? they are going to have a great sale on lamps!"
Enough rambling. Today has been strange eating wise.
for breakfast I had 2 weetabix with not quite enough milk for my liking... but ok.
Lunch... I had a custard and dutch apple pudding (about 250 cals)
Afternoon about 3:30 I had a slice of bread.
Pre dinner I had 2 slices of bread with some coleslaw inside
dinner I had 2 sausages in tomato and bean sauce with new potatoes, carrots and broccoli.
I then had a choc ice.
I then had a small slice of chocolate cake.
So the day started with good intentions but I was too hungry when I got home from work so I had to eat a sandwich. If I hadn't been so starving I would not have had to eat that That will teach me a lesson to take some fruit with me or a slimfast shake to work. I keep forgetting about them. I think I will get a pack to take in the car with me so if I ever get hungry I can top myself up quick so that I don't over eat later.
I am hungry right now to be honest....
We have nothing in the house that's nice to eat. The humous has been in the fridge a week... ad has half of a limp bent biscuit sticking out of it where someone has obviously had a go at it. Disgusting. There is 1 yogurt in the house ad I really need to save that for DS to soothe his throat.
There are olives though.... Maybe I shall have a go at those. I was so desperate last night that I ate some sultanas that went out of date in January 06, but were still in the cupboard. They were crunchy but nice! Mmmm....
Thursday, 17 May 2007
I must admit I thought it would be more restrictive than it has been.
When I had my last supper at that lovely restaurant in Brugge I really thought I would never be able to do that again.
I could easily go back to that restaurant and order the same bottle of wine... but I would have to drink the whole bottle before my meal...
If I wasn't comatose, I could essentially order the same starter that I had.
Once that was down, I could probably manage the second course... it was another starter after all.
The 3rd course... Nah. I could probably have a few bites.
I certainly would not be able to eat the 4th or 5th courses.
So yes, I would be able to eat there again, but not in the same quantity.
I am actually a little annoyed about that. When I had that meal, I really really truly wanted food to be difficult after that. I guess I am glad its not. It would not have been nice to be vomiting or unable to eat and every day being a chore. But I wish it was a bit more restrictive.
I am watching what I eat this week. Until I have my next fill when I get back from Sri Lanka, I think I just have to go easy. keep stopping during dinner and assessing the 'fill level' and then really stopping when I am full. I am not in a famine zone for goodness sake... I don't have to eat every scrap of food. I can always get something to eat later on if I get hungry again.
I am going to up my fruit intake as well as I don't think I have been getting enough fresh raw food. I have also got back on the treadmill after an eternally quiet period. I did 35 minutes today. I would have done more but the day got ahead of me!
Half a slice of eggy bread for brekkie.
Lunch was Heinz tomato soup and some bread and butter
Dinner was Beef Diane (270 cals) and then semolina with dutch apple (187 cals)
So I think today has been a pretty good day diet wise.
Wednesday, 16 May 2007
Just thought I would let you know quickly that when I got up this morning I jumped on the scales and it said 16 stone 3... or 227lbs.
so that means I have lost 25 in total... Obviously that's not an official weigh in because I like to do that on Monday#s but it proves to me that it was indeed retention.
I am really pleased... especially as we went out for pizza last night!!! Hurrah!
I just booked an appointment for hair extensions! YIKES! I have long hair anyway, but I want it longer!!
This is my last Wednesday of work!! This time next Wednesday I will be IN THE SKY!!
Well today was tiring. Lessons went well though, all my pupils are quite easy on a Wednesday... 2 adults 4 kids and 1 teenager who's quite advanced.
The advanced lesson is starting to happen now. It has been really hard getting her to work at what she needs to do. People don't realise the work they are taking on when they decided to venture on to grade 7 and beyond.
A lot of mummies and daddies decide that poppet wants to do grade 7. Ok. They don't realise that you are looking at a minimum of 2 hours practice daily.... And to actually BE grade 7 when you take the exam your looking more at 4 hours. This is a serious intensive study. What actually happens is that poppet practices her pieces once through and then does her scales once - and thinks that he/she is now grade 7. You could teach a monkey to play 3 pieces given enough time... doesn't mean hes grade 7.
I feel that if you have a piece of paper that says grade 7 on it, you want it to really mean what it says... you don't want that certificate to just mean "I can play 3 tunes quite well and stumble through a piece I have never looked at before". You want that certificate to mean "I have done a years worth of intensive study and you can chuck anything at me at this level and I can do a great job of it".
My pupil, thankfully is not one of these... but I am pretty sure she didn't like bringing her practice time up to length and working at things, not just playing easy stuff. Its taken a good year to get her to change her technique to something approaching elegance and its going to take another before I will even consider her ready for grade 7. Shes doing well, I just hope she keeps the pace going. She will be an excellent pianist if she continues... but as with all teens... there are other things pressing. Her goal is to be a piano teacher, so the drive is there... lets hope it stays.
