Thursday, 13 October 2005

ILL

I am ill.
i went to the weighbridge on tuesday (11th october) and i lost 1lb. PITTIFUL. But I guess its better than putting on or staying the same. I really did try hard to lose that week. Anyway, thats done, and I have been ill since sunday.
We had the Assembly on Saturday and Sunday which was fabulous, and i made healthy meals to take with me so I wouldnt be hungry or blow my diet. I started feeling rough on saturday afternoon. Sore throat etc. Sunday I had a raging sore throat and monday well i kind of felt really fuggy headed like i was goign to get a cold, heavy you know? I went to work, and by the time I got home I felt real bad. Tuesday morning I felt rough, but I went to get weighed like I said. I felt bad as i only lost a pound and I really needed a boost to be honest, especially because of feeling so grim.
So came home and I have stuck to plan pretty much all week. I went a little bit over the top on syns on tuesday because of some mayonaise... but there we go! Sometimes you just gotta do it!!!! Spent the rest of tuesday in bed with the next phase of this lurgy... the cold! WOW did my nose run! I didnt go to the group as I was full of it. Its sad though, cos after the assmebly, and then not seeing anyone for a few days its really horrid. Feel really lonely. In myself I felt semi ok, but Wednesday was really bad. I really was very ill yesterday. I spent a lot of time lying down and dozing. I went to bed at 9pm (UNHEARD OF!!!!) and slept through until the alarm went off at 7:30. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I stayed where I was and DH brought me drinks and chemicals to ease my pains.
I havent seen M and her kids today and I miss them. But they certainly dont want this lurgy! I feel really lonely and out of the loop. C phoned to see if I was feeling any better...so did M which was lovely too. I need cheering up. I think I am going to have a take away... HOT CURRY!!! I will certainly taste that. I had a Jam sandwich for lunch as i could not bring myself to make nything else. I didnt even taste a bite of it. I may as well have eaten soggy cardboard.
Hopefully I will feel better soon. I am supposed to be going to work tomorrow... doubtful. I still feel as lousy as a wet rag, and if I still feel like this tomorrow, theres no way. Its not fair to take my germs to other childrens houses anyway, even though thats probably where I got this from!!
Am now off to eat another piece of tastelss fruit...
missing everyone like crazy and in need of a laugh badly...

Thursday, 6 October 2005

Still Fat and Ugly on the Outside, but Slim and Fit on the inside. ARMADILLO!

Weighbridge not quite so bad as I thought it would be. I only put on 3lbs in 2 weeks, and considering I ate an assortment of the things listed previously, its a flippin' miracle it was only 3lbs rather that 3stone!

I have been a very good girl ever since tuesday morning, and the only naughty things that have passed my lips have been counted. I had bubble and squeak today from tuesday's roast veg leftovers. MMmmmm. Comfort food. Then this evening, I made a curry. It was really nice.

I have scrubbed out all my cupboards and chucked out a load of old pans and plates I will never ever use again, and also quite a large amount of mouse poo.... Goodness knows how that got there, but I guess we have mice... again! Set traps, so hope to catch some new pets soon.

Been to tesco's. Boring. Made worse because of DH and DS complaining about going. I hate it to, but some poor soul has to do it or we will all starve. Hey... theres an idea!

Feel very tried. Going bed.

Tuesday, 4 October 2005

Fat and Ugly

Fat and ugly
Off to the weighbridge this morning. Will have a little wager that I have put on about 6lbs in the last 2 weeks. I have lost the will to live (aka Diet). For DH its easy to do a diet as he just says "Honey, Can you do something a little less fattening, you are a sweety" and he gets it. When i go on a diet its me who has to cook. DH has to think and plan one meal... Lunch. I have to think about all the rest for not just me, but DH and DS too! I dont think i have the mental powers to dream up another way of making some boring bland muck taste half way decent.
I have done it for 23 weeks and I have lost 1 stone 5 and a half. This should feel good. it does not. CRAP. Lost one stone 2 by June and havent really gotten any further along really. I feel like I have done it twice and I dont know how I am gonna get out of this rut. I always loose about 1.7 stone and then its an uphill struggle. I lose the power, the drive and the mental capacity to plan nutricious healthy low fat meal when i want a BIG MAC and FRIES, or CHINESE, INDIAN, THAI, 6 YORKIE BARS, COFFEE WITH 3 SUGARS AND FULL FAT MILK, LURPAK ON MY BREAD (THICK!) WITH JAM and not that Nimble "how can we hold air together" stuff, NO! NICE JUST OUT OF THE OVEN CRUSTY BREAD, ICE CREAM, PENNY SWEETS, PIZZA, FRIED EGGS AND HASH BROWNS (FRIED!)CAKE AND CAKE AND CAKE AND ICING AND MARZIPAN AND MARSHMELLOWS (OR SMORES EVEN!!) AND CRISPS AND FULL FAT COKE (DIET COKE TASTES LIKE CRAPO!), CROISANTS, A BOTTLE OF WINE, PANCAKES AND SYRUP, FISH AND CHIPS, KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN, POPCORN - THE SWEET ONE! AND MALTESERS AND MINSTRELS AND DOUGHNUTS...
OH DOUGHNUTS I LOVE YOU

AND A FRESHLY MADE SANDWICH WITH EGG AND CRESS AND MAYONAISE IN IT, AND A FRESH SANDWICH FROM THE BAKERY EVERY DAY UNTIL I DROP DEAD FROM A HEART ATTACK/STROKE. AT LEAST I WILL HAVE ENJOYED ME RUDDY SELF!

THINKIGN ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING THAT PASSES MY LIPS IS NOT LIVING. IT IS EXISTING. SO MUCH FOR IT BECOMING THE NEW ME AND ALL THAT MALARKY. IT HASNT. ITS THE SAME OLD ME BURIED UNDER AND BLANKET OF MODERN OPINIONS. WELL THE DUVETS ON THE FLOOR AND I WANT TO PULL IT BACK ON BUT HAVING GONE THROUGH SUCH DEPRAVATION OF MY BLESSED HALLOWED FAT AND SUGAR FOR MONTHS, I HAVE NOT GOT THE ENERGY!