Well, its now January 2007. The 26th January to be precise. I have not lost a bean. I am nearly back to where I was in May 2005. I weigh 17 stone, 10lbs. This is terrible. I just cannot keep to plan. I hate everything about myself, and the way I eat, and I simply love food. I have come to the understanding that Slimmingworld is NEVER going to do it for me, because my own personal make up makes me go wrong all the time. I am sabotaging myself and I know it.
I am an overeater. I cant help it.
I get really excited that I lose a few pounds, and then congratulate myself with a takeaway - YES ITS CRAZY.... I KNOW!!!. My mind kids me that I can have a calorie rich diet the next day as its still a week till weigh in, and the next day I can probably get away with too. I forget about the diet totally on thursday and friday I think... "well i am going to put on weight, so who cares, might as well have this week off." Sunday evening comes and I am trying to be good 12 hours before weigh in.
I am pathetic. I KNOW I am!
I dont know WHY I do this. There should be some scientific research into WHY people like me cannot diet. 2 years I have been attending weekly meetings, and every week I come away with good intentions. I spend £5 (or nearly) a week doing this, which I can ill afford, but because I think it will work I do it. I might as well just jump on my own scales once a week for FREE!! I support other people, I tell them good recipes, but I cant do it myself. Its like the old me is saying "NO DONT EAT WELL, YOU LIKE IT LIKE THIS".
However, I am no psychologist, so I cannot ask myself the right questions to understand my own split personality, let alone solve my own problems. I certainly cannot control myself.
I overeat. I also comfort eat - when I am happy AND when I am sad!
I also eat late at night. I often skip breakfast. I try just one chocolate and end up eating the box.
I like a glass of wine in the evening.
I like baileys.
I like puddings.
I like creamy sauces with meals.
I like bread with butter not margarine.
I like oil on my pasta.
I like sauce with my chips.
I like ice cream.
I like to eat.
There you are. No excuses.
I think that there is no point from now on trying to give an excuse to why i skip brekkie, or eat late. What is the point. Its me. Its a habit. I cant change it or I would have done. Its the way my life runs.
Since I have been on this diet, I have thought of NOTHING but food. It doesnt matter what they say, all diets mean you obsess about food.
So thats it.
I have tried having all my meals delivered to my door prepared. (£100 per week for me and hubbie)
I have tried Atkins (for a long time too!)
I have done slimming world for 2 YEARS - every week... not missing a meeting!!!!!!!!
I have had hypnotherapy
I have had accupuncture
I have had lymphatic drainage massages
I have tried 5HTP pills and L-Carnitine supplements for increasing metabolism
I have tried crushed shells and seaweed exctract bought from holland. didnt work.
I have given up sugar in ALL drinks for 2 years
I have limited my wine to a bottle a week MAX. more that often less, and always inline with my diet
I have done the GI diet
The south beach diet - check!
The e-diets diet - check
cabbage soup - check
1000 cals a day - check
full fat normal living like the 1940's (full cream milk, chees and butter etc)- check!... (Actually I didnt put on as much as I thought I would! weird!)
Wierd wood vinegar pads for the feet at night- done it! - load of crap!
Xenical (Orlistat) - done. DONT DO IT - ITS TERRIBLE. I ruined my sofa, dining chairs and also car seats etc in only a month!! Lost nothing
Zotrim - done. Rubbish.
Reductil - Done. Was ok, but simply lost the will to live. Felt awful on them.
Infact I have probably already paid out more than this op will cost!
So people.... These are the ones I can actually remember over the last 10 years. I started this blog 2 years ago!!!
I AM FED UP.
I am booked in to have my GASTRIC BAND surgery on Feburary 14th 2007. I am having it done abroad saving me £4000 and am staying in a posh hotel with a private nurse and my friend is coming with me for moral support. My husband and son are staying here and are fully behind me 100%. My mum and Dad and mother inlaw are all there to help me.
When I first mentioned it to my mum last week she said "I have been waiting for you to tell me this".
So there we go. I physically wont be able to overindulge. I wont be hungry on some crappy diet. I wont feel the need to ruin my body when I am investing £6000 in it.
Watch this space.
I will give you a weight reading the week before surgery as I am still goig to attend slimmingworld before and after surgery, so that I can still have a balanced diet and support.
I will post pics of before and after too, so watch this space. I need all the support I can get.