Other than that, boring day. Didn't get home until 10:30pm and was shattered. Ate my tea on the sofa and watched 2 episodes of Home and Away then went to bed.
That's all folks.
Tuesday, 15 May 2007
Here are the two bowls of cereal in my little blender...
Here are the two bowls of cereal blended roughly (i.e. chewed) in a measure....
For the benefit of those who can't see.... this has made just over half a pint of mush. There are still quite a few large chunks of stuff in there, but basically it has the same consistency as cereal chewed and spat out.
this is therefore 10 ounces of food. Now, this was the first time I had ever eaten 2 bowls of cereal straight off the bat like that.... So that tells me that a big bowl of cereal, even If I over filled the bowl would not be more than 8 oz.
This has made me happy. My meals are less that 8 oz too. Definitely.
So why am I not losing weight as fast as say... Helen? I dunno. But looking at what she eats, she doesn't eat very much at all (see her comment on yesterdays post) so I think probably she has a different and tighter band than me. I have read her blog often enough to see the difference in her pb'ing and eating patterns and there is a vast difference between hers and mine.
So she has enough restriction, and I have restriction..... just not quite enough....yet!!!!
this is where these blogs and chat sites really help. Dr. Clayson could not allay my fears. Helen could. It could have been anyone but they have to know what you are going through.
***A big THANK YOU to Helen!!! ***
I am losing weight. I have to look at the bigger picture. I am so bad at not doing that.
I am 20 pounds lighter than I was 3 months ago. That's great!
So even if I lost half a pound a week, its still the right way.
I WILL get to my target and Helen will get to hers.
Erika and I seem to be following much more similar routes... I have to keep in mind that we are ALL different.
I feel much more positive.
Thanks for bearing with me and I am sorry if I have been horrid and petulant.
Love you all!
Monday, 14 May 2007
Am stressed beyond control.
Put on 1 and a half pounds this week.
And yes I KNOW it is *star* week... but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I am able to eat too much.
What banded patient with 5mls in their band can eat 2 Massive bowls of cereal and not even feel full....??? Hmmmm?? That's right. There isn't one. What about a big curry and rice and then later on second helpings. What about a whole meal and then pudding?
Jeeez I need some help man!
I tried in vain all day to make an appointment for a fill with various companies, and basically not a lot will do it.
A place in Winchester will do it for £260 (Gulp!) but not until 9th June.
Another company will do it if I buy their aftercare package. £1450.00 (GULP GULP GULP!)
Another place will do it if I pay £270 for the fill and £250 for the surgeon consult.
So basically I am stuck with it and wait until I get back from Sri lanka where I shall eat my way around the Island and come back as a bloated crispy fried English woman. I am SO worried about this. I have self control but for Gods sake, I wouldn't have had the band if I had been able to control myself that well would I?????? I have no idea why Dr. Clayson wont fill me before 6 weeks are up. Even Cisca at www.obesitycare.co.uk which is the company I had my band done through said its usually about 2 - 3 weeks between fills. Even Dillemans said that to me himself!!! I thought this guy worked in close connection with these people. The bloke Dr Dovey in Barnes will fill you up when ever you cross his hand with silver too. I mean we are paying for this! I need restriction or I will have to slash my wrists!!
I did talk to Dr. Clayson and he tried hard to reassure me. I wish he would get another secretary as his one is a bolshy cow to the Nth degree. She has a serious superiority complex.
Anyway, Dr. C told me that a lot of people go through this. Its normal.. don't worry, relax bla bla bla but for GODS SAKE. I am paying him £75 to fill me so I lose weigh, but I don't!!!! I am not made of flaming money. All I feel is its £75 wasted... I mean I don't know this guy do I really. He could be just jabbing a needle in me and making some kind of sick psychological test and in 2 years turn round and say "oh yeah, you know you have had 10 fills from me... actually you lost weight with the power of your mind" or some crap like that.
Am I insane???? Does anyone else doubt their doctors like this?? I pay £75 I want results NOW baby. Not in 6 months time.
How do I know that hes not milking it and that actually you can shove 10 ml straight in there and crack on, but that would only cost £75 rather than the £ 375 they can bleed you with if they spoon feed you the fill 1ml at a time bull shit.
Sorry I am just mad.
Hate everyone and his dog.
Going to boil head
Sunday, 13 May 2007
Its all about eurovision... so you don't have to bother reading it if you don't wanna.
Well. That was the most crap eurovision I have ever watched. I thought the presenters were shocking and the humour in the little Finnish interludes between the entries were disturbingly tragic and childish for such a lovely nation.
I have also never witnessed so much shameless political voting in my life. Yes, I know it always happens, but I watch this every year ok. Seriously... I print the score card and everything. I actually love the show - well used to love it.
I am appalled that Serbia won. It was a miserable song with strange dancing and touchy strokey girls prancing about in imperial German wear or some utter rubbish. The singer her/himself looked like a cross between Penfold from Dangermouse and Jimmy Cranky and it was outstanding simply because it was bad.
The trouble is you have 13 or 14 former eastern block/commie states including their mother ship nation Russia all voting for each other. The rest don't stand a chance to be fair.
I must admit there were some pretty random votes from the western countries to countries i SERIOUSLY doubt anyone watching phoned in a voted for. I mean COME OFF IT! There should be some way where we can view the call breakdown because I think its boll***s to be honest.
I have just been looking at a website (www.songcontestvoting.com/eurovision) that gave the predictions based on who 'fans' thought was going to win.
Here is the line up:
Check out my predictions based solely from watching the show and marking dance/outfit/performance/song:
1st. Russia 12pts
2nd. Sweden 10pts
3rd. Hungary 8pts
4th. Greece 7pts
5th. Latvia 6pts
6th. Slovenia 5pts
7th. Finland 4pts
8th. Spain 3pts
9th. Belarus 2pts
10th. Moldova 1pt
Heres the actual 'winners'
1st Serbia (WTF???)
Now take a look at the what the site says about how they got their predictions:
"They could only vote once and, where possible, were prevented from voting for their own country. Results were converted to Eurovision scores (1-12). If eligible countries didn't vote in the poll then we tried to fill in the gaps using data from our main survey on which countries they were 'most likely' to vote for.
So as you can see its all a load of Boll**ks. Serbia's song, Molitva, was apparently a heartfelt plea to an estranged lover with religious overtones. The obviously religious Serifovic said she would celebrate her victory with 'litres' of white wine. A nice Christian thing to do... go and get wrecked. "I can't lie to God as I kneel down and pray. You're the love of my life," cried Serifovic as five bouffant backing singers touched her back in support.
The dancing was like a slow-motion lesbian porn film.
Unfortunately the singer Jimmycranky/Penfold aka Marija Serifovic has an unusual resemblance to a particularly horrid Slovakian by the name of Ivana which made the whole thing even more unpleasant for me.
Here is a picture of Ivana drawn by my sister sophi and then a pic of Maria...
Hmmm I forget which one is which now. Maybe they are cousins or something.
The man about to be dunked is Ivana's boyfriend. Poor poor thing.
Anyway, here is a GENUINE result from this houses jury...
This was my rough draft of the score card...
I shall not be watching another eurovision.
And finally, a quote from http://www.clickpress.com/releases/Detailed/34098005cp.shtml
"Furthermore most fans either don’t think ‘neighbourly’ voting exists or that it’s just a bit of fun. Only 28% of UK respondents (and 24% overall) thought suspect voting patterns were reducing the contest to a farce."
SHUT UP!! Serbia was awarded the competition's maximum score by five of its eight neighbours.
These are obviously NOT fans because eurovision is now BLATANT and SHAMELESS neighbourly political voting and IS a complete farce.
I am sad to say this was my last Eurovision. Its too difficult for me to watch it anymore because it simply isn't a true reflection of the song/act/dance/outfit quality any more.
In fact maybe they should just get around a table and vote for which country they like best, o want to trade with/exploit and save the general public from the excitement of thinking there really is a contest in the first place.
...and yes, I am now off to enjoy the rest of my life.
Saturday, 12 May 2007
Its Eurovision tonight!!
I love that show. Because I have sky plus I record it and watch it about 45 minutes after the start... that way *wicked cackle* I can fast forward all the junk and that stupid Irish idiot trying to crack jokes all the time. WAKE UP FOOL. You are the joke!
I don't know why he slags off every entry... if he doesn't like the job.. resign!! I would do it in a blink!!
I know its tongue in cheek, but there IS a limit.
So, I am off to work now. I have 4 pupils this morning, scattered across the shire. One of them is a new pupil who got mucked around by her last teacher.. so we shall see. Normally there is a reason why teachers muck their pupils about.... normally to get rid of them! Hope this isn't the case and it really is that she was just a doddery old lady who was getting senile.
Back soon peeps.
Oh, and I am not hungry this morning. At all. Go figure.
Friday, 11 May 2007
Finally I am able to post! Did a minesweeper and found loads of junk on my PC from where DS has been playing games. It totally slowed the whole thing down and kept crashing. Thanks to 'spybot search and destroy' its got rid of all the spyware.
Anyway, I didn't have much to write... getting ready for the holiday and buying lots of things.
My clothes I ordered from La Redoute have still not arrived and I am really wanting to try them on. I don't have much time left to get something else if they don't fit!
I am in a bit of a grump today. The weather is horrid. It rained all night long, which will help the new grass seed, but everything was wet and horrible this morning. I hate brushing past every ones hedges and getting soaked. Some people don't trim their hedges well and when you call on them you have to navigate their huge bush/hedge and get a wet coat, skirt and usually feet too. The drops drip down into your shoes all cold and yuk.
Thankfully today we didn't encounter any big bushy hedges or roaming overgrown paths which was great. Nature is so wild really. Just a couple of weeks is all it takes to make what was trim and beautiful all back to a mess again.
So, this week I have mostly been 'not pleased' with not losing weight last week. I have been trying to keep to a 3 meal a day kind of thing this week. I had readybrek one morning for breakfast and yesterday I had fruit and fibre. Today I have a slice of toast. Lunch has been a bit weird. Wednesday I had a tuna and pasta salad from Tesco. Very tasty. Went down fine.Yesterday I had an egg mayo sarnie from the bakery of which I ate the majority but had to leave the last corner as I knew if I ate any more I would puke. So I stopped well before the pain/water and saved myself that agony. Today I haven't had anything yet... but I think I will have beans on toast or something similar.
We have had WFF meals for our evening meals which are calorie controlled and nutritionally balanced so did ok there.
I just feel un-slim and bleugh.
I have got to go to work later on, so I will update my blog after I get back.
I have posted my 3 month post lap band photo on the Photo Gallery... You can then see the successive changes that are being made by each months weightloss. I can see a difference from post surgery to now, and even though I only lost 3 pounds last month, I think my body shape has definitely changed for the better from the last photo. At the end of the day, its what I look like that is important, not what the scales say I am.
Anyway, hoping to feel a bit slimmer later.
Well the clothes arrived from La Redoute and EVERYTHING fits!! how about that... even the 18's!! I am really pleased. Last year the stuff I was wearing on holiday was 24-26. I am thrilled.
Also, just before I went to work, DH made me some cheese on toast. I only had a slice of toast for brekkie today, so I thought I had better eat something. I managed half a slice of toast. I bit into it and it didn't feel good on the way down. I had a few nibbles, and then scraped all the cheese off it because I thought this might not be going so well, but only a few more short chews and I was doubled up with DH having to pat my back like a baby until it passed. The patting really helps. I don't know whether it helps to get the food down, or takes your mind of the pain in the chest, but it certainly works for me. This episode was not productive in any way... no extra saliva or anything, just the excruciating indigestion thing.
DH realised when I needed help. He was in the kitchen talking to me and asked me a question about something. Then DS came up and started piping in as kids do and asking me something like "can I go play with X friend today pleeeeease" and I could not answer either of them. I simply couldn't speak. So DS kept asking me and DH kept asking me and in the end I just yelled "AHHHH Can't talk!!!" and then DH rushed over and started thumping me on the back. It took a good 10 minutes to get it together and tell them that "NO he couldn't play with X" and "Yes, I will be back in time for dinner".
Ahhh the joys of banding.
then this evening, considering the fact that I had had a slice of bread this morning, and half a slice of bread at 3pm, I was not that hungry this evening....
It was Spanish omelette with chips and peas for dinner tonight. As I was putting it on the plate I said to DH: "I don't think this is going to go too well". I was right. I had to stop a third of the way through. I had eaten about half the omelette, half the peas and about 8 chips. I had to stop for quite a while. I then gingerly continued with the omelette but left the chips and peas.
I have just finished my pudding - a small portion of apple crumble and custard. Just to let you know, these puddings come from WFF as well. They come in a microwavable container about the size of a muller corner yogurt. That should give you an indication of the size. When I say small portion... I really do mean small! But why is it that the puddings go down fine? Typical huh.
I think TB and her husband are coming over this evening... DH said something about it earlier. Hope so as I haven't seen my mate for at least 2 days! :o) I am getting withdrawal!! HA HA
Anyway, better go... need to catch up on Home and Away. I love that show, but its not that good at the moment. Need something to spice it up... new characters of something.
Tuesday, 8 May 2007
Came back had a coffee with Travelling Buddy and looked at eBay at this really wicked stuff called tatouage. Its lush. TB has put it on her dining table and it looks so delectable now.
I was thinking about getting some for my bedroom, but I have looked all through it and I think I shall wait and see what is available when I get around to decorating. At the moment, I am tired of decorating and the mess it brings.
Came home and DS was hungry (he must have tape worm) so I made him some soup and soldiers, and I finished off the macaroni cheese I made for last nights dinner. It was YUM. I made a tomato salsa to go with it and it just gives it a little oomph.
We had friends over yesterday that go to DH's badminton club. I hadn't met them before, so we decided to go and see a film together, but spiderman 3 was full and so was bridge to somewhere or other... so we just went back to TB and her hubbie's place and had a coffee with them for an hour or two and then went bowling. G had never been bowling before... but managed a strike on his last ball! Isn't that always the way. R - his girlfriend- thrashed us all, but it was a great laugh. Then they came back to our place and I made macaroni cheese. Sounds a bit lame, but not the way I do it. It had fried onions and breadcrumbs and other stuff in it too. Crispy topping cheese goes down a treat with a nice mug of tea.
I was a little surprised at how much I was able to eat. I had a normal size plate full and then when we went to bed I had another bowl full. I have just finished the rest off for my lunch, and it was quite a lot. I hope this fill is still working. Its got to be hasn't it??
Its possible that pasta may not be a problem for me and maybe i should keep clear of it a little.
Will update this later no doubt.
Well, here I am again updating. I just spent an awesome amount of time looking at this website called www.funnyjunk.com which must be where all those random emails come from with the funny videos on.
Anyway, today has been a bit of a waste of time. Considering it was a day off before going back to work tomorrow, I could have done something more profitable. However, I went to bed at about 1pm and got up at 7:30pm Terrible.
I just don't know why I am so shattered ALL the time.
Dinner tonight was a WFF meal - quorn and sweet potato curry which I love. But I didn't finish all of it. I did however eat a pudding after than so I don't think it was because of restriction.
I don't think I have as much restriction now as I did at the start of this fill... probably due to swelling that has obviously gone down.
I feel a bit ill to be honest... sick and eugh.
Anyway, that's it.
Sunday, 6 May 2007
You have to have a BMI of over 35 to have the lap band with co-morbidity or over 38 otherwise.
So with a BMI of 34.7 and no co-morbid diseases... like diabetes or something... I would be turned away with my cash in my pocket.
I am also only 1 single tiny weeny stone heavier than my husband!!!!!!
That is a SERIOUS revelation in itself. He refuses to believe that he is 15 stone and something, but lets face it... the scales don't lie for me... so honey... guess you are gonna have to face facts.
I have never been lighter than him... well except for the fact that when he was 6 I was still a baby, so yeah ok at some point I have been lighter... but since I have known him in the last 11 years, I have always been a stone heavier than him. He was around 12 and a half stone when I met him and I was just over 13... So I am now ONLY 3 stone heavier than when I met him.
These are like my little milestones. I don't really have 'goals' per se... but things like "I'm only a stone heavier than you now honey" are really boosters.
Lets face it at one point I was 19 stone 2 and he was 14 and a half... that's 4 and a half stone heavier than him!!!! That's terrible. As it is, I think DH looks great. Yeah he has a bit of a beer belly, but its not awful. He is stocky and beefy and muscly and I love him. Now I always think he looks fine in whatever he wears... so if I surpass his weight (on the lowering side of things!) then I should be able to feel much better about myself in what I wear.
I must admit its a bit of a head messer.
Losing weight and 'becoming' this new person does really weird things to you. I don't feel like the real me any more... I kind of don't feel normal. I have only lost 23.5 pounds, so I just don't know how I will feel when I have lost say... 40lbs? How will that feel?
I bought a new swimsuit today. I ordered 2 on the Internet... most of my shopping comes from the Internet as its just so much easier, but they were not at all right. They didn't fit right and looked horrid. I ended up buying the costume that I thought would look awful on me, and it looked great! That's a really boost too. The costume I bought today would have looked grim 23.5 lbs ago, but now it looks sleek and nice. I am well pleased. The other two were more 'safe' choices and they kind of looked old fashioned on me.
So I am a happy bunny.
Today I have also had an eBay spend-up.
I have bought a bikini top and a sarong. There is no way I would bare all in a bikini outside the bedroom, but with a sarong it will be nice. I don't want to scare the sun in after all!
I have also bought DS some trainers, a kangaroo poo hoody for the evenings. I find you get nippy after being in the sun... I don't know if its the same in Sri Lanka, but he has it just in case. got loads of other stuff for the holiday too, but only spent £50 so was very pleased with self.
Right, today's food.
All has been well in band land, and I have behaved myself. I didn't have any breakfast as I didn't get up until 12:30pm anyway. Then we fiddled about doing bits and bobs and then I put the dinner on - another WFF meal. Braised beef in a rich sauce with broccoli, mash and swede. YUM YUM YUM. So tasty it is untrue. Then I had lemon sponge and custard for pudding also from WFF. They are really nice, and because its a single portion you simply can't eat too much. FAB!
Then we went to the city and got the swim suit.. and when we came back I had some Finn Crisp crackers and humous. Mmmmm I am still full... so I wont be having any more tonight, but I am about to sink a glass of wine and kick back.
I wanted to play Sims.... but I cant find the disc. We uninstalled it the other month and now I cant find it. Boo Hoo. I really love The Sims.
Anyway, that's all for now. My Mum and Dad are off to the Dom.Rep. tomorrow morning, and when they get back, we go away! Crazy! So next time they see me I should have shrunk a bit more!! Hurrah!
Saturday, 5 May 2007
All that is left to do is put up the venetian blind and get rid of the horrendous grout haze. Also the walls could do with another lick of paint thanks to our friends the tilers and the grouty sponges.
You can see the colours of the tiles behind the sink... well the ones on the right hand wall should be the same, but the tilers went over them again... ARGHH this means I have to once more scrub them until my hands bleed. However, as they were walking out of the door with my cash saying "Yeah, sorry about that love... nothing you can do with these matt finish tiles other than scrub 'em" and smirking, little do they know that I have bought a bottle of sulphamic acid to aid me with this problem... *wicked cackle*
Do you like the granny curtains around the sink and bog? It was the best I could do. It has 2 layers of ballerina tutu material followed by a layer or curtain lining and that's then Velcroed to the shelf and sink itself. Then over the top of that I used a dark grey shimmering voile, ironed it into box pleats with wonder web and whacked that up there as well.
It doesn't look so bad now the bath panel has been cut to size and is back in place and the granny curtains are there to tone the cream and grey horror. It looks 100% better now its all grouted too.
All that is left to do now is live with it. Its not too horrible, but God knows how long the curtains will last because I was being Bob Bodge-It's ugly sister when I was doing it.
Ho hum... better than a hole in the ground.
We went to KFC after picking DS up from Stagecoach (drama school) and I opted for the salsa toasted twister meal. I drank my orange juice first and I very very very slowly ate my twister. I didn't finish all of it, and I have about 6 chips. I didn't get any problems what so ever which was a massive relief.
I am about that have chicken and mushroom pie with veggies for my tea and then we are off bowling. I got 3 strikes last time so I will probably be proper rubbish today. I think that was one of those once in a life time events to be honest.
Please note that these have caused me grief when I have eaten them 'as is' i.e. not with a sauce or whatever.
3.) Chips - each time I have had them!!!!!!! No more!
5.) dry lamb style grill (quorn)
6.) Bagel (plain)
Friday, 4 May 2007
Thursday, 3 May 2007
Its boring me.
I remember when I had DS - "He's 3 days old!"
"Oh, yes he's 6 weeks now"
"Oh yeah, hes 4 months now."
"Yes he is a big boy. Hes nearly 2 now you know!"
As kids grow up we dont say "Oh yes hes 4356 days old today!" do we?
So I am going to be 2 months banded next Wednesday, so I think I am just going to keep track like that from now on. I have progressed as it were. It also means that I will have to give a more enlightening title to my daily piece... and maybe more people might read it. Who knows?
Today has been bleeeeugh
I didn't actually get up until 2:30pm. DS had been doing whatever all day and I felt terrible when he came up and said "Mummy, can I please have some lunch" What a terrible mother. So I got up and we had no bread, so I made us a hot dinner. I felt so tired though. Doing the garden has really taken it out of me. I have absolutely no energy.
DH came home at about 4:00pm and I went back to bed I must admit. I wanted to go to the meeting this evening, so I wanted to feel at least a little better. He let me sleep till 6:30pm and then woke me. I still felt awful, but actually maybe too much sleep makes you feel worse...? I dunno.
I went to the meeting with DS at 7:00pm. I felt grim all through the first half, but the second half I perked up and I was not feeling too bad at all by the end.
I am feeling tired now, although how that is possible, seeing as I've had 18 hours sleep in the last 24, is beyond me.
Today's food has been diabolical. I am really not in the zone at all. I am pining for my old comfort eating. I feel sad about something, I am not sure what, and I just want to resort to type, but I can't. Today I have had a quorn and sweet potato curry, a mini ice cream and 5 ginger biscuits.
Somebody help me. I feel so depressed about eating that. My guilt is driving me insane.
I feel so low, and sluggish. I think I need to get out of the house a bit more and do some exercise, but its a vicious cycle. I just don't feel like it, but I know if I do do it, I will feel better.
I am not sure If I told you that we are having our bathroom tiling finished off... Well the floor tiles are TOTALLY wrong. I hate them. The company that made my beautiful tiles on my walls have gone bust and I could not get the Planets range in Jupiter any more. I could only get Planets in Mercury. Jupiter is a lovely blend of 1 and a half inch mosaic tiles on a sheet with about 5 different colours... all are anti-slip and matt. They are so nice. One of the colours is a kind of grey beige colour, so I ordered Mercury, because it looked the same as this colour. When the delivery driver dropped the new tiles off, I looked at them in the box and they looked fine. It wasn't until I went upstairs and half of them were laid on the floor that I realised what a complete mess up I had made. they are not the same. They are grey... Mercury... suggests the fact huh? So now I have a freaking cream bathroom suite with mocha and cream walls and all kinds of browns and plums and warm autumn tones and a horrible grey clinical hospital floor.
I am devastated. I was so devastated that it made me ill and I could not work yesterday.
That seems such a dramatic thing to do, but honestly it really really damaged me. I spent so much time and effort choosing that bathroom and its been ruined by me too. I should have gone with a completely different tile. What an idiot I am. I will have to live with it. Its cost so much money to look so crap.
Don't get me wrong, its a lovely tile, and with a white bathroom suite and stainless steel and glass fittings and that kind of stuff it would look lush. But I don't have those. I have antique pine skirting and trim and antique pine accessories. It all looks C R U D together.
Well its done. But its left me feeling sick as can be.
I have never felt like this before. I think its because I had such a high expectation.
Writing this is cathartic though. It enables me to get all my grief out and free myself up.
Thanks for listening everyone. I know that its a small deal really in comparisson to other peoples lives. I should be greatful for what I have. Its just that I made a mistake. I hate that.
Wednesday, 2 May 2007
Dinners nearly done, its chicken supreme from http://www.wiltshirefarmfoods.com/ YEAH!! We have totally missed their meals this last week. I didn't order enough to get us through till now, so we had a week without them... It was terrible.
I am looking forward to seeing how much I can eat of this meal.
Today has been pretty much the same as yesterday.
We are still having the tiling done. They will be finishing and grouting on Saturday so its still a bit of a state in the house. I finished seeding and laying the soil for the fresh lawn so that's done. The whole garden is now black. So far no birds have bothered with eating our future grass... possibly because we have 5 cats... Mmm yes maybe that's it.
For brekkie today I had 2 weetabix.
For lunch I had... Umm... Oh! Nothing. ho hum. Don't know how that happened.
I had an ice cream cone this afternoon.
For tea we are about to have the delights as above and that will be me done.
I have felt really rubbish all day today. I think its because the tiles for the bathroom floor are not the ones I wanted. The tile I have on the walls are all sold out and the company has gone bust. Great. So I had to have the same design, but a different colour... Planets range anti slip tiles, but in Mercury - plain uniform grey - rather than Jupiter which is on the walls and is gorgeous mixes of plum, beige, brown, terracotta, sand etc.
I am not sure that it goes. I am not happy. We could not do anything else though. We didn't have enough tiles to finish the rest of the floor in the same colour, and I could only get another 6 sheets of the same... So i had to have something different. Maybe I should have gone for something completely different. I dunno. I just wanted mosaics on the floor and on the walls too.
The sun will still come up tomorrow.
Well thats me for today. I will update again later if anything significant happens... band wise that is.
Mostly for Dave (Hi!), but for everyone else too:
This strange sensation I have been getting after eating, well its hard to describe.
It has so far happened with chips and sort of with pizza. It also happened a while back with bagel I think... I will have to check back in my blog to remember exactly.
But since having a fill last Thursday, and being off fluids since Sunday afternoon, this 'strange pain' has happened 3 times. Each at a lesser degree.
The first was dreadful wish I was dead awful- the fish and chip incident
The second was horrible but not so horrible as f+c - the lamb grill and chips incident
The third was mild - the Pizza Town debacle
The pain is like an elephant is balancing on one leg on your chest - right at your sternum.
Its hard to breath and you don't know what to do with yourself. Its like indigestion but really bad.
Before banding I had indigestion a couple of times when I wolfed down a sandwich too quick, and I kind of had to breathe in and raise my diaphragm.. walk about a bit and it would go. Try the same thing with this pain, it doesn't seem to help. I think its caused, for me, by food that are mainly of a dry nature without gravy or sauce. Its quite debilitating.
Along with the pain comes a feeling like you get when you are going to be sick. Its not totally the same though. You don't have stomach ache for one. But you get an increased production of saliva... salty tasting. The saliva that you produce when you are properly sick (i.e. ill) is supposed to help you vomit as the saliva acts as a kill or cure. A bit like drinking bicarbonate of soda and water mixed together. It will either make you puke, or settle your tum.
With the band, it seems you body makes the extra saliva to help you sick up the food that you have eaten above your new stomach's capacity. It sort of feels all tickly around the jaw and you produce a sweet/sour saliva which continues until the pain and possibility of puking has subsided.
I did feel little bits of food at the back of my throat as I burped. I didn't retch, just burped. It seemed like it was wind that was stuck and causing the pain. As the wind finally came up, and I burped a little more I gradually felt better... But I had eaten too much. So yeah, I guess productive burping sums it up completely... Its not sick, because it doesn't come from low down... it literally seems to feel like the reaction is coming from your oesophagus.
I can tell when its going to happen now. I get warning signs. I must admit these warning signs are pretty indescribable, and probably change from person to person so its a little perplexing if you haven't had this happen to you yet. Believe me, if you have had this happen to you, you will know what I mean. Not much help for those who haven't though.
after I had the fish and chip incident, I knew what I was looking for. I didn't know how much I could eat until I eat too much. I know that's real vague, but its the best I have. then I knew in the Pizza place I had enough, but I pushed it. I was right the first time.
This evenings dinner went down a dream... but it also had a sauce. So who knows. But I was careful with every bite and I let every mouthful of food travel down (which I can actually feel) until I took the next bite. That is something I haven't done since the early days of banding... I think I had got a bit lax abut that. I am still really good with not drinking for 30 mins (or more)after a meal, but eating slow is not easy for me.
I hope that helps. If you want to know any more stuff or it brings up other questions (no pun intended!) then just ask.
Humous, Humus... who knows how to spell it?? But I know what you mean.
I eat it with FINN CRISP rye crackers. they come in a box called thins or something.
I shall scan a packet and show you!
Thanks Dave, for your lovely comments! I am so glad you too are doing well and feeling good restriction. and welldone on your weightloss too!! FABULOUS.
Thanks to everyone who comments. *hugs* And a huge welldone to all bandsters on my favorite blogs list too... you are all doign SO brilliant. I always check them out.
Right then.... Yesterday:
Was dog tired yesterday so we went to bed at 9:30, so I didn't write the entry, but yesterday was an interesting day again.
Here is what happened yesterday (10 Weeks + 6 days)
Breakfast, I made pancakes for the family. I didn't make them like crepes or normal pancakes, I kind of did them like we had in America... thicker and about 6 inches round.... I had 2 for brekkie. I didn't feel ill at all and everything was great.
I was digging all morning and leveling the garden at the back and seeding a new lawn (which near on broke my back!) and I was getting peckish (WOW!) at 2:30 so I made DS and I some lunch. We had a quorn lamb style grill each and some chips. Its all I had in the freezer. After last nights chip incident, I gave myself just a handful of chips. I ate them and about 3/4 of the grill and as I was literally chewing what turned out to be my last bite, I started getting 'the dreaded pain'. I kept chewing and I was deliberating on whether to swallow the bite or actually spit it out. I swallowed. Mistake. The pain got worse... not the water in the mouth, just a pain like bad indigestion.... It was not as bad as the fish and chip incident, but I thought it was going to be... I got up and had a walk about the garden and after a couple of minutes the pain eased. I had thankfully caught it in time. DS had the last piece of my grill. He actually had more than I did at this meal.
Then I carried on digging. We are having our bathroom tiles finished off at the moment, so they were doing that and I was in the garden, and then by the time DH got home and helped me finish the lawn it was about 6:00pm.
We don't have any food in the house to make a meal out of (as Wiltshire Farm Foods are delivering today! Hurrah) so we decided to go out.
We went to Pizza town which I adore. For the first time EVER we ordered one pizza and one portion of garlic bread with cheese and a single helping of coleslaw for the 3 of us.
I had a glass of red wine first and then some coleslaw and one slice of pizza. I stopped between bites and put my fork down and let each bite find my band before I took the next. I did NOT want to go through the puke scenario in public! This worked beautifully. However, DS and DH were still chomping away... and I was sitting there. DS had 2 slices of pizza and some garlic bread and coleslaw. DH had about 2 slices of pizza and garlic bread. There was 3 slices left on the board to take home. I could not resist eating just a little bit more topping off of one of the pizzas. I ate it. It went down and it was fine. So did I stop there? No. I had a little bit more topping and then I felt the pain. Amazing. I had actually stopped correctly for the first time in my life, but I just had to push it didn't I! What a nutter I am.
Anyway, this pain did not last for long... 30 seconds maybe and it really was not uncomfortable. It was like a warning "Hey Dumbo! Stop Stuffing you face!" and I stopped.
It was quite a revelation.
I am amazed that 1 ml can make such a difference. But it SO HAS!!!!
Looking back at the food choices, they were ALL crap. Pancakes, chips, pizza. Not good at all. I don't eat like this usually I promise. I know when I read other peoples blogs that I think "Jeez! I am not surprised you put on Xlbs if you ate that crap" But hey we all have bad days don't we. I have try to remember that we all have rafters in our own eyes that we need to take out first, but its not easy. I have rubbish eating days too, I wouldn't be this size if I didn't! But I am trying really hard after the band and £4000 of hard cash *cold sweat* not to have too many of them as that's just not right. But I know I had a bad day yesterday and I will no doubt have another one soon. I just have to thank the band! It saves me from myself. It RULES!
So that's yesterday....